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What to Do When Your Teenager Feels They Aren’t Treated Fairly

It’s common for teenagers to feel misunderstood or unfairly treated at home. Whether it’s about rules, responsibilities, or privileges, teens are at an age when they’re figuring out who they are and are especially sensitive to fairness. If your teenager tells you they don’t feel treated fairly, this can be an opportunity to strengthen your relationship and help them develop resilience and perspective.

 Understanding the Teenage Perspective on Fairness

During adolescence, children experience significant cognitive and emotional growth, which affects their view of fairness. According to Dr. Laurence Steinberg, a developmental psychologist, teens are increasingly aware of social justice and equality, which extends to how they view their place in the family. They’re also developing their own identity, which can lead to greater sensitivity when they feel they’re being treated unfairly compared to siblings or friends .

Fairness, however, doesn’t always mean treating everyone exactly the same. Psychologist Dr. Michael Thompson explains that fairness is about meeting each child’s individual needs. Parents often make decisions based on a teen’s maturity, needs, or abilities, which can sometimes lead teens to feel that others are getting special treatment .

 Responding Supportively When Your Teen Expresses Feelings of Unfairness

When your teen says they feel unfairly treated, responding in a supportive and constructive way can help them feel valued and understood. Here are some strategies:

 1. Listen Without Judgment

  • When your teen tells you they feel unfairly treated, listen calmly and let them explain their feelings without interruption. According to Dr. John Gottman, an expert in family relationships, active listening can make children feel respected and valued, which helps foster a trusting and open relationship .
  • Try to validate their feelings by saying things like, “I understand that you feel this way,” even if you don’t agree. Validation doesn’t mean agreeing, but it lets your teen know their emotions are acknowledged.

 2. Explain Fairness Versus Equality

  • Fairness in parenting often means giving each child what they need, which may look different depending on age, maturity, and individual needs. For example, a younger sibling might have a different bedtime or a different set of responsibilities. Explaining the difference between fairness and equality can help your teen see why each family member might be treated differently.
  • Family therapist Dr. Jane Nelsen explains that explaining this distinction can reduce resentment and help children understand that they are not being “punished” or unfairly limited, but rather given what’s appropriate for their stage of development .

 3. Ask Questions to Understand Their Perspective

  • To fully understand why your teen feels unfairly treated, ask open-ended questions like, “Can you tell me more about why you feel this way?” or “What would make this situation feel fairer to you?” Open-ended questions help you see things from their perspective and show your teen that you’re genuinely interested in understanding their feelings .
  • Research shows that when teens feel heard and understood by their parents, they’re more likely to accept decisions, even if they don’t fully agree .

 4. Acknowledge Your Own Mistakes

  • If there are times when you realize you may have been unfair without realizing it, don’t be afraid to admit it. Admitting mistakes can strengthen trust between you and your teen and show them that fairness matters to you as well.
  • Dr. Brené Brown, a researcher on vulnerability and family relationships, argues that admitting mistakes as a parent models accountability and teaches teens that it’s okay to acknowledge imperfections .

 Setting Clear Expectations and Boundaries

While understanding their feelings is important, consistency is key. Clear boundaries help teenagers feel secure and understand why rules are in place. Setting expectations and explaining the reasons behind rules can make them seem fairer to your teen.

 1. Discuss Expectations Openly

  • Have conversations with your teen about what is expected of them and why. When parents and teens discuss expectations together, it helps clarify boundaries and can prevent feelings of unfairness. For instance, explaining why curfews differ based on age or responsibility level can make the rules seem more reasonable .
  • Psychologist Dr. Wendy Mogel suggests involving teens in discussions about rules, which makes them feel more invested and responsible for their own actions .

 2. Be Consistent with Consequences

  • Consistency helps teens understand that rules apply to everyone in the family. If consequences are only enforced sometimes, teens may feel that rules are unfairly applied.
  • Consistent consequences, when applied in a fair and non-emotional way, reinforce the idea that rules are about safety and responsibility, not favoritism.

 Helping Your Teen Build Resilience and Perspective

Feelings of unfairness can be an opportunity for growth. Learning to handle situations that feel unfair helps teenagers develop resilience and prepares them for situations outside the family.

 1. Encourage Problem-Solving Skills

  • If your teen feels that a situation is unfair, work with them to brainstorm ways to improve it. For example, if they feel they have too many chores compared to a sibling, you might discuss a more balanced approach or find ways to rotate tasks. This teaches them to address perceived unfairness in constructive ways .
  • Studies show that encouraging teens to engage in problem-solving fosters independence and resilience, helping them deal with challenges throughout life .

 2. Model Empathy and Perspective-Taking

  • Encourage your teen to consider others’ perspectives as well. Ask questions like, “Why do you think your sibling might have different responsibilities?” or “How do you think we try to balance everyone’s needs?” This teaches empathy and helps your teen see family dynamics in a broader context.
  • Research by developmental psychologist Dr. Nancy Eisenberg suggests that teaching empathy and perspective-taking can enhance social skills and emotional intelligence in adolescents .

 Wrapping It Up: Fairness, Understanding, and Family Growth

Feeling unfairly treated is a common experience for teens, and how parents respond can shape their future interactions with others. By listening, validating feelings, explaining fairness versus equality, and involving them in discussions about expectations, you can build a more open and trusting relationship with your teen. And when misunderstandings occur, remember that these moments are opportunities to strengthen family bonds, build resilience, and help your teenager feel valued.

Every family dynamic is unique, and while it may not always be possible to avoid feelings of unfairness, responding with empathy, consistency, and open communication can help your teenager feel respected and understood.

This article has been written by John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW. Mr. Collier has over 25 years of experience in the social work field and is based in London Kentucky through Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health, LLC. Mr. Collier may be reached by phone at (606) 657–0532 extension 101 or by email at [email protected].

 References

1. Steinberg, L. (2014). Age of Opportunity: Lessons from the New Science of Adolescence. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt.

2. Thompson, M. (2009). It’s a Boy!: Understanding Your Son’s Development from Birth to Age 18. Ballantine Books.

3. Gottman, J. (1997). Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child: The Heart of Parenting. Simon & Schuster.

4. Nelsen, J. (2006). Positive Discipline for Teenagers: Empowering Your Teens and Yourself Through Kind and Firm Parenting. Ballantine Books.

5. Brown, B. (2012). Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead. Penguin Books.

6. Mogel, W. (2008). The Blessing of a B Minus: Using Jewish Teachings to Raise Resilient Teenagers. Scribner.

7. Eisenberg, N., & Spinrad, T. L. (2004). “Emotion-Related Regulation: Its Role in the Development of Empathy and Prosocial Behavior.” Annual Review of Psychology, 55, 535–570.

How Can You Help Your Community?

Contributing to the well-being of your community is one of the most impactful ways to create positive change on both local and personal levels. Community engagement not only improves the quality of life for those around you, but it also fosters a sense of belonging, personal fulfillment, and collective responsibility. Whether through volunteering, supporting local businesses, or advocating for causes that matter, there are many ways to help your community. This article explores key strategies for making a difference, backed by research and expert recommendations.

1. Volunteer Your Time

One of the most direct ways to help your community is by volunteering. Giving your time to local organizations, charities, or initiatives can address immediate needs, build stronger social ties, and improve overall community cohesion. Research shows that communities with high levels of volunteerism often experience better health outcomes, lower crime rates, and stronger social networks (Wilson, 2000).

Whether it’s serving meals at a shelter, tutoring children, or cleaning up local parks, volunteering offers a hands-on way to make a tangible difference. Moreover, a study published in Social Science & Medicine found that volunteering can also have mental health benefits for volunteers, including reducing symptoms of depression and boosting feelings of life satisfaction (Jenkinson et al., 2013).

2. Support Local Businesses

Local businesses are often the backbone of a community, providing jobs, services, and a unique cultural identity. By choosing to shop locally, you help support the local economy and ensure the survival of independent businesses. A study by the Institute for Local Self-Reliance found that local businesses reinvest a larger share of their revenue into the local economy compared to national chains (Mitchell, 2010). This reinvestment strengthens the economic stability of the community.

In addition to shopping locally, you can support small businesses by spreading the word about them through social media, participating in community events they host, or even offering your skills to help them thrive.

3. Participate in Civic Engagement

Civic engagement is another crucial way to contribute to your community. This includes participating in local government meetings, joining neighborhood associations, or even organizing town hall discussions. By being involved in civic life, you help shape decisions that directly affect your community.

Engaging with local politics ensures that the voices of everyday citizens are heard and that decisions reflect the needs of the broader population. According to the Journal of Public Affairs, communities with higher rates of civic engagement tend to experience more responsive governance, greater social equity, and improved public services (Zukin et al., 2006).

4. Mentor or Educate Others

Mentorship and education are powerful ways to uplift individuals within your community, particularly younger generations. By offering guidance, whether formally or informally, you can help others navigate challenges, pursue goals, and build confidence.

Studies show that mentorship programs, particularly for youth, can have profound long-term benefits, including improved academic performance, higher self-esteem, and better career outcomes (Rhodes et al., 2002). Whether you’re mentoring a young person in a formal program or offering informal advice to someone in your neighborhood, your experience and wisdom can have a lasting impact.

In addition, offering free workshops or classes in areas where you have expertise—such as financial literacy, computer skills, or even gardening—can empower others to develop skills that will benefit both them and the broader community.

5. Organize Community Clean-Up Events

Environmental stewardship is another significant way to contribute to your community. Organizing or participating in a community clean-up event not only improves the physical appearance of your neighborhood but also promotes environmental responsibility. Clean-up events can target parks, streets, beaches, or other public areas that could benefit from beautification efforts.

Research has shown that cleaner environments foster a greater sense of community pride and well-being. A study published in The Journal of Environmental Psychology found that individuals who live in cleaner, well-maintained environments report higher levels of happiness and community satisfaction (Krause, 2011). By taking the lead in organizing or joining clean-up events, you can make your community a more pleasant and inviting place for everyone.

6. Advocate for Social Change

Advocating for social change is another impactful way to help your community, particularly when it comes to addressing issues like inequality, poverty, or access to education. Whether through grassroots activism, joining a nonprofit organization, or using social media platforms to raise awareness, advocating for important issues can lead to meaningful changes in your community.

Research published in Social Forces highlights the effectiveness of local activism in bringing about social change, particularly when communities unite around a shared cause (McAdam & Boudet, 2012). For example, efforts to improve access to affordable housing or to promote environmental sustainability can have long-lasting benefits for future generations.

7. Donate to Causes or Individuals in Need

Financial contributions to local charities, shelters, schools, or even individuals in need are vital to sustaining community support systems. For those unable to donate large sums of money, small and consistent contributions can still have a meaningful impact. Charitable giving not only provides resources to those in need but also strengthens the overall infrastructure of support within a community.

According to a report by the National Philanthropic Trust, Americans donated over $471 billion to charitable causes in 2020, with individual giving accounting for the largest portion of this total (NPT, 2020). These donations helped provide food, healthcare, education, and other services to countless people across the country. Even small contributions can go a long way in making a difference.

8. Build a Sense of Community Through Events

Organizing or participating in community events—such as potlucks, festivals, or block parties—is an effective way to foster connections and build a sense of belonging. These events create opportunities for neighbors to get to know each other, share experiences, and strengthen social bonds. Communities with strong social ties are more resilient in the face of challenges, from natural disasters to economic downturns (Putnam, 2000).

Events also provide a platform for celebrating the unique culture, history, and diversity within a community. By coming together for shared activities, people can feel more connected and invested in the well-being of their neighborhood.

9. Promote Inclusivity and Support Marginalized Groups

One of the most important ways to help your community is by promoting inclusivity and supporting marginalized groups. Whether through direct action, advocacy, or creating safe spaces for open dialogue, fostering an inclusive community ensures that everyone feels welcome and valued, regardless of race, gender, religion, or socioeconomic status.

Research has shown that communities that prioritize inclusivity experience higher levels of social trust, cooperation, and overall well-being (Putnam, 2007). By actively working to break down barriers and address systemic inequalities, you can help create a more just and supportive environment for all community members.

10. Offer Emotional Support and Kindness

Finally, one of the simplest yet most profound ways to help your community is through small acts of kindness and emotional support. Reaching out to neighbors, offering a listening ear, or simply being there for someone in need can make a significant difference in someone’s life.

Studies have shown that acts of kindness contribute to increased feelings of happiness and social connectedness, not just for the recipient but also for the giver (Lyubomirsky et al., 2005). In times of crisis or stress, offering emotional support and kindness can be a powerful way to foster a sense of unity and solidarity within your community.

Conclusion

Helping your community can take many forms, from volunteering and mentoring to advocating for change and promoting inclusivity. Each of these actions, whether big or small, contributes to the overall well-being of the community and strengthens the social fabric that holds it together. By getting involved, you not only improve the lives of those around you but also experience the personal fulfillment that comes from making a positive impact.

This article me has been written by John S. Collier. Mr. Collier has over 25 years in the social work field. He may be reached at 6066570532 extension 101 or by email at [email protected].

. References

• Jenkinson, C. E., Dickens, A. P., Jones, K., Thompson-Coon, J., Taylor, R. S., Rogers, M., & Bambra, C. L. (2013). Is Volunteering a Public Health Intervention? A Systematic Review and Meta-Analysis of the Health and Survival of Volunteers. Social Science & Medicine, 96, 26-34.

• Krause, A. (2011). Cleaner Environments and Happier People: The Psychological Impact of Environmental Cleanliness. Journal of Environmental Psychology, 31(1), 18-24.

• Lyubomirsky, S., Sheldon, K. M., & Schkade, D. (2005). Pursuing Happiness: The Architecture of Sustainable Change. Review of General Psychology, 9(2), 111-131.

• McAdam, D., & Boudet, H. S. (2012). Putting Social Movements in Their Place: Explaining Opposition to Energy Projects in the United States, 2000-2005. Social Forces, 91(1), 37-68.

• Mitchell, S. (2010). Why Local Matters: Rebuilding Our Communities and Economies from the Ground Up. Institute for Local Self-Reliance.

• National Philanthropic Trust. (2020). Charitable Giving Statistics. Retrieved from National Philanthropic Trust.

• Putnam, R. D. (2000). Bowling Alone: The Collapse and Revival of American Community. Simon & Schuster.

• Putnam, R. D. (2007). E Pluribus Unum: Diversity and Community in the Twenty-First Century. Scandinavian Political Studies, 30(2), 137-174.

• Rhodes, J. E., Grossman, J. B., & Resch, N. L. (2002). Agents of Change:

Why Am I Stressed Out So Much? Understanding the Roots of Chronic Stress

Stress is a common and natural response to challenges, but when it becomes overwhelming or constant, it can lead to significant physical and emotional consequences. If you feel stressed out frequently, it’s essential to understand the reasons behind your stress and how to manage it effectively. Chronic stress often stems from a variety of factors, including lifestyle, psychological influences, work demands, and societal pressures. This article explores the main reasons why stress may be impacting you so much, supported by research and expert analysis.

1. High Work Demands and Job Burnout

One of the most common sources of chronic stress is job-related pressure. Many people face overwhelming workloads, tight deadlines, and long hours, leading to job burnout. A 2021 survey by the American Psychological Association (APA) found that 79% of employees reported work-related stress, with 44% reporting physical fatigue from work stress and 36% experiencing cognitive weariness .

Job insecurity, lack of control, and unclear expectations also exacerbate stress. The COVID-19 pandemic further heightened these pressures, leading to more people working from home without clear work-life boundaries. This unrelenting work pressure can lead to chronic stress and negatively impact both mental and physical health.

2. Financial Stress

Financial problems are a leading cause of chronic stress. Whether due to debt, unemployment, or the rising cost of living, financial uncertainty can weigh heavily on the mind. A report from the Financial Health Network found that 64% of Americans feel stressed about money . When people feel like they lack control over their financial situation, it can lead to ongoing anxiety and emotional exhaustion.

3. Personal and Family Responsibilities

Balancing personal, family, and professional responsibilities can be another source of overwhelming stress. Caregiving for children, aging parents, or family members with disabilities adds emotional and physical strain. For instance, research shows that caregivers of family members with chronic illnesses are more likely to experience stress-related health problems like high blood pressure and depression . These additional pressures can make it difficult to focus on personal well-being, leading to a buildup of stress.

4. Lack of Time and Overcommitment

Modern life often involves juggling multiple roles and commitments, leaving little time for rest or self-care. When you feel stretched too thin, even minor tasks can seem overwhelming, contributing to chronic stress. The “time famine” effect—a perceived scarcity of time—leads to feelings of being rushed and pressured . This sense of constant hurry often heightens feelings of stress and reduces overall satisfaction with life.

5. Social Isolation and Relationships

Human beings are social creatures, and a lack of strong social connections can exacerbate feelings of stress. Loneliness or strained relationships are linked to higher levels of stress hormones such as cortisol. According to a study published in Health Psychology, individuals with fewer social connections are more likely to experience prolonged stress responses . Conflict within relationships, whether romantic, familial, or social, can also lead to chronic emotional distress.

6. Psychological Factors: Perfectionism and Anxiety

Psychological traits and tendencies can also drive stress. Perfectionism, for instance, creates unrealistic expectations, leading to frustration and chronic stress when goals aren’t met. Anxiety disorders amplify normal stress responses, making everyday tasks seem insurmountable. The APA notes that anxiety is the most common mental health condition in the United States, with over 40 million adults affected, which often overlaps with stress disorders .

7. Health and Physical Factors

Your health can also contribute to chronic stress. Poor diet, lack of exercise, and insufficient sleep can heighten the body’s stress response. Chronic medical conditions, such as heart disease, diabetes, or chronic pain, can create ongoing stress and fatigue. Research shows that stress can exacerbate these conditions, leading to a vicious cycle of worsening health and heightened stress .

8. Technology and Information Overload

In today’s digital age, people are constantly bombarded with information. While technology offers convenience, it can also contribute to stress. “Information overload” occurs when people feel overwhelmed by the constant influx of news, social media, emails, and alerts. This can create a sense of never being able to “turn off” or relax. A study by the Pew Research Center found that 25% of adults feel constantly connected to their devices, which correlates with higher stress levels .

9. Coping Strategies

Coping with stress requires a balanced approach. According to the APA, effective stress management involves a combination of healthy habits like regular physical activity, mindfulness techniques, and setting realistic goals . Social support and seeking professional help when needed are also crucial in managing overwhelming stress.

Chronic stress can stem from a wide range of sources, including work demands, financial struggles, personal responsibilities, psychological factors, and even technology use. Understanding the root causes of your stress is the first step toward addressing it. By recognizing these factors and implementing healthy coping mechanisms, it’s possible to reduce stress and improve your overall well-being.

This article was written by John S. Collier,MSW, LCSW. MR. COLLIER HAS OVER 25 YEARS EXPERIENCE IN THE SOCIAL WORK FIELD. He currently serves as the executive Director and outpatient behavioral health therapist at Southeast Kentucky Behavioral health based in London Kentucky. He may be reached at 606-657-0532 extension 101 or by email [email protected].

References:

1. American Psychological Association (2021). Stress in America 2021. Retrieved from [https://www.apa.org].

2. Financial Health Network (2020). U.S. Financial Health Pulse: 2020 Trends Report.

3. Health Psychology, Social Connections and Stress, Volume 35, Issue 1, 2019.

4. Pew Research Center (2021). Digital Life in 2020.

5. American Psychological Association (2020). Anxiety and Stress Disorders.

By diving into the reasons behind your stress, you can start taking the steps needed to alleviate it and regain balance in your life.

Job Opportunity: Community Access Specialist

Program: Supports for Community Living Division

Apply now

Location: London/Corbin and Richmond/Lexington

Reports To: Executive Director or Designee

Job Summary:

The Community Access Specialist supports individuals with intellectual and developmental disabilities participating in the Kentucky Supports for Community Living (SCL) waiver program, in accordance with the Kentucky Administrative Regulation (KAR) 907 KAR 12:010. This position is responsible for assisting individuals in accessing community resources, services, and activities that promote independence, inclusion, and meaningful community engagement.

Key Responsibilities:

1. Community Integration and Advocacy:

• Assist individuals in identifying and participating in community activities, services, and opportunities that align with their personal goals and interests.

• Promote inclusion by advocating for reasonable accommodations and modifications to ensure equal access to community resources and services.

• Develop relationships with community organizations, employers, and other service providers to create opportunities for the individuals served.

• Ensure that services are provided in natural community settings, as defined by 907 KAR 12:010, Section 2.

2. Person-Centered Planning:

• Collaborate with individuals, their families, and their support teams to create and implement individualized service plans (ISPs) that reflect the person’s goals for community involvement.

• Facilitate skill development in areas that enhance the individual’s ability to live more independently and participate fully in community life.

3. Service Documentation and Compliance:

• Maintain accurate and timely documentation of services provided in accordance with Medicaid and SCL waiver program requirements, including 907 KAR 1:145, which governs record-keeping and compliance.

• Participate in audits, reviews, and quality improvement initiatives to ensure adherence to state regulations and program guidelines.

• Ensure services provided are in line with 907 KAR 12:010, which outlines service definitions and provider qualifications.

4. Collaboration and Teamwork:

• Work collaboratively with case managers, direct support professionals, healthcare providers, and other stakeholders to ensure seamless service delivery.

• Participate in interdisciplinary team meetings, as needed, to discuss service progress, address barriers, and update individualized service plans.

• Provide training and support to individuals and their support teams on accessing and navigating community resources.

5. Resource Coordination:

• Assist in identifying community resources, including educational, employment, recreational, and social opportunities, that meet the individual’s needs and preferences.

• Coordinate transportation and other logistical needs to support community participation.

• Facilitate access to additional waiver services, as appropriate, ensuring compliance with 907 KAR 12:010.

Qualifications:

• Education: Bachelor’s degree in Social Work, Psychology, Human Services, or a related field preferred.

• Experience: Minimum of 1 year of experience working with individuals with intellectual or developmental disabilities. Knowledge of Medicaid waiver programs, specifically the SCL waiver, is preferred.

• Certifications: CPR/First Aid certification is required. Completion of relevant SCL waiver training is required within the first 90 days of employment.

• Skills:

• Strong understanding of community resources and service systems within Kentucky.

• Ability to work effectively within a person-centered framework.

• Strong interpersonal, organizational, and advocacy skills.

• Familiarity with Kentucky Administrative Regulations related to Medicaid, particularly 907 KAR 12:010.

Work Conditions:

• The position requires frequent travel within the community, including home visits, attending community activities, and networking with local resources.

• Ability to work flexible hours, including evenings or weekends, to support individuals’ community participation as needed.

References:

• Kentucky Administrative Regulations (KAR), including but not limited to:

• 907 KAR 12:010 – Supports for Community Living Waiver: Service Definitions and Provider Qualifications

• 907 KAR 1:145 – Medicaid Services: Record-Keeping and Documentation Requirements

This job description is intended to provide a general overview of the position and is not an exhaustive list of duties or requirements.

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