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Tag it will be ok

Five Good Ways to Relax

Relaxation is essential for maintaining mental, emotional, and physical well-being. In today’s fast-paced world, finding ways to unwind can be challenging, but it is crucial for stress reduction, mental clarity, and overall health. This article explores five effective ways to relax, supported by research and expert advice.

1. Mindful Meditation

Mindful meditation is one of the most powerful techniques for relaxation. It involves focusing your attention on the present moment, often through controlled breathing, and acknowledging thoughts or sensations without judgment. Research has shown that meditation reduces stress, improves concentration, and fosters a sense of calm.

A study published in Psychiatry Research: Neuroimaging found that regular meditation can actually change the brain, increasing gray matter in areas associated with learning, memory, and emotional regulation (Hölzel et al., 2011). By taking just 10-20 minutes a day to practice mindfulness, individuals can experience significant reductions in anxiety and stress.

Mindfulness meditation can be practiced anywhere, whether it’s in a quiet room, at work, or even during a walk. Apps like Headspace and Calm have made it easier to get started with guided meditation sessions for beginners and experienced practitioners alike.

2. Exercise

Physical activity is a highly effective way to relax the body and mind. Whether it’s running, yoga, swimming, or even walking, exercise triggers the release of endorphins—natural chemicals in the brain that act as stress relievers. Exercise also reduces the body’s levels of stress hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol.

According to the American Psychological Association (APA), regular physical activity can significantly improve mood, reduce anxiety, and combat the negative effects of stress (APA, 2013). For instance, yoga, a form of exercise that combines physical movement with breathing techniques, has been shown to reduce stress and enhance overall well-being. A study published in the Journal of Alternative and Complementary Medicine found that yoga reduces cortisol levels and can lead to a reduction in perceived stress (Ross et al., 2013).

Engaging in just 30 minutes of physical activity a few times a week can have profound effects on relaxation and overall mental health.

3. Reading

Reading for pleasure is an excellent way to relax, especially when you get absorbed in a good book. When reading a novel or engaging content, the mind gets a break from daily worries and stressors. Research has shown that reading can reduce stress levels significantly in a short period.

A study from the University of Sussex found that reading for just six minutes can lower stress levels by up to 68%, making it a more effective stress-relief activity than listening to music, drinking tea, or taking a walk (Lewis, 2009). Reading transports the brain into a different world, giving your mind an opportunity to rest and rejuvenate.

Fiction, self-help, and even poetry are good genres to consider when choosing reading material for relaxation. The key is to choose something that interests and engages you.

4. Deep Breathing Exercises

Deep breathing is one of the simplest yet most effective relaxation techniques. By focusing on slow, deep breaths, the body’s parasympathetic nervous system is activated, which helps counteract the “fight or flight” stress response.

Dr. Herbert Benson, a pioneer in the field of mind-body medicine, developed a technique called the “relaxation response,” which emphasizes deep breathing as a way to induce a state of calm and reduce stress (Benson, 1975). This response involves sitting quietly, closing your eyes, and breathing deeply while repeating a word or phrase to yourself, creating a peaceful, meditative state.

One of the most common techniques is “4-7-8 breathing,” which involves inhaling for four seconds, holding the breath for seven seconds, and exhaling slowly for eight seconds. This method has been shown to slow heart rate and promote a sense of relaxation.

5. Spending Time in Nature

Spending time outdoors, whether walking in a park, hiking in the mountains, or simply sitting by a body of water, can have profound effects on relaxation and mental well-being. Nature exposure reduces stress, improves mood, and can even lower blood pressure.

A study published in Frontiers in Psychology found that spending as little as 20 minutes in a natural setting can significantly lower levels of the stress hormone cortisol (Hunter et al., 2019). The calming effect of nature, often referred to as “forest bathing” or “shinrin-yoku” in Japan, has been extensively studied for its ability to promote relaxation and improve mental health.

The sounds of nature, fresh air, and greenery provide a peaceful environment that helps reduce the mental and physical toll of stress. Even a short walk in a park or garden can be enough to reset your mind and reduce anxiety.

Conclusion

Relaxation is vital for maintaining a balanced and healthy lifestyle. By incorporating mindful meditation, regular exercise, reading, deep breathing exercises, and spending time in nature into your daily routine, you can significantly reduce stress and improve your overall well-being. Each of these methods is supported by scientific research and provides effective, accessible ways to unwind and recharge.

This article was written by John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW. Mr. Collier has over 25 years of experience in the social work field. He currently serves as the executive Director and practitioner at Southeast Kentucky Behavioral health based out of London, Kentucky. John may be reached at 606-657-0532 extension 101 or by email at John @SEKYBH.com.

References

• American Psychological Association (2013). Exercise Fuels Mental Health. Retrieved from APA.

• Benson, H. (1975). The Relaxation Response. William Morrow and Company.

• Hölzel, B. K., Carmody, J., Vangel, M., Congleton, C., Yerramsetti, S. M., Gard, T., & Lazar, S. W. (2011). Mindfulness practice leads to increases in regional brain gray matter density. Psychiatry Research: Neuroimaging, 191(1), 36-43.

• Hunter, M. R., Gillespie, B. W., & Chen, S. Y. P. (2019). Urban Nature Experiences Reduce Stress in the Context of Daily Life Based on Salivary Biomarkers. Frontiers in Psychology, 10, 722.

• Lewis, D. (2009). Galaxy Stress Research. Mindlab International, University of Sussex.

• Ross, A., Thomas, S. (2013). The Health Benefits of Yoga and Exercise: A Review of Comparison Studies. Journal of Alternative and Complementary Medicine, 16(1), 3-12.

Do You Miss the Way It Was or Do You Miss the Way It Should Have Been?

Feelings of nostalgia and regret are common in life’s journey, especially when reflecting on relationships, past experiences, or significant life changes. Yet, a subtle but important question often arises when people reflect on their past: Do you miss the way it was, or do you miss the way it should have been? This question speaks to the tension between remembering actual past events and yearning for an idealized version of what those experiences could have been. Examining this distinction can help us understand ourselves better, find closure, and learn to move forward in healthier ways.

1. Nostalgia and the Idealization of the Past

Nostalgia is a complex emotion that involves a yearning for the past. While it can evoke warm, comforting feelings, it can also distort memories. Psychologists describe nostalgia as bittersweet because it often involves idealizing the past, focusing on positive memories while downplaying the negative ones (Wildschut et al., 2006). People often miss “the way it was” because nostalgia smooths over the rough edges of reality, leaving only memories of joy, comfort, or connection.

However, nostalgia doesn’t always provide an accurate reflection of past events. A study published in Memory found that nostalgic memories tend to be colored by emotion, leading people to remember the past as more positive than it may have been (Sedikides & Wildschut, 2018). This idealization can sometimes cause individuals to miss the way things “were” without fully acknowledging the challenges or flaws in those past experiences.

On the other hand, some people find themselves missing not what actually happened, but what could have happened. This feeling stems from regret and the recognition that certain situations didn’t unfold as hoped. In this case, they are mourning the loss of an imagined future—a version of events that, in their minds, should have been different or better.

2. Regret and the Longing for What Could Have Been

Regret is a powerful emotion that arises when people feel they have lost out on an opportunity or failed to achieve a desired outcome. Unlike nostalgia, which tends to idealize the past, regret focuses on the gap between reality and expectation. In relationships, careers, or personal decisions, people often feel regret when they realize that things didn’t turn out as they had envisioned.

Research published in Social Psychological and Personality Science indicates that people experience more intense regret over inactions than actions. In other words, people are more likely to regret the things they didn’t do, the words they didn’t say, or the opportunities they didn’t take (Gilovich & Medvec, 1995). This leads to a feeling of missing “the way it should have been”—an alternate reality where different choices led to better outcomes.

This type of regret can be particularly painful because it involves a sense of lost potential. When people think about missed opportunities or paths not taken, they often create a mental image of an idealized version of their lives—one where they made the right choices, found happiness, or achieved success. However, these idealized scenarios are often based on an assumption that everything would have worked out perfectly, which may not be a realistic view.

3. The Role of Expectations in Shaping Our Perceptions

Expectations play a central role in determining whether we miss “the way it was” or “the way it should have been.” When expectations are high, and reality falls short, regret is more likely to surface. Psychologist Daniel Kahneman’s prospect theory suggests that people are more sensitive to losses than to gains. As a result, when reality doesn’t meet our expectations, it feels like a loss, even if the outcome wasn’t inherently negative (Kahneman & Tversky, 1979).

For example, in relationships, people may mourn what “should have been” if they expected certain outcomes—such as lifelong commitment, emotional support, or mutual understanding—that were never realized. When these expectations go unmet, it can lead to feelings of disappointment, regret, and even bitterness. People may find themselves asking “what if?” and dwelling on the possibility that things could have been better if only certain events had played out differently.

Conversely, when expectations are low, people are more likely to look back on the past with nostalgia, finding comfort in the way things were. This is because their expectations were already aligned with reality, allowing them to accept the past as it was without feeling like something better was lost.

4. Grieving Unlived Lives

One of the most difficult aspects of missing “the way it should have been” is grieving the life or relationship that never existed. This concept is related to ambiguous loss, a term coined by psychologist Pauline Boss. Ambiguous loss refers to a type of grief where the object of loss is unclear or unresolved (Boss, 1999). In the context of regret, people may grieve not only for relationships or opportunities that ended but also for the potential that those situations held.

This type of grief can be complex because it involves mourning for something that was never real. People may find themselves dwelling on questions like, “What if I had married someone else?” or “What if I had pursued a different career?” These thoughts can prevent closure because they keep the individual tied to a hypothetical scenario rather than accepting reality.

In these cases, it’s essential to acknowledge the grief associated with unrealized potential, but also to recognize that these imagined lives are just that—imagined. Acceptance and self-compassion are critical in moving forward from this type of loss (Neff, 2003).

5. Moving Forward: Embracing Acceptance and Growth

Whether someone is missing “the way it was” or “the way it should have been,” learning to let go and embrace acceptance is key to moving forward. Acceptance doesn’t mean denying emotions like regret or nostalgia, but rather acknowledging them without letting them control one’s life.

Practicing self-compassion can help individuals cope with regret and missed opportunities. According to researcher Kristin Neff, self-compassion involves treating yourself with kindness, recognizing your common humanity, and being mindful of your feelings without judgment (Neff, 2003). By cultivating self-compassion, individuals can begin to release unrealistic expectations and move forward with a greater sense of peace.

Similarly, mindfulness can be a powerful tool in preventing the mind from becoming trapped in the past. A study published in Psychological Science found that mindfulness practices help individuals stay focused on the present moment, reducing rumination on past regrets or missed opportunities (Kabat-Zinn, 2003).

Conclusion

The question of whether we miss “the way it was” or “the way it should have been” speaks to the complexity of human emotions and memory. Nostalgia and regret are two sides of the same coin, each reflecting a different way of engaging with the past. While nostalgia often idealizes the past, regret fixates on the gap between expectations and reality. By understanding these emotional responses, we can gain insight into our inner world and learn to move forward with greater acceptance, self-compassion, and emotional resilience.

References

  • Boss, P. (1999). Ambiguous Loss: Learning to Live with Unresolved Grief. Harvard University Press.
  • Gilovich, T., & Medvec, V. H. (1995). The Experience of Regret: What, When, and Why. Psychological Review, 102(2), 379-395.
  • Kahneman, D., & Tversky, A. (1979). Prospect Theory: An Analysis of Decision under Risk. Econometrica, 47(2), 263-291.
  • Kabat-Zinn, J. (2003). Mindfulness-Based Interventions in Context: Past, Present, and Future. Clinical Psychology: Science and Practice, 10(2), 144-156.
  • Neff, K. D. (2003). The Development and Validation of a Scale to Measure Self-Compassion. Self and Identity, 2(3), 223-250.
  • Sedikides, C., & Wildschut, T. (2018). Finding Meaning in Nostalgia. Review of General Psychology, 22(1), 48-61.
  • Wildschut, T., Sedikides, C., Arndt, J., & Routledge, C. (2006). Nostalgia: Content, Triggers, Functions. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 91(5), 975-993.

Acknowledging a child’s pain

Telling a hurt child “it will be okay” can have both positive and negative effects, depending on the context and how it’s delivered.

On one hand, saying “it will be okay” can provide comfort and reassurance to a child who is experiencing pain or distress. It can help the child feel heard and validated, and provide a sense of hope that things will improve. This can be particularly helpful in situations where the child is upset but not in immediate danger, such as after a minor injury, a disappointing experience, or a conflict with a friend.

On the other hand, telling a hurt child “it will be okay” without acknowledging their feelings or offering any further support can be dismissive and invalidating. It can make the child feel like their emotions are not important or valid, or like they are expected to simply “get over it” without any help or support. This can be particularly harmful in situations where the child is experiencing significant pain or trauma, or where they feel isolated or unsupported.

In general, it’s important to validate a child’s feelings and offer support in addition to reassurance. For example, you might say something like, “I know that hurts, and it’s okay to feel upset. Let’s take a break and see what we can do to make it feel better.” This acknowledges the child’s pain, validates their emotions, and offers concrete support to help them cope.