Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health, LLC

Category Relationships

How Long Does It Take to Get Over a Divorce? A 2–3 Year Recovery Timeline

Divorce is more than the legal dissolution of a marriage—it is an emotional unraveling of a life built with another person. The aftermath can feel like grieving a death, as individuals often mourn not only the loss of the relationship but also the future they once envisioned. While recovery is highly individual, mental health professionals and research suggest it typically takes two to three years to emotionally recover from a divorce (Sbarra et al., 2015; Anderson, 2020).

Divorce as a Grief Process

The emotional journey after divorce mirrors the classic grief process, first identified by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, which includes denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These stages are not always linear, and individuals may move back and forth through them multiple times:

  • Denial: “This can’t be happening.” A person may struggle to accept the end of the relationship, often clinging to hope for reconciliation.
  • Anger: Anger at the ex-partner, the situation, or even oneself is common. This can manifest as blame, resentment, or emotional outbursts.
  • Bargaining: One might dwell on “what ifs” and attempt to reverse or reframe the situation mentally.
  • Depression: Feelings of deep sadness, isolation, and hopelessness are frequent in this phase. This is often the most painful and longest-lasting stage.
  • Acceptance: With time, individuals begin to accept the reality of the divorce, make peace with it, and start moving forward.

Grieving a marriage is complex because it involves the loss of a partner, a routine, a shared identity, and sometimes a social circle. It also often requires adjusting to co-parenting, financial shifts, and living alone—each with its own emotional weight.

Year-by-Year Breakdown: What Recovery Often Looks Like

While timelines can vary, many divorced individuals follow a general pattern of recovery over the course of two to three years.

Year 1: Survival and Emotional Overload

  • Focus: Immediate adjustment
  • Emotions: Shock, sadness, anger, anxiety
  • Tasks: Coping with the legal process, adjusting to new routines, managing finances, navigating co-parenting
  • Support needs: Therapy, legal guidance, emotional support

This first year is about survival. Many experience emotional swings and feel as though they’re constantly reacting to stress. It is not unusual for individuals to question their worth, experience sleep or appetite changes, and feel overwhelmed by daily tasks.

Year 2: Processing and Restructuring

  • Focus: Emotional healing and reflection
  • Emotions: Sadness may remain but is often less intense; occasional nostalgia, emerging clarity
  • Tasks: Grieving what was lost, exploring independence, testing new routines or relationships
  • Support needs: Continued counseling, support groups, rebuilding social circles

This year often marks the transition from raw pain to reflection. Individuals start reclaiming their identity outside of the marriage. Many begin asking deeper questions: “Who am I now?” or “What do I want going forward?” It’s a year of inner work and growth.

Year 3: Acceptance and Rebuilding

  • Focus: Growth and reinvention
  • Emotions: Increased stability, hope, confidence
  • Tasks: Setting new life goals, forming deeper relationships, solidifying new routines
  • Support needs: Life coaching, career development, future planning

By the third year, many report feeling more like themselves again—or even better versions of themselves. There may still be emotional flare-ups, especially around anniversaries or when co-parenting challenges arise, but these moments are typically less intense and more manageable. Individuals often begin to thrive rather than just survive.

Factors That Influence the Timeline

Several variables can affect how long it takes to recover from divorce:

  • Who initiated the divorce: Initiators may begin grieving earlier and move on faster (Hetherington & Kelly, 2002).
  • Length and intensity of the marriage: Longer and more emotionally enmeshed relationships may take longer to mourn.
  • Presence of children: Co-parenting can extend emotional entanglement and complicate healing.
  • Support network: Emotional support from friends, family, or therapists can significantly reduce the length of suffering.
  • Mental health history: Individuals with anxiety, depression, or trauma history may take longer to recover.

Divorce is a deeply painful process that takes time to heal. The emotional recovery typically spans two to three years, with each year serving a unique role in helping individuals grieve, rebuild, and eventually embrace a new chapter. Understanding the grief process and the phases of recovery can help normalize the experience and empower individuals to move through it with hope and resilience.

John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW, is a seasoned clinical social worker with over 25 years of experience, serving the London, Kentucky area through Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health, LLC. Known for his compassionate approach and commitment to quality care, Mr. Collier supports individuals and families with a focus on mental health and well-being. He is available for professional inquiries at (606) 657–0532, extension 101, or by email at [email protected].

References

  • Anderson, R. (2020). Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You. Da Capo Press.
  • Holmes, T. H., & Rahe, R. H. (1967). The social readjustment rating scale. Journal of Psychosomatic Research, 11(2), 213–218.
  • Hetherington, E. M., & Kelly, J. (2002). For Better or For Worse: Divorce Reconsidered. W. W. Norton & Company.
  • Sbarra, D. A., Hasselmo, K., & Bourassa, K. J. (2015). Divorce and health: Beyond individual differences. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 24(2), 109–113.
  • Kübler-Ross, E., & Kessler, D. (2005). On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss. Scribner.

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How to Recognize Authentic People: The Traits of Genuine Individuals

In a world where social interactions can sometimes feel superficial, authenticity stands out as a rare and valuable trait. Genuine people inspire trust, form meaningful relationships, and create positive environments. Recognizing authenticity is essential for building strong personal and professional connections. This article explores key traits of authentic individuals, supported by psychological research and references.

1. Consistent Behavior – The Same Across Situations

Authentic individuals maintain consistency in their behavior across different contexts. According to Sheldon et al. (1997), people who exhibit behavioral consistency across situations experience higher levels of psychological well-being. Consistency reflects a stable sense of self, making it easier to trust authentic individuals.

2. Honest and Transparent – Speaks the Truth with Kindness

Genuine people value honesty but express it in a way that is respectful and constructive. Research on interpersonal trust suggests that honesty fosters deeper relationships and higher life satisfaction (Baumeister & Leary, 1995). They do not manipulate the truth for personal gain but rather use honesty to build meaningful connections.

3. Empathetic and Compassionate – Cares About Others’ Feelings

Empathy is a defining characteristic of authenticity. Studies show that people high in empathy are more likely to engage in prosocial behaviors and build stronger social bonds (Batson, 1991). Genuine individuals acknowledge others’ emotions and offer support when needed.

4. Takes Responsibility – Owns Up to Mistakes

Authentic people admit when they are wrong instead of shifting blame. Psychological studies suggest that taking responsibility enhances trustworthiness and credibility in social interactions (Weiner, 1986). They learn from their mistakes rather than making excuses.

5. Shows Up for Others – Present Beyond Personal Gain

True friends and colleagues are there for you even when they have nothing to gain. Research by Reis & Shaver (1988) on close relationships emphasizes the importance of responsiveness in building deep, meaningful connections. Unlike inauthentic individuals who appear only when they need something, genuine people maintain relationships through both good and bad times.

6. Sincere Smiles – Expressions Reflect True Emotion

Facial expressions reveal authenticity. A study by Ekman & Friesen (1982) distinguishes between genuine Duchenne smiles, which engage both the mouth and eyes, and fake smiles that lack true emotional warmth. Authentic people express genuine joy when interacting with others.

7. Delivers on Promises – Follows Through with Actions

Authentic individuals do not make empty promises. Research on credibility suggests that people who follow through on commitments are perceived as more reliable and competent (Hovland et al., 1953). They align their words with their actions, strengthening trust in relationships.

8. Humble and Grounded – Does Not Seek Attention

Genuine individuals do not need constant validation or admiration. A study by Owens et al. (2013) on humility and leadership found that humble individuals are more respected and trusted. They acknowledge their strengths and weaknesses without arrogance.

9. Self-Aware – Knows Who They Are

Authentic people have a strong sense of self-awareness. According to Kernis & Goldman (2006), authenticity is linked to self-reflection and personal growth. They do not conform to societal pressures but stay true to their values and beliefs.

10. Deep Conversations – Engages in Meaningful Dialogue

Authentic people seek meaningful connections rather than engaging in superficial small talk. Mehl et al. (2010) found that people who have substantive conversations experience greater well-being. They ask thoughtful questions and listen attentively, showing genuine interest in others.

11. Non-Judgmental – Accepts Others Without Harsh Criticism

Rather than being overly critical, genuine people approach differences with understanding. Rogers (1959) emphasized unconditional positive regard as a key aspect of authentic relationships. They accept people as they are, fostering inclusivity and trust.

12. Supports Others’ Success – Encourages Rather Than Competes

Instead of feeling threatened by others’ achievements, authentic people celebrate them. Research on social support indicates that individuals who uplift others foster stronger, healthier relationships (Cohen & Wills, 1985). They recognize that success is not a competition.

Conclusion

Recognizing authentic people can help in forming deeper, more meaningful relationships. Genuine individuals exhibit honesty, empathy, humility, and reliability, making them trustworthy companions in personal and professional settings. By seeking out these traits, we can cultivate stronger social connections and a more positive environment.

John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW, is a seasoned clinical social worker with over 25 years of experience, serving the London, Kentucky area through Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health, LLC. Known for his compassionate approach and commitment to quality care, Mr. Collier supports individuals and families with a focus on mental health and well-being. He is available for professional inquiries at (606) 657–0532, extension 101, or by email at [email protected].

References

  • Baumeister, R. F., & Leary, M. R. (1995). “The Need to Belong: Desire for Interpersonal Attachments as a Fundamental Human Motivation.” Psychological Bulletin.
  • Batson, C. D. (1991). “The Altruism Question: Toward a Social-Psychological Answer.” Erlbaum.
  • Cohen, S., & Wills, T. A. (1985). “Stress, Social Support, and the Buffering Hypothesis.” Psychological Bulletin.
  • Ekman, P., & Friesen, W. V. (1982). “Felt, False, and Miserable Smiles.” Journal of Nonverbal Behavior.
  • Hovland, C. I., Janis, I. L., & Kelley, H. H. (1953). Communication and Persuasion: Psychological Studies of Opinion Change. Yale University Press.
  • Kernis, M. H., & Goldman, B. M. (2006). “A Multicomponent Conceptualization of Authenticity: Theory and Research.” Advances in Experimental Social Psychology.
  • Mehl, M. R., et al. (2010). “Eavesdropping on Happiness: Well-Being is Related to Having Less Small Talk and More Substantive Conversations.” Psychological Science.
  • Owens, B. P., et al. (2013). “Expressed Humility in Organizations: Implications for Performance, Teams, and Leadership.” Academy of Management Journal.
  • Reis, H. T., & Shaver, P. (1988). “Intimacy as an Interpersonal Process.” In Handbook of Personal Relationships.
  • Rogers, C. (1959). A Theory of Therapy, Personality, and Interpersonal Relationships. McGraw-Hill.
  • Sheldon, K. M., Ryan, R. M., Rawsthorne, L. J., & Ilardi, B. (1997). “Trait Self and True Self: Cross-Role Variation in the Big Five Personality Traits and Adjustment.” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
  • Weiner, B. (1986). An Attributional Theory of Motivation and Emotion. Springer.
How to Spot Fake People: Understanding Inauthentic Behavior

In today’s world, authenticity is a valuable trait in social interactions. Genuine relationships are built on trust, honesty, and empathy, but unfortunately, some individuals exhibit behaviors that indicate insincerity. Identifying “fake” people can help maintain healthier relationships and avoid emotional manipulation. Below, we explore common traits of inauthentic individuals and the psychological explanations behind these behaviors.

1. Overly Nice – Excessive Flattery Feels Unnatural

Fake people often use excessive flattery to gain favor. Research indicates that insincere compliments, also known as ingratiation, can be used as a manipulative strategy to achieve personal gain (Jones, 1990). While genuine kindness fosters trust, flattery without sincerity may indicate hidden motives.

2. Inconsistent Behavior – Acting Differently Around Different People

Social chameleons alter their behavior based on their audience, making them difficult to trust. According to Snyder (1974), high self-monitors change their personalities depending on the situation, which can be perceived as deceptive.

3. Gossips a Lot – If They Talk About Others, They’ll Talk About You

Gossiping excessively is a red flag, as it signals a lack of loyalty. Research suggests that while some gossip serves social bonding purposes, malicious gossip is often driven by insecurity and the need for social dominance (Foster, 2004).

4. Lacks Empathy – Dismisses Others’ Feelings

Empathy is a key characteristic of genuine people. Studies show that individuals with lower levels of empathy are more likely to manipulate others for personal gain (Batson et al., 1997). Dismissing others’ emotions can indicate a lack of concern for their well-being.

5. Always the Victim – Never Takes Responsibility

Fake people often play the victim to avoid accountability. Research on self-victimization suggests that people who frequently present themselves as victims may engage in manipulation to gain sympathy or avoid blame (Zitek et al., 2010).

6. Only Around When They Need Something – Disappears Otherwise

Authentic friendships involve mutual support, whereas fake friends appear only when they need help. This behavior aligns with instrumental relationships, where individuals use others for their own benefit (Baumeister & Leary, 1995).

7. Fake Smiles – Doesn’t Reach Their Eyes

A genuine smile, known as the Duchenne smile, engages both the mouth and the eyes (Ekman & Friesen, 1982). Fake smiles, which lack eye involvement, can indicate inauthenticity.

8. Over-Promises, Under-Delivers – Says a Lot, Does Little

Trust is built on consistency. Research suggests that people who overpromise often do so to appear competent, but failing to deliver damages credibility (Weiner, 1986).

9. Brags Constantly – Always Trying to Impress

Bragging is often a sign of insecurity rather than confidence. A study by Scopelliti et al. (2015) found that self-promotion often backfires, making individuals appear less likable.

10. Contradicts Themselves – Their Stories Don’t Add Up

Inconsistencies in someone’s narrative can be a sign of dishonesty. Cognitive load theory suggests that maintaining lies requires significant mental effort, leading to contradictions (Sweller, 1988).

11. Plays Both Sides – Two-Faced Behavior

People who act differently in front of others often struggle with genuine relationships. This aligns with research on Machiavellianism, which describes individuals who manipulate others for personal gain (Christie & Geis, 1970).

12. Lack of Real Depth – Conversations Stay Shallow

Superficial conversations often indicate a reluctance to form deep emotional connections. Research suggests that meaningful conversations are linked to increased well-being and stronger social bonds (Mehl et al., 2010).

13. Quick to Judge – Always Criticizing Others

Excessive criticism can be a defense mechanism. According to projection theory, people who are highly critical of others may be projecting their own insecurities (Freud, 1911).

14. Competes With You – Tries to One-Up Everything You Do

A competitive attitude can stem from low self-esteem. Studies show that people who engage in social comparison often experience decreased self-worth (Festinger, 1954).

15. Dismissive of Your Success – Downplays Your Achievements

Envy can drive fake friends to belittle others’ successes. According to Smith et al. (1996), people experiencing envy often downplay others’ achievements to maintain their self-image.

Recognizing these behaviors can help protect against manipulation and toxic relationships. Building connections with authentic, empathetic individuals fosters trust and emotional well-being. If you notice these signs in someone, it may be beneficial to set boundaries and prioritize relationships that bring genuine support and positivity.

John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW, is a seasoned clinical social worker with over 25 years of experience, serving the London, Kentucky area through Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health, LLC. Known for his compassionate approach and commitment to quality care, Mr. Collier supports individuals and families with a focus on mental health and well-being. He is available for professional inquiries at (606) 657–0532, extension 101, or by email at [email protected].

References

  • Batson, C. D., et al. (1997). “Empathy and Prosocial Behavior.” Psychological Bulletin.
  • Baumeister, R. F., & Leary, M. R. (1995). “The Need to Belong: Desire for Interpersonal Attachments as a Fundamental Human Motivation.” Psychological Bulletin.
  • Christie, R., & Geis, F. (1970). Studies in Machiavellianism. Academic Press.
  • Ekman, P., & Friesen, W. V. (1982). “Felt, False, and Miserable Smiles.” Journal of Nonverbal Behavior.
  • Festinger, L. (1954). “A Theory of Social Comparison Processes.” Human Relations.
  • Foster, E. K. (2004). “Research on Gossip: Taxonomy, Methods, and Future Directions.” Review of General Psychology.
  • Freud, S. (1911). “Psychoanalytic Notes on an Autobiographical Account of a Case of Paranoia.” The Standard Edition of the Complete Psychological Works of Sigmund Freud.
  • Jones, E. E. (1990). Interpersonal Perception. W.H. Freeman.
  • Mehl, M. R., et al. (2010). “Eavesdropping on Happiness: Well-Being is Related to Having Less Small Talk and More Substantive Conversations.” Psychological Science.
  • Scopelliti, I., et al. (2015). “You Call It Self-Exuberance; I Call It Bragging.” Psychological Science.
  • Snyder, M. (1974). “Self-Monitoring of Expressive Behavior.” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
  • Sweller, J. (1988). “Cognitive Load During Problem Solving: Effects on Learning.” Cognitive Science.
  • Weiner, B. (1986). An Attributional Theory of Motivation and Emotion. Springer.
  • Zitek, E. M., et al. (2010). “Victim Entitlement to Behave Selfishly.” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.

The Best Times to Stay Silent: A Simple Guide

Sometimes, staying quiet is the best thing you can do. Knowing when to talk and when to listen can help you avoid trouble, show respect, and even help you feel calmer. This article explains the best times to stay silent and why it matters.

1. During an Argument

When people are angry, they often say things they don’t mean. Studies show that when emotions are high, people don’t think as clearly (Gross, 2002). If you stay silent, you give yourself time to calm down and think before speaking. Experts say that good relationships work better when people take a moment to reflect before responding (Gottman & Silver, 1999).

2. When Someone Else is Talking

Listening is an important skill. People who listen well build stronger relationships (Brownell, 2012). If you interrupt or talk over someone, they may feel like you don’t care about what they are saying. Staying quiet while they speak shows respect and helps you understand them better.

3. When Dealing with the Law

If you ever talk to the police, staying silent until you have a lawyer is a smart choice. In the U.S., the Fifth Amendment allows people to stay quiet so they don’t say something that could be used against them (Miranda v. Arizona, 1966). Lawyers suggest staying silent until you have legal help (Dressler, 2019).

4. When You Don’t Know the Facts

If you don’t know much about a topic, it’s better to listen and learn instead of guessing. Studies show that people who think they know everything often make mistakes (Dunning & Kruger, 1999). Staying quiet until you know the facts makes you look smarter and helps avoid spreading wrong information.

5. When You Need to Think

Silence is good for your mind. Meditation and quiet time can help reduce stress and make you feel better (Kabat-Zinn, 1994). Taking time to think and reflect can help you make better decisions and understand your feelings.

6. When Silence Can Prevent a Fight

Sometimes, saying nothing is the best way to stop a fight from getting worse. Studies show that people who stay calm and quiet can help prevent arguments from getting out of control (Bushman, 2002). This works well in school, at home, and in public places.

7. When Words Could Hurt Someone

If your words might hurt someone’s feelings, it may be better to stay quiet. When people are sad or going through a hard time, they may not need advice—they just need someone to listen (Neimeyer, 2001). Sometimes, silence is the best way to show kindness.

Silence isn’t just the absence of words—it’s a powerful way to think, listen, and stay out of trouble. Whether you’re in an argument, learning something new, or dealing with a tough situation, knowing when to stay quiet can make life better.

John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW, is a seasoned clinical social worker with over 25 years of experience, serving the London, Kentucky area through Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health, LLC. Known for his compassionate approach and commitment to quality care, Mr. Collier supports individuals and families with a focus on mental health and well-being. He is available for professional inquiries at (606) 657–0532, extension 101, or by email at [email protected].

References

  • Brownell, J. (2012). Listening: Attitudes, Principles, and Skills (5th ed.). Pearson.
  • Bushman, B. J. (2002). “Reducing Aggression: The Benefits of Delaying Retaliatory Responses.” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 82(5), 867-877.
  • Dressler, J. (2019). Understanding Criminal Law (8th ed.). Carolina Academic Press.
  • Dunning, D., & Kruger, J. (1999). “Unskilled and Unaware of It: How Difficulties in Recognizing One’s Own Incompetence Lead to Inflated Self-Assessments.” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 77(6), 1121-1134.
  • Gottman, J., & Silver, N. (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Three Rivers Press.
  • Gross, J. J. (2002). “Emotion Regulation: Affective, Cognitive, and Social Consequences.” Psychophysiology, 39(3), 281-291.
  • Kabat-Zinn, J. (1994). Wherever You Go, There You Are: Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life. Hyperion.
  • Neimeyer, R. A. (2001). Meaning Reconstruction and the Experience of Loss. American Psychological Association.