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Grieving the Loss of Stepchildren After Divorce

A Pain That Is Real, Even If Others Don’t See It

When people talk about divorce, they often talk about the loss of a spouse. But there is another loss that many people don’t talk about—the loss of stepchildren.

If you were a stepparent, you may have loved those children deeply. You may have helped raise them, cared for them, and been part of their daily lives. When the divorce happens, that relationship can suddenly end.

This kind of loss is real. It hurts. And it deserves to be understood.

The Bond You Built

Being a stepparent is not always easy. The relationship grows over time. It is built through moments like:

  • Helping with homework
  • Attending school events
  • Laughing together
  • Teaching and guiding

Even though you are not related by blood, love still grows. Research shows that strong emotional bonds can form through care and time, not just biology (Ganong & Coleman, 2017).

That means losing that relationship can feel just as painful as losing any close family member.

A Type of Grief People Don’t Always Understand

There is a kind of grief called disenfranchised grief. This means a loss that other people do not always recognize (Doka, 2002).

You might hear things like:

  • “They weren’t really your kids.”
  • “You can just move on.”

But those words can feel hurtful. The truth is, love is what makes a relationship real—not blood.

A Loss Without Closure

This kind of loss is also called ambiguous loss (Boss, 1999). That means the people you love are still alive, but you are no longer part of their lives.

This can be very confusing and painful because:

  • There is no goodbye
  • There is no clear ending
  • You may not know if you will ever see them again

It can leave your heart feeling stuck—like you don’t know how to move forward.

What You May Feel

Grieving stepchildren can bring many emotions, such as:

  • Sadness
  • Loneliness
  • Anger
  • Guilt
  • Feeling empty

You may also wonder:

  • “Do they remember me?”
  • “Did I matter to them?”

These thoughts are normal. They are part of grief.

Why This Hurts So Much

There are a few reasons this loss can feel so strong:

1. You Have No Control
You may not have the right to see or talk to them anymore.

2. People Don’t Always Understand
Others may not see your loss as important.

3. There Is No Closure
The relationship may end suddenly, with no chance to say goodbye.

4. The Love Is Still There
Even though the relationship ended, your feelings did not.

Ways to Cope and Heal

There are healthy ways to deal with this kind of grief:

1. Accept That Your Feelings Are Real
Your pain matters. You are allowed to grieve.

2. Talk About It
Speaking with a therapist or someone you trust can help.

3. Write It Out
Writing a letter to your stepchildren (even if you never send it) can bring some peace (Pennebaker & Chung, 2011).

4. Remember the Good Moments
Your time with them mattered. It made a difference.

5. Take Care of Yourself
Eat well, rest, and stay connected with others.

The Truth About Love

Loving those children was not a mistake.

Even if the relationship ended, the love you gave was real. Research shows that close relationships help us grow and shape who we are (Bowlby, 1980).

You were part of their story—and they were part of yours.

Final Thoughts

Losing stepchildren after a divorce is a quiet kind of heartbreak. Many people don’t see it, but that doesn’t make it any less real.

Grief is not something to hide from. It is a sign that you loved deeply.

And that love—no matter how the story ended—was worth it.

References

Boss, P. (1999). Ambiguous loss: Learning to live with unresolved grief. Harvard University Press.

Bowlby, J. (1980). Attachment and loss: Loss, sadness and depression. Basic Books.

Doka, K. J. (2002). Disenfranchised grief. Research Press.

Ganong, L., & Coleman, M. (2017). Stepfamily relationships. Springer.

Pennebaker, J. W., & Chung, C. K. (2011). Expressive writing and mental health.

About the Author

John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW is a licensed clinical social worker in Kentucky. He helps people work through grief, trauma, and life changes. He is passionate about helping others heal and grow through difficult experiences.

Connecting with Families at the Maternity, Baby & Kid Expo

Connecting with Families at the Maternity, Baby & Kid Expo

Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health (SEKYBH) recently had the privilege of participating in the Maternity, Baby & Kid Expo in Somerset, proudly sponsored by Lake Cumberland Regional Hospital on March 25, 2026. This event brought together families from across the community for a day focused on education, support, and connection.

Representing SEKYBH, Sabrina Henson, Case Manager and Marketer, spent the day engaging with parents, caregivers, and children—sharing valuable information about the wide range of behavioral health services available. From early childhood support to family-centered care, the event provided an opportunity to highlight how SEKYBH is committed to meeting families where they are and supporting their unique needs.

Events like this serve as a reminder of the importance of community outreach in building trust and awareness around mental health services. By connecting face-to-face with local families, SEKYBH continues to strengthen its mission of providing compassionate, accessible care throughout Southeast Kentucky.

It was truly a meaningful day filled with conversations, connections, and a shared commitment to supporting the well-being of children and families in the region.

What Too Much Screen Time Does to Your Child’s Brain

Many kids today spend a lot of time sitting on the couch watching TV, playing video games, or using a tablet. While screens can be fun and even helpful for learning, too much screen time can affect how a child’s brain grows and develops.

Let’s talk about what happens inside the brain.

🧠 The Brain Needs Activity to Grow

A child’s brain is always growing. It gets stronger when kids:

Play outside Talk with others Use their imagination Move their bodies

When a child sits still for a long time staring at a screen, the brain is not working in the same way. It becomes more passive, which means the brain is just watching instead of doing.

📺 Too Much Screen Time Can Affect Attention

Fast-moving shows and games can make the brain get used to constant excitement. This can make it harder for kids to:

Focus in school Sit still during class Pay attention to slower activities like reading

Over time, the brain may start to expect constant stimulation, making everyday tasks feel boring.

🗣️ It Can Slow Down Communication Skills

Kids learn to talk and understand others by:

Having conversations Listening to people Watching facial expressions

When a child spends too much time on a screen, they miss chances to practice these skills. This can make it harder for them to:

Express their feelings Understand others Build strong friendships

😴 Sleep Can Be Affected

Screens, especially before bedtime, can make it hard for the brain to relax. The bright light from screens can:

Trick the brain into thinking it’s still daytime Make it harder to fall asleep Lead to less restful sleep

Sleep is very important because the brain grows and heals during rest.

❤️ It Can Affect Emotions

When kids spend too much time on screens, they may:

Feel more irritable Get frustrated easily Have trouble handling boredom

This is because they are not learning how to manage their feelings through real-life experiences.

⚖️ Balance Is the Key

Screens are not bad by themselves. The key is balance. Healthy habits include:

Limiting screen time Taking breaks to move and play Spending time with family and friends Doing creative activities like drawing or building

🌱 Final Thoughts

A child’s brain grows best when it is active, engaged, and connected to the real world. Sitting on the couch staring at a screen for long periods can slow down important parts of development.

Helping kids balance screen time with play, conversation, and movement gives their brains the best chance to grow strong and healthy.

About the Author

John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW, is a behavioral health therapist dedicated to helping children and families build healthier habits, improve emotional well-being, and support strong brain development through practical, real-life strategies.

📚 References

American Academy of Pediatrics. (2016). Media and Young Minds. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). (2021). Child Development Basics. National Institute of Child Health and Human Development. (2020). Screen Time and Children. World Health Organization. (2019). Guidelines on Physical Activity, Sedentary Behaviour and Sleep for Children.

What Does It Mean for a Husband to Love and Lead His Wife?

When discussions arise about the biblical concept of a wife submitting to her husband, the conversation is incomplete without addressing the equally important responsibility placed upon the husband. Scripture calls husbands not merely to lead but to love in a way that reflects sacrifice, humility, and devotion. In fact, the responsibility placed upon husbands in the Bible is profound and demanding. Leadership in marriage is not about authority or control—it is about service, protection, and selfless love.

Understanding what it truly means for a husband to lead and love his wife requires examining both biblical teaching and relational wisdom.

The Biblical Model of Leadership

One of the clearest passages describing the husband’s role in marriage appears in Ephesians 5:25:

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.” (NKJV)

This command sets an incredibly high standard. Christ’s love for the church was sacrificial, patient, forgiving, and protective. Christ willingly gave His life for the church, placing the needs of others above His own.

For husbands, this means leadership is expressed through self-sacrifice rather than dominance. A husband’s leadership should focus on nurturing the emotional, spiritual, and physical well-being of his family.

This kind of leadership involves responsibility, not entitlement.

Leadership Through Service

Healthy leadership in marriage resembles servant leadership, a concept demonstrated by Christ Himself. In Mark 10:45, Jesus said:

“For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve.”

When applied to marriage, this principle suggests that a husband leads best when he serves his wife and family.

Service within marriage may include:

Providing emotional support during difficult times Protecting the family’s well-being Taking responsibility for the family’s direction Demonstrating patience and understanding Making sacrifices for the good of the household

Leadership in this context is not about having the final word in every situation. Instead, it involves guiding the relationship with humility and wisdom while valuing the wife’s voice and perspective.

Loving Through Action

Many men express love differently than women often expect. While verbal affirmation is important, many men demonstrate love through actions, responsibilities, and provision.

Research on relationship dynamics suggests that men frequently communicate love through problem-solving, protection, and practical support (Gray, 1992; Gottman & Silver, 2015). These behaviors may include working long hours to support the family, fixing problems around the home, or stepping in during times of crisis.

While these acts may not always appear romantic, they often represent a husband’s way of saying, “I care for you and want to provide for our life together.”

Understanding these differences in communication styles can help couples avoid misunderstandings about how love is expressed.

Leadership Requires Listening

Healthy leadership in marriage does not ignore a wife’s thoughts or insights. In fact, wise leadership requires attentive listening and thoughtful consideration.

Proverbs 19:20 reminds us:

“Listen to counsel and receive instruction, that you may be wise in your latter days.”

A husband who values his wife’s perspective demonstrates respect and strengthens the partnership within the marriage. Many successful marriages operate through collaborative decision-making, where both partners discuss options, weigh consequences, and reach decisions together.

Leadership, therefore, often means facilitating unity rather than enforcing authority.

Emotional Safety and Stability

One of the most important aspects of a husband’s role is creating emotional safety within the relationship. A loving husband strives to ensure that his wife feels:

Valued Respected Heard Protected Supported

Research consistently shows that emotional safety is one of the strongest predictors of marital satisfaction and long-term relationship stability (Gottman & Silver, 2015).

When a husband consistently treats his wife with kindness, patience, and respect, he creates an environment where trust and intimacy can flourish.

The Danger of Misusing Leadership

Unfortunately, the concept of male leadership has sometimes been misused to justify controlling or abusive behavior. True biblical leadership never supports intimidation, manipulation, or coercion.

A husband who attempts to dominate his wife is not following biblical teaching. Instead, he is violating the core principle of sacrificial love that defines Christian leadership.

Healthy leadership always includes:

Accountability Humility Self-control Respect for one’s spouse

Any behavior that harms or diminishes a partner contradicts the biblical model of marriage.

Marriage as a Shared Journey

Ultimately, marriage is not about hierarchy—it is about partnership. A husband and wife are two individuals walking together through life, each contributing unique strengths and perspectives.

Ecclesiastes 4:9 reminds us:

“Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor.”

When both spouses embrace their roles with love and humility, marriage becomes a powerful source of support, growth, and companionship.

The husband leads with love.

The wife responds with respect.

Together they build a relationship rooted in trust, faith, and unity.

Conclusion

The biblical call for husbands is not to rule but to love sacrificially and lead responsibly. A husband’s leadership should reflect Christ’s example—serving, protecting, and nurturing the well-being of his wife.

True leadership in marriage is not measured by authority but by the depth of love, humility, and responsibility a husband demonstrates toward his family.

When husbands embrace this calling, they help create marriages built on trust, partnership, and enduring commitment.

About the Author

John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW is a behavioral health therapist and writer based in Kentucky. With extensive experience working with couples and families, he focuses on helping individuals understand the emotional and relational dynamics that influence healthy marriages. Through his clinical work and writing, Collier strives to bridge psychological insight with practical wisdom to strengthen relationships and families.

References

Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2015). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Harmony Books.

Gray, J. (1992). Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. HarperCollins.

Stanley, S., Markman, H., & Blumberg, S. (2006). Fighting for Your Marriage. Jossey-Bass.

The Holy Bible, New King James Version. (1982). Thomas Nelson.