Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health, LLC

All posts by John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW

What Does It Mean to Love Yourself?

Loving yourself is often portrayed in popular culture as indulging in bubble baths, spa days, or inspirational quotes. However, the true meaning of self-love goes far deeper. It is a foundational aspect of mental, emotional, and even physical well-being. Loving yourself means valuing your own worth, treating yourself with kindness and respect, setting healthy boundaries, and taking responsibility for your growth and happiness. It requires conscious effort, emotional maturity, and often, healing from past wounds.

Defining Self-Love

At its core, self-love involves acknowledging and embracing your intrinsic value as a human being. According to Neff (2011), self-love is closely tied to the concept of self-compassion, which she defines as treating oneself with the same care and understanding as one would a dear friend. It includes being kind to oneself in instances of pain or failure rather than being harshly self-critical.

Self-love does not mean narcissism or arrogance. It is not about believing oneself to be better than others; rather, it is about recognizing that every person, including yourself, has inherent worth and deserves dignity and care (Neff, 2011).

Key Components of Loving Yourself

Several key components characterize genuine self-love:

  • Self-Acceptance: Accepting all parts of yourself, including flaws and imperfections, without self-hatred or denial (Rogers, 1961).
  • Self-Respect: Setting boundaries and demanding respectful treatment from others (Brown, 2018).
  • Self-Care: Prioritizing your physical, emotional, and spiritual needs rather than neglecting or sacrificing them for others continuously (Miller, 2018).
  • Self-Compassion: Offering yourself forgiveness, patience, and gentleness when mistakes happen (Neff, 2011).
  • Self-Responsibility: Owning your choices and actively participating in your own growth and healing (Branden, 1994).

Why Loving Yourself Matters

Research consistently shows that self-love is linked to psychological well-being. Those with higher levels of self-acceptance report lower levels of anxiety and depression (MacInnes, 2006). In addition, self-love fosters resilience, allowing individuals to recover more quickly from setbacks and navigate life’s challenges with greater ease (Neff & Germer, 2018).

When individuals do not love themselves, they are more likely to seek external validation, fall into unhealthy relationships, and engage in self-sabotaging behaviors. Conversely, self-love empowers people to make healthier choices, pursue meaningful goals, and build fulfilling relationships based on mutual respect rather than neediness or dependency.

Myths About Self-Love

Several misconceptions about self-love can make people hesitant to embrace it:

  • Self-Love is Selfish: In reality, loving yourself equips you to love others more genuinely because you are not dependent on them to fill emotional voids (Brown, 2018).
  • Self-Love Means Never Changing: True self-love acknowledges imperfections and embraces personal growth, rather than settling into complacency.
  • Self-Love is Easy: Building a deep, abiding love for oneself often requires facing painful truths, healing old wounds, and challenging internalized negative beliefs.

How to Practice Loving Yourself

Loving yourself is not a destination but a continuous practice. Some strategies to cultivate self-love include:

  • Daily Affirmations: Speak kindly to yourself, especially when you feel most vulnerable.
  • Mindfulness and Self-Compassion Exercises: Practices like loving-kindness meditation can nurture feelings of warmth and acceptance toward yourself (Neff & Germer, 2018).
  • Setting and Enforcing Boundaries: Protect your energy and mental health by saying no when necessary.
  • Seeking Therapy: Working with a professional can help identify barriers to self-love and create a personalized path toward healing.
  • Prioritizing Joy and Health: Engage regularly in activities that nourish your spirit, creativity, and body.

Conclusion

Loving yourself means recognizing your inherent value, treating yourself with kindness, setting appropriate boundaries, and committing to your personal well-being and growth. It is a lifelong journey marked by compassion, honesty, and resilience. Far from being selfish or vain, self-love is essential for living a full, authentic, and meaningful life.

John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW, is a seasoned clinical social worker with over 25 years of experience, serving the London, Kentucky area through Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health, LLC. Known for his compassionate approach and commitment to quality care, Mr. Collier supports individuals and families with a focus on mental health and well-being. He is available for professional inquiries at (606) 657–0532, extension 101, or by email at [email protected].

References

  • Branden, N. (1994). The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem. Bantam.
  • Brown, B. (2018). Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts. Random House.
  • MacInnes, D. L. (2006). Self-esteem and self-acceptance: An examination into their relationship and their effect on psychological health. Journal of Psychiatric and Mental Health Nursing, 13(5), 483–489. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1365-2850.2006.00959.x
  • Miller, A. (2018). The Drama of the Gifted Child: The Search for the True Self. Basic Books.
  • Neff, K. D. (2011). Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself. William Morrow.
  • Neff, K. D., & Germer, C. K. (2018). The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook: A Proven Way to Accept Yourself, Build Inner Strength, and Thrive. Guilford Press.
  • Rogers, C. R. (1961). On Becoming a Person: A Therapist’s View of Psychotherapy. Houghton Mifflin.
Dopamine: The Reward Hormone

Unlocking Motivation, Pleasure, and Purpose

Dopamine, often called the “reward hormone,” is a neurotransmitter that plays a major role in how we experience motivation, pleasure, and satisfaction. It is released in the brain when we achieve a goal, enjoy a delicious meal, or listen to music we love. This biochemical reaction reinforces positive behaviors and drives us to repeat them.

🧠 How Dopamine Works

Dopamine operates in a reward circuit known as the mesolimbic pathway. When you perform actions that your brain perceives as beneficial—like completing a task or eating a favorite food—dopamine is released, giving you a feeling of satisfaction and pleasure.

According to research by Stellar et al. (2011), the release of dopamine acts as a “motivational salience” signal that promotes goal-directed behavior.

🎯 Boosting Dopamine Naturally

To encourage healthy dopamine levels, consider integrating these daily habits:

  • Set and achieve small goals
  • Listen to music that uplifts you
  • Eat your favorite (healthy) comfort foods
  • Practice gratitude
  • Exercise regularly
  • Celebrate accomplishments, big or small

📚 References

  • Stellar, J. E., John-Henderson, N., Anderson, C. L., Gordon, A. M., McNeil, G. D., & Keltner, D. (2011). Positive affect and markers of inflammation: Discrete positive emotions predict lower levels of inflammatory cytokines. Emotion, 15(2), 129–133.
  • Volkow, N. D., Wang, G.-J., Fowler, J. S., & Telang, F. (2008). Overlapping neuronal circuits in addiction and obesity: Evidence of systems pathology. Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society B, 363(1507), 3191–3200.
John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW, is a seasoned clinical social worker with over 25 years of experience, serving the London, Kentucky area through Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health, LLC. Known for his compassionate approach and commitment to quality care, Mr. Collier supports individuals and families with a focus on mental health and well-being. He is available for professional inquiries at (606) 657–0532, extension 101, or by email at [email protected].

How Long Does It Take to Get Over a Divorce? A 2–3 Year Recovery Timeline

Divorce is more than the legal dissolution of a marriage—it is an emotional unraveling of a life built with another person. The aftermath can feel like grieving a death, as individuals often mourn not only the loss of the relationship but also the future they once envisioned. While recovery is highly individual, mental health professionals and research suggest it typically takes two to three years to emotionally recover from a divorce (Sbarra et al., 2015; Anderson, 2020).

Divorce as a Grief Process

The emotional journey after divorce mirrors the classic grief process, first identified by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, which includes denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These stages are not always linear, and individuals may move back and forth through them multiple times:

  • Denial: “This can’t be happening.” A person may struggle to accept the end of the relationship, often clinging to hope for reconciliation.
  • Anger: Anger at the ex-partner, the situation, or even oneself is common. This can manifest as blame, resentment, or emotional outbursts.
  • Bargaining: One might dwell on “what ifs” and attempt to reverse or reframe the situation mentally.
  • Depression: Feelings of deep sadness, isolation, and hopelessness are frequent in this phase. This is often the most painful and longest-lasting stage.
  • Acceptance: With time, individuals begin to accept the reality of the divorce, make peace with it, and start moving forward.

Grieving a marriage is complex because it involves the loss of a partner, a routine, a shared identity, and sometimes a social circle. It also often requires adjusting to co-parenting, financial shifts, and living alone—each with its own emotional weight.

Year-by-Year Breakdown: What Recovery Often Looks Like

While timelines can vary, many divorced individuals follow a general pattern of recovery over the course of two to three years.

Year 1: Survival and Emotional Overload

  • Focus: Immediate adjustment
  • Emotions: Shock, sadness, anger, anxiety
  • Tasks: Coping with the legal process, adjusting to new routines, managing finances, navigating co-parenting
  • Support needs: Therapy, legal guidance, emotional support

This first year is about survival. Many experience emotional swings and feel as though they’re constantly reacting to stress. It is not unusual for individuals to question their worth, experience sleep or appetite changes, and feel overwhelmed by daily tasks.

Year 2: Processing and Restructuring

  • Focus: Emotional healing and reflection
  • Emotions: Sadness may remain but is often less intense; occasional nostalgia, emerging clarity
  • Tasks: Grieving what was lost, exploring independence, testing new routines or relationships
  • Support needs: Continued counseling, support groups, rebuilding social circles

This year often marks the transition from raw pain to reflection. Individuals start reclaiming their identity outside of the marriage. Many begin asking deeper questions: “Who am I now?” or “What do I want going forward?” It’s a year of inner work and growth.

Year 3: Acceptance and Rebuilding

  • Focus: Growth and reinvention
  • Emotions: Increased stability, hope, confidence
  • Tasks: Setting new life goals, forming deeper relationships, solidifying new routines
  • Support needs: Life coaching, career development, future planning

By the third year, many report feeling more like themselves again—or even better versions of themselves. There may still be emotional flare-ups, especially around anniversaries or when co-parenting challenges arise, but these moments are typically less intense and more manageable. Individuals often begin to thrive rather than just survive.

Factors That Influence the Timeline

Several variables can affect how long it takes to recover from divorce:

  • Who initiated the divorce: Initiators may begin grieving earlier and move on faster (Hetherington & Kelly, 2002).
  • Length and intensity of the marriage: Longer and more emotionally enmeshed relationships may take longer to mourn.
  • Presence of children: Co-parenting can extend emotional entanglement and complicate healing.
  • Support network: Emotional support from friends, family, or therapists can significantly reduce the length of suffering.
  • Mental health history: Individuals with anxiety, depression, or trauma history may take longer to recover.

Divorce is a deeply painful process that takes time to heal. The emotional recovery typically spans two to three years, with each year serving a unique role in helping individuals grieve, rebuild, and eventually embrace a new chapter. Understanding the grief process and the phases of recovery can help normalize the experience and empower individuals to move through it with hope and resilience.

John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW, is a seasoned clinical social worker with over 25 years of experience, serving the London, Kentucky area through Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health, LLC. Known for his compassionate approach and commitment to quality care, Mr. Collier supports individuals and families with a focus on mental health and well-being. He is available for professional inquiries at (606) 657–0532, extension 101, or by email at [email protected].

References

  • Anderson, R. (2020). Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You. Da Capo Press.
  • Holmes, T. H., & Rahe, R. H. (1967). The social readjustment rating scale. Journal of Psychosomatic Research, 11(2), 213–218.
  • Hetherington, E. M., & Kelly, J. (2002). For Better or For Worse: Divorce Reconsidered. W. W. Norton & Company.
  • Sbarra, D. A., Hasselmo, K., & Bourassa, K. J. (2015). Divorce and health: Beyond individual differences. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 24(2), 109–113.
  • Kübler-Ross, E., & Kessler, D. (2005). On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss. Scribner.

Let me know if you’d like this adapted into a handout, infographic, or something more tailored for clients or presentations.

Everyday Ways to Improve Aphasia

What is Aphasia?

Aphasia is a condition that makes it hard for people to speak, understand words, read, or write. It usually happens after a stroke or brain injury. Some people with aphasia have trouble finding the right words, while others may not understand what is being said to them. Even though aphasia can be frustrating, there are many ways to improve communication every day.

1. Practice Speaking Every Day

Using words as much as possible can help the brain heal and improve speech. Studies show that people who practice speaking often get better over time (Brady et al., 2016). Here are some simple ways to practice:

  • Read Out Loud: Reading books, newspapers, or even food labels can help with word recall.
  • Describe Objects: Look at things around you and try to name them. For example, if you see a chair, say “chair” out loud.
  • Sing Songs: Singing can help with speech. Many people with aphasia find it easier to sing than to talk (Racette, Bard, & Peretz, 2006).

2. Use Other Ways to Communicate

Speaking is not the only way to communicate. If words are hard to find, try using:

  • Gestures: Pointing, nodding, or using hand signs can help express thoughts.
  • Writing or Drawing: Writing words or drawing pictures can help show what you mean.
  • Apps or Picture Boards: Some people use pictures or apps on a tablet or phone to communicate (Kearns et al., 2019).

3. Take Your Time and Stay Calm

It’s important to stay relaxed when trying to talk. Rushing can make it harder to find the right words. Here are some helpful tips:

  • Pause and Breathe: If words don’t come right away, take a deep breath and try again.
  • Use Short Sentences: Speaking in short phrases can make talking easier.
  • Ask for Help: If a word is hard to remember, ask someone to help by giving hints.

4. Play Word Games and Puzzles

Games that involve words can help improve language skills. Some good options include:

  • Word Matching Games: Matching words with pictures can help with memory.
  • Crossword Puzzles: Easy crossword puzzles can help with word recall.
  • Talking with Friends and Family: Simple conversations every day help build confidence and speech skills.

5. Get Support from Others

Having support makes a big difference. Talking with family, friends, or a support group can help with communication. Studies show that people with aphasia who have support improve more than those who feel isolated (Elman & Bernstein-Ellis, 1999).

6. Work with a Speech Therapist

A speech-language pathologist (SLP) can help create a plan to improve communication. They use special exercises to help with speaking, understanding, and writing.

Conclusion

Aphasia can be challenging, but daily practice and support can help. By reading out loud, using gestures, playing word games, and staying patient, people with aphasia can improve their communication skills over time. Small steps each day can lead to big improvements!

John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW, is a seasoned clinical social worker with over 25 years of experience, serving the London, Kentucky area through Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health, LLC. Known for his compassionate approach and commitment to quality care, Mr. Collier supports individuals and families with a focus on mental health and well-being. He is available for professional inquiries at (606) 657–0532, extension 101, or by email at [email protected].

References

Brady, M. C., Kelly, H., Godwin, J., Enderby, P., & Campbell, P. (2016). Speech and language therapy for aphasia following stroke. Cochrane Database of Systematic Reviews, (6).

Elman, R. J., & Bernstein-Ellis, E. (1999). The efficacy of group communication treatment in adults with chronic aphasia. Journal of Speech, Language, and Hearing Research, 42(2), 411-419.

Kearns, K. P., Lee, J. B., & Meigh, K. M. (2019). Communication strategies for adults with aphasia. American Journal of Speech-Language Pathology, 28(3), 1136-1148.

Racette, A., Bard, C., & Peretz, I. (2006). Making non-fluent aphasics speak: Sing along! Brain, 129(10), 2571-2584.