Archives November 2024

Do I Manipulate My Parents?

Have you ever convinced your parents to change their minds by making them feel guilty, throwing a tantrum, or promising something you didn’t intend to follow through on? If so, you might be using manipulation. Don’t worry—you’re not alone, and this doesn’t make you a bad person. Understanding why you might manipulate and how to communicate better with your parents can make your relationships stronger and healthier.

What is Manipulation?

Manipulation means influencing someone to do what you want, often by using guilt, emotions, or other tactics. For example:

  • Complaining about how unfair rules are until your parents give in.
  • Saying, “You never let me do anything,” to make them feel bad.
  • Pitting your parents against each other to get a “yes” when one says “no.”

Sometimes manipulation happens without you even realizing it!

Why Do Teens Manipulate Their Parents?

It’s normal to want freedom, and you might think manipulating is the best way to get it. Here are some common reasons:

  1. Independence: You’re growing up and want to make your own decisions, but you might not know how to ask for it directly.
  2. Avoiding Conflict: Manipulation can feel easier than talking about what you really need or want.
  3. Testing Boundaries: You might be figuring out how far you can push the rules.
  4. Emotional Needs: If you feel misunderstood or ignored, manipulation might seem like the only way to get attention.

According to psychologist Dr. Laurence Steinberg, teens are still developing their ability to think long-term. This can make quick fixes like manipulation more appealing (Steinberg, 2014).

How to Tell If You’re Manipulating

Here are some signs to look for:

  • You often feel guilty after conversations with your parents.
  • You make promises you don’t plan to keep, like saying, “I’ll clean my room later,” but never do.
  • You use your emotions (anger, crying, etc.) to get what you want instead of calmly explaining why you need it.

If these behaviors sound familiar, it’s a good idea to try a different approach.

How to Communicate Instead of Manipulate

Healthy communication can help you get what you want without hurting your relationship with your parents. Here’s how to start:

  1. Be Honest
    Instead of twisting the truth, explain how you feel and what you need. For example, “I feel left out when my friends are allowed to go out, and I’m not. Can we talk about it?”
  2. Listen to Their Side
    Parents have reasons for their decisions, even if they seem unfair. Listening can help you understand their perspective.
  3. Compromise
    Negotiating, like agreeing to finish homework before hanging out with friends, shows responsibility.
  4. Stay Calm
    Even if you’re upset, try to speak calmly instead of yelling or crying. It helps them take you seriously.

Why It’s Important to Stop Manipulation

When you manipulate your parents, it might work temporarily, but it can hurt your relationship in the long run. Manipulation can make your parents feel disrespected or tricked, which can lead to mistrust. Learning to communicate honestly helps you build a relationship based on trust and mutual respect.

Figuring out how to get what you want without manipulation is a part of growing up. It might take practice, but learning to be open, honest, and calm with your parents will help them see you as mature and responsible. And remember, everyone makes mistakes—what matters is trying to do better.

This article has been written by John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW. Mr. Collier has over 25 years experience in the social work field. He currently serves as the Executive Director and Outpatient Behavioral Health Therapist through Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health, LLC based out of London Kentucky. He may be reached by phone (606) 657-0532 extension 101 or by email at john@sekybh.

References:

  1. Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, T. P. (2012).The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind. Delacorte Press.
    • Explores how understanding brain development can improve parent-teen communication.
  2. Ginsburg, K. R. (2011).Building Resilience in Children and Teens: Giving Kids Roots and Wings. American Academy of Pediatrics.
    • Provides insights into fostering resilience and healthy relationships in teens.
  3. American Academy of Pediatrics. (2018).Parenting Your Teenager: Strategies for Building Trust and Respect.
    • Offers guidance on managing common challenges in adolescence and fostering mutual respect.
  4. Berk, L. E. (2020).Development Through the Lifespan (7th ed.). Pearson.
    • A comprehensive textbook on human development, including insights into the teenage years.
  5. Maccoby, E. E., & Martin, J. A. (1983). “Socialization in the Context of the Family: Parent-Child Interaction.” Handbook of Child Psychology.
    • Discusses how family dynamics influence adolescent behavior.
  6. Arnett, J. J. (2014).Emerging Adulthood: The Winding Road from the Late Teens Through the Twenties. Oxford University Press.
    • Explores the transition from adolescence to adulthood and its effects on behavior and relationships.
  7. American Psychological Association. (2020).
    • Articles and resources on adolescent development and communication strategies. Visit www.apa.org.
  8. Santrock, J. W. (2021).Adolescence (17th ed.). McGraw Hill.
    • Covers the psychological and social changes teens experience and their implications for family relationships.

Our Logo has meaning.

Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health, LLC’s logo symbolically represents behavioral health and well-being through the following elements:

1. Central Figure (Orange Abstract Person): The abstract human figure with outstretched arms symbolizes growth, empowerment, and the achievement of positive behavioral change. It reflects the progress individuals can make in managing and improving their behaviors.

2. Circular Blue Border: The blue circle represents unity, stability, and a sense of completeness, emphasizing the organization’s holistic approach to behavioral health care.

3. Green Leaves: The leaves at the base signify growth, renewal, and the nurturing of healthy behaviors, highlighting the process of transformation and positive change.

4. Stars (Upper Right): The stars represent guidance, aspirations, and achieving milestones, symbolizing the support provided to clients in navigating challenges and fostering behavioral growth.

5. Year Established (2013): Including the year highlights the organization’s experience and dedication to providing quality behavioral health services over time.

6. Overall Color Scheme: The combination of blue (trust and calm), red (energy and passion), and green (healing and renewal) reinforces the focus on promoting behavioral health, positive change, and well-being.

This design conveys the organization’s mission to support individuals in achieving healthier behaviors and improving their overall quality of life.

Social Emotional Learning: A Comprehensive Overview

Social Emotional Learning (SEL) has gained prominence as an integral component of education. Defined by the Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning (CASEL), SEL involves the process of acquiring and applying knowledge, attitudes, and skills to understand and manage emotions, achieve positive goals, demonstrate empathy, establish and maintain relationships, and make responsible decisions (CASEL, 2023).

The growing recognition of SEL stems from its demonstrated impact on students’ academic performance, mental health, and future success. This article delves into the five core components of SEL, its benefits, and the practical implications of integrating SEL into educational systems.

Core Components of Social Emotional Learning

CASEL identifies five core competencies that form the foundation of SEL programs:

1. Self-Awareness: The ability to recognize one’s emotions, thoughts, and values and understand how they influence behavior. Self-awareness also involves accurately assessing personal strengths and weaknesses.

2. Self-Management: Skills related to regulating emotions, setting and achieving goals, and managing stress.

3. Social Awareness: The capacity to empathize with others, appreciate diversity, and understand social norms.

4. Relationship Skills: Abilities to establish and maintain healthy relationships, communicate effectively, and resolve conflicts constructively.

5. Responsible Decision-Making: The process of making ethical and constructive choices about personal and social behavior.

These competencies provide a framework for creating supportive environments where students can thrive both academically and personally.

Benefits of Social Emotional Learning

1. Academic Performance

Research consistently shows that SEL enhances academic outcomes. A meta-analysis of 213 SEL programs revealed an average academic performance gain of 11 percentile points for students participating in SEL programs compared to their peers (Durlak et al., 2011).

2. Behavioral Improvements

SEL reduces behavioral problems such as aggression and disruptive behaviors. Programs that teach emotional regulation and conflict resolution help students respond to challenges more constructively (Jones et al., 2019).

3. Mental Health and Well-Being

Students exposed to SEL demonstrate lower levels of anxiety and depression and higher levels of emotional resilience (Taylor et al., 2017). These programs equip students with coping mechanisms to navigate stress and adversity effectively.

4. Long-Term Success

The skills fostered by SEL extend beyond the classroom. Emotional intelligence, teamwork, and decision-making are essential in the workplace and personal life, leading to higher rates of employment and life satisfaction (Weissberg et al., 2015).

Implementation Strategies for Educators

1. Embedding SEL in Curriculum

SEL can be integrated into daily lessons across subjects by incorporating group discussions, collaborative projects, and reflective writing assignments.

2. Professional Development for Teachers

Training educators to model and teach SEL competencies is critical for program success. Teachers need resources and strategies to address diverse student needs.

3. Family and Community Engagement

Involving families and communities in SEL initiatives ensures consistency in fostering social and emotional skills outside the classroom.

4. Data-Driven Practices

Regular assessment of SEL programs helps educators refine their approaches and demonstrate measurable outcomes.

Challenges and Considerations

While SEL offers numerous benefits, challenges such as lack of funding, teacher resistance, and the need for cultural adaptation must be addressed. Policymakers and educators must prioritize creating equitable SEL programs that consider diverse cultural and socioeconomic backgrounds.

Conclusion

Social Emotional Learning is a vital component of modern education, addressing the holistic development of students. By teaching students to navigate emotions, relationships, and decisions, SEL not only enhances academic success but also equips students with lifelong skills. Future research and policy efforts should focus on scaling SEL initiatives and addressing challenges to ensure all students benefit from these transformative programs.

This article is written by John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW. Mr. Collier has over 25 years experience in the social work field. He currently serves as the executive director and outpatient behavioral health therapist at Southeast Kentucky Behavioral health based out of London Kentucky. He may be reached by phone at 606-657-0532 extension 101 or by email at [email protected]

References

• Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning (CASEL). (2023). What is SEL? Retrieved from https://casel.org

• Durlak, J. A., Weissberg, R. P., Dymnicki, A. B., Taylor, R. D., & Schellinger, K. B. (2011). The impact of enhancing students’ social and emotional learning: A meta-analysis of school-based universal interventions. Child Development, 82(1), 405-432.

• Jones, S. M., Bailey, R., & Kahn, J. (2019). The science and practice of social and emotional learning: Implications for state policymaking. The Aspen Institute.

• Taylor, R. D., Oberle, E., Durlak, J. A., & Weissberg, R. P. (2017). Promoting positive youth development through school-based social and emotional learning interventions: A meta-analysis of follow-up effects. Child Development, 88(4), 1156-1171.

• Weissberg, R. P., Durlak, J. A., Domitrovich, C. E., & Gullotta, T. P. (2015). Social and emotional learning: Past, present, and future. Handbook of Social and Emotional Learning: Research and Practice, 3-19.

This article underscores the transformative potential of SEL in education and beyond, offering a roadmap for educators, policymakers, and communities to prioritize holistic development.

Understanding the Differences Between an Individualized Education Plan (IEP) and a 504 Plan

For parents of children with disabilities or special needs, understanding the options available under federal laws can be crucial for ensuring that their child receives appropriate educational support. Two common frameworks—Individualized Education Plans (IEPs) and 504 Plans—offer accommodating and services for students, but they serve different purposes and fall under separate laws. This article explains the key differences to help parents make informed decisions about their child’s education.

Overview of IEPs and 504 Plans

What is an IEP?

An Individualized Education Plan (IEP) is a customized program created for students who qualify for special education under the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA). This plan is designed to meet the unique needs of a student with a qualifying disability that impacts their ability to learn in a general education setting.

• Legal Framework: Governed by IDEA, a federal law ensuring services for students with disabilities (U.S. Department of Education, 2021).

• Eligibility: Requires a specific disability as defined under IDEA (e.g., autism, ADHD, speech/language impairments) that adversely affects educational performance.

What is a 504 Plan?

A 504 Plan provides accommodations to ensure that students with disabilities have equal access to education. Unlike an IEP, it does not include specialized instruction but focuses on removing barriers in the learning environment.

• Legal Framework: Governed by Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act of 1973, which prohibits discrimination based on disability (U.S. Department of Education, 2020).

• Eligibility: Covers a broader range of disabilities that substantially limit one or more major life activities, including learning.

Key Differences Between an IEP and a 504 Plan

Feature IEP 504 Plan

Law IDEA Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act

Purpose Provides specialized instruction and related services. Provides accommodations to access the general education curriculum.

Eligibility Must have a qualifying disability under IDEA that impacts educational performance. Requires a disability that substantially limits one or more major life activities.

Services Includes specialized education services, therapies, and accommodations. Focuses solely on accommodations like extended time, preferential seating, or assistive devices.

Plan Development Developed by an IEP team, including parents, teachers, and specialists. Created by a school team, often with fewer formal requirements for input.

Review Process Reviewed annually, with a re-evaluation every three years. Typically reviewed annually but less formalized.

Examples of Support

IEP Services

• Specialized instruction in reading, math, or other subjects.

• Speech and language therapy.

• Behavioral interventions or supports.

• Physical or occupational therapy.

504 Plan Accommodations

• Extended time for tests and assignments.

• Preferential seating to reduce distractions.

• Access to assistive technology.

• Modified class schedules or reduced homework.

Which Plan is Right for My Child?

When to Consider an IEP

If your child has a disability that requires specialized instruction, an IEP might be the better option. This plan is tailored to address significant learning challenges and includes measurable goals and objectives to track progress.

When to Consider a 504 Plan

A 504 Plan may be appropriate for children who can succeed in a general education setting with specific accommodations. For example, a child with ADHD who needs extra time to complete tests but does not require specialized instruction could benefit from a 504 Plan.

How to Begin the Process

1. Request an Evaluation: Parents can request an evaluation through their child’s school to determine eligibility for an IEP or a 504 Plan.

2. Collaborate with the School Team: Work with teachers, counselors, and administrators to determine which plan best meets your child’s needs.

3. Review and Advocate: Regularly review the plan to ensure it continues to address your child’s needs. Do not hesitate to advocate for changes if necessary.

Both IEPs and 504 Plans are valuable tools to help students with disabilities succeed in school. Understanding the differences between these plans allows parents to better advocate for their child’s educational rights and ensure they receive the support they need to thrive.

This article has been written by John Collier, MSW, LCSW.

References

• U.S. Department of Education. (2021). Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA). Retrieved from https://www.ed.gov

• U.S. Department of Education. (2020). Section 504, Rehabilitation Act of 1973. Retrieved from https://www.ed.gov

• Wright, P. W. D., & Wright, P. (2020). Wrightslaw: Special Education Law, 2nd Edition. Harbor House Law Press.

• Bateman, B., & Linden, M. A. (2021). Better IEPs: How to Develop Legally Correct and Educationally Useful Programs. Attainment Company.

• Zirkel, P. A. (2022). The overlap and differences between Section 504 and IDEA. Journal of Special Education Leadership, 35(2), 88-96.