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Essential Questions to Ask Your Partner Before Marriage: A Guide to Building a Strong Foundation

Marriage is a significant life commitment that requires deep understanding, mutual respect, and shared values between partners. Before embarking on this lifelong journey, it is crucial to have open and honest conversations about key aspects of life to ensure compatibility and alignment. The questions listed in the image above provide a structured approach to addressing critical topics before marriage. This article explores each question in depth, supported by research and expert opinions on relationship success.

1. What Are Your Financial Goals, and How Can We Try to Reach Them?

Financial compatibility is one of the strongest predictors of marital success (Dew, Britt, & Huston, 2012). Studies show that financial disagreements are among the top reasons couples divorce (Stanley & Markman, 2020). Discussing financial goals, budgeting, and spending habits early on can help prevent conflicts. Couples should be transparent about income, debt, savings, and financial planning to create a joint strategy for financial stability.

2. Do You Want Children, and What Would We Do If We Struggle to Get Pregnant?

Discussions about parenthood are essential, as differing opinions on having children can create long-term dissatisfaction in relationships (Guzzo, 2014). This question also touches on fertility challenges, a topic that affects many couples. According to the CDC (2021), about 10% of women experience infertility issues. Exploring alternative options such as adoption, IVF, or living child-free ensures alignment in expectations.

3. What’s Your Communication Style?

Effective communication is the backbone of a healthy relationship. Couples who practice active listening and open dialogue report higher levels of satisfaction (Gottman & Silver, 2015). Understanding whether a partner is direct, passive, or conflict-avoidant can help navigate future disagreements constructively.

4. What’s Your Biggest Fear?

Being vulnerable about fears fosters emotional intimacy and trust (Brown, 2012). Knowing a partner’s fears—whether they are related to failure, abandonment, or health—allows for better emotional support and reassurance in the relationship.

5. What Does Marriage Mean to You?

Marriage can symbolize different things to different people—companionship, religious commitment, partnership, or security. Research by Finkel et al. (2014) suggests that couples with a shared understanding of marriage’s purpose experience greater relationship fulfillment.

6. How Much Alone Time Do You Need?

While togetherness is important, personal space also plays a crucial role in maintaining a healthy relationship. Research indicates that individuals who maintain independence and personal hobbies report higher marital satisfaction (Perel, 2017). Understanding each partner’s need for solitude can help prevent resentment and misunderstandings.

7. What Are Your Relationship Deal-Breakers?

Every individual has personal boundaries and non-negotiables. Common deal-breakers include infidelity, substance abuse, or lack of ambition (Joel, MacDonald, & Page-Gould, 2017). Open discussions about limits and expectations prevent future conflicts and ensure compatibility.

8. How Can I Help You When You’re Stressed?

Stress management is a critical aspect of marital life. According to research, partners who provide emotional support during stressful times strengthen their relationship bonds (Neff & Karney, 2009). Discussing coping mechanisms and preferred support methods can enhance emotional connection.

9. How Do We Deal with Our In-Laws?

In-law relationships can be a source of tension in marriage. Studies indicate that maintaining healthy boundaries while fostering respectful relationships with extended family contributes to marital happiness (Fingerman et al., 2012). Setting clear expectations on involvement, visits, and decision-making helps prevent conflicts.

10. What Are Your Expectations on Sex?

Sexual intimacy plays a fundamental role in marital satisfaction. Research by McCarthy & McCarthy (2016) highlights that couples who openly discuss their sexual preferences, boundaries, and expectations experience greater sexual satisfaction and relationship stability. Open conversations about frequency, desires, and comfort levels ensure that both partners feel valued and fulfilled.

Discussing these questions before marriage can prevent misunderstandings and strengthen a couple’s foundation. Open communication, shared values, and mutual respect are key to long-term relationship success. Couples who take the time to explore these topics proactively are more likely to build a strong, fulfilling partnership.

John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW, is a seasoned clinical social worker with over 25 years of experience, serving the London, Kentucky area through Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health, LLC. Known for his compassionate approach and commitment to quality care, Mr. Collier supports individuals and families with a focus on mental health and well-being. He is available for professional inquiries at (606) 657–0532, extension 101, or by email at [email protected].

References

  • Brown, B. (2012). Daring greatly: How the courage to be vulnerable transforms the way we live, love, parent, and lead. Gotham Books.
  • CDC. (2021). Infertility. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Retrieved from www.cdc.gov
  • Dew, J., Britt, S., & Huston, S. (2012). Examining the relationship between financial issues and divorce. Family Relations, 61(4), 615-628.
  • Fingerman, K. L., Sechrist, J., & Birditt, K. (2012). Changing views on intergenerational ties. The Gerontologist, 52(2), 272-282.
  • Finkel, E. J., Hui, C. M., Carswell, K. L., & Larson, G. M. (2014). The suffocation of marriage. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 23(6), 459-464.
  • Gottman, J., & Silver, N. (2015). The seven principles for making marriage work. Harmony Books.
  • Guzzo, K. B. (2014). Childbearing desires and stability of cohabiting unions. Journal of Marriage and Family, 76(2), 418-430.
  • Joel, S., MacDonald, G., & Page-Gould, E. (2017). Romantic relationship deal breakers. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 43(3), 295-311.
  • McCarthy, B. W., & McCarthy, E. J. (2016). Rekindling desire: A step-by-step program to help low-sex and no-sex marriages. Routledge.
  • Neff, L. A., & Karney, B. R. (2009). Stress and reactivity to daily relationship experiences. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 97(3), 435-450.
  • Perel, E. (2017). Mating in captivity: Unlocking erotic intelligence. Harper.
  • Stanley, S. M., & Markman, H. J. (2020). Assessing commitment in personal relationships. Journal of Family Psychology, 34(4), 515-526.

Breaking Free: Effective Strategies to Cut Down Screen Time on Phones and Tablets

In today’s digital age, smartphones and tablets have become indispensable tools for communication, work, entertainment, and learning. However, with their constant presence, it’s easy to lose track of time and fall into unhealthy usage patterns. Excessive screen time has been linked to a variety of health issues, including eye strain, poor posture, disrupted sleep patterns, and even mental health problems like anxiety and depression (Firth et al., 2019). Fortunately, there are several strategies to help limit screen time and promote a healthier balance between digital and offline activities.

1. Set Time Limits on Apps

Most smartphones and tablets now offer built-in tools to help users monitor and control their screen time. Both Android and iOS devices have settings where you can set daily time limits for individual apps (Google, 2022). For example, Apple’s “Screen Time” feature allows users to set app limits, and Android users can use “Digital Wellbeing” for similar controls. These features provide reminders when you approach or exceed your preset time limits, helping you stay aware of your usage habits.

Setting limits not only helps you reduce unnecessary app use but also encourages you to be more intentional about how you spend your time. Studies have shown that structured restrictions can effectively help people cut down on screen time and reduce distractions (Lepp et al., 2014).

2. Turn Off Notifications

Constant notifications from apps, social media platforms, and messaging services can significantly increase your screen time. These interruptions prompt you to check your phone repeatedly throughout the day, often leading to extended periods of time spent on devices. A 2016 study found that people check their smartphones on average 150 times a day, largely driven by notifications (Svetlana et al., 2016).

To limit distractions, consider turning off non-essential notifications or using “Do Not Disturb” modes during certain times of the day, such as during work or before bed. This simple step helps reduce the urge to check your phone constantly.

3. Establish Screen-Free Zones

Creating screen-free zones in your home or workspace is another effective strategy to limit phone and tablet use. Designating certain areas, such as the dining room, bedroom, or living room, as “no-phone zones” can help reduce mindless scrolling and promote more face-to-face interactions. Additionally, making your bedroom a screen-free area can help improve sleep quality by preventing blue light exposure before bedtime (Harvard Health Publishing, 2020).

These zones can be particularly helpful in fostering healthier habits by encouraging more in-person communication and mindfulness.

4. Use Digital Detoxes or Screen-Free Days

Another highly effective method is to commit to periodic digital detoxes or screen-free days. This could mean turning off your phone for a set period, such as during weekends or evenings, or even dedicating a full day once a month to disconnecting from all digital devices. Studies have shown that digital detoxes can improve mental health and reduce feelings of stress and anxiety (Przybylski & Weinstein, 2017).

While the idea of a complete digital detox may feel daunting at first, many individuals find that taking breaks from their phones or tablets allows them to reconnect with their surroundings, hobbies, and personal relationships, ultimately leading to improved well-being.

5. Engage in Offline Activities

One of the most effective ways to reduce phone usage is by engaging in offline activities that are enjoyable and fulfilling. Exercise, reading, cooking, or pursuing hobbies like painting or gardening can be great alternatives to spending time on screens. Research suggests that outdoor activities and physical exercise are particularly beneficial for reducing screen time and boosting overall mental and physical health (Biddle & Asare, 2011).

By prioritizing these activities, you naturally reduce the temptation to spend excessive time on your devices.

6. Track Your Screen Time Regularly

Another valuable strategy is tracking your screen time regularly. By reviewing how much time you spend on your phone or tablet each day, you become more aware of your usage patterns. Both iOS and Android devices have built-in tracking features that provide insights into your daily and weekly screen time usage (Google, 2022). You can break it down further by showing which apps you spend the most time on, helping you identify areas where you could make improvements.

Tracking your usage can serve as a reminder to stay conscious of your screen time and make small adjustments, such as reducing the time spent on social media or checking email.

7. Practice Mindfulness and Digital Wellbeing

Finally, adopting mindfulness practices can help you become more aware of your screen usage. Mindfulness involves being fully present in the moment and paying attention to your thoughts, emotions, and surroundings. When it comes to screen time, mindfulness can help you recognize when you’re using your phone or tablet out of habit or boredom rather than necessity.

Apps like “Forest” or “Focus@Will” promote mindfulness by encouraging you to stay off your phone and focus on the task at hand. These apps can help improve concentration and productivity, making it easier to manage time on digital devices (Nielsen et al., 2019).

Reducing time spent on phones and tablets is essential for maintaining both mental and physical health. By implementing strategies such as setting time limits, turning off notifications, creating screen-free zones, engaging in offline activities, and practicing mindfulness, individuals can regain control over their screen time and foster healthier habits. The key to success lies in being intentional with technology use and recognizing when digital interactions start to negatively impact well-being.

This article has been written by John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW-S. Mr. Collier has over 25 years experience in the social work field. He currently serves and the executive Director and outpatient provider through Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health, LLC based out of London Kentucky. John may be reached by phone (606) 657-0532 or by email at [email protected].

References

Biddle, S. J. H., & Asare, M. (2011). Physical activity and mental health in children and adolescents: A review of reviews. British Journal of Sports Medicine, 45(11), 883-890. https://doi.org/10.1136/bjsports-2011-090185

Firth, J., et al. (2019). The effects of online social networking on mental health: A systematic review. Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking, 22(1), 17-25. https://doi.org/10.1089/cyber.2018.0177

Google. (2022). Digital wellbeing. https://wellbeing.google

Harvard Health Publishing. (2020). Blue light and sleep. Harvard Medical School. https://www.health.harvard.edu

Lepp, A., et al. (2014). The relationship between cell phone use and academic performance. Computers in Human Behavior, 31, 87-92. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chb.2013.10.050

Nielsen, M. F., et al. (2019). Exploring digital mindfulness: A scoping review of digital interventions promoting mindfulness. Journal of Medical Internet Research, 21(3), e11993. https://doi.org/10.2196/11993

Przybylski, A. K., & Weinstein, N. (2017). Can you connect with me now? How the presence of mobile communication technology influences face-to-face conversation quality. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 34(6), 741-758. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407516637612

Svetlana, G., et al. (2016). Mobile phone dependency and the development of social media addiction. Journal of Behavioral Addictions, 5(4), 706-715. https://doi.org/10.1556/2006.5.2016.084

Behavioral Health Services for First Responders: Addressing Mental Health Challenges in High-Stress Professions

First responders, including firefighters, paramedics, police officers, and emergency dispatchers, operate in high-stress environments that expose them to traumatic incidents, life-threatening situations, and intense public scrutiny. These stressors contribute to significant mental health challenges, necessitating comprehensive behavioral health services. Addressing the psychological well-being of first responders is crucial to maintaining their overall health, job performance, and quality of life.

Prevalence of Mental Health Issues Among First Responders

First responders experience elevated rates of mental health disorders compared to the general population. Studies indicate that approximately 30% of first responders develop behavioral health conditions such as depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and anxiety, whereas the general population’s prevalence is approximately 20% (SAMHSA, 2018). Additionally, first responders are at increased risk for suicidal ideation and substance use disorders due to repeated exposure to distressing events (Stanley et al., 2016).

Stressors Impacting First Responders’ Mental Health

  1. Chronic Exposure to Trauma: Repeated exposure to violence, death, and disaster can lead to cumulative trauma effects, increasing the risk of PTSD (Berger et al., 2012).
  2. Occupational Stress: Shift work, long hours, and high-pressure decision-making contribute to anxiety and burnout (Bennett et al., 2020).
  3. Stigma and Barriers to Care: Many first responders hesitate to seek behavioral health services due to stigma, fear of job repercussions, and the perception that admitting struggles indicates weakness (Haugen et al., 2017).

Behavioral Health Services and Interventions

1. Peer Support Programs

Peer support programs have been widely implemented in first responder agencies, providing an informal yet effective avenue for mental health support. These programs allow colleagues to offer emotional support and share coping strategies, reducing stigma and encouraging help-seeking behavior (Carpenter et al., 2018).

2. Critical Incident Stress Management (CISM)

CISM is a structured approach designed to help first responders process traumatic experiences and reduce acute stress reactions. It includes debriefing sessions, counseling services, and resilience training (Mitchell, 2019).

3. Employee Assistance Programs (EAPs)

Many agencies offer EAPs, which provide confidential counseling, mental health resources, and crisis intervention services. EAPs help first responders address work-related and personal stressors that impact their well-being (Chapin et al., 2011).

4. Trauma-Informed Therapy

Evidence-based therapies such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) have proven effective in treating PTSD and anxiety among first responders (Benedek et al., 2007).

5. Resilience Training and Mindfulness Practices

Preventative programs focusing on resilience training, mindfulness, and stress reduction techniques enhance first responders’ ability to cope with occupational stress. These interventions improve psychological flexibility and reduce emotional exhaustion (Joyce et al., 2019).

Policy and Systemic Changes

To promote the mental well-being of first responders, policy changes and systemic interventions are necessary:

  • Mandatory Mental Health Screenings: Regular screenings help identify mental health concerns early and connect individuals with appropriate services.
  • Improved Access to Services: Increasing funding for mental health programs and integrating behavioral health professionals into first responder agencies can improve access to care.
  • Reducing Stigma: Organizational leadership should foster a culture where seeking mental health support is encouraged and normalized.

Behavioral health services for first responders are critical in mitigating the long-term effects of occupational stress and trauma. Implementing comprehensive mental health interventions—including peer support, crisis management, therapy, and systemic policy changes—can significantly improve first responders’ psychological resilience and job performance. Continued research and investment in behavioral health programs will ensure that those who serve and protect communities receive the mental health support they need.

References

  • Benedek, D. M., Fullerton, C., & Ursano, R. J. (2007). First responders: Mental health consequences of natural and human-made disasters for public health and public safety workers. Annual Review of Public Health, 28(1), 55-68.
  • Bennett, G., Williams, Y., & Wright, K. (2020). Work-related stress and burnout in first responders: A systematic review. Journal of Occupational Health Psychology, 25(2), 183-198.
  • Berger, W., Coutinho, E. S. F., Figueira, I., et al. (2012). Rescuers at risk: Posttraumatic stress symptoms among first responders following disasters. Journal of Anxiety Disorders, 26(5), 422-430.
  • Carpenter, M., Perera, J., & Patterson, J. (2018). Evaluating the effectiveness of peer support programs for first responders. Psychological Services, 15(2), 215-224.
  • Chapin, M., Brannen, S. J., Singer, M. I., & Walker, M. (2011). Training and sustaining peer supporters for first responders. Journal of Workplace Behavioral Health, 26(1), 95-113.
  • Haugen, P. T., Evces, M., & Weiss, D. S. (2017). Treatment of PTSD in first responders: A systematic review. Clinical Psychology Review, 53, 22-35.
  • Joyce, S., Shand, F., Tighe, J., et al. (2019). A randomized controlled trial of resilience training for first responders. Journal of Occupational Health Psychology, 24(4), 437-447.
  • Mitchell, J. T. (2019). Critical incident stress management (CISM): Strategies for crisis intervention and stress management. Charles C Thomas Publisher.
  • SAMHSA (2018). First responders: Behavioral health concerns, emergency response, and trauma. Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration.
  • Stanley, I. H., Hom, M. A., Hagan, C. R., & Joiner, T. E. (2016). Career prevalence and correlates of suicidal thoughts and behaviors among first responders. Journal of Affective Disorders, 190, 363-371.

What does it mean to “Submit” to your Husband.
The concept of a wife submitting to her husband is often debated in religious, social, and academic circles. Rooted primarily in biblical teachings, submission in marriage is frequently misunderstood as a form of servitude or oppression. However, a comprehensive understanding of the term, especially in its biblical context, reveals a deeper, more nuanced perspective that emphasizes mutual respect, love, and partnership.

The Biblical Basis of Submission

The idea of submission in marriage originates from several passages in the Bible, with one of the most frequently cited being Ephesians 5:22-24 (New International Version, NIV):

“Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.”

At first glance, this passage may appear to suggest an unequal relationship, but when examined alongside other biblical texts, it becomes clear that submission is not about inferiority but about order and function within marriage.

In Ephesians 5:25, husbands are commanded to “love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” This indicates that a husband’s role is not one of dominance but of self-sacrificial leadership, mirroring Christ’s love for the church.

The Meaning of Submission

1. Submission as Mutual Respect

Biblical submission does not imply blind obedience or suppression of a wife’s voice. Instead, it represents a cooperative and respectful relationship. Ephesians 5:21 states, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ,” highlighting that submission is a mutual responsibility, not a one-sided obligation.

2. The Role of a Husband’s Leadership

A husband’s leadership in marriage, as described in the Bible, is not about power or control but about responsibility and love. Husbands are called to lead their families in a way that reflects Christ’s sacrificial love. This form of leadership prioritizes the well-being of the wife and family rather than exerting dominance.

3. Submission Does Not Justify Abuse

Many scholars and religious leaders emphasize that submission does not mean tolerating abuse or unhealthy power dynamics. Biblical submission is always within the framework of a loving, Christ-centered relationship. If a husband acts in ways that contradict biblical teachings—such as being abusive, manipulative, or neglectful—he is failing in his role as a Christlike leader (Colossians 3:19).

Cultural and Modern Perspectives

The interpretation of submission has evolved within different cultural and historical contexts. In many traditional societies, submission was often linked to patriarchal structures where men held absolute authority. However, modern Christian perspectives emphasize equality, complementarity, and partnership rather than rigid hierarchy (Piper & Grudem, 1991).

From a psychological standpoint, studies show that marriages characterized by mutual respect, shared decision-making, and emotional support tend to be healthier and more satisfying (Gottman, 1999). This aligns with the biblical model where both spouses contribute uniquely to the marriage while maintaining mutual love and respect.

Practical Application in Marriage

  1. Decision-Making Together – Biblical submission does not mean the husband makes all decisions unilaterally. Rather, both spouses should engage in open communication and decision-making, with the husband leading in a way that prioritizes the family’s well-being.
  2. Honoring Each Other’s Strengths – A successful marriage recognizes and appreciates the unique gifts and strengths each partner brings. Submission does not mean that the wife’s opinions or contributions are less valuable.
  3. Leading with Love and Humility – Husbands are instructed to love their wives as Christ loved the church, which involves humility, patience, and selflessness. True biblical leadership involves servanthood rather than authoritarian rule (Mark 10:42-45).

Submission in marriage, as outlined in the Bible, is not about control or oppression but about love, respect, and partnership. When understood in its proper context, biblical submission enhances marital unity, fosters mutual support, and aligns with the Christian model of love and service. Both spouses are called to honor and respect one another, creating a marriage that reflects Christ’s relationship with His church.

This article was written by John S Collier, MSW, LCSW. Mr. Collier has over 25 years of experience in the social work and mental health field. It currently serves as the executive director and outpatient behavioral health therapist at southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health based out of London KY. john may be reached by phone at 6066570532 extension 101 or by email at [email protected]

References

  • The Holy Bible, New International Version (NIV)
  • Piper, J., & Grudem, W. (1991). Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood: A Response to Evangelical Feminism. Crossway.
  • Gottman, J. (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Harmony Books.
  • Keller, T. (2011). The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God. Penguin.

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