Category Teen

Does my teenager act “Entitled”? Understanding and Addressing Entitlement

Parents often encounter behavior in their teenagers that feels entitled—expecting special treatment, assuming privileges without effort, or displaying frustration when things don’t go their way. These behaviors can be confusing and frustrating, especially when parents aim to raise respectful, independent, and resilient young adults. Understanding what “entitlement” truly means, why it arises during adolescence, and how to address it can help parents navigate this challenging aspect of development.

1. Defining Entitlement in Teenagers

Entitlement is generally defined as an expectation of special treatment or privileges without reciprocal effort, responsibility, or appreciation. An “entitled” teenager may assume that their needs should come first, express frustration when they don’t get what they want, or expect rewards for minimal effort. This mindset can lead to struggles in relationships, academic settings, and future work environments if not addressed (Twenge & Campbell, 2009).

However, it’s important to distinguish normal adolescent self-focus from true entitlement. Adolescence is a time when teens are naturally centered on themselves as they explore their identities and seek independence. This phase of self-centeredness doesn’t always equal entitlement but can appear that way if certain behaviors aren’t balanced with empathy, responsibility, and appreciation.

2. Why Does Entitlement Develop in Teenagers?

Several factors contribute to the development of entitlement in teenagers, including societal influences, parenting styles, and the natural developmental processes of adolescence. Recognizing these influences can help parents understand the root causes and address entitlement more effectively.

A. Brain Development and the Adolescent Mindset

During the teenage years, the brain undergoes significant changes, particularly in areas responsible for impulse control and emotional regulation. This makes teens more focused on their immediate needs and desires, which can amplify entitled behaviors (Blakemore, 2018). Teens’ developing brains make it harder for them to weigh long-term consequences, so they may seek instant gratification and resist responsibility or hard work (Siegel, 2013).

B. Influence of Consumer Culture and Social Media

Teenagers are constantly exposed to social media and advertising that promotes instant gratification, materialism, and a “have-it-all” mentality. These messages can reinforce a sense of entitlement by suggesting that everyone deserves the latest trend, special treatment, or success without much effort (APA, 2019). Social media can also create unrealistic comparisons, making teens feel entitled to lifestyles or privileges similar to those they see online (Pew Research Center, 2018).

C. Parenting Styles and Overprotection

Overly permissive or “helicopter” parenting can unintentionally foster entitlement. When parents shield teens from responsibility or clear obstacles in their path, teens may begin to assume that life should always go smoothly and that they deserve special accommodations (Lythcott-Haims, 2015). While parental support is vital, balancing it with appropriate expectations and responsibilities is key to avoiding entitled attitudes.

3. Signs of Entitlement in Teenagers

Recognizing entitlement in teens can sometimes be tricky, as it may overlap with normal adolescent behaviors. However, certain patterns can indicate entitlement:

  • Lack of Appreciation: They rarely express gratitude or acknowledge the efforts others make on their behalf.
  • Avoiding Responsibilities: They expect privileges without putting in the required effort or fulfilling responsibilities, like household chores or academic work.
  • Resistance to “No”: They struggle to handle denial, setbacks, or limitations, often reacting with frustration or defiance.
  • Sense of Deserving Special Treatment: They expect special accommodations or assume they should receive rewards for minimal effort (Twenge & Campbell, 2009).

These behaviors can often lead to frustration and conflict within the family, as well as difficulties in other social settings, if left unchecked.

4. Addressing and Reducing Entitlement in Teens

Addressing entitlement doesn’t mean stripping teens of their independence or denying them privileges. Instead, it involves setting healthy boundaries, encouraging gratitude, and fostering resilience. Here are some practical strategies:

A. Teach Responsibility Through Consequences

It’s essential to allow teens to experience the natural consequences of their actions. When they make a mistake or avoid responsibilities, allow them to feel the results rather than rescuing them. This helps them understand that privileges and rewards are earned, not automatically granted (Kobliner, 2017).

B. Encourage Empathy and Perspective-Taking

Help your teen understand how their actions impact others by encouraging empathy. Discuss scenarios where they consider others’ perspectives, whether it’s the effort parents put into providing for them or the responsibilities their peers manage. Empathy-building exercises can shift their focus from self-centered expectations to a more balanced view of relationships and responsibilities (Gottman & DeClaire, 1998).

C. Model and Encourage Gratitude

Practicing gratitude has been shown to reduce entitlement and promote well-being. Encourage your teen to regularly acknowledge things they’re thankful for, whether through a gratitude journal or family discussions. When teens recognize what they have, they’re less likely to expect special treatment (Emmons, 2007).

D. Promote a “Growth Mindset”

Carol Dweck’s concept of a “growth mindset” encourages teens to value effort, learning, and resilience rather than expecting instant success or rewards. Emphasize the importance of persistence and improvement rather than immediate outcomes. This helps teens shift their focus from entitlement to personal growth and responsibility (Dweck, 2006).

E. Set Boundaries Around Privileges

Provide structure around privileges by connecting them to responsibilities. For instance, allow certain privileges only when chores, schoolwork, or other tasks are completed. Explain that privileges are not guaranteed but are earned through responsible behavior. This creates a sense of accountability and helps teens see the link between effort and reward (Kobliner, 2017).

5. Understanding Entitlement as a Phase, Not a Personality

It’s important to remember that entitlement in teens is often a temporary phase rather than a permanent personality trait. As teens grow and gain real-world experiences, many naturally outgrow entitlement, developing a greater sense of empathy, gratitude, and responsibility. With consistent guidance, you can support this growth and help them develop into resilient, respectful adults (Siegel, 2013).

Conclusion: Fostering Respect and Responsibility in Place of Entitlement

Navigating entitlement in teenagers can be challenging, but it’s possible to guide them toward a healthier outlook with understanding and the right strategies. By teaching responsibility, modeling gratitude, and promoting empathy, parents can help teens balance their needs with an appreciation for others. Recognizing that entitlement is often a developmental phase can help parents approach the issue with patience, knowing that with guidance, their teen can grow into a more self-aware and considerate young adult.

This article has been written by John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW. Mr. Collier has over 25 years of experience in the social work field and is based in London Kentucky through Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health, LLC. Mr. Collier may be reached by phone at (606) 657–0532 extension 101 or by email at [email protected].

References

  • American Psychological Association. (2019). The Effects of Social Media on Children and Adolescents. APA.
  • Blakemore, S. J. (2018). Inventing Ourselves: The Secret Life of the Teenage Brain. PublicAffairs.
  • Dweck, C. S. (2006). Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. Random House.
  • Emmons, R. A. (2007). Thanks! How Practicing Gratitude Can Make You Happier. Houghton Mifflin.
  • Gottman, J., & DeClaire, J. (1998). Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child. Simon & Schuster.
  • Kobliner, B. (2017). Make Your Kid a Money Genius (Even If You’re Not). Simon & Schuster.
  • Lythcott-Haims, J. (2015). How to Raise an Adult: Break Free of the Overparenting Trap and Prepare Your Kid for Success. Henry Holt and Company.
  • Pew Research Center. (2018). Teens, Social Media & Technology 2018. Pew Research Center.
  • Siegel, D. J. (2013). Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain. TarcherPerigee.
  • Twenge, J. M., & Campbell, W. K. (2009). The Narcissism Epidemic: Living in the Age of Entitlement. Free Press.

Understanding and Managing Peer Pressure: A Guide for Parents

Peer pressure, a common part of adolescence, is the influence that individuals within the same age group exert on each other. This influence can impact behaviors, values, and self-perception and may occur directly or indirectly (Steinberg, 2014). While peer pressure can sometimes lead to positive behaviors—such as improved school performance or involvement in community activities—it often leads to risky behaviors, especially during teenage years. As parents, understanding how peer pressure works and knowing how to support your child in managing it can make a significant difference.

Types of Peer Pressure

Peer pressure can take various forms, and understanding these can help parents identify when their child might be under influence:

  1. Direct Peer Pressure: This is the most explicit form and involves a peer openly urging another to engage in a specific behavior (Allen et al., 2006). For example, a teen might directly encourage a friend to try smoking or drinking.
  2. Indirect Peer Pressure: This type is more subtle and may not involve explicit urging. Instead, it stems from the desire to fit in or mimic others’ behaviors to be accepted by a group (Brechwald & Prinstein, 2011). Teens often model themselves after popular peers or those in leadership roles, adopting their behaviors and attitudes.
  3. Positive Peer Pressure: Not all peer pressure is harmful. Positive peer pressure can encourage teens to pursue constructive activities, such as participating in sports, studying harder, or avoiding substances. Friends can support each other in making healthy choices (Simons-Morton & Farhat, 2010).
  4. Negative Peer Pressure: This type involves peers influencing each other to engage in harmful or risky behaviors, including drug or alcohol use, cheating, or skipping school (Gardner & Steinberg, 2005).

The Impact of Peer Pressure on Adolescents

Adolescents are particularly susceptible to peer pressure because of developmental changes. During the teenage years, individuals become more independent from their families and start to rely more on peer relationships for emotional and social support (Albert et al., 2013). Additionally, the adolescent brain is highly sensitive to rewards, and the presence of peers can increase risk-taking behavior (Steinberg, 2014).

Research indicates that peer influence can shape a teen’s values and behaviors more than parental influence during certain stages of adolescence (Simons-Morton & Farhat, 2010). For example, teens who associate with peers involved in substance use are more likely to engage in these behaviors themselves (Allen et al., 2006). However, this influence can also lead to positive behaviors if they are surrounded by supportive and motivated peers.

Recognizing Signs of Peer Pressure

Parents should look out for signs that their child may be experiencing negative peer pressure, which can include:

  • Changes in Behavior or Appearance: Sudden changes in clothing, interests, or behavior may indicate attempts to conform to a peer group.
  • Withdrawal from Family: Increased secrecy, reluctance to share information, or withdrawal from family activities may suggest a shift in influence toward peers.
  • Academic Decline: Dropping grades or lack of interest in school could signal that your teen is prioritizing peer acceptance over responsibilities.
  • Mood Changes: Increased anxiety, mood swings, or depression could be responses to the stress of peer influence or trying to meet unrealistic group expectations (Prinstein & Dodge, 2008).

How Parents Can Support Their Children

1. Open Communication

Fostering open, honest communication is essential. Regular conversations with your child can encourage them to share their feelings and experiences. According to a study by Dishion and Tipsord (2011), teens who have strong parental support and communication are more resilient against negative peer influence.

2. Teach Decision-Making Skills

Help your child develop decision-making skills and build confidence in their own choices. Parents can model assertive behavior and provide their children with tools to resist pressure, such as practicing saying “no” or suggesting alternatives (Albert et al., 2013).

3. Encourage Healthy Friendships

Encourage your teen to build relationships with peers who share positive values. Research shows that supportive friendships can act as a protective factor, reducing susceptibility to negative peer pressure (Allen et al., 2006). Get to know your child’s friends and their parents to understand the influences surrounding your teen.

4. Discuss the Consequences of Risky Behaviors

Have open discussions about the risks associated with certain behaviors, such as substance use or skipping school. Understanding the potential consequences can empower teens to make informed decisions (Simons-Morton & Farhat, 2010).

5. Model Positive Behavior

Parents are influential role models. Demonstrating responsible behavior and discussing how you handle social pressures can provide a framework for your teen (Brechwald & Prinstein, 2011). When teens see their parents handling pressure assertively and responsibly, they are more likely to emulate those behaviors.

6. Provide Positive Reinforcement

Celebrate your teen’s individuality and reinforce their positive choices. Positive reinforcement can increase their confidence, helping them resist the urge to conform to negative influences.

Conclusion

Understanding peer pressure and its impact on teenagers can help parents play an active role in guiding their children. By fostering open communication, modeling positive behaviors, and encouraging healthy friendships, parents can equip their teens with the tools they need to resist negative peer pressure. Supporting teens through these formative years is crucial, helping them build self-confidence and resilience to navigate peer influences effectively.

This article has been written by John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW. Mr. Collier has over 25 years of experience in thein the Social Work field. He currently serves as the Executive Director and service provider with Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health based out of London Kentucky. Mr. Collier can be reached by phone at (606) 657-0532 extension 101 or by email [email protected].

References

  • Albert, D., Chein, J., & Steinberg, L. (2013). The Teenage Brain: Peer Influences on Adolescent Decision Making. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 22(2), 114–120.
  • Allen, J. P., Porter, M. R., McFarland, C., Marsh, P., & McElhaney, K. B. (2006). The Two Faces of Adolescents’ Success with Peers: Adolescent Popularity, Social Adaptation, and Deviant Behavior. Child Development, 76(3), 747–760.
  • Brechwald, W. A., & Prinstein, M. J. (2011). Beyond Homophily: A Decade of Advances in Understanding Peer Influence Processes. Journal of Research on Adolescence, 21(1), 166–179.
  • Dishion, T. J., & Tipsord, J. M. (2011). Peer Contagion in Child and Adolescent Social and Emotional Development. Annual Review of Psychology, 62, 189–214.
  • Gardner, M., & Steinberg, L. (2005). Peer Influence on Risk Taking, Risk Preference, and Risky Decision Making in Adolescence and Adulthood: An Experimental Study. Developmental Psychology, 41(4), 625–635.
  • Prinstein, M. J., & Dodge, K. A. (2008). Understanding Peer Influence in Children and Adolescents. The Guilford Press.
  • Simons-Morton, B., & Farhat, T. (2010). Recent Findings on Peer Group Influences on Adolescent Substance Use. The Journal of Primary Prevention, 31, 191–208.
  • Steinberg, L. (2014). Age of Opportunity: Lessons from the New Science of Adolescence. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt.

 Why Do We Follow What We Think Is Popular?

Imagine you’re sitting at lunch, and everyone around you is talking about the latest song, the coolest clothes, or the newest app. Suddenly, you feel a strong pull to check it out, too. But why do we feel this way? Why do we often follow what we think is popular, even if it’s not something we’re really into? In this article, we’ll explore why following trends and popular things is so tempting, especially for young people.

 1. The Power of Social Influence

Humans are social creatures, which means we often look to others to guide our behavior. This is known as social influence. Psychologists explain that we tend to follow others to fit in, especially when we’re in situations where we feel uncertain or uncomfortable. When we see many people liking something or talking about it, we assume it must be good or interesting. For pre-teens and teens, this desire to fit in is even stronger as you’re discovering your identity and forming social groups (Cialdini, 2007).

Social influence works in two main ways:

  • Normative Influence: This is when we follow others because we want to be accepted. We wear what’s “in style” or talk about the same things so we don’t feel left out.
  • Informational Influence: This is when we believe that others know something we don’t. If everyone in your class starts listening to a new band, you might assume that it’s worth listening to because so many people like it.

 2. The Role of the Brain

Did you know your brain also has a role in why we follow what’s popular? The prefrontal cortex, which is the part of the brain responsible for decision-making and understanding social situations, is still developing during your pre-teen years. Because of this, young people are more likely to be influenced by what they see around them (Steinberg, 2013).

In fact, studies show that when people experience social acceptance or positive feedback from others, the brain releases a chemical called dopamine (Sherman et al., 2016). Dopamine is often called the “feel-good” hormone because it makes us feel happy and rewarded. This can make following trends or doing what others do even more appealing, as we get that rewarding feeling from being included.

 3. Social Media and Trends

Social media plays a big role in what we think is popular today. Platforms like TikTok, Instagram, and Snapchat constantly show us the latest trends in fashion, music, and even behaviors. Algorithms on these platforms are designed to keep us engaged by showing us what’s popular or “viral.” Because we see so many people doing the same challenges, wearing similar outfits, or using the same slang, we might feel pressured to follow along.

Researchers have found that people tend to feel more confident in their choices when they believe others are making the same choices (Bond & Smith, 1996). This is called the bandwagon effect. On social media, when we see thousands of people liking, sharing, or commenting on something, we assume it’s worth paying attention to and are more likely to join in, even if we might not actually like it ourselves.

 4. Identity and Self-Expression

As pre-teens, you’re discovering who you are and how you want to be seen by others. Trying out trends is one way of exploring your identity. When we dress a certain way or listen to certain music, we’re also expressing our values and interests. Following popular trends can sometimes make it easier to connect with others who share similar interests, helping us feel like we belong to a group (Erikson, 1968).

However, there’s also a downside to this. If we focus too much on what others think is cool or popular, we might end up doing things just to fit in rather than because we truly enjoy them. Remember that it’s okay to be different and to like things that aren’t popular, too.

 5. Finding a Balance

While it’s natural to be influenced by what’s popular, it’s also important to find a balance. Here are some tips to help you stay true to yourself while navigating trends:

  • Ask yourself why: Before following a trend, ask yourself if it’s something you really like or if you’re just following it to fit in.
  • Experiment with different styles: It’s okay to try out different things and figure out what you like. You might find that you enjoy some trends and dislike others.
  • Stay open-minded: Being aware of trends can be fun, but remember that you don’t have to follow every trend to feel accepted or confident.

Following popular trends is something we all do at times, especially as we’re figuring out who we are. But by learning to think about why we’re drawn to certain trends, we can make more confident choices about what we really like. Trends come and go, but your unique personality and interests are what make you truly stand out.

This article has been written by John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW. Mr. Collier has over 25 years of experience in the social work field and is based in London Kentucky through Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health, LLC. Mr. Collier may be reached by phone at (606) 657–0532 extension 101 or by email at [email protected].

 References

  • Bond, R., & Smith, P. B. (1996). Culture and conformity: A meta-analysis of studies using Asch’s (1952b, 1956) line judgment task. Psychological Bulletin, 119(1), 111–137.
  • Cialdini, R. B. (2007). Influence: The psychology of persuasion. Harper Business.
  • Erikson, E. H. (1968). Identity: Youth and crisis. W. W. Norton & Company.
  • Sherman, L. E., Payton, A. A., Hernandez, L. M., Greenfield, P. M., & Dapretto, M. (2016). The Power of the Like in Adolescence: Effects of Peer Influence on Neural and Behavioral Responses to Social Media. Psychological Science, 27(7), 1027-1035.
  • Steinberg, L. (2013). Age of Opportunity: Lessons from the New Science of Adolescence. Houghton Mifflin
Feeling Like You’re Not Treated Fairly in Your Family: A Guide for Teens

It’s not unusual to feel like you’re being treated unfairly in your family. Maybe it seems like your siblings get more freedom, or perhaps you feel like your parents don’t listen to you as much as they should. Whatever the case, feeling overlooked or misunderstood can be frustrating. Learning how to handle these feelings can make a big difference in your family relationships and help you feel more understood and respected at home.

 Understanding Why You Might Feel This Way

Feeling like you’re not treated fairly can come from a lot of places. Sometimes it’s about comparing yourself to siblings, while other times it might be about feeling that your parents don’t understand your perspective. According to Dr. Karen Bogenschneider, a family relationship expert, teens often struggle with perceived inequality, especially if parents treat siblings differently. It’s natural to want fairness, but every family member may need different things at different times, which can sometimes look like favoritism .

 Fairness Doesn’t Always Mean Equality

One important thing to understand is that fairness and equality aren’t the same thing. Fairness is about getting what you need, while equality is about getting exactly the same thing as others. For example, if one of your siblings is younger, your parents might give them more help with schoolwork, while they trust you to work independently. This isn’t unfair; it’s just that your parents recognize you might not need as much guidance.

Dr. Michael Thompson, a psychologist who specializes in family dynamics, points out that parents make decisions based on each child’s unique needs and maturity level . So while it may look like your parents are treating you differently, it’s often because they’re considering what they think will work best for you individually.

 Communicating Your Feelings

When you feel like you’re not being treated fairly, it’s important to express those feelings constructively. Here’s how to have a calm and effective conversation with your family:

 1. Pick the Right Time

– Try to bring up your feelings during a calm moment when everyone is relaxed, rather than during an argument or right after something has upset you. According to the American Psychological Association, timing matters when it comes to discussing emotional issues; waiting until everyone is calm can make for a more positive conversation .

 2. Use “I Statements”

– Rather than saying, “You’re always unfair!” try saying, “I feel frustrated when I see my siblings getting different rules than I do.” “I statements” focus on your feelings and are less likely to make others defensive. Psychologist Dr. Marshall Rosenberg suggests that using “I statements” helps people express their needs in a way that promotes understanding and reduces conflict .

 3. Ask Questions to Understand Your Parents’ Perspective

– You might say, “Can you help me understand why I have a different curfew than my sibling?” Asking questions can help you see things from your parents’ point of view, and it also shows them that you’re willing to listen.

Focusing on Your Strengths

Feeling like you’re not being treated fairly can sometimes make you feel less valued. During these times, it’s helpful to remember what makes you unique and focus on your strengths. Studies show that when teens focus on their own strengths, they tend to feel more confident and less affected by comparisons to others .

If you’re feeling overlooked, remind yourself of the things you’re good at and the positive qualities you bring to your family. Whether it’s your sense of humor, your creativity, or your ability to listen, every family member has unique strengths.

 Building Healthy Family Relationships

Maintaining a positive relationship with your family can be challenging, especially if you’re feeling misunderstood. However, working on those relationships can be rewarding and help you feel more connected to your family. Here are some tips for building healthy relationships at home:

 1. Show Appreciation

– Recognize the good things your family members do, even if it’s something small like making dinner or helping with homework. According to Dr. Robert Emmons, an expert in gratitude, expressing appreciation can improve relationships by making people feel valued and respected .

 2. Set Boundaries Respectfully

– It’s okay to let your family know when you need some space. For example, if you’re feeling overwhelmed, politely let them know you need a little time alone to recharge.

 3. Be Open to Compromise

– Family relationships often require compromise. For example, if you want more freedom, consider negotiating with your parents—maybe you get a later curfew on weekends if you show responsibility during the week.

Seeking Support Outside Your Family

If you’re struggling with family dynamics, it can help to talk to someone outside your family, like a friend, teacher, counselor, or mentor. According to a study published in Journal of Youth and Adolescence, teens who have strong support systems outside their family tend to have better coping skills and feel more understood . Talking to someone else can give you a fresh perspective and help you find new ways to deal with your feelings.

 Remember: Family Relationships Take Time

Family dynamics aren’t always easy, and feeling misunderstood or overlooked is a common experience for teens. But remember that family relationships are long-term. As you grow and change, so will your relationships with your family. In the meantime, learning to communicate calmly, focus on your strengths, and find support outside your family can help you handle these challenges in a positive way.

Feeling like you’re not treated fairly in your family doesn’t have to lead to conflict or resentment. By expressing your feelings constructively, focusing on what makes you unique, and building positive family relationships, you can navigate these challenges and build a stronger connection with your family over time.

This article has been written by John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW. Mr. Collier has over 25 years of experience in the social work field and is based in London Kentucky through Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health, LLC. Mr. Collier may be reached by phone at (606) 657–0532 extension 101 or by email at [email protected].

References

  1. Bogenschneider, K. (2004). Family Policy Matters: How Policymaking Affects Families and What Professionals Can Do. Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.
  2. Thompson, M. (2001). The Pressured Child: Helping Your Child Find Success in School and Life. Ballantine Books.
  3. American Psychological Association. (2021). “Discussing Tough Topics with Family.” APA. Retrieved from https://www.apa.org/.
  4. Rosenberg, M. (2015). Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life. PuddleDancer Press.
  5. Waters, L., & Sun, J. (2017). “The Impact of Strength-Based Parenting on Life Satisfaction and Subjective Wellbeing of Adolescents.” Journal of Youth and Adolescence, 46(4), 848-861.
  6. Emmons, R. A. (2013). Gratitude Works!: A 21-Day Program for Creating Emotional Prosperity. Jossey-Bass.
  7. Dubow, E. F., & Ullman, D. G. (1989). “Support, Stress, and Psychological Symptoms Among Early Adolescents.” Journal of Youth and Adolescence, 18(3), 191–204.