Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health, LLC

Tag Acceptance

How Long Does It Take to Get Over a Divorce? A 2–3 Year Recovery Timeline

Divorce is more than the legal dissolution of a marriage—it is an emotional unraveling of a life built with another person. The aftermath can feel like grieving a death, as individuals often mourn not only the loss of the relationship but also the future they once envisioned. While recovery is highly individual, mental health professionals and research suggest it typically takes two to three years to emotionally recover from a divorce (Sbarra et al., 2015; Anderson, 2020).

Divorce as a Grief Process

The emotional journey after divorce mirrors the classic grief process, first identified by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, which includes denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These stages are not always linear, and individuals may move back and forth through them multiple times:

  • Denial: “This can’t be happening.” A person may struggle to accept the end of the relationship, often clinging to hope for reconciliation.
  • Anger: Anger at the ex-partner, the situation, or even oneself is common. This can manifest as blame, resentment, or emotional outbursts.
  • Bargaining: One might dwell on “what ifs” and attempt to reverse or reframe the situation mentally.
  • Depression: Feelings of deep sadness, isolation, and hopelessness are frequent in this phase. This is often the most painful and longest-lasting stage.
  • Acceptance: With time, individuals begin to accept the reality of the divorce, make peace with it, and start moving forward.

Grieving a marriage is complex because it involves the loss of a partner, a routine, a shared identity, and sometimes a social circle. It also often requires adjusting to co-parenting, financial shifts, and living alone—each with its own emotional weight.

Year-by-Year Breakdown: What Recovery Often Looks Like

While timelines can vary, many divorced individuals follow a general pattern of recovery over the course of two to three years.

Year 1: Survival and Emotional Overload

  • Focus: Immediate adjustment
  • Emotions: Shock, sadness, anger, anxiety
  • Tasks: Coping with the legal process, adjusting to new routines, managing finances, navigating co-parenting
  • Support needs: Therapy, legal guidance, emotional support

This first year is about survival. Many experience emotional swings and feel as though they’re constantly reacting to stress. It is not unusual for individuals to question their worth, experience sleep or appetite changes, and feel overwhelmed by daily tasks.

Year 2: Processing and Restructuring

  • Focus: Emotional healing and reflection
  • Emotions: Sadness may remain but is often less intense; occasional nostalgia, emerging clarity
  • Tasks: Grieving what was lost, exploring independence, testing new routines or relationships
  • Support needs: Continued counseling, support groups, rebuilding social circles

This year often marks the transition from raw pain to reflection. Individuals start reclaiming their identity outside of the marriage. Many begin asking deeper questions: “Who am I now?” or “What do I want going forward?” It’s a year of inner work and growth.

Year 3: Acceptance and Rebuilding

  • Focus: Growth and reinvention
  • Emotions: Increased stability, hope, confidence
  • Tasks: Setting new life goals, forming deeper relationships, solidifying new routines
  • Support needs: Life coaching, career development, future planning

By the third year, many report feeling more like themselves again—or even better versions of themselves. There may still be emotional flare-ups, especially around anniversaries or when co-parenting challenges arise, but these moments are typically less intense and more manageable. Individuals often begin to thrive rather than just survive.

Factors That Influence the Timeline

Several variables can affect how long it takes to recover from divorce:

  • Who initiated the divorce: Initiators may begin grieving earlier and move on faster (Hetherington & Kelly, 2002).
  • Length and intensity of the marriage: Longer and more emotionally enmeshed relationships may take longer to mourn.
  • Presence of children: Co-parenting can extend emotional entanglement and complicate healing.
  • Support network: Emotional support from friends, family, or therapists can significantly reduce the length of suffering.
  • Mental health history: Individuals with anxiety, depression, or trauma history may take longer to recover.

Divorce is a deeply painful process that takes time to heal. The emotional recovery typically spans two to three years, with each year serving a unique role in helping individuals grieve, rebuild, and eventually embrace a new chapter. Understanding the grief process and the phases of recovery can help normalize the experience and empower individuals to move through it with hope and resilience.

John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW, is a seasoned clinical social worker with over 25 years of experience, serving the London, Kentucky area through Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health, LLC. Known for his compassionate approach and commitment to quality care, Mr. Collier supports individuals and families with a focus on mental health and well-being. He is available for professional inquiries at (606) 657–0532, extension 101, or by email at [email protected].

References

  • Anderson, R. (2020). Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You. Da Capo Press.
  • Holmes, T. H., & Rahe, R. H. (1967). The social readjustment rating scale. Journal of Psychosomatic Research, 11(2), 213–218.
  • Hetherington, E. M., & Kelly, J. (2002). For Better or For Worse: Divorce Reconsidered. W. W. Norton & Company.
  • Sbarra, D. A., Hasselmo, K., & Bourassa, K. J. (2015). Divorce and health: Beyond individual differences. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 24(2), 109–113.
  • Kübler-Ross, E., & Kessler, D. (2005). On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss. Scribner.

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I Can’t stand being told “No”: How to Accept “No” as an Answer from Your Parents

Hearing “no” from your parents can be frustrating, especially when you feel like their decision is unfair or unnecessary. However, learning how to accept “no” as an answer is an important life skill that helps build self-control, patience, and resilience. Understanding why parents say “no” and developing strategies to handle it maturely can improve your relationship with them and help you navigate life’s challenges more effectively.

Why Do Parents Say “No”?

Your parents’ job is to guide and protect you, which means they sometimes have to set limits. Research shows that parental boundaries help teens develop better decision-making skills and prevent impulsive behaviors (Baumrind, 1991). Some common reasons parents say “no” include:

  • Safety Concerns – They want to protect you from harm.
  • Financial Reasons – Some requests may be too expensive.
  • Time Management – They may want you to focus on school, sleep, or family time.
  • Moral or Ethical Concerns – They may be trying to instill values in you.

While it might feel unfair in the moment, their decisions are often made with your best interests in mind.

How to Accept “No” Without Getting Upset

1. Take a Deep Breath and Stay Calm

Reacting with anger or frustration can escalate the situation. Instead, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts. Studies on emotional regulation suggest that deep breathing can help reduce stress and improve self-control (Gross, 1998).

2. Listen to Their Explanation

Rather than immediately arguing, listen to your parents’ reasoning. Even if you disagree, understanding their perspective shows maturity and respect. Research on family communication highlights that active listening improves relationships and problem-solving (Smetana, 2011).

3. Ask Questions Respectfully

If you don’t understand why they said no, ask calmly:

  • “Can you help me understand why this isn’t a good idea?”
  • “Is there a way I can prove I’m responsible enough?”

This approach shows that you respect their decision while seeking clarity.

4. Accept Their Decision Without Arguing

Sometimes, your parents’ answer won’t change no matter what. Instead of continuing to argue, acknowledge their response and move on. Constant arguing can lead to unnecessary conflict and resentment (Grusec & Goodnow, 1994).

5. Find an Alternative or Compromise

If their decision affects something important to you, try proposing a compromise. For example:

  • If they say no to going out late, suggest coming home earlier.
  • If they say no to buying something expensive, offer to contribute your own money.

Finding a middle ground can show your responsibility and willingness to cooperate.

6. Remember That “No” is Not Personal

It’s easy to feel like a “no” means your parents don’t trust or care about you, but that’s not the case. Their decisions are often based on experience and concern for your well-being. Studies show that teens who perceive parental rules as caring rather than controlling develop healthier independence (Deci & Ryan, 1985).

7. Focus on the Bigger Picture

In the moment, getting a “no” may feel like the end of the world, but ask yourself:

  • Will this still matter a week from now?
  • Is this decision really unfair, or just disappointing?

Practicing perspective-taking helps you handle setbacks in a more balanced way (Hoffman, 2000).

Accepting “no” as an answer from your parents is tough, but it’s a valuable skill that will benefit you throughout life. Learning to stay calm, listen, and respond respectfully helps build stronger relationships, develop patience, and prove your maturity. Even when you don’t agree with their decision, handling it well can lead to more trust and independence in the future.

This article has been written by John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW-S. Mr. Collier has over 25 years of experience in the Socia Work field. He currently serves as the Executive Director of Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health, LLC based out of London Kentucky. He may be reached at (606) 657-0532 or by email at [email protected].

References

  • Baumrind, D. (1991). The influence of parenting style on adolescent competence and substance use. Journal of Early Adolescence, 11(1), 56-95.
  • Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (1985). Intrinsic motivation and self-determination in human behavior. Springer.
  • Gross, J. J. (1998). The emerging field of emotion regulation: An integrative review. Review of General Psychology, 2(3), 271-299.
  • Grusec, J. E., & Goodnow, J. J. (1994). Impact of parental discipline methods on the child’s internalization of values. Developmental Psychology, 30(1), 4-19.
  • Hoffman, M. L. (2000). Empathy and moral development: Implications for caring and justice. Cambridge University Press.
  • Smetana, J. G. (2011). Adolescents, families, and social development: How teens construct their worlds. Wiley.
How to Not Take Yourself So Seriously: A Guide to Lightening Up

In a fast-paced, achievement-driven world, it’s easy to get caught up in taking life—and ourselves—too seriously. Whether it’s at work, in relationships, or during personal challenges, an overly serious attitude can lead to stress, anxiety, and even hinder personal growth. Learning how to lighten up, laugh at yourself, and maintain perspective can lead to a healthier, more fulfilling life.

Why Do We Take Ourselves So Seriously?

Several psychological and social factors contribute to the tendency to take ourselves too seriously. These include perfectionism, societal expectations, fear of judgment, and a desire to control outcomes. Psychologist Albert Ellis, known for his Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), emphasized that people often create unnecessary stress by setting rigid expectations for themselves and others, leading to feelings of frustration and disappointment (Ellis, 1997).

Cultural pressure also plays a role. In societies where productivity, success, and personal achievement are highly valued, the stakes can feel incredibly high. Individuals often feel the need to maintain a “perfect” image, fearing that any sign of failure or imperfection will be judged harshly by others.

Benefits of Not Taking Yourself Too Seriously

Letting go of self-seriousness offers numerous psychological and emotional benefits. According to research published in the journal *Personality and Individual Differences*, individuals who exhibit higher levels of self-compassion and humor tend to have lower levels of anxiety and depression, and are better able to cope with challenges (Stieger, Wellinger, & Roberts, 2019).

By allowing yourself to laugh at your mistakes and imperfections, you gain resilience. Instead of seeing failures as personal shortcomings, you can view them as opportunities for growth. Humor, in particular, serves as a powerful coping mechanism in difficult situations, reducing stress and enhancing well-being.

Practical Strategies to Stop Taking Yourself Too Seriously

Here are some evidence-based strategies to help you lighten up:

  • 1. Practice Self-Compassion: Kristin Neff, a leading researcher on self-compassion, emphasizes the importance of treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer a friend. Instead of berating yourself for mistakes or perceived failures, remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes and that imperfection is part of being human (Neff, 2011).
  • 2. Develop a Growth Mindset: Psychologist Carol Dweck’s work on mindset shows that individuals who adopt a “growth mindset” (believing that abilities and intelligence can be developed through effort) are more likely to embrace challenges and view failures as learning experiences. This approach fosters resilience and reduces the pressure to appear flawless (Dweck, 2006).
  • 3. Laugh at Yourself: Humor is a powerful tool for diffusing stress and putting things into perspective. Laughter can help you step outside of a situation, view it objectively, and reduce its emotional impact. Embracing humor also helps break down social barriers, making you more relatable and less self-conscious (Martin, 2007).
  • 4. Challenge Perfectionistic Thinking:    Perfectionism is a major driver of self-seriousness. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) techniques can help individuals recognize and challenge perfectionistic thinking patterns. Instead of striving for unrealistic standards, set achievable goals and learn to accept good-enough outcomes (Flett & Hewitt, 2014).
  • 5. Focus on the Bigger Picture: A common reason people take themselves too seriously is getting lost in the minutiae of daily life. Step back and ask yourself: Will this matter in a year? In five years? This practice of reframing helps you gain perspective and reduces the immediate intensity of situations.
  • 6. Surround Yourself with Positive, Humorous People: The people you surround yourself with have a big impact on your attitude. If you spend time with people who can laugh at themselves and take life in stride, their lighthearted approach is likely to rub off on you. Social support is a key factor in maintaining mental and emotional well-being (Cohen & Wills, 1985).
  • 7. Mindfulness and Meditation: Mindfulness practices help cultivate awareness of the present moment without judgment. This helps reduce over-identification with negative thoughts and fosters a more relaxed approach to life’s challenges. Studies show that mindfulness can significantly lower stress and improve overall mental health (Kabat-Zinn, 1990).
  • The Role of Humor in Letting Go: Humor has long been recognized as a powerful psychological tool. Sigmund Freud believed that humor allowed the conscious mind to release tension and cope with stress. Modern research supports this idea, suggesting that humor promotes psychological flexibility, which is the ability to adapt to different situations with ease (Kashdan & Rottenberg, 2010). Humor also creates social bonds. When you’re able to laugh at your own quirks and mishaps, it shows humility and relatability, making it easier for others to connect with you. This not only improves your relationships but also boosts your own sense of well-being.

Not taking yourself too seriously is a skill that can be developed over time. By practicing self-compassion, adopting a growth mindset, using humor, and focusing on the bigger picture, you can reduce stress and cultivate a more joyful, resilient approach to life. Embrace imperfection, laugh at your mistakes, and remember that life is too short to be taken too seriously.

This article has been written by John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW. Mr. Collier has over 25 years of experience in the social work. He currently serves as the executive director and outpatient behavioral health psychotherapist through Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health, LLC based out of London Kentucky. He may be reached by phone at 606-657-0532 extension 101 or by email at [email protected].

References

  • Cohen, S., & Wills, T. A. (1985). Stress, social support, and the buffering hypothesis. *Psychological Bulletin*, 98(2), 310-357.
  • Dweck, C. S. (2006). *Mindset: The new psychology of success*. Random House.
  • Ellis, A. (1997). *How to Control Your Anxiety Before It Controls You*. Citadel Press.
  • Flett, G. L., & Hewitt, P. L. (2014). *Perfectionism in Personality and Psychopathology: A Vulnerability Perspective*. American Psychological Association.
  • Kabat-Zinn, J. (1990). *Full Catastrophe Living: Using the Wisdom of Your Body and Mind to Face Stress, Pain, and Illness*. Delacorte Press.
  • Kashdan, T. B., & Rottenberg, J. (2010). Psychological flexibility as a fundamental aspect of health. *Clinical Psychology Review*, 30(7), 865-878.
  • Martin, R. A. (2007). *The Psychology of Humor: An Integrative Approach*. Academic Press.
  • Neff, K. (2011). *Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself*. HarperCollins.
  • Stieger, S., Wellinger, S., & Roberts, B. W. (2019). Humor as a stress coping strategy. *Personality and Individual Differences*, 147, 35-40.
Understanding the Differences Between an Individualized Education Plan (IEP) and a 504 Plan

For parents of children with disabilities or special needs, understanding the options available under federal laws can be crucial for ensuring that their child receives appropriate educational support. Two common frameworks—Individualized Education Plans (IEPs) and 504 Plans—offer accommodating and services for students, but they serve different purposes and fall under separate laws. This article explains the key differences to help parents make informed decisions about their child’s education.

Overview of IEPs and 504 Plans

What is an IEP?

An Individualized Education Plan (IEP) is a customized program created for students who qualify for special education under the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA). This plan is designed to meet the unique needs of a student with a qualifying disability that impacts their ability to learn in a general education setting.

• Legal Framework: Governed by IDEA, a federal law ensuring services for students with disabilities (U.S. Department of Education, 2021).

• Eligibility: Requires a specific disability as defined under IDEA (e.g., autism, ADHD, speech/language impairments) that adversely affects educational performance.

What is a 504 Plan?

A 504 Plan provides accommodations to ensure that students with disabilities have equal access to education. Unlike an IEP, it does not include specialized instruction but focuses on removing barriers in the learning environment.

• Legal Framework: Governed by Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act of 1973, which prohibits discrimination based on disability (U.S. Department of Education, 2020).

• Eligibility: Covers a broader range of disabilities that substantially limit one or more major life activities, including learning.

Key Differences Between an IEP and a 504 Plan

Feature IEP 504 Plan

Law IDEA Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act

Purpose Provides specialized instruction and related services. Provides accommodations to access the general education curriculum.

Eligibility Must have a qualifying disability under IDEA that impacts educational performance. Requires a disability that substantially limits one or more major life activities.

Services Includes specialized education services, therapies, and accommodations. Focuses solely on accommodations like extended time, preferential seating, or assistive devices.

Plan Development Developed by an IEP team, including parents, teachers, and specialists. Created by a school team, often with fewer formal requirements for input.

Review Process Reviewed annually, with a re-evaluation every three years. Typically reviewed annually but less formalized.

Examples of Support

IEP Services

• Specialized instruction in reading, math, or other subjects.

• Speech and language therapy.

• Behavioral interventions or supports.

• Physical or occupational therapy.

504 Plan Accommodations

• Extended time for tests and assignments.

• Preferential seating to reduce distractions.

• Access to assistive technology.

• Modified class schedules or reduced homework.

Which Plan is Right for My Child?

When to Consider an IEP

If your child has a disability that requires specialized instruction, an IEP might be the better option. This plan is tailored to address significant learning challenges and includes measurable goals and objectives to track progress.

When to Consider a 504 Plan

A 504 Plan may be appropriate for children who can succeed in a general education setting with specific accommodations. For example, a child with ADHD who needs extra time to complete tests but does not require specialized instruction could benefit from a 504 Plan.

How to Begin the Process

1. Request an Evaluation: Parents can request an evaluation through their child’s school to determine eligibility for an IEP or a 504 Plan.

2. Collaborate with the School Team: Work with teachers, counselors, and administrators to determine which plan best meets your child’s needs.

3. Review and Advocate: Regularly review the plan to ensure it continues to address your child’s needs. Do not hesitate to advocate for changes if necessary.

Both IEPs and 504 Plans are valuable tools to help students with disabilities succeed in school. Understanding the differences between these plans allows parents to better advocate for their child’s educational rights and ensure they receive the support they need to thrive.

This article has been written by John Collier, MSW, LCSW.

References

• U.S. Department of Education. (2021). Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA). Retrieved from https://www.ed.gov

• U.S. Department of Education. (2020). Section 504, Rehabilitation Act of 1973. Retrieved from https://www.ed.gov

• Wright, P. W. D., & Wright, P. (2020). Wrightslaw: Special Education Law, 2nd Edition. Harbor House Law Press.

• Bateman, B., & Linden, M. A. (2021). Better IEPs: How to Develop Legally Correct and Educationally Useful Programs. Attainment Company.

• Zirkel, P. A. (2022). The overlap and differences between Section 504 and IDEA. Journal of Special Education Leadership, 35(2), 88-96.