Tag relationships

Double Standards in Relationships: What Do They Mean?

In relationships, fairness and equality are crucial for fostering trust and mutual respect. However, the concept of double standards often challenges these principles, creating friction and misunderstandings. A double standard in a relationship occurs when one partner applies different rules, expectations, or judgments to themselves compared to their partner. This imbalance can undermine the relationship’s foundation, leading to dissatisfaction and conflict.

Understanding Double Standards in Relationships

Double standards often manifest in expectations regarding behavior, roles, or responsibilities. These discrepancies can emerge from cultural norms, personal biases, or ingrained beliefs. For example:

  • Gender Roles: Traditional gender roles may result in expectations that men should provide financially while women handle household duties. If a partner criticizes the other for not fulfilling their “role” while not meeting their own responsibilities, it creates an imbalance (Ridgeway & Correll, 2004).
  • Infidelity and Jealousy: One partner may expect forgiveness for flirting or infidelity but become intolerant if the other exhibits similar behavior (Buss, 2017).
  • Freedom and Autonomy: A partner may demand personal space and freedom while controlling or monitoring the other’s activities, reflecting an inequitable power dynamic.

Causes of Double Standards

  1. Cultural Norms and Socialization: Society often reinforces unequal expectations, especially along gender lines. These norms can seep into personal relationships, perpetuating unfair expectations.
  2. Insecurity and Control: Double standards may arise from one partner’s insecurities, leading them to impose stricter rules on the other to feel more secure.
  3. Power Imbalance: When one partner holds more emotional or financial power, they might impose double standards to maintain control (Finkel et al., 2017).

Consequences of Double Standards

  • Erosion of Trust: When one partner perceives an imbalance in expectations, trust is often compromised.
  • Emotional Resentment: The partner subjected to the double standard may feel undervalued or disrespected, fostering resentment.
  • Inequality and Conflict: Unequal standards can lead to arguments, perpetuating a cycle of blame and dissatisfaction.

Addressing Double Standards in Relationships

  1. Open Communication: Partners should discuss their expectations and address perceived inequities.
  2. Mutual Accountability: Both partners must agree to hold themselves to the same standards they expect from each other.
  3. Therapeutic Interventions: Counseling can help identify and address ingrained patterns contributing to double standards (Gottman & Silver, 2015).
  4. Cultural Awareness: Recognizing how societal norms influence personal beliefs can empower individuals to challenge unfair expectations.

Conclusion

Double standards in relationships reflect deeper issues of inequality, insecurity, or societal influence. Addressing these imbalances requires self-awareness, open dialogue, and a commitment to mutual respect. By fostering equality and understanding, couples can create a foundation of fairness and trust, strengthening their bond.

John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW, is a seasoned clinical social worker with over 25 years of experience, serving the London, Kentucky area through Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health, LLC. Known for his compassionate approach and commitment to quality care, Mr. Collier supports individuals and families with a focus on mental health and well-being. He is available for professional inquiries at (606) 657–0532, extension 101, or by email at [email protected].

References

Buss, D. M. (2017). The evolution of desire: Strategies of human mating. Basic Books.

Finkel, E. J., Hui, C. M., Carswell, K. L., & Larson, G. M. (2017). The suffocation of marriage: Climbing Mount Maslow without enough oxygen. Psychological Inquiry, 28(1), 1-41. https://doi.org/10.1080/1047840X.2017.1256692

Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2015). The seven principles for making marriage work. Harmony Books.

Ridgeway, C. L., & Correll, S. J. (2004). Unpacking the gender system: A theoretical perspective on cultural beliefs in social relations. Gender & Society, 18(4), 510-531. https://doi.org/10.1177/0891243204265269

Understanding Impulsivity: A Guide for Teens

Impulsivity is a term that you might have heard before, but what does it really mean, and how does it affect your life? For teenagers, understanding impulsivity is especially important because the teenage years are a time of significant brain development and decision-making. Let’s break it down.

What is Impulsivity?

Impulsivity refers to acting on a whim or without thinking about the consequences. It’s when you make a decision or take action quickly, without pausing to consider whether it’s a good idea or not. While everyone acts impulsively sometimes, for some people, impulsivity happens more often and can lead to challenges in school, relationships, and personal growth.

Why Are Teens More Impulsive?

During your teenage years, your brain is still developing, especially the prefrontal cortex—the part of your brain responsible for decision-making, planning, and self-control. Meanwhile, the amygdala, which drives emotions and impulsive reactions, is highly active. This imbalance can make it harder to think through actions before you take them. It’s not your fault—it’s just how your brain works during this stage of life (Casey et al., 2008; Steinberg, 2013).

Examples of Impulsivity

Impulsivity can show up in different ways, such as:

  • Blurting out answers in class before the teacher finishes the question.
  • Interrupting conversations without waiting for your turn to speak.
  • Taking risks, like skipping homework to play video games or trying something dangerous without thinking about safety.
  • Spending money quickly on things you don’t need instead of saving for something important.

Positive and Negative Sides of Impulsivity

Impulsivity isn’t always a bad thing. Sometimes, being spontaneous can lead to exciting experiences, like trying a new hobby or making a new friend. However, when impulsivity leads to poor choices or harmful consequences, it becomes a problem.

For instance, acting on an impulse might result in:

  • Getting into arguments because you said something without thinking.
  • Losing trust with friends or family because of reckless decisions.
  • Struggling with schoolwork due to procrastination or distractions.

How to Manage Impulsivity

The good news is that you can learn to manage impulsivity with practice and support. Here are some strategies:

  1. Pause Before Acting: When you feel the urge to act quickly, count to ten or take a deep breath. This gives your brain time to catch up and think.
  2. Set Goals: Having clear goals can help you focus and avoid impulsive decisions that might derail your plans.
  3. Practice Self-Reflection: After making a decision, reflect on what went well and what you could improve next time.
  4. Ask for Help: Talk to a trusted adult, teacher, or counselor if impulsivity is causing problems in your life.

When to Seek Support

If impulsivity is making it hard for you to succeed in school, maintain friendships, or stay safe, it’s important to reach out for help. Conditions like ADHD (Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder) are often linked with impulsivity, and professionals can offer tools and treatments to help manage it (American Psychiatric Association, 2013; Barkley, 2015).

Conclusion

Impulsivity is a natural part of being a teenager, but it doesn’t have to control your life. By understanding why it happens and using strategies to manage it, you can make smarter decisions and take control of your actions. Remember, it’s okay to ask for help when you need it—your future self will thank you.

This article has been written by John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW. Mr. Collier has over 25 years of experience in the Social Work field. He currently serves as the Executive Director and Outpatient Behavioral Health Therapist at Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health, LLC based out of London Kentucky. Me may be reached at (606) 657-0532 Ext 101 or by email [email protected].

References

American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.). Washington, DC: Author.

Barkley, R. A. (2015). Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder: A handbook for diagnosis and treatment (4th ed.). New York, NY: Guilford Press.

Casey, B. J., Jones, R. M., & Hare, T. A. (2008). The adolescent brain. Annals of the New York Academy of Sciences, 1124(1), 111–126. https://doi.org/10.1196/annals.1440.010

Diamond, A. (2013). Executive functions. Annual Review of Psychology, 64, 135–168. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev-psych-113011-143750

Steinberg, L. (2013). The influence of neuroscience on US Supreme Court decisions about adolescents’ criminal culpability. Nature Reviews Neuroscience, 14(7), 513–518. https://doi.org/10.1038/nrn3509

Tamm, L., & Nakonezny, P. A. (2020). Executive function and impulsivity in adolescent decision making. Journal of Adolescence, 80, 64–70. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.adolescence.2020.02.003

Am I Able to Be Happy? Understanding the Science and Strategies of Happiness

The pursuit of happiness is a fundamental human aspiration. However, many wonder, “Am I able to be happy?” Understanding happiness, its contributing factors, and strategies to foster it can help answer this question and unlock a more fulfilling life.

What is Happiness?

Happiness is often defined as a state of well-being characterized by positive emotions and life satisfaction (Diener et al., 1985). It encompasses both momentary pleasures and long-term contentment. The “science of happiness” examines how biological, psychological, and social factors influence this emotional state.

The Biology of Happiness

Research indicates that happiness has a genetic component, with up to 50% of individual differences attributed to hereditary factors (Lyubomirsky et al., 2005). This does not mean happiness is predetermined; environmental factors and intentional actions play a significant role in shaping emotional well-being.

Brain chemistry also influences happiness. Neurotransmitters such as dopamine, serotonin, and endorphins are known as the “feel-good chemicals,” regulating mood and promoting positive feelings (Nestler & Malenka, 2004).

Can Everyone Be Happy?

While challenges such as mental health conditions or adverse life circumstances may hinder happiness, research shows that everyone has the potential to experience it. The “happiness set point” theory suggests that people tend to return to a baseline level of happiness after significant life events (Brickman et al., 1978). However, intentional practices can shift this baseline, fostering sustained happiness.

Strategies to Cultivate Happiness

1. Practice Gratitude

Gratitude is a powerful tool for enhancing happiness. Expressing appreciation for the positive aspects of life increases well-being and reduces stress (Emmons & McCullough, 2003).

2. Build Strong Relationships

Social connections are critical for happiness. A study from Harvard found that the quality of relationships is the strongest predictor of life satisfaction (Waldinger & Schulz, 2010). Cultivating meaningful relationships can create emotional support and joy.

3. Engage in Meaningful Activities

Purpose and meaning in life are strongly correlated with happiness (Ryff & Singer, 1998). Engaging in work, hobbies, or volunteerism that aligns with personal values fosters fulfillment and positivity.

4. Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness practices, such as meditation, reduce stress and promote emotional well-being. By focusing on the present, individuals can cultivate a sense of calm and contentment (Kabat-Zinn, 1990).

5. Prioritize Physical Health

Regular exercise, a balanced diet, and adequate sleep improve mood and energy levels. Physical activity, in particular, releases endorphins, known as natural mood enhancers (Herring et al., 2010).

6. Set Realistic Goals

Setting and achieving goals, even small ones, can create a sense of accomplishment and increase happiness. Focusing on progress rather than perfection helps maintain motivation and optimism (Locke & Latham, 2002).

7. Limit Comparisons

Comparing oneself to others often leads to dissatisfaction. Practicing self-compassion and focusing on personal growth fosters a positive self-image and happiness (Neff, 2003).

Seeking Professional Help

For individuals facing chronic unhappiness or mental health challenges, seeking help from a therapist or counselor can provide valuable support and strategies. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), for example, is effective in addressing negative thought patterns and enhancing well-being (Beck, 2011).

Conclusion

Happiness is a multifaceted experience influenced by genetic, psychological, and environmental factors. While challenges may arise, everyone has the capacity to cultivate happiness through intentional practices such as gratitude, mindfulness, and building meaningful connections. By prioritizing mental, emotional, and physical health, individuals can unlock their potential for joy and fulfillment.

This article has been written by John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW. Mr. Coller has over 25 years of experience in the social work field. He currently serves as the executive director and outpatient patient behavioral health therapist at Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health, LLC based out of London Kentucky. He may be reached by phone at 606-657-0532 extension 101 or by email at [email protected].

References

  • Beck, J. S. (2011). Cognitive behavior therapy: Basics and beyond. Guilford Press.
  • Brickman, P., Coates, D., & Janoff-Bulman, R. (1978). Lottery winners and accident victims: Is happiness relative? Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 36(8), 917-927.
  • Diener, E., Emmons, R. A., Larsen, R. J., & Griffin, S. (1985). The satisfaction with life scale. Journal of Personality Assessment, 49(1), 71-75.
  • Emmons, R. A., & McCullough, M. E. (2003). Counting blessings versus burdens: An experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84(2), 377-389.
  • Herring, M. P., O’Connor, P. J., & Dishman, R. K. (2010). The effect of exercise training on anxiety symptoms: A meta-analysis. Psychosomatic Medicine, 72(6), 465-474.
  • Kabat-Zinn, J. (1990). Full catastrophe living: Using the wisdom of your body and mind to face stress, pain, and illness. Delacorte.
  • Locke, E. A., & Latham, G. P. (2002). Building a practically useful theory of goal setting and task motivation: A 35-year odyssey. American Psychologist, 57(9), 705-717.
  • Lyubomirsky, S., Sheldon, K. M., & Schkade, D. (2005). Pursuing happiness: The architecture of sustainable change. Review of General Psychology, 9(2), 111-131.
  • Neff, K. D. (2003). Self-compassion: An alternative conceptualization of a healthy attitude toward oneself. Self and Identity, 2(2), 85-101.
  • Nestler, E. J., & Malenka, R. C. (2004). The addicted brain. Scientific American, 290(3), 78-85.
  • Ryff, C. D., & Singer, B. H. (1998). The contours of positive human health. Psychological Inquiry, 9(1), 1-28.
  • Waldinger, R. J., & Schulz, M. S. (2010). The long reach of nurturing family environments: Links with midlife emotion-regulatory styles and late-life security in intimate relationships. Psychological Science, 21(11), 1540-1548.

How Teens Can Manipulate Their Parents and Why They May Do So

Teenagers are in a developmental stage marked by significant emotional, cognitive, and social growth. As they strive for independence, teens may sometimes use manipulation as a tool to influence their parents and achieve their desires. This article explores common manipulative tactics employed by teens, the psychological reasons behind such behaviors, and strategies parents can use to recognize and address manipulation.

Understanding Manipulative Behaviors

Manipulation is a way of influencing or controlling another person’s actions, emotions, or decisions, often through subtle or indirect means. Teens may manipulate their parents intentionally or unconsciously, employing tactics that exploit parental emotions or expectations.

Some common methods of manipulation include:

  1. Guilt-Tripping: Teens may remind parents of sacrifices made for them or accuse them of being unfair to induce guilt and compliance.
  2. Playing Parents Against Each Other: Also known as triangulation, this involves giving conflicting information to parents to gain an advantage.
  3. Emotional Outbursts: Using anger, tears, or withdrawal to wear down parental resistance.
  4. Feigning Helplessness: Pretending to be unable to complete tasks or solve problems independently to garner assistance or attention.
  5. Promises and Bargaining: Offering to behave better or fulfill obligations in the future in exchange for immediate rewards.

Why Teens Manipulate Their Parents

Manipulative behavior in teenagers often stems from a combination of psychological and environmental factors. The motivations behind such actions can be complex and multifaceted, including:

  1. Desire for Independence
    Adolescence is a time of seeking autonomy. Teens may manipulate parents to gain freedoms they perceive as a step toward adulthood, such as staying out later or having fewer rules. Cognitive Development: During adolescence, the prefrontal cortex (responsible for decision-making and impulse control) is still developing. This immaturity can lead to impulsive decisions, including manipulative behaviors (Blakemore, 2018).
  2. Testing Boundaries
    Teens often test limits to determine how much control they can exert in family dynamics. Manipulation allows them to assess which behaviors lead to favorable outcomes.
  3. Emotional Needs
    Manipulation may signal unmet emotional needs, such as a desire for attention, affection, or validation. Teens struggling with self-esteem or feelings of neglect may resort to manipulative tactics to secure parental involvement.
  4. Avoidance of Consequences
    By deflecting blame or appealing to emotions, teens can avoid facing the repercussions of their actions, such as punishment or accountability.
  5. Peer Influence
    Social dynamics and peer pressure may drive teens to manipulate parents to obtain material goods or freedoms that align with peer group norms.

Recognizing and Addressing Manipulation

Parents can mitigate manipulation by cultivating awareness and adopting strategies that foster healthy communication and boundaries.

  1. Recognize Patterns
    Identifying recurring manipulative behaviors is crucial. Parents should pay attention to tactics like guilt-tripping or emotional outbursts and consider whether their responses reinforce these behaviors.
  2. Set Clear Boundaries
    Establishing and consistently enforcing boundaries helps teens understand acceptable behaviors. Clear rules reduce ambiguity, minimizing opportunities for manipulation.
  3. Encourage Open Communication
    Teens may manipulate because they feel their needs or opinions are not heard. Creating a safe space for honest conversations fosters trust and reduces the likelihood of deceptive tactics.
  4. Model Assertive Behavior
    Parents can demonstrate assertiveness by responding calmly and firmly to manipulation. Refraining from emotional reactions helps de-escalate situations.
  5. Teach Emotional Regulation
    Supporting teens in managing their emotions equips them with healthier ways to express their needs and frustrations without resorting to manipulation.
  6. Seek Professional Support
    If manipulation stems from deeper issues, such as anxiety or trauma, consulting a therapist can provide valuable insights and interventions.

Teen manipulation is often a natural byproduct of adolescence, reflecting their developmental quest for independence and self-expression. While such behavior can challenge parental authority, it also offers opportunities to strengthen family relationships through improved communication and boundary-setting. By understanding the reasons behind manipulative actions and addressing them constructively, parents can guide their teens toward healthier interpersonal skills.

This article was written by John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW. Mr. Collier has over 25 years of experience in the social work field. He currently serves as the executive director and outpatient therapist for Southeast Kentucky Behavior Heath, LLC based out of London Kentucky. He may be reached by phone at (606) 657-0532 extension 101 or by email at [email protected].

References

  • Blakemore, S.-J. (2018). Inventing Ourselves: The Secret Life of the Teenage Brain. PublicAffairs.
  • Steinberg, L. (2014). Age of Opportunity: Lessons from the New Science of Adolescence. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt.
  • Grolnick, W. S., & Seal, K. (2020). Parenting Practices that Promote Intrinsic Motivation in Adolescents. Journal of Adolescence and Youth Development, 42(3), 295–310.
  • American Psychological Association. (2020). Understanding Adolescents: The Importance of Brain Development. Retrieved from www.apa.org