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Understanding Impulsivity: A Guide for Teens

Impulsivity is a term that you might have heard before, but what does it really mean, and how does it affect your life? For teenagers, understanding impulsivity is especially important because the teenage years are a time of significant brain development and decision-making. Let’s break it down.

What is Impulsivity?

Impulsivity refers to acting on a whim or without thinking about the consequences. It’s when you make a decision or take action quickly, without pausing to consider whether it’s a good idea or not. While everyone acts impulsively sometimes, for some people, impulsivity happens more often and can lead to challenges in school, relationships, and personal growth.

Why Are Teens More Impulsive?

During your teenage years, your brain is still developing, especially the prefrontal cortex—the part of your brain responsible for decision-making, planning, and self-control. Meanwhile, the amygdala, which drives emotions and impulsive reactions, is highly active. This imbalance can make it harder to think through actions before you take them. It’s not your fault—it’s just how your brain works during this stage of life (Casey et al., 2008; Steinberg, 2013).

Examples of Impulsivity

Impulsivity can show up in different ways, such as:

  • Blurting out answers in class before the teacher finishes the question.
  • Interrupting conversations without waiting for your turn to speak.
  • Taking risks, like skipping homework to play video games or trying something dangerous without thinking about safety.
  • Spending money quickly on things you don’t need instead of saving for something important.

Positive and Negative Sides of Impulsivity

Impulsivity isn’t always a bad thing. Sometimes, being spontaneous can lead to exciting experiences, like trying a new hobby or making a new friend. However, when impulsivity leads to poor choices or harmful consequences, it becomes a problem.

For instance, acting on an impulse might result in:

  • Getting into arguments because you said something without thinking.
  • Losing trust with friends or family because of reckless decisions.
  • Struggling with schoolwork due to procrastination or distractions.

How to Manage Impulsivity

The good news is that you can learn to manage impulsivity with practice and support. Here are some strategies:

  1. Pause Before Acting: When you feel the urge to act quickly, count to ten or take a deep breath. This gives your brain time to catch up and think.
  2. Set Goals: Having clear goals can help you focus and avoid impulsive decisions that might derail your plans.
  3. Practice Self-Reflection: After making a decision, reflect on what went well and what you could improve next time.
  4. Ask for Help: Talk to a trusted adult, teacher, or counselor if impulsivity is causing problems in your life.

When to Seek Support

If impulsivity is making it hard for you to succeed in school, maintain friendships, or stay safe, it’s important to reach out for help. Conditions like ADHD (Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder) are often linked with impulsivity, and professionals can offer tools and treatments to help manage it (American Psychiatric Association, 2013; Barkley, 2015).

Conclusion

Impulsivity is a natural part of being a teenager, but it doesn’t have to control your life. By understanding why it happens and using strategies to manage it, you can make smarter decisions and take control of your actions. Remember, it’s okay to ask for help when you need it—your future self will thank you.

This article has been written by John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW. Mr. Collier has over 25 years of experience in the Social Work field. He currently serves as the Executive Director and Outpatient Behavioral Health Therapist at Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health, LLC based out of London Kentucky. Me may be reached at (606) 657-0532 Ext 101 or by email [email protected].

References

American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.). Washington, DC: Author.

Barkley, R. A. (2015). Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder: A handbook for diagnosis and treatment (4th ed.). New York, NY: Guilford Press.

Casey, B. J., Jones, R. M., & Hare, T. A. (2008). The adolescent brain. Annals of the New York Academy of Sciences, 1124(1), 111–126. https://doi.org/10.1196/annals.1440.010

Diamond, A. (2013). Executive functions. Annual Review of Psychology, 64, 135–168. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev-psych-113011-143750

Steinberg, L. (2013). The influence of neuroscience on US Supreme Court decisions about adolescents’ criminal culpability. Nature Reviews Neuroscience, 14(7), 513–518. https://doi.org/10.1038/nrn3509

Tamm, L., & Nakonezny, P. A. (2020). Executive function and impulsivity in adolescent decision making. Journal of Adolescence, 80, 64–70. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.adolescence.2020.02.003

How Teens Can Manipulate Their Parents and Why They May Do So

Teenagers are in a developmental stage marked by significant emotional, cognitive, and social growth. As they strive for independence, teens may sometimes use manipulation as a tool to influence their parents and achieve their desires. This article explores common manipulative tactics employed by teens, the psychological reasons behind such behaviors, and strategies parents can use to recognize and address manipulation.

Understanding Manipulative Behaviors

Manipulation is a way of influencing or controlling another person’s actions, emotions, or decisions, often through subtle or indirect means. Teens may manipulate their parents intentionally or unconsciously, employing tactics that exploit parental emotions or expectations.

Some common methods of manipulation include:

  1. Guilt-Tripping: Teens may remind parents of sacrifices made for them or accuse them of being unfair to induce guilt and compliance.
  2. Playing Parents Against Each Other: Also known as triangulation, this involves giving conflicting information to parents to gain an advantage.
  3. Emotional Outbursts: Using anger, tears, or withdrawal to wear down parental resistance.
  4. Feigning Helplessness: Pretending to be unable to complete tasks or solve problems independently to garner assistance or attention.
  5. Promises and Bargaining: Offering to behave better or fulfill obligations in the future in exchange for immediate rewards.

Why Teens Manipulate Their Parents

Manipulative behavior in teenagers often stems from a combination of psychological and environmental factors. The motivations behind such actions can be complex and multifaceted, including:

  1. Desire for Independence
    Adolescence is a time of seeking autonomy. Teens may manipulate parents to gain freedoms they perceive as a step toward adulthood, such as staying out later or having fewer rules. Cognitive Development: During adolescence, the prefrontal cortex (responsible for decision-making and impulse control) is still developing. This immaturity can lead to impulsive decisions, including manipulative behaviors (Blakemore, 2018).
  2. Testing Boundaries
    Teens often test limits to determine how much control they can exert in family dynamics. Manipulation allows them to assess which behaviors lead to favorable outcomes.
  3. Emotional Needs
    Manipulation may signal unmet emotional needs, such as a desire for attention, affection, or validation. Teens struggling with self-esteem or feelings of neglect may resort to manipulative tactics to secure parental involvement.
  4. Avoidance of Consequences
    By deflecting blame or appealing to emotions, teens can avoid facing the repercussions of their actions, such as punishment or accountability.
  5. Peer Influence
    Social dynamics and peer pressure may drive teens to manipulate parents to obtain material goods or freedoms that align with peer group norms.

Recognizing and Addressing Manipulation

Parents can mitigate manipulation by cultivating awareness and adopting strategies that foster healthy communication and boundaries.

  1. Recognize Patterns
    Identifying recurring manipulative behaviors is crucial. Parents should pay attention to tactics like guilt-tripping or emotional outbursts and consider whether their responses reinforce these behaviors.
  2. Set Clear Boundaries
    Establishing and consistently enforcing boundaries helps teens understand acceptable behaviors. Clear rules reduce ambiguity, minimizing opportunities for manipulation.
  3. Encourage Open Communication
    Teens may manipulate because they feel their needs or opinions are not heard. Creating a safe space for honest conversations fosters trust and reduces the likelihood of deceptive tactics.
  4. Model Assertive Behavior
    Parents can demonstrate assertiveness by responding calmly and firmly to manipulation. Refraining from emotional reactions helps de-escalate situations.
  5. Teach Emotional Regulation
    Supporting teens in managing their emotions equips them with healthier ways to express their needs and frustrations without resorting to manipulation.
  6. Seek Professional Support
    If manipulation stems from deeper issues, such as anxiety or trauma, consulting a therapist can provide valuable insights and interventions.

Teen manipulation is often a natural byproduct of adolescence, reflecting their developmental quest for independence and self-expression. While such behavior can challenge parental authority, it also offers opportunities to strengthen family relationships through improved communication and boundary-setting. By understanding the reasons behind manipulative actions and addressing them constructively, parents can guide their teens toward healthier interpersonal skills.

This article was written by John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW. Mr. Collier has over 25 years of experience in the social work field. He currently serves as the executive director and outpatient therapist for Southeast Kentucky Behavior Heath, LLC based out of London Kentucky. He may be reached by phone at (606) 657-0532 extension 101 or by email at [email protected].

References

  • Blakemore, S.-J. (2018). Inventing Ourselves: The Secret Life of the Teenage Brain. PublicAffairs.
  • Steinberg, L. (2014). Age of Opportunity: Lessons from the New Science of Adolescence. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt.
  • Grolnick, W. S., & Seal, K. (2020). Parenting Practices that Promote Intrinsic Motivation in Adolescents. Journal of Adolescence and Youth Development, 42(3), 295–310.
  • American Psychological Association. (2020). Understanding Adolescents: The Importance of Brain Development. Retrieved from www.apa.org
Does my teenager act “Entitled”? Understanding and Addressing Entitlement

Parents often encounter behavior in their teenagers that feels entitled—expecting special treatment, assuming privileges without effort, or displaying frustration when things don’t go their way. These behaviors can be confusing and frustrating, especially when parents aim to raise respectful, independent, and resilient young adults. Understanding what “entitlement” truly means, why it arises during adolescence, and how to address it can help parents navigate this challenging aspect of development.

1. Defining Entitlement in Teenagers

Entitlement is generally defined as an expectation of special treatment or privileges without reciprocal effort, responsibility, or appreciation. An “entitled” teenager may assume that their needs should come first, express frustration when they don’t get what they want, or expect rewards for minimal effort. This mindset can lead to struggles in relationships, academic settings, and future work environments if not addressed (Twenge & Campbell, 2009).

However, it’s important to distinguish normal adolescent self-focus from true entitlement. Adolescence is a time when teens are naturally centered on themselves as they explore their identities and seek independence. This phase of self-centeredness doesn’t always equal entitlement but can appear that way if certain behaviors aren’t balanced with empathy, responsibility, and appreciation.

2. Why Does Entitlement Develop in Teenagers?

Several factors contribute to the development of entitlement in teenagers, including societal influences, parenting styles, and the natural developmental processes of adolescence. Recognizing these influences can help parents understand the root causes and address entitlement more effectively.

A. Brain Development and the Adolescent Mindset

During the teenage years, the brain undergoes significant changes, particularly in areas responsible for impulse control and emotional regulation. This makes teens more focused on their immediate needs and desires, which can amplify entitled behaviors (Blakemore, 2018). Teens’ developing brains make it harder for them to weigh long-term consequences, so they may seek instant gratification and resist responsibility or hard work (Siegel, 2013).

B. Influence of Consumer Culture and Social Media

Teenagers are constantly exposed to social media and advertising that promotes instant gratification, materialism, and a “have-it-all” mentality. These messages can reinforce a sense of entitlement by suggesting that everyone deserves the latest trend, special treatment, or success without much effort (APA, 2019). Social media can also create unrealistic comparisons, making teens feel entitled to lifestyles or privileges similar to those they see online (Pew Research Center, 2018).

C. Parenting Styles and Overprotection

Overly permissive or “helicopter” parenting can unintentionally foster entitlement. When parents shield teens from responsibility or clear obstacles in their path, teens may begin to assume that life should always go smoothly and that they deserve special accommodations (Lythcott-Haims, 2015). While parental support is vital, balancing it with appropriate expectations and responsibilities is key to avoiding entitled attitudes.

3. Signs of Entitlement in Teenagers

Recognizing entitlement in teens can sometimes be tricky, as it may overlap with normal adolescent behaviors. However, certain patterns can indicate entitlement:

  • Lack of Appreciation: They rarely express gratitude or acknowledge the efforts others make on their behalf.
  • Avoiding Responsibilities: They expect privileges without putting in the required effort or fulfilling responsibilities, like household chores or academic work.
  • Resistance to “No”: They struggle to handle denial, setbacks, or limitations, often reacting with frustration or defiance.
  • Sense of Deserving Special Treatment: They expect special accommodations or assume they should receive rewards for minimal effort (Twenge & Campbell, 2009).

These behaviors can often lead to frustration and conflict within the family, as well as difficulties in other social settings, if left unchecked.

4. Addressing and Reducing Entitlement in Teens

Addressing entitlement doesn’t mean stripping teens of their independence or denying them privileges. Instead, it involves setting healthy boundaries, encouraging gratitude, and fostering resilience. Here are some practical strategies:

A. Teach Responsibility Through Consequences

It’s essential to allow teens to experience the natural consequences of their actions. When they make a mistake or avoid responsibilities, allow them to feel the results rather than rescuing them. This helps them understand that privileges and rewards are earned, not automatically granted (Kobliner, 2017).

B. Encourage Empathy and Perspective-Taking

Help your teen understand how their actions impact others by encouraging empathy. Discuss scenarios where they consider others’ perspectives, whether it’s the effort parents put into providing for them or the responsibilities their peers manage. Empathy-building exercises can shift their focus from self-centered expectations to a more balanced view of relationships and responsibilities (Gottman & DeClaire, 1998).

C. Model and Encourage Gratitude

Practicing gratitude has been shown to reduce entitlement and promote well-being. Encourage your teen to regularly acknowledge things they’re thankful for, whether through a gratitude journal or family discussions. When teens recognize what they have, they’re less likely to expect special treatment (Emmons, 2007).

D. Promote a “Growth Mindset”

Carol Dweck’s concept of a “growth mindset” encourages teens to value effort, learning, and resilience rather than expecting instant success or rewards. Emphasize the importance of persistence and improvement rather than immediate outcomes. This helps teens shift their focus from entitlement to personal growth and responsibility (Dweck, 2006).

E. Set Boundaries Around Privileges

Provide structure around privileges by connecting them to responsibilities. For instance, allow certain privileges only when chores, schoolwork, or other tasks are completed. Explain that privileges are not guaranteed but are earned through responsible behavior. This creates a sense of accountability and helps teens see the link between effort and reward (Kobliner, 2017).

5. Understanding Entitlement as a Phase, Not a Personality

It’s important to remember that entitlement in teens is often a temporary phase rather than a permanent personality trait. As teens grow and gain real-world experiences, many naturally outgrow entitlement, developing a greater sense of empathy, gratitude, and responsibility. With consistent guidance, you can support this growth and help them develop into resilient, respectful adults (Siegel, 2013).

Conclusion: Fostering Respect and Responsibility in Place of Entitlement

Navigating entitlement in teenagers can be challenging, but it’s possible to guide them toward a healthier outlook with understanding and the right strategies. By teaching responsibility, modeling gratitude, and promoting empathy, parents can help teens balance their needs with an appreciation for others. Recognizing that entitlement is often a developmental phase can help parents approach the issue with patience, knowing that with guidance, their teen can grow into a more self-aware and considerate young adult.

This article has been written by John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW. Mr. Collier has over 25 years of experience in the social work field and is based in London Kentucky through Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health, LLC. Mr. Collier may be reached by phone at (606) 657–0532 extension 101 or by email at [email protected].

References

  • American Psychological Association. (2019). The Effects of Social Media on Children and Adolescents. APA.
  • Blakemore, S. J. (2018). Inventing Ourselves: The Secret Life of the Teenage Brain. PublicAffairs.
  • Dweck, C. S. (2006). Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. Random House.
  • Emmons, R. A. (2007). Thanks! How Practicing Gratitude Can Make You Happier. Houghton Mifflin.
  • Gottman, J., & DeClaire, J. (1998). Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child. Simon & Schuster.
  • Kobliner, B. (2017). Make Your Kid a Money Genius (Even If You’re Not). Simon & Schuster.
  • Lythcott-Haims, J. (2015). How to Raise an Adult: Break Free of the Overparenting Trap and Prepare Your Kid for Success. Henry Holt and Company.
  • Pew Research Center. (2018). Teens, Social Media & Technology 2018. Pew Research Center.
  • Siegel, D. J. (2013). Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain. TarcherPerigee.
  • Twenge, J. M., & Campbell, W. K. (2009). The Narcissism Epidemic: Living in the Age of Entitlement. Free Press.