Why Your Marriage Should Be a Priority Over Your Children
In the modern world, many parents feel a constant pressure to focus all their time and energy on their children. While raising healthy, well-adjusted children is undoubtedly important, prioritizing your marriage is equally crucial. A strong marital relationship creates a stable foundation for your family, benefits your children in the long run, and contributes to personal fulfillment. This article explores why it’s essential to put your marriage first, supported by research and expert insights.
1. A Strong Marriage Provides a Stable Foundation for the Family
A healthy and stable marriage is the cornerstone of a thriving family. When parents have a strong, supportive relationship, they create an environment of emotional security for their children. Children benefit from witnessing a loving, respectful partnership because it models healthy relationship dynamics that they will carry into their own lives.
Research published in The Journal of Marriage and Family found that children whose parents maintain a strong relationship experience fewer behavioral and emotional problems (Amato, 2005). A stable marital bond creates a sense of safety and security, enabling children to feel more grounded. In contrast, when a marriage is neglected or becomes strained, children are more likely to experience anxiety, insecurity, and emotional instability.
By prioritizing your marriage, you’re investing in the well-being of the entire family unit.
2. Children Benefit from Witnessing Healthy Relationships
Children learn how to navigate relationships by observing their parents. By demonstrating love, respect, and teamwork in your marriage, you provide your children with a positive model for future relationships. This sets them up to build healthy partnerships later in life.
Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship researcher, emphasizes that children who observe their parents resolving conflicts with respect and cooperation tend to develop better problem-solving skills in their own relationships (Gottman & Silver, 1999). When your children see that you prioritize time together, communicate openly, and demonstrate affection, they learn valuable lessons about what it means to have a supportive, loving relationship.
Moreover, prioritizing your marriage helps create a positive family culture, where your children feel comfortable and learn important emotional skills like empathy, compromise, and communication.
3. Maintaining a Happy Marriage Helps Prevent Parental Burnout
Parenting is demanding, and when the focus is entirely on children, parents can experience burnout. This can lead to stress, exhaustion, and even resentment, which ultimately affects both the marriage and the parent-child relationship. By making your marriage a priority, you ensure that you and your partner maintain a strong emotional connection, which helps buffer the stress of parenting.
A study published in Family Relations found that when parents prioritize their relationship, they report greater personal well-being, less stress, and more satisfaction in both their marriage and their role as parents (Kluwer, 2010). This improved well-being translates into more energy and patience for parenting, allowing you to be more present and engaged with your children.
Taking time to nurture your marriage—whether through regular date nights, shared hobbies, or simply having uninterrupted conversations—helps you recharge emotionally and prevents burnout, making you a better partner and parent.
4. Prioritizing Your Marriage Promotes Long-Term Family Stability
Children grow up and eventually leave the home, but your marriage is meant to last a lifetime. Prioritizing your marriage not only enhances your connection in the present but also ensures that you have a strong partnership when the children are grown and out of the house.
Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages, argues that parents who maintain a strong marital bond throughout the child-rearing years are more likely to experience long-term satisfaction in their marriage once their children become independent (Chapman, 1995). When couples neglect their marriage in favor of focusing exclusively on their children, they often find themselves disconnected once the children leave, leading to what’s commonly known as “empty nest syndrome.”
By keeping your marriage strong, you’re building a relationship that can thrive beyond the parenting years, allowing you and your partner to enjoy life together for many years to come.
5. A Strong Marriage Teaches Children That Relationships Take Work
When children see that you prioritize your marriage, they learn that relationships require effort, commitment, and time. They come to understand that maintaining a healthy marriage involves not only love and affection but also patience, communication, and mutual support. This is an important lesson for children as they grow and develop their own understanding of relationships.
A study in The Journal of Family Psychology found that children who grow up in homes where parents invest time in their marriage are more likely to have successful relationships as adults (Cui & Fincham, 2010). These children are better equipped to handle conflicts, express their emotions, and communicate effectively with their future partners.
By making your marriage a priority, you’re giving your children a powerful example of how to cultivate a loving, respectful relationship, which they can carry with them into adulthood.
Conclusion
While it may seem counterintuitive to put your marriage before your children, doing so creates a strong, stable foundation for your family. A happy, healthy marriage benefits your children by providing them with emotional security, modeling positive relationship dynamics, and teaching them important life skills. Moreover, by prioritizing your relationship, you prevent parental burnout, enhance long-term family stability, and ensure that your partnership will thrive even after the children leave the nest.
Balancing the demands of marriage and parenting can be challenging, but making your relationship a priority benefits everyone in the family, including your children. Ultimately, the best gift you can give your children is the example of a loving, committed partnership.
This article was written by John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW. John has over 25 years experience in the social work. John currently serves as the executive Director and provider within Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health based out of London Kentucky. He may be reached at 606-657-0532 extension 101 or by email john@sekybh.com
References
• Amato, P. R. (2005). The Impact of Family Formation Change on the Cognitive, Social, and Emotional Well-Being of the Next Generation. The Journal of Marriage and Family, 67(4), 911-926.
• Chapman, G. (1995). The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. Northfield Publishing.
• Cui, M., & Fincham, F. D. (2010). The Differential Effects of Parental Divorce and Marital Conflict on Young Adult Romantic Relationships. Journal of Family Psychology, 24(4), 456-465.
• Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. New York: Three Rivers Press.
• Kluwer, E. S. (2010). From Partnership to Parenthood: A Review of Marital Change Across the Transition to Parenthood. Family Relations, 59(5), 639-652.