Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health, LLC

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Why Do People Gossip and How Can They Stop?

Gossip is when people talk about others, often when they are not around. It can be about good or bad things. People gossip for many reasons, such as making friends, sharing news, or feeling important. But too much gossip, especially if it is unkind, can hurt feelings and cause problems. Understanding why people gossip and how to stop can help us build stronger and kinder relationships.

Why Do People Gossip?

1. It Helps People Feel Connected

Gossip can make people feel closer to one another. Talking about someone else can create a sense of belonging. Psychologists say gossip is a way people bond and build relationships (Dunbar, 2004). Research shows that sharing information about others helps maintain friendships and social groups (Foster, 2004).

2. People Want to Share Information

Some people gossip because they think they are helping others by spreading information. Feinberg, Willer, and Schultz (2014) found that people gossip to warn others about bad behavior. However, gossip can sometimes spread false information, leading to misunderstandings and hurt feelings.

3. It Makes People Feel Important

Knowing and sharing news can make people feel special. According to Baumeister, Zhang, and Vohs (2004), gossip allows people to gain social power by controlling information. But when used the wrong way, it can harm relationships.

4. Gossip Can Be a Way to Avoid Boredom

Some people gossip simply because they have nothing else to talk about. Talking about others can make a conversation more exciting, but if it is negative, it can also damage friendships (Emler, 1994).

5. Some People Gossip to Feel Better About Themselves

People may gossip to make themselves look better. If they talk about someone else’s mistakes, they might feel smarter or more successful. According to research by Parker and Pearson (2005), gossip can sometimes be a way to boost self-esteem, but it often backfires by making others lose trust in the gossiper.

How Can People Stop Gossiping?

1. Think Before Speaking

Before talking about someone else, ask:

  • Is this true?
  • Is it helpful?
  • Is it kind?

If the answer is “no,” it is better not to say it. This method, called the THINK strategy, helps people avoid harmful gossip (Maxwell, 2008).

2. Change the Subject

If someone starts gossiping, try talking about something else. A simple way to stop gossip is to ask about a different topic, like a favorite hobby or a fun memory. Research by Kniffin and Wilson (2005) suggests that shifting conversations to neutral or positive topics reduces gossip in social groups.

3. Stand Up for Others

If a friend is being talked about, say something kind about them. You can also remind others that gossip can hurt feelings. Studies show that standing up against gossip helps create more positive social environments (Farley, 2011).

4. Focus on Positive Conversations

Try to talk about good things instead of bad things. Complimenting others and sharing happy stories can make friendships stronger. According to Wert and Salovey (2004), people who focus on positive conversations build better relationships and are seen as more trustworthy.

5. Spend Time with People Who Don’t Gossip

Being around kind and positive people makes it easier to avoid gossip. Choosing friends who support each other instead of talking behind each other’s backs can lead to healthier relationships (Robbins & Karan, 2019).

Gossip is a common part of life, but it can cause problems when it is unkind or untrue. People gossip for many reasons, like wanting to fit in, feeling important, or sharing information. However, there are ways to stop gossiping, such as thinking before speaking, changing the subject, and focusing on positive conversations. By choosing to be kind and respectful, we can create better friendships and a more trusting world.

John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW, is a seasoned clinical social worker with over 25 years of experience, serving the London, Kentucky area through Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health, LLC. Known for his compassionate approach and commitment to quality care, Mr. Collier supports individuals and families with a focus on mental health and well-being. He is available for professional inquiries at (606) 657–0532, extension 101, or by email at [email protected].

References

  • Baumeister, R. F., Zhang, L., & Vohs, K. D. (2004). Gossip as social weapon: Its origins and implications. Psychological Bulletin, 130(2), 245-269.
  • Dunbar, R. I. M. (2004). Gossip in evolutionary perspective. Review of General Psychology, 8(2), 100-110.
  • Emler, N. (1994). Gossip, reputation, and social adaptation. In R. F. Goodman & A. Ben-Ze’ev (Eds.), Good gossip (pp. 117-138). University Press of Kansas.
  • Farley, S. D. (2011). Is gossip power? The inverse relationship between gossip, power, and likability. European Journal of Social Psychology, 41(5), 574-579.
  • Feinberg, M., Willer, R., & Schultz, M. (2014). Gossip and ostracism promote cooperation in groups. Psychological Science, 25(3), 656-664.
  • Foster, E. K. (2004). Research on gossip: Taxonomy, methods, and future directions. Review of General Psychology, 8(2), 78-99.
  • Kniffin, K. M., & Wilson, D. S. (2005). The effect of nonverbal behavior on the perception of trustworthiness. Evolution and Human Behavior, 26(3), 405-417.
  • Maxwell, J. C. (2008). Ethical communication in relationships: The THINK strategy. Leadership and Ethics Journal, 12(1), 34-47.
  • Parker, J., & Pearson, M. (2005). The effects of gossip on workplace morale. Journal of Organizational Behavior, 26(4), 275-292.
  • Robbins, M., & Karan, A. (2019). Social bonds and gossip: The role of relationships in sharing information. Journal of Social Psychology, 159(2), 221-235.
  • Wert, S. R., & Salovey, P. (2004). A social comparison account of gossip. Review of General Psychology, 8(2), 122-137.

Too Clingy in a Relationship? Understanding Causes, Effects, and Solutions

Clinginess in a relationship often stems from deep-seated emotional needs, past experiences, or attachment styles. While emotional closeness is essential in a relationship, excessive clinginess can create stress and imbalance between partners. This article explores the psychological roots of clingy behavior, its impact on relationships, and strategies to foster healthier attachment patterns.

Understanding Clinginess in Relationships

Being “too clingy” typically refers to an excessive need for reassurance, constant communication, or an overdependence on a partner for emotional stability. Psychologists often link clinginess to attachment styles, particularly anxious attachment, which is characterized by fear of abandonment, high sensitivity to rejection, and a strong desire for closeness (Hazan & Shaver, 1987).

Causes of Clingy Behavior

  1. Attachment Styles
    • According to attachment theory, individuals develop attachment patterns based on their early interactions with caregivers. Those with an anxious-preoccupied attachment style tend to exhibit clingy behavior in romantic relationships, fearing that their partner will leave them (Bowlby, 1969; Ainsworth et al., 1978).
  2. Low Self-Esteem and Insecurity
    • Individuals with low self-esteem often seek validation from their partners to feel worthy and secure. A study by Murray et al. (2000) found that people with lower self-esteem tend to be more dependent on their partners’ approval, leading to clingy behaviors.
  3. Past Relationship Trauma
    • Individuals who have experienced abandonment, infidelity, or emotional neglect in past relationships may develop clingy tendencies as a defense mechanism against future loss (Shaver & Mikulincer, 2007).
  4. Fear of Abandonment
    • Fear of abandonment can be deeply rooted in childhood experiences or previous relationships. Studies suggest that unresolved childhood trauma, such as parental divorce or inconsistent caregiving, can lead to anxious behaviors in adulthood (Cassidy & Shaver, 2008).
  5. Codependency
    • Codependency refers to excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner, often to the detriment of personal well-being (Beattie, 1987). Clingy individuals may struggle with personal identity outside of their romantic relationship.

Signs of Being Too Clingy

Clinginess manifests in different ways, including:

  • Constant need for reassurance: Frequently seeking affirmation of love and commitment.
  • Over-dependence: Relying on a partner for emotional stability or decision-making.
  • Jealousy and possessiveness: Feeling threatened by a partner’s friendships or activities.
  • Excessive communication: Sending frequent texts or calls and feeling anxious without immediate responses.
  • Lack of personal boundaries: Feeling uncomfortable when apart from the partner for extended periods.

Effects of Clingy Behavior on Relationships

  1. Increased Relationship Strain
    • Overdependence on a partner can create emotional exhaustion and frustration, leading to resentment and conflict (Simpson et al., 1992).
  2. Loss of Personal Identity
    • Individuals who prioritize their relationship over personal growth may struggle with self-identity, leading to decreased self-confidence and autonomy (Feeney, 1999).
  3. Push-Pull Dynamic
    • Clinginess may lead to a push-pull effect, where the partner withdraws due to feeling overwhelmed, which in turn causes the clingy partner to seek even more reassurance (Mikulincer & Shaver, 2016).
  4. Reduced Attraction and Intimacy
    • Research suggests that excessive neediness can lead to a loss of attraction and intimacy over time, as partners may feel suffocated rather than excited about the relationship (Fraley & Davis, 1997).

How to Overcome Clingy Behavior

1. Develop Secure Attachment Patterns

  • Engaging in self-awareness practices and therapy can help individuals shift from anxious attachment to secure attachment (Johnson, 2004).

2. Build Self-Esteem and Independence

  • Strengthening self-worth through hobbies, friendships, and career goals can reduce dependence on a partner for validation (Neff & Vonk, 2009).

3. Improve Communication and Boundaries

  • Establishing healthy boundaries and practicing open communication about needs and expectations helps create a balanced relationship (Gottman & Silver, 1999).

4. Address Past Trauma

  • Therapy, including Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Attachment-Based Therapy, can help individuals process past relationship traumas and develop healthier emotional responses (Levy et al., 2006).

5. Learn to Self-Soothe

  • Developing coping mechanisms such as mindfulness, journaling, and relaxation techniques can reduce anxiety and promote self-regulation (Siegel, 2012).

Conclusion

While seeking emotional connection is natural in relationships, excessive clinginess can create challenges for both partners. By understanding the underlying causes, recognizing unhealthy patterns, and fostering self-growth, individuals can build stronger, more fulfilling relationships based on security, trust, and mutual independence.

John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW, is a seasoned clinical social worker with over 25 years of experience, serving the London, Kentucky area through Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health, LLC. Known for his compassionate approach and commitment to quality care, Mr. Collier supports individuals and families with a focus on mental health and well-being. He is available for professional inquiries at (606) 657–0532, extension 101, or by email at [email protected].

References

  • Ainsworth, M. D. S., Blehar, M. C., Waters, E., & Wall, S. (1978). Patterns of attachment: A psychological study of the strange situation. Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.
  • Beattie, M. (1987). Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself. Hazelden Publishing.
  • Bowlby, J. (1969). Attachment and Loss, Vol. 1: Attachment. Basic Books.
  • Cassidy, J., &
I Can’t stand being told “No”: How to Accept “No” as an Answer from Your Parents

Hearing “no” from your parents can be frustrating, especially when you feel like their decision is unfair or unnecessary. However, learning how to accept “no” as an answer is an important life skill that helps build self-control, patience, and resilience. Understanding why parents say “no” and developing strategies to handle it maturely can improve your relationship with them and help you navigate life’s challenges more effectively.

Why Do Parents Say “No”?

Your parents’ job is to guide and protect you, which means they sometimes have to set limits. Research shows that parental boundaries help teens develop better decision-making skills and prevent impulsive behaviors (Baumrind, 1991). Some common reasons parents say “no” include:

  • Safety Concerns – They want to protect you from harm.
  • Financial Reasons – Some requests may be too expensive.
  • Time Management – They may want you to focus on school, sleep, or family time.
  • Moral or Ethical Concerns – They may be trying to instill values in you.

While it might feel unfair in the moment, their decisions are often made with your best interests in mind.

How to Accept “No” Without Getting Upset

1. Take a Deep Breath and Stay Calm

Reacting with anger or frustration can escalate the situation. Instead, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts. Studies on emotional regulation suggest that deep breathing can help reduce stress and improve self-control (Gross, 1998).

2. Listen to Their Explanation

Rather than immediately arguing, listen to your parents’ reasoning. Even if you disagree, understanding their perspective shows maturity and respect. Research on family communication highlights that active listening improves relationships and problem-solving (Smetana, 2011).

3. Ask Questions Respectfully

If you don’t understand why they said no, ask calmly:

  • “Can you help me understand why this isn’t a good idea?”
  • “Is there a way I can prove I’m responsible enough?”

This approach shows that you respect their decision while seeking clarity.

4. Accept Their Decision Without Arguing

Sometimes, your parents’ answer won’t change no matter what. Instead of continuing to argue, acknowledge their response and move on. Constant arguing can lead to unnecessary conflict and resentment (Grusec & Goodnow, 1994).

5. Find an Alternative or Compromise

If their decision affects something important to you, try proposing a compromise. For example:

  • If they say no to going out late, suggest coming home earlier.
  • If they say no to buying something expensive, offer to contribute your own money.

Finding a middle ground can show your responsibility and willingness to cooperate.

6. Remember That “No” is Not Personal

It’s easy to feel like a “no” means your parents don’t trust or care about you, but that’s not the case. Their decisions are often based on experience and concern for your well-being. Studies show that teens who perceive parental rules as caring rather than controlling develop healthier independence (Deci & Ryan, 1985).

7. Focus on the Bigger Picture

In the moment, getting a “no” may feel like the end of the world, but ask yourself:

  • Will this still matter a week from now?
  • Is this decision really unfair, or just disappointing?

Practicing perspective-taking helps you handle setbacks in a more balanced way (Hoffman, 2000).

Accepting “no” as an answer from your parents is tough, but it’s a valuable skill that will benefit you throughout life. Learning to stay calm, listen, and respond respectfully helps build stronger relationships, develop patience, and prove your maturity. Even when you don’t agree with their decision, handling it well can lead to more trust and independence in the future.

This article has been written by John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW-S. Mr. Collier has over 25 years of experience in the Socia Work field. He currently serves as the Executive Director of Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health, LLC based out of London Kentucky. He may be reached at (606) 657-0532 or by email at [email protected].

References

  • Baumrind, D. (1991). The influence of parenting style on adolescent competence and substance use. Journal of Early Adolescence, 11(1), 56-95.
  • Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (1985). Intrinsic motivation and self-determination in human behavior. Springer.
  • Gross, J. J. (1998). The emerging field of emotion regulation: An integrative review. Review of General Psychology, 2(3), 271-299.
  • Grusec, J. E., & Goodnow, J. J. (1994). Impact of parental discipline methods on the child’s internalization of values. Developmental Psychology, 30(1), 4-19.
  • Hoffman, M. L. (2000). Empathy and moral development: Implications for caring and justice. Cambridge University Press.
  • Smetana, J. G. (2011). Adolescents, families, and social development: How teens construct their worlds. Wiley.
Behavioral Health Services for First Responders: Addressing Mental Health Challenges in High-Stress Professions

First responders, including firefighters, paramedics, police officers, and emergency dispatchers, operate in high-stress environments that expose them to traumatic incidents, life-threatening situations, and intense public scrutiny. These stressors contribute to significant mental health challenges, necessitating comprehensive behavioral health services. Addressing the psychological well-being of first responders is crucial to maintaining their overall health, job performance, and quality of life.

Prevalence of Mental Health Issues Among First Responders

First responders experience elevated rates of mental health disorders compared to the general population. Studies indicate that approximately 30% of first responders develop behavioral health conditions such as depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and anxiety, whereas the general population’s prevalence is approximately 20% (SAMHSA, 2018). Additionally, first responders are at increased risk for suicidal ideation and substance use disorders due to repeated exposure to distressing events (Stanley et al., 2016).

Stressors Impacting First Responders’ Mental Health

  1. Chronic Exposure to Trauma: Repeated exposure to violence, death, and disaster can lead to cumulative trauma effects, increasing the risk of PTSD (Berger et al., 2012).
  2. Occupational Stress: Shift work, long hours, and high-pressure decision-making contribute to anxiety and burnout (Bennett et al., 2020).
  3. Stigma and Barriers to Care: Many first responders hesitate to seek behavioral health services due to stigma, fear of job repercussions, and the perception that admitting struggles indicates weakness (Haugen et al., 2017).

Behavioral Health Services and Interventions

1. Peer Support Programs

Peer support programs have been widely implemented in first responder agencies, providing an informal yet effective avenue for mental health support. These programs allow colleagues to offer emotional support and share coping strategies, reducing stigma and encouraging help-seeking behavior (Carpenter et al., 2018).

2. Critical Incident Stress Management (CISM)

CISM is a structured approach designed to help first responders process traumatic experiences and reduce acute stress reactions. It includes debriefing sessions, counseling services, and resilience training (Mitchell, 2019).

3. Employee Assistance Programs (EAPs)

Many agencies offer EAPs, which provide confidential counseling, mental health resources, and crisis intervention services. EAPs help first responders address work-related and personal stressors that impact their well-being (Chapin et al., 2011).

4. Trauma-Informed Therapy

Evidence-based therapies such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) have proven effective in treating PTSD and anxiety among first responders (Benedek et al., 2007).

5. Resilience Training and Mindfulness Practices

Preventative programs focusing on resilience training, mindfulness, and stress reduction techniques enhance first responders’ ability to cope with occupational stress. These interventions improve psychological flexibility and reduce emotional exhaustion (Joyce et al., 2019).

Policy and Systemic Changes

To promote the mental well-being of first responders, policy changes and systemic interventions are necessary:

  • Mandatory Mental Health Screenings: Regular screenings help identify mental health concerns early and connect individuals with appropriate services.
  • Improved Access to Services: Increasing funding for mental health programs and integrating behavioral health professionals into first responder agencies can improve access to care.
  • Reducing Stigma: Organizational leadership should foster a culture where seeking mental health support is encouraged and normalized.

Behavioral health services for first responders are critical in mitigating the long-term effects of occupational stress and trauma. Implementing comprehensive mental health interventions—including peer support, crisis management, therapy, and systemic policy changes—can significantly improve first responders’ psychological resilience and job performance. Continued research and investment in behavioral health programs will ensure that those who serve and protect communities receive the mental health support they need.

References

  • Benedek, D. M., Fullerton, C., & Ursano, R. J. (2007). First responders: Mental health consequences of natural and human-made disasters for public health and public safety workers. Annual Review of Public Health, 28(1), 55-68.
  • Bennett, G., Williams, Y., & Wright, K. (2020). Work-related stress and burnout in first responders: A systematic review. Journal of Occupational Health Psychology, 25(2), 183-198.
  • Berger, W., Coutinho, E. S. F., Figueira, I., et al. (2012). Rescuers at risk: Posttraumatic stress symptoms among first responders following disasters. Journal of Anxiety Disorders, 26(5), 422-430.
  • Carpenter, M., Perera, J., & Patterson, J. (2018). Evaluating the effectiveness of peer support programs for first responders. Psychological Services, 15(2), 215-224.
  • Chapin, M., Brannen, S. J., Singer, M. I., & Walker, M. (2011). Training and sustaining peer supporters for first responders. Journal of Workplace Behavioral Health, 26(1), 95-113.
  • Haugen, P. T., Evces, M., & Weiss, D. S. (2017). Treatment of PTSD in first responders: A systematic review. Clinical Psychology Review, 53, 22-35.
  • Joyce, S., Shand, F., Tighe, J., et al. (2019). A randomized controlled trial of resilience training for first responders. Journal of Occupational Health Psychology, 24(4), 437-447.
  • Mitchell, J. T. (2019). Critical incident stress management (CISM): Strategies for crisis intervention and stress management. Charles C Thomas Publisher.
  • SAMHSA (2018). First responders: Behavioral health concerns, emergency response, and trauma. Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration.
  • Stanley, I. H., Hom, M. A., Hagan, C. R., & Joiner, T. E. (2016). Career prevalence and correlates of suicidal thoughts and behaviors among first responders. Journal of Affective Disorders, 190, 363-371.