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Using “I” Statements to Manage Anger: A Guide for Teens

Teens often experience intense emotions as they navigate the challenges of adolescence. One of the most common emotions that can be difficult to manage is anger. Whether it’s due to conflicts with friends, family, or school pressures, anger can quickly escalate if not handled in a healthy way. One effective communication tool that can help manage anger is the use of “I” statements. In this article, we will explore how teens can use “I” statements to express their feelings more constructively and reduce the likelihood of conflicts.

What Are “I” Statements?

“I” statements are a way of expressing your feelings and needs without blaming or accusing others. They allow you to take ownership of your emotions and communicate them assertively. Instead of saying, “You never listen to me!” (a “you” statement), you would say, “I feel frustrated when I don’t feel heard” (an “I” statement). This shift in communication style can help diffuse tension and encourage more productive conversations (American Psychological Association [APA], 2021).

Why “I” Statements Work

When teens use “you” statements, it can come across as blaming or criticizing, which often leads to defensiveness and escalates conflict. “I” statements, on the other hand, focus on the speaker’s feelings and the impact of a situation rather than accusing the other person. This approach makes it easier for others to understand and respond to your needs without feeling attacked (Child Mind Institute, 2020).

By using “I” statements, teens can:

  • Express their feelings without escalating anger.
  • Take responsibility for their emotions.
  • Encourage open and honest communication.
  • Reduce misunderstandings and conflict.

How to Use “I” Statements When Angry

  1. Start with “I feel”
  • The first part of an “I” statement is to identify your emotion. For example, “I feel upset,” “I feel frustrated,” or “I feel hurt.” This focuses the conversation on your emotional experience rather than blaming the other person (Sukhodolsky et al., 2017).
  1. Describe the Situation
  • The second part of the statement explains what situation or behavior caused you to feel this way. For example, “I feel upset when you interrupt me,” or “I feel frustrated when I’m not included in decisions.” This provides context without sounding accusatory (LeCroy & Daley, 2020).
  1. State the Impact
  • Next, describe how the situation impacts you or why it matters. For example, “I feel left out when I’m not part of the conversation,” or “I feel stressed when plans change suddenly.” This part helps others understand why the issue is important to you (APA, 2021).
  1. Suggest a Solution or Request
  • Finally, suggest a way to resolve the issue or express what you need moving forward. For example, “I need to be included in decisions that affect me,” or “I would appreciate it if you could give me a heads-up when plans change.” This helps the other person understand how they can help meet your needs (Friedman, 2020).

Examples of “I” Statements

Here are some common situations where teens might feel angry, along with examples of how to use “I” statements:

  • Situation: Your friend cancels plans at the last minute.
  • You Statement: “You always cancel on me!”
  • I Statement: “I feel disappointed when plans get canceled at the last minute because I was really looking forward to hanging out.”
  • Situation: Your sibling goes into your room without permission.
  • You Statement: “You never respect my space!”
  • I Statement: “I feel upset when you go into my room without asking because I value my privacy.”
  • Situation: A classmate interrupts you during a group discussion.
  • You Statement: “You’re always interrupting me!”
  • I Statement: “I feel frustrated when I’m interrupted during discussions because it makes it harder for me to share my ideas.”

Benefits of Using “I” Statements

  1. Promotes Emotional Awareness
  • When teens use “I” statements, they become more aware of their own emotions and how specific situations affect them. This emotional awareness is a crucial part of anger management because it helps teens pause, reflect, and express their feelings more thoughtfully (Torrente, 2019).
  1. Encourages Positive Communication
  • Using “I” statements fosters more open, respectful conversations. By focusing on your own feelings rather than accusing others, you reduce the likelihood of defensiveness and create a space for positive dialogue (APA, 2021).
  1. Reduces Conflict and Builds Relationships
  • Since “I” statements are less likely to trigger defensiveness, they help prevent conflicts from escalating. Teens who use this communication style are more likely to build stronger, healthier relationships with friends, family, and peers (LeCroy & Daley, 2020).
  1. Promotes Problem-Solving
  • “I” statements shift the focus from blaming to finding solutions. By expressing what you need and how you feel, you make it easier for others to work with you to resolve the issue and meet your needs (Child Mind Institute, 2020).

Overcoming Challenges in Using “I” Statements

While “I” statements can be effective, it may take time and practice to use them consistently, especially in moments of anger. Here are some tips to help teens get comfortable with this communication style:

  1. Practice When Calm
  • The best time to practice “I” statements is when you’re not already upset. Try role-playing with a friend or family member so you can get used to the structure before using it in real-life situations (Friedman, 2020).
  1. Take a Break if Needed
  • If you feel too angry to communicate effectively, it’s okay to step away and cool down. After you’ve calmed down, you can return to the conversation and use an “I” statement to express your feelings (Sukhodolsky et al., 2017).
  1. Be Patient with Yourself
  • It’s normal for teens to struggle with new communication techniques, especially when emotions are running high. Be patient with yourself and remember that it’s okay to make mistakes as you learn how to use “I” statements more effectively (Torrente, 2019).

Conclusion

Using “I” statements is a powerful tool that helps teens manage anger, express their emotions constructively, and reduce conflicts in relationships. By focusing on their own feelings and needs rather than blaming others, teens can create more open, respectful conversations. Practicing “I” statements regularly can lead to better emotional regulation, healthier relationships, and a more peaceful way of handling anger. Over time, this skill becomes an essential part of managing emotions and improving communication.

This article has been written by John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW. Mr. Collier has over 25 years of experience in the social work field and is based in London Kentucky through Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health, LLC. Mr. Collier may be reached by phone at (606) 657–0532 extension 101 or by email at [email protected].

References

American Psychological Association. (2021). Controlling Anger Before It Controls You. https://www.apa.org/topics/anger/control

Child Mind Institute. (2020). How to Help Kids Manage Anger. https://childmind.org/article/how-to-help-kids-manage-anger

Friedman, H. S. (2020). The Longevity Project: Surprising Discoveries for Health and Long Life from the Landmark Eight-Decade Study. Penguin Books.

LeCroy, C. W., & Daley, J. (2020). Building Your Ideal Private Practice: A Guide for Therapists and Other Mental Health Professionals. Wiley.

Sukhodolsky, D. G., et al. (2017). Cognitive-behavioral therapy for anger and aggression in children and adolescents. Child and Adolescent Psychiatric Clinics, 25(4), 623–634.

Torrente, R. (2019). Mindfulness for Teens: Proven Techniques to Reduce Stress, Manage Emotions, and Improve Focus. Rockridge Press.

Seeking Help for Anger Management: A Guide for Teens

Anger is a natural human emotion, but when it becomes overwhelming or difficult to control, it can lead to problems in relationships, school, and personal well-being. For many teens, anger can feel like a powerful force that’s hard to manage. While it’s normal to feel angry at times, it’s essential to learn how to deal with this emotion in healthy and productive ways. Seeking help when struggling with anger is a sign of strength, not weakness. This article will explore why teens may struggle with anger, the importance of seeking help, and various ways to get the support they need.

Why Teens Struggle with Anger

Teens experience a variety of changes—physically, emotionally, and socially—that can make it hard to manage emotions like anger. Hormonal shifts during puberty, academic pressures, peer relationships, and conflicts with family can all contribute to frustration and anger. The part of the brain responsible for impulse control and decision-making, the prefrontal cortex, is still developing during adolescence, which can make emotional regulation more challenging (Giedd, 2015).

Additionally, some teens may feel that societal expectations encourage them to suppress emotions or “toughen up” instead of seeking help. This can lead to unhealthy expressions of anger, including aggression or internalizing negative feelings (Friedman, 2020).

Why Seeking Help Is Important

  1. Promotes Emotional Health
  • Seeking help for anger management is crucial for emotional health. Learning to understand and express anger in healthy ways can reduce stress, anxiety, and depression, improving overall mental well-being (Sukhodolsky et al., 2017).
  1. Prevents Destructive Behavior
  • Uncontrolled anger can lead to destructive behaviors such as physical altercations, verbal outbursts, or damaging relationships. Seeking help provides teens with tools to manage their anger constructively, preventing these negative outcomes (American Psychological Association [APA], 2021).
  1. Builds Self-Awareness and Emotional Control
  • Working with a counselor, therapist, or trusted adult can help teens become more self-aware of their emotions and triggers. This increased awareness is the first step in developing emotional control, helping teens respond thoughtfully rather than impulsively when they’re angry (Child Mind Institute, 2020).
  1. Strengthens Relationships
  • Learning how to manage anger effectively improves relationships with friends, family, and teachers. When teens can communicate their feelings without becoming hostile, they foster healthier and more respectful connections (LeCroy & Daley, 2020).

Signs It’s Time to Seek Help for Anger

While everyone experiences anger, it’s important to recognize when it’s becoming a problem. Teens should consider seeking help if they:

  • Have frequent anger outbursts or aggressive behavior.
  • Feel constantly irritable, frustrated, or on edge.
  • Find it difficult to calm down once they get angry.
  • Experience physical symptoms of anger, such as headaches, rapid heartbeat, or tension.
  • Notice that anger is affecting their relationships with friends, family, or teachers.
  • Engage in risky or destructive behavior when angry (APA, 2021).

Where Teens Can Seek Help

  • Talk to a Trusted Adult: The first step for many teens is talking to a trusted adult, such as a parent, teacher, or school counselor. These adults can offer guidance, help you understand your feelings, and suggest ways to cope with anger. They can also help connect you with additional resources if needed (Child Mind Institute, 2020).
  • Work with a Therapist or Counselor: Therapy is one of the most effective ways to manage anger. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is commonly used to help teens recognize and change negative thought patterns that contribute to anger. A therapist can also teach relaxation techniques, problem-solving skills, and communication strategies to manage anger more effectively (Sukhodolsky et al., 2017).
  • Join a Support Group: Support groups can be a great way to meet other teens dealing with similar struggles. These groups provide a safe space to talk about anger, share experiences, and learn coping strategies from peers. Many schools or community centers offer anger management groups for teens (LeCroy & Daley, 2020).
  • Use Mental Health Apps: There are several apps designed to help teens manage their emotions, including anger. Apps like Calm, Headspace, and MindShift offer guided meditations, breathing exercises, and mindfulness techniques that can help teens de-stress and calm down when anger arises (Torrente, 2019).

Strategies Teens Can Learn in Therapy for Anger Management

  • Identifying Triggers: Therapy helps teens identify the situations, people, or events that trigger their anger. By understanding their triggers, teens can better anticipate and prepare for difficult situations (APA, 2021).
  • Deep Breathing and Relaxation Techniques: Learning deep breathing exercises and relaxation techniques helps teens calm their bodies and minds when they start to feel angry. Techniques such as progressive muscle relaxation and mindfulness can reduce the intensity of anger and prevent outbursts (Sukhodolsky et al., 2017).
  • Cognitive Restructuring: Cognitive restructuring involves changing the negative thoughts that fuel anger. Therapists teach teens to reframe their thinking and challenge assumptions that may be making them angrier than necessary. For example, instead of thinking, “This person is trying to embarrass me,” a more helpful thought might be, “Maybe they didn’t mean it that way” (LeCroy & Daley, 2020).
  • Assertive Communication: Teens learn how to express their feelings assertively, without becoming aggressive or shutting down. Assertive communication involves using “I” statements, such as “I feel frustrated when…” rather than blaming others, which can prevent conflicts from escalating (Child Mind Institute, 2020).
  • Problem-Solving Skills: Sometimes anger arises because of unresolved problems. Therapy can help teens develop problem-solving skills so that they can address the root causes of their frustration in healthy and constructive ways (Friedman, 2020).

Overcoming Stigma Around Seeking Help

Many teens may hesitate to seek help because of the stigma associated with mental health issues or anger management. However, it’s important to remember that seeking help is a sign of emotional strength, not weakness. Everyone needs support at times, and learning how to manage emotions like anger is a vital skill for overall well-being (Giedd, 2015). Overcoming stigma starts with understanding that mental health is just as important as physical health, and getting help is a proactive step toward a healthier and happier life.

Conclusion

Struggling with anger is common for many teens, but it’s essential to know that help is available. Whether it’s talking to a trusted adult, working with a therapist, or joining a support group, seeking help for anger management is a crucial step in improving emotional health and well-being. By learning healthy coping strategies and understanding the underlying causes of anger, teens can gain control over their emotions and build stronger relationships with those around them.

This article has been written by John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW Mr. Collier has over 25 years of experience in the social work field and is based in London Kentucky through Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health, LLC. Mr. Collier may be reached by phone at (606) 657–0532 extension 101 or by email at [email protected].

References

  • American Psychological Association. (2021). Controlling Anger Before It Controls You. https://www.apa.org/topics/anger/control
  • Child Mind Institute. (2020). How to Help Kids Manage Anger. https://childmind.org/article/how-to-help-kids-manage-anger
  • Friedman, H. S. (2020). The Longevity Project: Surprising Discoveries for Health and Long Life from the Landmark Eight-Decade Study. Penguin Books.
  • Giedd, J. N. (2015). The Amazing Teen Brain: What Parents Need to Know. National Institute of Mental Health.
  • LeCroy, C. W., & Daley, J. (2020). Building Your Ideal Private Practice: A Guide for Therapists and Other Mental Health Professionals. Wiley.
  • Sukhodolsky, D. G., et al. (2017). Cognitive-behavioral therapy for anger and aggression in children and adolescents. Child and Adolescent Psychiatric Clinics, 25(4), 623–634.
  • Torrente, R. (2019). Mindfulness for Teens: Proven Techniques to Reduce Stress, Manage Emotions, and Improve Focus. Rockridge Press.

Engaging in Physical Activity Can Help Control Anger

Anger is a natural emotional response that everyone experiences from time to time, but for some teens, managing anger can be especially challenging. During adolescence, intense emotions like anger may feel overwhelming due to hormonal changes, peer pressure, academic stress, and other factors. Learning how to manage anger is crucial for emotional well-being and maintaining healthy relationships. One of the most effective strategies for managing anger is engaging in physical activity. This article will explore how physical activity can help control anger, supported by psychological research and expert recommendations.

The Connection Between Physical Activity and Anger

Anger triggers the body’s “fight or flight” response, releasing stress hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol. These hormones increase heart rate, elevate blood pressure, and prepare the body for immediate action (American Psychological Association [APA], 2021). While this response is natural, it can lead to aggressive behavior or poor decision-making if not managed appropriately.

Physical activity helps reduce the intensity of this stress response by providing an outlet for the energy generated by anger. Regular exercise not only helps release physical tension but also promotes the release of endorphins—brain chemicals that improve mood and reduce feelings of anger and frustration (Friedman, 2020).

Benefits of Physical Activity for Anger Management

  1. Reduces Physiological Arousal
  • Anger is often accompanied by physical symptoms such as muscle tension, rapid breathing, and a racing heart. Physical activity helps release this built-up energy and tension, leading to a calmer, more relaxed state. Activities like running, swimming, or cycling can lower physiological arousal and make it easier to manage anger before it escalates (LeCroy & Daley, 2020).
  1. Increases Emotional Awareness
  • Exercise encourages a greater connection between the body and mind. Engaging in physical activity provides time and space to reflect on emotions, helping teens become more aware of their anger and its triggers. This awareness is the first step in managing emotional responses and finding healthy ways to cope (Child Mind Institute, 2020).
  1. Releases Endorphins and Enhances Mood
  • Physical activity boosts the production of endorphins, neurotransmitters that act as natural mood lifters. After a workout, many people report feeling calmer and more positive. This mood improvement can help teens manage their anger more effectively, as they are less likely to feel overwhelmed or frustrated after exercising (Friedman, 2020).
  1. Provides a Constructive Outlet for Anger
  • Instead of suppressing anger or letting it explode, physical activity offers a healthy and constructive outlet for intense emotions. Activities like boxing, weightlifting, or even hitting a punching bag allow teens to channel their anger into something productive, reducing the likelihood of aggressive or destructive behavior (Sukhodolsky et al., 2017).
  1. Improves Self-Control and Impulse Regulation
  • Regular physical activity improves executive functions like impulse control, emotional regulation, and decision-making. Exercise requires focus, discipline, and self-control, skills that carry over into other aspects of life, including emotional management. By consistently practicing these skills during workouts, teens can develop better control over their emotional responses, including anger (Galla, 2016).
  1. Reduces Stress and Anxiety
  • Chronic stress and anxiety are major contributors to anger. When stress levels are high, it becomes easier to lose patience and react impulsively. Physical activity helps reduce stress by lowering cortisol levels and promoting relaxation, making it easier to stay calm and composed in challenging situations (APA, 2021).

Types of Physical Activities That Help Manage Anger

  1. Aerobic Exercise
  • Activities like running, swimming, and cycling are excellent ways to release pent-up energy and reduce anger. Aerobic exercise increases heart rate and burns off the adrenaline and cortisol that build up during moments of frustration. It also promotes the release of endorphins, which elevate mood and improve emotional regulation.
  1. Strength Training
  • Weightlifting, resistance exercises, and bodyweight workouts require focus, discipline, and effort, making them great outlets for anger. These activities also build physical strength, which can contribute to a sense of personal control and confidence, reducing feelings of helplessness that may lead to anger (Friedman, 2020).
  1. Yoga and Pilates
  • While not as intense as aerobic or strength training exercises, yoga and Pilates are highly effective in calming the mind and body. These practices emphasize controlled breathing, mindfulness, and relaxation, which can help teens manage their anger by reducing stress and promoting a sense of inner peace (Torrente, 2019).
  1. Martial Arts
  • Martial arts such as karate, taekwondo, or jiu-jitsu can be powerful tools for anger management. These practices teach discipline, focus, and self-control while providing a controlled environment to release aggression. Learning martial arts also fosters respect for oneself and others, reducing the likelihood of outbursts (LeCroy & Daley, 2020).
  1. Team Sports
  • Engaging in team sports like basketball, soccer, or volleyball allows teens to build social connections while working out their frustrations. The camaraderie and collaboration involved in team sports can improve mood and reduce feelings of isolation or frustration, which can contribute to anger (Child Mind Institute, 2020).

How to Incorporate Physical Activity into Your Routine

  1. Start Small and Gradual
  • If you’re new to exercise, start with short sessions of 15 to 20 minutes a few times a week and gradually increase the duration and intensity. This helps build consistency without feeling overwhelmed (Friedman, 2020).
  1. Find Activities You Enjoy
  • The best exercise routine is one that you enjoy and can stick to. Whether it’s dancing, hiking, playing basketball, or practicing yoga, choose activities that make you feel good and motivate you to keep going (LeCroy & Daley, 2020).
  1. Use Exercise as a Coping Strategy
  • When you feel anger building, use exercise as a go-to strategy to cool off. Instead of reacting in the moment, take a break and go for a run, lift weights, or do a yoga session to calm your mind and body (Sukhodolsky et al., 2017).
  1. Combine Physical Activity with Mindfulness
  • Practices like yoga and mindful walking can combine physical activity with mindfulness techniques to promote relaxation and emotional regulation. This combination can be especially helpful for teens struggling with both anger and anxiety (Torrente, 2019).

Conclusion

Engaging in physical activity is one of the most effective ways to manage anger. Whether it’s running, yoga, strength training, or martial arts, regular exercise helps teens release pent-up energy, reduce stress, and improve emotional regulation. By incorporating physical activity into their daily routine, teens can develop healthier ways to cope with anger and build resilience for handling future challenges. Exercise not only improves physical health but also contributes to emotional well-being, making it a valuable tool for long-term anger management.

This article has been written by John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW. Mr. Collier has over 25 years of experience in the social work field and is based in London Kentucky through Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health, LLC. Mr. Collier may be reached by phone at (606) 657–0532 extension 101 or by email at [email protected].

References

American Psychological Association. (2021). Controlling Anger Before It Controls You. https://www.apa.org/topics/anger/control

Child Mind Institute. (2020). How to Help Kids Manage Anger. https://childmind.org/article/how-to-help-kids-manage-anger

Friedman, H. S. (2020). The Longevity Project: Surprising Discoveries for Health and Long Life from the Landmark Eight-Decade Study. Penguin Books.

Galla, B. M. (2016). Mindfulness, academic achievement, and positive behavior among adolescents: The role of executive function. Journal of Educational Psychology, 108(3), 427-441.

LeCroy, C. W., & Daley, J. (2020). Building Your Ideal Private Practice: A Guide for Therapists and Other Mental Health Professionals. Wiley.

Sukhodolsky, D. G., et al. (2017). Cognitive-behavioral therapy for anger and aggression in children and adolescents. Child and Adolescent Psychiatric Clinics, 25(4), 623–634.

Torrente, R. (2019). Mindfulness for Teens: Proven Techniques to Reduce Stress, Manage Emotions, and Improve Focus. Rockridge Press.

Setting Boundaries and Walking Away: A Guide for Teens Managing Anger

Anger is a natural emotion, but for many teens, it can be challenging to manage. Between school, friendships, family, and the pressures of adolescence, situations can quickly escalate into anger. Learning to set boundaries and knowing when to walk away can be vital tools in managing anger healthily and effectively. In this article, we’ll explore how teens can set boundaries and practice walking away when emotions run high, along with the importance of these skills for personal well-being and relationships.

Understanding Anger and Boundaries

Anger is an emotional response to perceived threats, injustices, or frustrations. It’s not inherently bad, but how you respond to anger can determine whether it becomes a problem (American Psychological Association [APA], 2021). For teens, anger often comes from feeling misunderstood, overwhelmed, or disrespected. When unchecked, anger can lead to destructive behaviors, damaged relationships, or poor decision-making.

Boundaries are the limits you set for how others treat you and how you engage with situations. Establishing boundaries means defining what is acceptable and what isn’t, helping you maintain control over your emotions and actions (LeCroy & Daley, 2020). For teens, learning to set boundaries is key to managing anger, as it allows you to protect your emotional well-being while avoiding unnecessary conflicts.

Why Setting Boundaries Is Important

  1. Protects Your Emotional Health
  • Boundaries act as a buffer between your emotions and external situations that might provoke anger. By setting clear limits, you reduce the chances of getting overwhelmed or pushed into conflict (Child Mind Institute, 2020).
  1. Builds Self-Respect and Confidence
  • Setting boundaries helps you stand up for yourself in respectful and assertive ways. When you practice this regularly, you build self-esteem because you’re taking responsibility for your emotional well-being (Friedman, 2020).
  1. Improves Relationships
  • Boundaries foster healthier relationships by promoting mutual respect. When you communicate your limits clearly, others know what behaviors are acceptable and what isn’t. This can prevent misunderstandings and reduce conflicts (Sukhodolsky et al., 2017).

How to Set Boundaries When You’re Angry

Setting boundaries when you’re angry can be difficult, but it’s essential for preventing escalation and maintaining healthy relationships. Here are steps you can follow to set boundaries effectively:

  1. Identify Your Triggers
  • Before you can set boundaries, it’s important to understand what situations or behaviors make you feel angry. Identifying your triggers—whether it’s disrespect, being ignored, or feeling overwhelmed—allows you to anticipate when you might need to set a boundary (APA, 2021).
  1. Communicate Assertively, Not Aggressively
  • When setting boundaries, it’s important to communicate in a calm and respectful manner, even if you feel angry. Using “I” statements can help express how you feel without blaming others (e.g., “I feel upset when…”). This approach helps the other person understand your emotions without feeling attacked (Groschwitz & Plener, 2012).
  1. Be Clear and Specific
  • Vague boundaries often lead to misunderstandings. Instead, be specific about what you’re asking for. For example, if you need space to cool down, say, “I need to take a break right now. Let’s talk about this later when we’re both calmer” (Child Mind Institute, 2020).
  1. Stay Consistent
  • Once you set a boundary, stick to it. If others see that you’re inconsistent, they may not take your boundaries seriously. By staying consistent, you reinforce your limits and reduce the chances of repeated conflicts (LeCroy & Daley, 2020).

The Power of Walking Away

Sometimes, even after setting boundaries, a situation may still feel overwhelming or unmanageable. In these cases, walking away can be the best option for both your emotional well-being and for preventing further conflict. Walking away isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s a powerful tool for maintaining control over your emotions and preventing the situation from escalating.

  1. Prevents Escalation
  • When emotions are high, it’s easy for arguments to spiral out of control. Walking away gives you time to calm down and think rationally before reacting. This pause can prevent hurtful words or actions that you may regret later (Galla, 2016).
  1. Gives You Time to Cool Down
  • Taking a break from a heated situation allows your body’s stress response to subside. When you walk away, your heart rate slows down, your breathing steadies, and you can regain control of your thoughts (Sukhodolsky et al., 2017).
  1. Creates Space for Reflection
  • Walking away gives you time to reflect on the situation and your emotions. It helps you assess whether your anger is justified or if there’s a better way to approach the issue. You might realize that what you’re upset about isn’t worth the conflict, or you may gain clarity on how to address the situation more calmly (APA, 2021).

How to Walk Away When Angry

Walking away isn’t always easy, especially when you’re in the heat of the moment. Here are some tips to help you walk away effectively:

  1. Recognize When It’s Time to Leave
  • Pay attention to your physical and emotional cues. If you notice that your heart is racing, your body is tense, or you feel like yelling, it may be a good time to walk away before things escalate (Groschwitz & Plener, 2012).
  1. Say Something Calm and Direct
  • Let the other person know that you need space to cool down. You can say something like, “I need a break right now. Let’s talk about this later when we’ve both had time to calm down.” This communicates your intent without making the situation worse (LeCroy & Daley, 2020).
  1. Find a Safe Space
  • Once you walk away, go somewhere quiet where you can cool down. This could be your room, a park, or any space where you can feel calm and reflect. Use this time to practice deep breathing, mindfulness, or any other relaxation technique that helps you regain control (Child Mind Institute, 2020).
  1. Return When You’re Ready
  • After you’ve had time to cool down, return to the conversation with a clearer mind. You’ll likely be more prepared to discuss the issue calmly and productively.

Long-Term Benefits of Setting Boundaries and Walking Away

Learning to set boundaries and walk away when necessary are essential life skills that promote emotional intelligence and resilience. By consistently practicing these skills, teens can experience long-term benefits, including:

  1. Improved Emotional Regulation
  • Setting boundaries and walking away help you develop emotional self-control. You become more aware of your emotions and can respond to them in healthier ways (Galla, 2016).
  1. Stronger Relationships
  • Boundaries foster mutual respect and understanding in relationships, while walking away prevents unnecessary conflicts. These practices lead to stronger, healthier connections with friends, family, and peers (Friedman, 2020).
  1. Greater Confidence and Self-Esteem
  • Setting boundaries allows you to stand up for yourself, which builds confidence and self-respect. Walking away from unproductive situations shows emotional maturity and self-control (LeCroy & Daley, 2020).

Conclusion

For teens, learning to set boundaries and walk away when angry is essential for managing emotions and maintaining healthy relationships. These skills help you stay in control of your reactions and reduce the chances of conflict or emotional outbursts. By consistently practicing these techniques, you can build stronger relationships, improve your emotional well-being, and approach life’s challenges with greater resilience and confidence.

This article has been written by John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW Mr. Collier has over 25 years of experience in the social work field and is based in London Kentucky through Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health, LLC. Mr. Collier may be reached by phone at (606) 657–0532 extension 101 or by email at [email protected].

References

American Psychological Association. (2021). Controlling Anger Before It Controls You. https://www.apa.org/topics/anger/control

Child Mind Institute. (2020). How to Help Kids Manage Anger. https://childmind.org/article/how-to-help-kids-manage-anger

Friedman, H. S. (2020). The Longevity Project: Surprising Discoveries for Health and Long Life from the Landmark Eight-Decade Study. Penguin Books.

Galla, B. M. (2016). Mindfulness, academic achievement, and positive behavior among adolescents: The role of executive function. Journal of Educational Psychology, 108(3), 427-441.

LeCroy, C. W., & Daley, J. (2020). Building Your Ideal Private Practice: A Guide for Therapists and Other Mental Health Professionals. Wiley.

Sukhodolsky, D. G., et al. (2017). Cognitive-behavioral therapy for anger and aggression in children and adolescents. Child and Adolescent Psychiatric Clinics, 25(4), 623–634.

Groschwitz, R. C., & Plener, P. L. (2012). The neurobiological basis of nonsuicidal self-injury in adolescents: A review. European Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, 21(2), 139–149.