Category Personal Growth

Have You Ever Thought You Forgave Someone Only to Find Out You Hadn’t? Understanding Forgiveness and Its Complex Layers

Forgiveness is often considered a vital step toward emotional healing, allowing individuals to release resentment and move forward. However, many people experience situations where they believe they have forgiven someone, only to later realize that the lingering feelings of hurt and resentment suggest otherwise. This phenomenon highlights the complexity of forgiveness, revealing that it may not be as straightforward as it initially seems. The purpose of this article is to explore the nature of forgiveness, the reasons why individuals might struggle with genuine forgiveness, and the implications of unfinished forgiveness on mental health and well-being.

Understanding Forgiveness

Forgiveness is typically defined as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve it (American Psychological Association, 2023). Research on forgiveness indicates that it involves both cognitive and emotional processes, meaning it isn’t just about letting go mentally; it also involves genuine emotional healing (Enright & Fitzgibbons, 2015).

Forgiveness can be separated into two main types: decisional forgiveness and emotional forgiveness (Worthington, 2006). Decisional forgiveness is the conscious decision to forgive someone and act as if the hurt no longer impacts the relationship. Emotional forgiveness, however, involves truly letting go of the negative feelings and emotional responses associated with the hurt. It is possible for an individual to experience decisional forgiveness without achieving emotional forgiveness, which can explain why some people believe they have forgiven someone only to later realize that they haven’t fully done so.

Why Forgiveness Can Be Difficult to Fully Achieve

There are several reasons why genuine forgiveness may be challenging to accomplish. Some of the most common factors include the following:

1. Residual Resentment: Even after making a decision to forgive, individuals may still hold on to lingering negative feelings. Research by McCullough et al. (2003) suggests that emotional forgiveness is a gradual process that unfolds over time, rather than an instant event. Unresolved anger, sadness, or betrayal can resurface, especially when triggered by related events or memories.

2. Self-Protection Mechanisms: For some individuals, holding onto resentment serves as a psychological defense mechanism to prevent future harm. By not fully forgiving, individuals may feel they are protecting themselves from further hurt (Wade, Hoyt, & Worthington, 2014). In this sense, forgiveness might feel like vulnerability, as it involves letting go of a protective barrier against potential future pain.

3. Mistrust and Lack of Reconciliation: Forgiveness does not necessarily mean reconciliation. When the person who caused harm has not taken responsibility, offered an apology, or changed their behavior, individuals may find it difficult to move toward true emotional forgiveness (Exline & Baumeister, 2000). The absence of reconciliation can lead to doubts about forgiveness, as it feels unfinished or insincere without mutual effort.

4. Reliving Past Trauma: Certain offenses may be tied to deeper emotional wounds or traumas. If the original hurt triggered past trauma, forgiving can be even more difficult because it involves working through multiple layers of pain. Research indicates that people who have experienced significant trauma often struggle with forgiveness, as unresolved trauma complicates the healing process (Toussaint, Worthington, & Williams, 2015).

5. Expectations and Idealized Forgiveness: Cultural and religious beliefs often encourage forgiveness as a moral or spiritual obligation, creating pressure to forgive quickly or completely (Enright & Fitzgibbons, 2015). However, when individuals try to “force” forgiveness due to external expectations rather than genuine emotional readiness, they may mistake the decision for actual healing. Over time, this dissonance between expectation and reality can become evident, revealing incomplete forgiveness.

Signs of Unfinished Forgiveness

Realizing that one has not truly forgiven can manifest in various ways. Some common signs include:

• Ruminating on the Hurt: When individuals continue to think about the offense or replay events in their minds, it may be a sign that forgiveness has not been fully achieved. Persistent rumination indicates unresolved emotional processing, suggesting that genuine forgiveness has not yet been reached (Toussaint et al., 2015).

• Negative Emotional Triggers: Experiencing anger, sadness, or resentment when thinking about the person or event can indicate unfinished forgiveness. Emotional triggers often reveal hidden feelings that were not addressed in the initial forgiveness decision (McCullough et al., 2003).

• Difficulty in Maintaining Positive Interactions: Struggling to feel positively toward the person involved or finding it challenging to engage in meaningful interactions can indicate that forgiveness remains incomplete (Wade et al., 2014). True forgiveness often includes an element of goodwill or empathy toward the other person, even if reconciliation is not achieved.

Strategies for Genuine Forgiveness

For those who realize they have not fully forgiven, several approaches can help facilitate emotional forgiveness:

1. Self-Compassion and Patience: Allowing oneself to feel and process emotions without judgment is essential. Genuine forgiveness is not a quick process; it requires patience and self-compassion (Worthington, 2006).

2. Therapeutic Support: Therapy can provide a safe space to explore lingering emotions, especially for those dealing with trauma-related forgiveness struggles. Techniques such as cognitive-behavioral therapy and forgiveness therapy can aid in processing and releasing negative emotions (Enright & Fitzgibbons, 2015).

3. Practicing Empathy and Perspective-Taking: Research shows that empathy can promote forgiveness by helping individuals understand the other person’s motivations and perspectives (McCullough et al., 2003). This does not excuse harmful behavior but can foster emotional release.

4. Journaling and Reflective Exercises: Writing about feelings, thoughts, and experiences related to the offense can help bring clarity to unfinished forgiveness. This process can encourage emotional expression and insight, paving the way for genuine forgiveness (Toussaint et al., 2015).

Conclusion

The journey toward forgiveness is complex and personal. Many people believe they have forgiven, only to later discover that deeper emotions remain unresolved. Recognizing this experience is an important step in the healing process. Genuine forgiveness requires emotional processing, self-compassion, and, at times, professional support. While decisional forgiveness may happen quickly, emotional forgiveness is often a gradual, layered experience that unfolds over time. By acknowledging the intricacies of forgiveness, individuals can work toward authentic emotional healing and peace.

This article has been written by John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW. Mr. Collier has over 25 years experience in the social work field. He currently serves as the executive director and provider for outpatient services at Southeast Kentucky Behavioral health based out of London Kentucky. He may be reached at 606-657-0532 extension 10 one or by email at [email protected]

References

American Psychological Association. (2023). Forgiveness. Retrieved from APA Dictionary of Psychology.

Enright, R. D., & Fitzgibbons, R. P. (2015). Forgiveness Therapy: An Empirical Guide for Resolving Anger and Restoring Hope. American Psychological Association.

Exline, J. J., & Baumeister, R. F. (2000). Expressing forgiveness and repentance: Benefits and barriers. In M. E. McCullough, K. I. Pargament, & C. E. Thoresen (Eds.), Forgiveness: Theory, Research, and Practice (pp. 133–155). Guilford Press.

McCullough, M. E., Worthington, E. L., & Rachal, K. C. (2003). Interpersonal forgiveness in close relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 73(2), 321–336.

Toussaint, L., Worthington, E. L., & Williams, D. R. (2015). Forgiveness and Health: Scientific Evidence and Theories Relating Forgiveness to Better Health. Springer.

Wade, N. G., Hoyt, W. T., & Worthington, E. L. (2014). Forgiveness interventions: A meta-analytic review of individual and group applications. Counseling Psychology Quarterly, 27(4), 431–452.

Worthington, E. L. (2006). Forgiving and Reconciling: Bridges to Wholeness and Hope. InterVarsity Press.

Feeling Like You’re Not Treated Fairly in Your Family: A Guide for Teens

It’s not unusual to feel like you’re being treated unfairly in your family. Maybe it seems like your siblings get more freedom, or perhaps you feel like your parents don’t listen to you as much as they should. Whatever the case, feeling overlooked or misunderstood can be frustrating. Learning how to handle these feelings can make a big difference in your family relationships and help you feel more understood and respected at home.

 Understanding Why You Might Feel This Way

Feeling like you’re not treated fairly can come from a lot of places. Sometimes it’s about comparing yourself to siblings, while other times it might be about feeling that your parents don’t understand your perspective. According to Dr. Karen Bogenschneider, a family relationship expert, teens often struggle with perceived inequality, especially if parents treat siblings differently. It’s natural to want fairness, but every family member may need different things at different times, which can sometimes look like favoritism .

 Fairness Doesn’t Always Mean Equality

One important thing to understand is that fairness and equality aren’t the same thing. Fairness is about getting what you need, while equality is about getting exactly the same thing as others. For example, if one of your siblings is younger, your parents might give them more help with schoolwork, while they trust you to work independently. This isn’t unfair; it’s just that your parents recognize you might not need as much guidance.

Dr. Michael Thompson, a psychologist who specializes in family dynamics, points out that parents make decisions based on each child’s unique needs and maturity level . So while it may look like your parents are treating you differently, it’s often because they’re considering what they think will work best for you individually.

 Communicating Your Feelings

When you feel like you’re not being treated fairly, it’s important to express those feelings constructively. Here’s how to have a calm and effective conversation with your family:

 1. Pick the Right Time

– Try to bring up your feelings during a calm moment when everyone is relaxed, rather than during an argument or right after something has upset you. According to the American Psychological Association, timing matters when it comes to discussing emotional issues; waiting until everyone is calm can make for a more positive conversation .

 2. Use “I Statements”

– Rather than saying, “You’re always unfair!” try saying, “I feel frustrated when I see my siblings getting different rules than I do.” “I statements” focus on your feelings and are less likely to make others defensive. Psychologist Dr. Marshall Rosenberg suggests that using “I statements” helps people express their needs in a way that promotes understanding and reduces conflict .

 3. Ask Questions to Understand Your Parents’ Perspective

– You might say, “Can you help me understand why I have a different curfew than my sibling?” Asking questions can help you see things from your parents’ point of view, and it also shows them that you’re willing to listen.

Focusing on Your Strengths

Feeling like you’re not being treated fairly can sometimes make you feel less valued. During these times, it’s helpful to remember what makes you unique and focus on your strengths. Studies show that when teens focus on their own strengths, they tend to feel more confident and less affected by comparisons to others .

If you’re feeling overlooked, remind yourself of the things you’re good at and the positive qualities you bring to your family. Whether it’s your sense of humor, your creativity, or your ability to listen, every family member has unique strengths.

 Building Healthy Family Relationships

Maintaining a positive relationship with your family can be challenging, especially if you’re feeling misunderstood. However, working on those relationships can be rewarding and help you feel more connected to your family. Here are some tips for building healthy relationships at home:

 1. Show Appreciation

– Recognize the good things your family members do, even if it’s something small like making dinner or helping with homework. According to Dr. Robert Emmons, an expert in gratitude, expressing appreciation can improve relationships by making people feel valued and respected .

 2. Set Boundaries Respectfully

– It’s okay to let your family know when you need some space. For example, if you’re feeling overwhelmed, politely let them know you need a little time alone to recharge.

 3. Be Open to Compromise

– Family relationships often require compromise. For example, if you want more freedom, consider negotiating with your parents—maybe you get a later curfew on weekends if you show responsibility during the week.

Seeking Support Outside Your Family

If you’re struggling with family dynamics, it can help to talk to someone outside your family, like a friend, teacher, counselor, or mentor. According to a study published in Journal of Youth and Adolescence, teens who have strong support systems outside their family tend to have better coping skills and feel more understood . Talking to someone else can give you a fresh perspective and help you find new ways to deal with your feelings.

 Remember: Family Relationships Take Time

Family dynamics aren’t always easy, and feeling misunderstood or overlooked is a common experience for teens. But remember that family relationships are long-term. As you grow and change, so will your relationships with your family. In the meantime, learning to communicate calmly, focus on your strengths, and find support outside your family can help you handle these challenges in a positive way.

Feeling like you’re not treated fairly in your family doesn’t have to lead to conflict or resentment. By expressing your feelings constructively, focusing on what makes you unique, and building positive family relationships, you can navigate these challenges and build a stronger connection with your family over time.

This article has been written by John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW. Mr. Collier has over 25 years of experience in the social work field and is based in London Kentucky through Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health, LLC. Mr. Collier may be reached by phone at (606) 657–0532 extension 101 or by email at [email protected].

References

  1. Bogenschneider, K. (2004). Family Policy Matters: How Policymaking Affects Families and What Professionals Can Do. Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.
  2. Thompson, M. (2001). The Pressured Child: Helping Your Child Find Success in School and Life. Ballantine Books.
  3. American Psychological Association. (2021). “Discussing Tough Topics with Family.” APA. Retrieved from https://www.apa.org/.
  4. Rosenberg, M. (2015). Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life. PuddleDancer Press.
  5. Waters, L., & Sun, J. (2017). “The Impact of Strength-Based Parenting on Life Satisfaction and Subjective Wellbeing of Adolescents.” Journal of Youth and Adolescence, 46(4), 848-861.
  6. Emmons, R. A. (2013). Gratitude Works!: A 21-Day Program for Creating Emotional Prosperity. Jossey-Bass.
  7. Dubow, E. F., & Ullman, D. G. (1989). “Support, Stress, and Psychological Symptoms Among Early Adolescents.” Journal of Youth and Adolescence, 18(3), 191–204.
Be Intentional with the Intimacy in Your Relationship

Intimacy is the cornerstone of a healthy and fulfilling relationship. It creates emotional, physical, and mental bonds that bring couples closer and strengthen their connection. However, as relationships evolve, life’s pressures can lead to intimacy taking a back seat, often resulting in emotional distance. To maintain a vibrant and loving relationship, it’s crucial to be intentional with intimacy—whether it’s emotional, physical, or sexual. By being purposeful and mindful about nurturing closeness, couples can prevent drift and reignite the spark.

 The Importance of Intentional Intimacy

Intentional intimacy refers to the conscious effort to foster closeness and connection in a relationship. Unlike the spontaneous passion that may occur in the early stages of romance, intentional intimacy requires ongoing dedication, particularly in long-term relationships. Psychologist Dr. John Gottman, a leading expert in relationship dynamics, asserts that couples who consistently prioritize emotional and physical connection are more likely to maintain a happy and fulfilling relationship over time. According to Gottman, small, intentional gestures of intimacy build emotional “love maps,” strengthening the bond between partners.

 Emotional Intimacy: The Foundation of Connection

Emotional intimacy is the foundation of any strong relationship. It involves sharing thoughts, feelings, fears, and desires with your partner in a way that promotes vulnerability and trust. However, this level of connection doesn’t happen automatically; it requires effort and communication.

To be intentional about emotional intimacy, couples must create spaces for deep conversations. This could involve setting aside time for regular check-ins, where both partners can share their feelings openly. Clinical psychologist Dr. Sue Johnson emphasizes that “secure attachment” is critical to emotional intimacy, as it allows partners to feel safe and supported by one another. This sense of security leads to greater emotional closeness and satisfaction in the relationship .

 Tips to Cultivate Emotional Intimacy:

  • Schedule regular “talk time”: Dedicate time each week for uninterrupted conversation where you both share thoughts, worries, and dreams.
  • Practice active listening: Show genuine interest in your partner’s experiences and validate their emotions. This strengthens emotional trust.
  • Share appreciations daily: Expressing gratitude and appreciation for your partner’s qualities and actions nurtures a positive emotional climate.

 Physical Intimacy: Small Gestures with Big Impact

Physical intimacy is not limited to sexual activity; it also includes everyday gestures like holding hands, hugging, and cuddling. Research shows that physical touch can significantly impact relationship satisfaction by boosting oxytocin levels, also known as the “bonding hormone,” which fosters feelings of connection and security.

Being intentional with physical intimacy involves incorporating these gestures into your daily routine. Small acts, such as a hug before leaving for work or holding hands during a walk, can be powerful ways to maintain closeness. Physical affection communicates love, care, and comfort, helping partners feel valued and connected even during stressful times.

 Ways to Enhance Physical Intimacy:

  • Increase non-sexual touch: Hugs, kisses, holding hands, and gentle touches are important ways to stay physically connected.
  • Create physical routines: For example, commit to greeting each other with a hug after a long day or cuddling for a few minutes before bed.
  • Make space for sexual intimacy: While everyday touch is important, carving out time for sexual connection helps keep the physical aspect of your relationship alive.

 Sexual Intimacy: Rediscovering Passion with Purpose

Sexual intimacy is an essential part of most romantic relationships, and over time, it can become less frequent or less satisfying if not intentionally prioritized. Many couples assume that sexual connection will naturally occur, but as relationships progress and life becomes busier, this often isn’t the case.

Sex therapist Esther Perel argues that to sustain passion in a long-term relationship, couples must balance intimacy with desire. Intentionality in the sexual relationship might involve scheduling time for intimacy, exploring new ways to connect, or discussing each partner’s desires and boundaries . This level of communication fosters trust and helps partners feel safe expressing their needs.

 Strategies for Reigniting Sexual Intimacy:

  • Schedule time for intimacy: While it may seem unromantic, planning for intimacy ensures that it remains a priority amidst busy schedules.
  • Explore together: Be open to trying new activities, discussing fantasies, or changing the environment to rediscover desire.
  • Communicate openly about desires: Honest conversations about sexual needs and boundaries help ensure both partners feel satisfied and respected.

 The Power of Intentional Acts of Love

In a fast-paced world, it’s easy to get caught up in work, parenting, or other responsibilities, leaving little time for nurturing intimacy. However, small, intentional acts of love can be transformative. Whether it’s a simple “I love you” text during the day, a thoughtful compliment, or spending five minutes hugging, these gestures remind your partner that they are cherished and loved.

Dr. Gary Chapman’s theory of the “Five Love Languages” offers insight into how couples can be intentional in expressing love in ways that are meaningful to their partner. By learning whether your partner values words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, or physical touch, you can engage in targeted acts of love that resonate deeply .

 Building a Culture of Intentional Intimacy

Being intentional about intimacy doesn’t mean grand gestures or elaborate plans—it means consistently showing up for your partner and nurturing the connection. As author Brene Brown explains, vulnerability is key to fostering true intimacy. When couples intentionally create space for vulnerability, they build a deeper emotional and physical connection that sustains their relationship over time .

 Practical Steps for Building Intentional Intimacy:

  1. Schedule regular date nights: Make time for each other away from the stresses of daily life to focus on the relationship.
  2. Check-in daily: Even a brief conversation about your day can keep you emotionally connected.
  3. Celebrate small moments: Intimacy grows through appreciating the small, everyday moments of life together.
  4. Express affection frequently: Whether through words or touch, let your partner know they are loved.

 Conclusion

Intimacy is the heartbeat of a thriving relationship. Being intentional about emotional, physical, and sexual closeness fosters deeper connections, strengthens trust, and rekindles passion. By making small but meaningful efforts to prioritize intimacy, couples can move beyond autopilot and rediscover the love and connection that brought them together in the first place.

This article has been written by John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW. Mr. Collier has over 25 years of experience in the social work field and is based in London Kentucky through Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health, LLC. Mr. Collier may be reached by phone at (606) 657–0532 extension 101 or by email at [email protected].

 References

  1. Perel, E. (2017). The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity. HarperCollins.
  2. Chapman, G. (1995). The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts. Northfield Publishing.
  3. Johnson, S. M. (2008). Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love. Little, Brown and Company.
  4. Uvnas-Moberg, K. (2003). The Oxytocin Factor: Tapping the Hormone of Calm, Love, and Healing. Da Capo Press.
  5. Gottman, J. (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Harmony Books.
  6. Brown, B. (2012). Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead. Gotham Books.

Using “I” Statements to Manage Anger: A Guide for Teens

Teens often experience intense emotions as they navigate the challenges of adolescence. One of the most common emotions that can be difficult to manage is anger. Whether it’s due to conflicts with friends, family, or school pressures, anger can quickly escalate if not handled in a healthy way. One effective communication tool that can help manage anger is the use of “I” statements. In this article, we will explore how teens can use “I” statements to express their feelings more constructively and reduce the likelihood of conflicts.

What Are “I” Statements?

“I” statements are a way of expressing your feelings and needs without blaming or accusing others. They allow you to take ownership of your emotions and communicate them assertively. Instead of saying, “You never listen to me!” (a “you” statement), you would say, “I feel frustrated when I don’t feel heard” (an “I” statement). This shift in communication style can help diffuse tension and encourage more productive conversations (American Psychological Association [APA], 2021).

Why “I” Statements Work

When teens use “you” statements, it can come across as blaming or criticizing, which often leads to defensiveness and escalates conflict. “I” statements, on the other hand, focus on the speaker’s feelings and the impact of a situation rather than accusing the other person. This approach makes it easier for others to understand and respond to your needs without feeling attacked (Child Mind Institute, 2020).

By using “I” statements, teens can:

  • Express their feelings without escalating anger.
  • Take responsibility for their emotions.
  • Encourage open and honest communication.
  • Reduce misunderstandings and conflict.

How to Use “I” Statements When Angry

  1. Start with “I feel”
  • The first part of an “I” statement is to identify your emotion. For example, “I feel upset,” “I feel frustrated,” or “I feel hurt.” This focuses the conversation on your emotional experience rather than blaming the other person (Sukhodolsky et al., 2017).
  1. Describe the Situation
  • The second part of the statement explains what situation or behavior caused you to feel this way. For example, “I feel upset when you interrupt me,” or “I feel frustrated when I’m not included in decisions.” This provides context without sounding accusatory (LeCroy & Daley, 2020).
  1. State the Impact
  • Next, describe how the situation impacts you or why it matters. For example, “I feel left out when I’m not part of the conversation,” or “I feel stressed when plans change suddenly.” This part helps others understand why the issue is important to you (APA, 2021).
  1. Suggest a Solution or Request
  • Finally, suggest a way to resolve the issue or express what you need moving forward. For example, “I need to be included in decisions that affect me,” or “I would appreciate it if you could give me a heads-up when plans change.” This helps the other person understand how they can help meet your needs (Friedman, 2020).

Examples of “I” Statements

Here are some common situations where teens might feel angry, along with examples of how to use “I” statements:

  • Situation: Your friend cancels plans at the last minute.
  • You Statement: “You always cancel on me!”
  • I Statement: “I feel disappointed when plans get canceled at the last minute because I was really looking forward to hanging out.”
  • Situation: Your sibling goes into your room without permission.
  • You Statement: “You never respect my space!”
  • I Statement: “I feel upset when you go into my room without asking because I value my privacy.”
  • Situation: A classmate interrupts you during a group discussion.
  • You Statement: “You’re always interrupting me!”
  • I Statement: “I feel frustrated when I’m interrupted during discussions because it makes it harder for me to share my ideas.”

Benefits of Using “I” Statements

  1. Promotes Emotional Awareness
  • When teens use “I” statements, they become more aware of their own emotions and how specific situations affect them. This emotional awareness is a crucial part of anger management because it helps teens pause, reflect, and express their feelings more thoughtfully (Torrente, 2019).
  1. Encourages Positive Communication
  • Using “I” statements fosters more open, respectful conversations. By focusing on your own feelings rather than accusing others, you reduce the likelihood of defensiveness and create a space for positive dialogue (APA, 2021).
  1. Reduces Conflict and Builds Relationships
  • Since “I” statements are less likely to trigger defensiveness, they help prevent conflicts from escalating. Teens who use this communication style are more likely to build stronger, healthier relationships with friends, family, and peers (LeCroy & Daley, 2020).
  1. Promotes Problem-Solving
  • “I” statements shift the focus from blaming to finding solutions. By expressing what you need and how you feel, you make it easier for others to work with you to resolve the issue and meet your needs (Child Mind Institute, 2020).

Overcoming Challenges in Using “I” Statements

While “I” statements can be effective, it may take time and practice to use them consistently, especially in moments of anger. Here are some tips to help teens get comfortable with this communication style:

  1. Practice When Calm
  • The best time to practice “I” statements is when you’re not already upset. Try role-playing with a friend or family member so you can get used to the structure before using it in real-life situations (Friedman, 2020).
  1. Take a Break if Needed
  • If you feel too angry to communicate effectively, it’s okay to step away and cool down. After you’ve calmed down, you can return to the conversation and use an “I” statement to express your feelings (Sukhodolsky et al., 2017).
  1. Be Patient with Yourself
  • It’s normal for teens to struggle with new communication techniques, especially when emotions are running high. Be patient with yourself and remember that it’s okay to make mistakes as you learn how to use “I” statements more effectively (Torrente, 2019).

Conclusion

Using “I” statements is a powerful tool that helps teens manage anger, express their emotions constructively, and reduce conflicts in relationships. By focusing on their own feelings and needs rather than blaming others, teens can create more open, respectful conversations. Practicing “I” statements regularly can lead to better emotional regulation, healthier relationships, and a more peaceful way of handling anger. Over time, this skill becomes an essential part of managing emotions and improving communication.

This article has been written by John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW. Mr. Collier has over 25 years of experience in the social work field and is based in London Kentucky through Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health, LLC. Mr. Collier may be reached by phone at (606) 657–0532 extension 101 or by email at [email protected].

References

American Psychological Association. (2021). Controlling Anger Before It Controls You. https://www.apa.org/topics/anger/control

Child Mind Institute. (2020). How to Help Kids Manage Anger. https://childmind.org/article/how-to-help-kids-manage-anger

Friedman, H. S. (2020). The Longevity Project: Surprising Discoveries for Health and Long Life from the Landmark Eight-Decade Study. Penguin Books.

LeCroy, C. W., & Daley, J. (2020). Building Your Ideal Private Practice: A Guide for Therapists and Other Mental Health Professionals. Wiley.

Sukhodolsky, D. G., et al. (2017). Cognitive-behavioral therapy for anger and aggression in children and adolescents. Child and Adolescent Psychiatric Clinics, 25(4), 623–634.

Torrente, R. (2019). Mindfulness for Teens: Proven Techniques to Reduce Stress, Manage Emotions, and Improve Focus. Rockridge Press.