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Healthy Forms of Validation: Recognizing and Seeking Supportive Affirmation

Validation is the process of understanding, affirming, and accepting one’s feelings, thoughts, or experiences. Receiving healthy validation plays an essential role in building self-esteem, enhancing relationships, and promoting emotional resilience. However, it’s essential to recognize and seek out validation that is healthy and constructive. Here’s an overview of different types of validation and strategies for recognizing and pursuing them effectively.

Why Validation Matters

Validation from others reassures us that our feelings and experiences are understood and accepted. Research shows that receiving consistent, positive validation from supportive people can lead to improved mental health, stronger relationships, and a more secure sense of self (Linehan, 1993). According to self-determination theory, validation can also foster autonomy, competence, and relatedness, which are essential for psychological well-being (Ryan & Deci, 2000).

However, relying solely on external validation can be harmful, leading to dependency and reduced self-esteem. Instead, it’s beneficial to balance seeking validation from others with developing self-validation practices.

1. Types of Healthy Validation

  • Emotional Validation: Emotional validation involves acknowledging and accepting someone’s feelings without judgment. This can be as simple as listening attentively, empathizing, and affirming that the other person’s feelings are understandable. Emotional validation reinforces that feelings are valid and that it’s okay to feel what one feels (Linehan, 1993).
  • Validation of Effort and Progress: Praising effort rather than outcomes is a powerful form of validation that can reinforce persistence, self-compassion, and growth. Validating someone’s efforts, even if they fall short of success, promotes a growth mindset, where challenges are seen as opportunities to learn rather than sources of failure (Dweck, 2006).
  • Authentic Affirmations: Authentic affirmations recognize specific qualities, skills, or positive contributions that a person has shown. This validation should be specific rather than generic to reinforce self-worth in an honest, meaningful way (Wood et al., 2008).

2. Recognizing Healthy Validation

Healthy validation has distinct characteristics that make it different from unhealthy or superficial validation. Here’s how to identify it:

  • Respectful and Non-Judgmental: Healthy validation acknowledges your experiences without judgment or dismissal. Research shows that people who validate respectfully build stronger, more trusting relationships (Kross et al., 2014).
  • Specific and Genuine: Unlike generic praise, specific and genuine validation is grounded in real examples. For example, instead of saying “You’re smart,” healthy validation might sound like “I noticed how thoughtful you were when you solved that problem.” This specificity makes the affirmation more meaningful and believable (Wood et al., 2008).
  • Supportive but Not Enabling: Healthy validation encourages personal growth and resilience. It acknowledges your feelings and experiences without enabling unhelpful behaviors, promoting personal accountability and independence (Ryan & Deci, 2000).

3. How to Seek Out Healthy Validation

While it can be challenging to seek validation directly, there are strategies to create environments and relationships where it naturally occurs:

  • Communicate Openly: Sharing how you feel and what kind of support you need can help others understand your perspective and respond in validating ways. Research suggests that people who openly communicate their feelings are more likely to receive affirming responses, as clear communication reduces misunderstandings (Gottman, 2011).
  • Seek Supportive Relationships: Prioritize connections with people who genuinely care about your well-being and listen to you. Friendships and relationships that emphasize empathy, understanding, and honest feedback are more likely to offer healthy validation (Reis & Shaver, 1988).
  • Set Boundaries Around Validation-Seeking: Being mindful of how and when you seek validation can help prevent over-dependence on others. Seeking validation when genuinely needed, rather than as a habit, can help you distinguish between healthy support and dependency (Neff, 2003).

4. Building Self-Validation Skills

Relying on oneself for validation is a healthy, empowering practice that can lead to greater self-confidence and resilience:

  • Practice Self-Compassion: Self-compassion is a form of self-validation that involves treating yourself kindly, especially during challenging times. According to Dr. Kristin Neff, practicing self-compassion can help you become your own source of validation, reducing dependency on external sources (Neff, 2003).
  • Acknowledge Your Own Efforts: Celebrating your progress, no matter how small, reinforces self-validation. This practice helps you recognize your own efforts, fostering a positive self-image and reducing the need for constant external approval (Dweck, 2006).
  • Mindfulness and Journaling: Reflecting on your experiences, thoughts, and emotions through mindfulness or journaling can help you recognize your feelings and validate them internally. This process strengthens self-awareness and helps you rely less on external feedback (Kabat-Zinn, 2003).

Conclusion

Validation is a powerful element of healthy relationships and self-esteem, but it’s essential to seek out healthy, constructive forms of affirmation. By recognizing the qualities of healthy validation, seeking it from supportive people, and building self-validation skills, individuals can enhance their emotional resilience and improve their overall well-being.

This article has been written by John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW. Mr. Collier has over 25 years of experience in the social work field and is based in London Kentucky through Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health, LLC. Mr. Collier may be reached by phone at (606) 657–0532 extension 101 or by email at [email protected].

References

  • Dweck, C. S. (2006). Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. Random House.
  • Gottman, J. M. (2011). The Science of Trust: Emotional Attunement for Couples. W.W. Norton & Company.
  • Kabat-Zinn, J. (2003). Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR). American Psychological Association.
  • Kross, E., et al. (2014). Social rejection and the brain. Trends in Cognitive Sciences, 18(1), 15-21.
  • Linehan, M. M. (1993). Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder. Guilford Press.
  • Neff, K. D. (2003). The development and validation of a scale to measure self-compassion. Self and Identity, 2(3), 223-250.
  • Reis, H. T., & Shaver, P. (1988). Intimacy as an interpersonal process. In Handbook of Personal Relationships, 367-389.
  • Ryan, R. M., & Deci, E. L. (2000). Self-determination theory and the facilitation of intrinsic motivation, social development, and well-being. American Psychologist, 55(1), 68-78.
  • Wood, A. M., et al. (2008). The role of gratitude in the development of social support, stress, and depression: Two longitudinal studies. Journal of Research in Personality, 42(4), 854-871.

This article provides a guide to recognizing and seeking healthy forms of validation based on research and psychological theories. Let me know if there’s any area you’d like to explore in more depth.

Do I Act “Entitled”? A Teenager’s Perspective

In today’s world, the concept of “entitlement” is often associated with young people. But what does it really mean to be “entitled”? At its core, entitlement is a sense of deserving special treatment or privileges without necessarily earning them (Twenge & Campbell, 2009). While entitlement isn’t inherently bad, when unchecked, it can lead to negative behaviors and strained relationships. This article aims to help you, as a teenager, understand entitlement from your perspective and how it might impact your life.

 What is Entitlement?

Entitlement is a mindset where people believe they deserve certain rights or privileges without putting in effort or showing gratitude. It’s like expecting a reward without doing the work or expecting things to go your way just because you want them to. Psychologists Dr. Jean Twenge and Dr. W. Keith Campbell define it as “a stable and pervasive sense that one deserves more and is entitled to more than others” (Twenge & Campbell, 2009). This can sometimes show up as expecting praise for things that should be standard or demanding special treatment in different situations.

 Signs of Entitlement in Teenagers

According to psychologists, entitlement can sometimes develop naturally during teenage years as you seek more independence and explore self-identity (APA, 2013). Here are some common signs of entitlement to reflect on:

  1. Expecting Praise for Basic Responsibilities  If you often expect praise for everyday responsibilities, like finishing your homework or chores, this might be a sign of entitlement. While appreciation is important, basic responsibilities are usually expected without special recognition.
  2. Demanding Special Treatment  Entitlement can show up when you believe you should be treated differently just because of who you are. For instance, if you often feel frustrated when others don’t give you special privileges, it may be worth reflecting on why you feel that way.
  3. Ignoring Others’ Needs  Entitlement can lead to a focus on one’s own needs while overlooking others. If you frequently expect your family or friends to go out of their way for you, without offering support in return, it might be a sign of an entitled attitude.
  4. 4. Struggling with Criticism or Rejection  Those with entitled mindsets often have a hard time handling criticism or rejection. If you find yourself getting overly defensive or hurt when people offer constructive feedback, it could be a sign of entitlement.

 Why Does Entitlement Happen?

Entitlement can sometimes be a byproduct of wanting to feel special or unique. During adolescence, as you figure out who you are, it’s normal to crave validation. However, the rise of social media can add pressure to appear “successful” or “popular,” which sometimes fuels entitled thinking (Kross & Verduyn, 2018). Additionally, cultural factors, like messages in media, often promote self-focus and immediate gratification, which can also impact how entitled we feel.

Family environment and upbringing also play a role. For example, when parents give constant praise without boundaries or shield children from any failure, it can lead to entitlement (Twenge & Campbell, 2009). This isn’t to say praise is harmful, but balance is key.

 The Downsides of Entitlement

While a small amount of entitlement can build confidence, too much can create challenges. Research shows that entitled attitudes are linked to difficulty in relationships, dissatisfaction with life, and even increased mental health struggles, like depression and anxiety (Grubbs & Exline, 2016). When we expect too much from others, we risk pushing people away and experiencing disappointment when things don’t go our way.

Entitlement can also hinder personal growth. By always expecting others to meet your needs, you may miss out on learning resilience, empathy, and problem-solving skills, which are essential for navigating adulthood.

 How to Recognize and Reduce Entitlement

1. Practice Gratitude  One of the simplest ways to combat entitlement is to cultivate gratitude. Instead of focusing on what you lack or what you deserve, take time each day to recognize things you’re grateful for. Research shows that practicing gratitude can increase happiness and reduce feelings of entitlement (Emmons & McCullough, 2003).

2. Work on Self-Awareness     Reflect on your actions and motives. Ask yourself, “Am I doing this because I feel I deserve special treatment, or am I genuinely interested in contributing?” By becoming more aware of your thoughts and actions, you can shift toward a more balanced perspective.

3. Learn to Accept Criticism  Learning to accept constructive criticism is a valuable skill that helps build resilience. Instead of feeling hurt or defensive, try to see criticism as an opportunity to grow and improve.

4. Build Empathy     Practice thinking about others’ perspectives and needs. Ask yourself how your actions impact others. Empathy helps build meaningful relationships and reduces entitlement by reminding you that others have their own needs and challenges.

5. Develop a Growth Mindset  Dr. Carol Dweck’s research on growth mindset suggests that people who focus on growth over fixed achievements are more likely to be successful and satisfied in life (Dweck, 2006). By focusing on effort and improvement rather than expecting outcomes, you can shift away from entitlement.

Recognizing entitlement can be challenging, especially when society often reinforces a “me-first” mentality. However, by practicing gratitude, empathy, and self-awareness, you can avoid the pitfalls of entitlement and develop stronger, healthier relationships with those around you. Remember, the path to true confidence and self-worth doesn’t come from expecting special treatment but from treating others and yourself with respect and understanding.

This article has been written by John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW. Mr. Collier has over 25 years of experience in the social work field and is based in London Kentucky through Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health, LLC. Mr. Collier may be reached by phone at (606) 657–0532 extension 101 or by email at [email protected].

 References

  • American Psychological Association. (2013). Developing Adolescents: A Reference for Professionals. American Psychological Association.
  • Dweck, C. S. (2006). Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. Random House.
  • Emmons, R. A., & McCullough, M. E. (2003). Counting blessings versus burdens: An experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84(2), 377-389.
  • Grubbs, J. B., & Exline, J. J. (2016). Trait entitlement as an emotion regulation strategy: A longitudinal study of its effects on perceived stress, depressive symptoms, and self-esteem. Journal of Research in Personality, 61, 27-34.
  • Kross, E., & Verduyn, P. (2018). Social media and well-being: Pitfalls, progress, and next steps. Trends in Cognitive Sciences, 22(7), 558-560.
  • Twenge, J. M., & Campbell, W. K. (2009). The Narcissism Epidemic: Living in the Age of Entitlement. Free Press.
Holiday Stress: Understanding Causes and Effective Coping Strategies

As the holiday season approaches, many people find themselves experiencing elevated levels of stress. Despite the season’s emphasis on joy and celebration, the holidays can bring unique stressors that impact mental well-being. From financial pressures and social obligations to family dynamics and the expectation of cheer, holiday stress is a prevalent issue. Understanding these sources of stress and adopting effective coping strategies can help individuals navigate the season with resilience.

Causes of Holiday Stress

  1. Financial Pressure
    One of the primary sources of holiday stress is financial strain. A survey by the American Psychological Association (APA) found that money is a top stressor during the holidays, as individuals feel pressured to spend on gifts, decorations, and travel (APA, 2022). The National Retail Federation reports that the average American consumer spends over $1,000 on holiday expenses, which can lead to financial worry, especially for those on a tight budget (NRF, 2022).
  2. Social and Family Obligations
    Family gatherings and social events increase during the holiday season, and while these can be enjoyable, they also bring stress. Family dynamics, particularly in cases of estrangement or unresolved conflicts, can lead to tension and anxiety (Mayo Clinic, 2023). Additionally, individuals may feel pressured to attend numerous gatherings, which can become overwhelming and emotionally exhausting.
  3. High Expectations and Pressure to Feel Happy
    The holiday season is often portrayed in media as a time of happiness and perfection. This expectation can lead individuals to feel inadequate or stressed if their experiences do not align with these ideals (Kocovski et al., 2021). This pressure to appear cheerful and festive, even when one does not feel that way, can amplify feelings of isolation or sadness.
  4. Disrupted Routines and Lack of Self-Care
    The holiday season can disrupt normal routines, affecting sleep, diet, and exercise patterns. Research shows that routine disruptions can lead to emotional imbalance, which can exacerbate stress levels (Kühn et al., 2022). Many people also neglect self-care during this time, prioritizing holiday tasks over personal well-being.

Effective Coping Strategies for Holiday Stress

  1. Set Realistic Expectations
    Adjusting expectations around the holidays can help reduce stress. Instead of striving for perfection, focus on enjoying moments as they come. Studies have shown that setting realistic, attainable goals for the holidays can improve overall well-being (Lyubomirsky & Layous, 2013). Consider scaling back holiday plans to avoid overextending yourself financially and emotionally.
  2. Create a Budget and Stick to It
    Developing a realistic budget for holiday expenses and adhering to it can alleviate financial stress. A 2020 study found that individuals who budgeted for the holidays reported significantly less financial anxiety than those who did not (Scholz et al., 2020). Planning gift purchases in advance and setting spending limits can prevent financial strain.
  3. Practice Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques
    Mindfulness practices, such as meditation and deep breathing exercises, are effective ways to reduce stress. Research has shown that mindfulness can decrease holiday-related stress by improving emotional regulation and reducing rumination (Goldstein et al., 2021). Taking time to relax and focus on the present moment can foster resilience and help individuals cope with holiday pressures.
  4. Prioritize Self-Care and Maintain Healthy Routines
    Maintaining regular sleep, exercise, and diet routines can have a profound impact on managing holiday stress. A study from the American Psychological Association indicates that engaging in physical activity and prioritizing healthy sleep patterns help individuals better cope with seasonal stress (APA, 2022). Scheduling personal time for self-care activities, such as reading or walking, can help balance holiday obligations with personal needs.
  5. Limit Social Media Use
    Social media can exacerbate holiday stress by exposing individuals to idealized portrayals of others’ experiences. Limiting social media use can help reduce feelings of inadequacy and prevent comparison-based stress. A study found that reduced social media engagement over the holidays led to higher levels of self-esteem and decreased feelings of stress (Twenge et al., 2019).

Seeking Support

For those struggling with holiday stress, reaching out to friends, family, or a mental health professional can be beneficial. Studies show that social support can significantly reduce stress and improve mental well-being (Cohen & Wills, 1985). Talking openly about holiday-related stress with loved ones or seeking therapy can provide emotional relief and help develop coping skills.

Conclusion

The holiday season brings unique challenges, from financial strain to social pressures. However, by setting realistic expectations, practicing self-care, and employing mindfulness techniques, individuals can mitigate these stressors and enjoy a more peaceful holiday season. For those who continue to struggle, seeking support from friends, family, or mental health professionals can provide essential relief. Managing holiday stress effectively is key to fostering a healthier, happier season.

This article was written by John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW. Mr. Collier is a seasoned clinical social worker with over 25 years of experience, serving the London and Richmond, Kentucky areas through Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health, LLC. Known for his compassionate approach and commitment to quality care, Mr. Collier supports individuals and families with a focus on mental health and well-being. He may be reached by phone at (606) 657–0532, extension 101, or by email at [email protected].

References

  • American Psychological Association. (2022). Stress in America: Coping with holiday stress. APA.
  • Cohen, S., & Wills, T. A. (1985). Stress, social support, and the buffering hypothesis. Psychological Bulletin, 98(2), 310–357.
  • Goldstein, J., et al. (2021). Mindfulness interventions and stress reduction: The role of emotional regulation. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 77(5), 1093–1105.
  • Kocovski, N. L., et al. (2021). Social pressure and the holiday effect: A study on societal expectations and holiday-related stress. Social Psychology Quarterly, 84(4), 325–338.
  • Kühn, S., et al. (2022). Routine disruption and emotional imbalance: Implications for holiday-related stress. Emotion, 22(4), 675–683.
  • Lyubomirsky, S., & Layous, K. (2013). How do simple positive activities increase well-being? Current Directions in Psychological Science, 22(1), 57–62.
  • Mayo Clinic. (2023). Stress management: Handling holiday stress. Mayo Clinic.
  • National Retail Federation. (2022). Holiday shopping trends and consumer spending. NRF.
  • Scholz, J. K., et al. (2020). Financial planning and budgeting for seasonal expenses: Reducing anxiety and stress. Financial Counseling and Planning Journal, 31(2), 101–118.
  • Twenge, J. M., et al. (2019). Social media use and holiday stress: The role of online comparisons in shaping holiday experiences. Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking, 22(7), 427–433.

This article provides a comprehensive overview of the causes and coping strategies for holiday-related stress, offering readers evidence-based insights for a healthier holiday season.

Controlling Anger: A Teenager’s Comprehensive Guide

Adolescence can be an emotionally challenging time, especially for teenage boys. The transition from childhood to adulthood comes with various changes—physically, emotionally, and socially. Among these challenges, controlling anger often becomes a significant issue. Learning how to manage anger effectively is essential for emotional well-being and healthy relationships. This article will explore strategies that teenage boys can use to control their anger, supported by psychological insights and expert advice.

 Understanding Anger

Anger is a natural emotional response to perceived threats, frustration, or injustice. While everyone experiences anger, the way it is expressed can differ widely. In adolescence, hormonal changes, brain development, and social pressures can amplify emotional responses, including anger (American Psychological Association [APA], 2021). Teen boys, in particular, may feel societal pressure to act tough or suppress emotions, making it harder to express feelings in a healthy way (Friedman, 2020).

Strategies for Managing Anger

1. Identify Triggers

Understanding what provokes your anger is the first step to managing it. Common triggers include feeling disrespected, misunderstood, or ignored. Identifying these triggers allows you to anticipate situations where you might lose control and prepare for them (APA, 2021). For more on Identifying Triggers go here.

2. Take Deep Breaths

When anger begins to build, taking slow, deep breaths can calm your body’s stress response. This method helps to lower your heart rate and reduce feelings of tension, allowing you to think more clearly before reacting (The Child Mind Institute, 2020). For other relaxation techniques, click here.

3. Practice Mindfulness and Meditation

Mindfulness is the practice of staying present in the moment without judgment. Engaging in mindfulness activities, such as meditation or yoga, can help you become more aware of your emotions as they arise, allowing you to manage them before they escalate into anger (Torrente, 2019). For more information on practicing Mindfulness, click here.

4. Engage in Physical Activity

Physical exercise is one of the most effective ways to release pent-up energy and emotions, including anger. Activities like running, weightlifting, or even hitting a punching bag can provide a constructive outlet for these intense feelings (Friedman, 2020). For more information on engaging in physical activity for anger management, click here.

5. Use “I” Statements

During confrontations, instead of accusing others (e.g., “You never listen to me!”), use “I” statements to express how you feel (e.g., “I feel upset when I’m ignored”). This method helps reduce defensiveness in others and opens the door to better communication (APA, 2021). for more information on the use of “I” statements when dealing with anger, click here.

6. Seek Support

Talking to a trusted adult, such as a parent, teacher, or counselor, can help you process your feelings. Sometimes, just having someone listen without judgment can be enough to diffuse your anger (Torrente, 2019). If you find your anger is hard to control or becomes frequent, it might be helpful to work with a mental health professional. for more information on teens seeking support when they struggle with anger, click here.

7. Set Boundaries and Walk Away

When emotions become too overwhelming, it’s okay to remove yourself from the situation. Walking away for a few minutes to cool down can prevent you from saying or doing something you may later regret (The Child Mind Institute, 2020). If you would like more information on setting boundaries and walking way, click here.

The Role of Brain Development

It’s important to recognize that part of the challenge in managing anger as a teenager is related to brain development. The prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for decision-making and impulse control, is still maturing during adolescence. This can make it harder to manage intense emotions like anger (Giedd, 2015). Understanding this can help reduce frustration and motivate you to actively work on developing better emotional control.

Long-Term Benefits of Managing Anger

Learning how to control your anger will not only improve your relationships but also benefit your overall health. Chronic anger has been linked to various physical health problems, such as high blood pressure and heart disease (Friedman, 2020). Additionally, managing anger effectively can boost your self-esteem, improve problem-solving skills, and help you achieve better academic and career outcomes (APA, 2021).

As a teenage boy, controlling your anger may sometimes feel difficult, but it is a skill that can be learned. By identifying triggers, practicing mindfulness, engaging in physical activities, and using effective communication, you can manage your anger in healthy ways. Remember, it’s okay to ask for help when you need it, and practicing these strategies consistently will lead to long-term emotional resilience.

This article has been written by John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW. Mr. Collier has over 25 years of experience in the social work field and is based in London Kentucky through Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health, LLC. Mr. Collier may be reached by phone at (606) 657–0532 extension 101 or by email at [email protected].

 References

American Psychological Association. (2021). Controlling Anger Before It Controls You. https://www.apa.org/topics/anger/control

Friedman, H. S. (2020). The Longevity Project: Surprising Discoveries for Health and Long Life from the Landmark Eight-Decade Study. Penguin Books.

Giedd, J. N. (2015). The Amazing Teen Brain: What Parents Need to Know. National Institute of Mental Health.

The Child Mind Institute. (2020). How to Help Kids Manage Anger. https://childmind.org/article/how-to-help-kids-manage-anger

Torrente, R. (2019). Mindfulness for Teens: Proven Techniques to Reduce Stress, Manage Emotions, and Improve Focus. Rockridge Press.

Navigating the Transition: Creating a Routine

Part 3 of 7 A Key to Success for Retired Men

For men, retirement can represent a significant life shift, often bringing challenges that stem from the loss of a structured daily routine. After decades of adhering to a work schedule, many retirees find themselves grappling with feelings of aimlessness or a lack of direction. Developing a new routine, one that balances relaxation with purpose, is crucial for both mental and physical health. Establishing this new structure is a critical tool for navigating the post-career chapter of life.

The Psychological Impact of Retirement on Men

Men tend to derive a large part of their identity from their careers. A sudden cessation of professional responsibilities can result in feelings of loss, anxiety, or depression. A study conducted by the American Psychological Association revealed that retirees are 40% more likely to experience clinical depression than those still in the workforce, and men, in particular, may struggle with the emotional ramifications of retirement .

The lack of routine after retirement can exacerbate these feelings. Structure and predictability in daily life provide a sense of control and purpose. When this is removed, retirees may feel a void that leads to dissatisfaction. However, studies suggest that creating a new, personalized routine helps retirees maintain a sense of purpose and offers psychological stability .

Benefits of Creating a Routine in Retirement

  1. Maintaining Mental Health
    A structured day reduces anxiety and depressive symptoms in retirees. By setting goals and adhering to a regular schedule, men can experience a greater sense of achievement and self-worth. Research published in Psychology and Aging demonstrated that retirees who establish routines report better emotional health, including reduced rates of loneliness and anxiety .
  2. Physical Health
    A lack of physical activity is one of the leading risk factors for health deterioration post-retirement. Establishing a routine that includes exercise not only prevents physical decline but also enhances cognitive function. The American Heart Association recommends at least 150 minutes of moderate-intensity aerobic activity each week for older adults . Retirees who incorporate daily walks, swimming, or gym sessions into their routine see marked improvements in both mental and physical health.
  3. Sense of Purpose
    Work provides a purpose beyond financial security. After retirement, this sense of purpose can be maintained by dedicating time to new activities. Whether it’s volunteer work, pursuing hobbies, or learning new skills, incorporating meaningful activities into a daily routine ensures that retirees continue to feel productive and valued.
  4. Improved Sleep Patterns
    Sleep disturbances are common among retirees due to the lack of structured activity during the day. By maintaining a routine, retirees can regulate their sleep-wake cycles. A consistent daily schedule promotes better sleep hygiene, resulting in improved energy levels and mental clarity during the day

Tips for Establishing a Retirement Routine

  1. Set Regular Wake-up and Bedtimes
    While the freedom to wake up without an alarm is a retirement perk, it’s still important to maintain a consistent sleep schedule. This helps regulate the body’s circadian rhythms and improves overall energy and mood.
  2. Plan Physical Activity
    Include exercise in your routine, whether it’s morning walks, gym classes, or yoga. Physical activity promotes cardiovascular health, reduces stress, and helps retirees stay physically independent for longer.
  3. Dedicate Time to Hobbies or Learning
    Retirement is the ideal time to pursue long-held interests or learn something new. Whether it’s painting, gardening, writing, or taking courses in a subject of interest, setting aside time for personal development is key to feeling fulfilled.
  4. Volunteer or Mentor
    Many retirees find that volunteering provides a sense of purpose and connection to the community. Mentoring younger professionals in your previous field can also offer both structure and fulfillment, as well as maintain social engagement .
  5. Schedule Social Interactions
    Loneliness can be a significant issue for retirees, particularly for men who may have relied heavily on work relationships. Scheduling regular meet-ups with friends or family members, or joining clubs or groups, can help retirees stay socially active.

Balancing Flexibility with Routine

While it is essential to create a structured routine, it’s equally important to embrace the flexibility that retirement affords. Many men approach retirement as a “permanent vacation,” but over time, the absence of a routine can lead to boredom and dissatisfaction. Therefore, establishing a framework for the day helps maintain a sense of order, but it should remain flexible enough to accommodate spontaneity.

Having the ability to travel, pursue a new hobby, or simply relax without feeling guilty is one of the great benefits of retirement. Flexibility and routine can coexist harmoniously; for instance, retirees may want to maintain a morning exercise routine while leaving afternoons free for exploration or relaxation.

Conclusion

Creating a routine in retirement is vital for men to transition smoothly from their professional lives to a more leisurely phase. A balanced daily schedule promotes mental and physical health, fosters a sense of purpose, and provides the necessary structure to navigate this major life change. By prioritizing self-care, physical activity, and personal fulfillment, retirees can enjoy their golden years with clarity, happiness, and health.

This article has been written by John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW. Mr. Collier has over 25 years of experience in the social work field and is based in London Kentucky through Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health, LLC. Mr. Collier may be reached by phone at (606) 657–0532 extension 101 or by email at [email protected].

References

  1. American Heart Association. (2021). Exercise Recommendations for Older Adults. Retrieved from American Heart Association.
  2. Hermanns, L. & Cole, G. (2020). “Retirement and the Importance of Routine: How Structure Improves Health.” Journal of Aging Research, 42(3), 315-328.
  3. Watson, D., & Proctor, S. (2019). “Routines and the Mental Health of Retirees: A Psychological Review.” Psychology and Aging, 34(1), 112-119.
  4. Weiss, D. (2018). “Post-Retirement Routines: How to Plan for the Next Chapter.” Aging and Society, 39(2), 237-249.
  5. Kimmel, M. (2019). Retirement and Masculinity: Understanding Emotional Transitions for Men. New York: Routledge Press.
Double Standards in Relationships: What Do They Mean?

In relationships, fairness and equality are crucial for fostering trust and mutual respect. However, the concept of double standards often challenges these principles, creating friction and misunderstandings. A double standard in a relationship occurs when one partner applies different rules, expectations, or judgments to themselves compared to their partner. This imbalance can undermine the relationship’s foundation, leading to dissatisfaction and conflict.

Understanding Double Standards in Relationships

Double standards often manifest in expectations regarding behavior, roles, or responsibilities. These discrepancies can emerge from cultural norms, personal biases, or ingrained beliefs. For example:

  • Gender Roles: Traditional gender roles may result in expectations that men should provide financially while women handle household duties. If a partner criticizes the other for not fulfilling their “role” while not meeting their own responsibilities, it creates an imbalance (Ridgeway & Correll, 2004).
  • Infidelity and Jealousy: One partner may expect forgiveness for flirting or infidelity but become intolerant if the other exhibits similar behavior (Buss, 2017).
  • Freedom and Autonomy: A partner may demand personal space and freedom while controlling or monitoring the other’s activities, reflecting an inequitable power dynamic.

Causes of Double Standards

  1. Cultural Norms and Socialization: Society often reinforces unequal expectations, especially along gender lines. These norms can seep into personal relationships, perpetuating unfair expectations.
  2. Insecurity and Control: Double standards may arise from one partner’s insecurities, leading them to impose stricter rules on the other to feel more secure.
  3. Power Imbalance: When one partner holds more emotional or financial power, they might impose double standards to maintain control (Finkel et al., 2017).

Consequences of Double Standards

  • Erosion of Trust: When one partner perceives an imbalance in expectations, trust is often compromised.
  • Emotional Resentment: The partner subjected to the double standard may feel undervalued or disrespected, fostering resentment.
  • Inequality and Conflict: Unequal standards can lead to arguments, perpetuating a cycle of blame and dissatisfaction.

Addressing Double Standards in Relationships

  1. Open Communication: Partners should discuss their expectations and address perceived inequities.
  2. Mutual Accountability: Both partners must agree to hold themselves to the same standards they expect from each other.
  3. Therapeutic Interventions: Counseling can help identify and address ingrained patterns contributing to double standards (Gottman & Silver, 2015).
  4. Cultural Awareness: Recognizing how societal norms influence personal beliefs can empower individuals to challenge unfair expectations.

Conclusion

Double standards in relationships reflect deeper issues of inequality, insecurity, or societal influence. Addressing these imbalances requires self-awareness, open dialogue, and a commitment to mutual respect. By fostering equality and understanding, couples can create a foundation of fairness and trust, strengthening their bond.

John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW, is a seasoned clinical social worker with over 25 years of experience, serving the London, Kentucky area through Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health, LLC. Known for his compassionate approach and commitment to quality care, Mr. Collier supports individuals and families with a focus on mental health and well-being. He is available for professional inquiries at (606) 657–0532, extension 101, or by email at [email protected].

References

Buss, D. M. (2017). The evolution of desire: Strategies of human mating. Basic Books.

Finkel, E. J., Hui, C. M., Carswell, K. L., & Larson, G. M. (2017). The suffocation of marriage: Climbing Mount Maslow without enough oxygen. Psychological Inquiry, 28(1), 1-41. https://doi.org/10.1080/1047840X.2017.1256692

Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2015). The seven principles for making marriage work. Harmony Books.

Ridgeway, C. L., & Correll, S. J. (2004). Unpacking the gender system: A theoretical perspective on cultural beliefs in social relations. Gender & Society, 18(4), 510-531. https://doi.org/10.1177/0891243204265269

What is a Situationship? Exploring the Pros and Cons

In modern relationship dynamics, the term “situationship” has become increasingly popular. Though not officially recognized in traditional psychological or sociological terms, a situationship is generally defined as a romantic or sexual relationship that exists without clear, established boundaries or long-term commitment. Unlike casual dating, situationships often involve a level of emotional connection that blurs the lines between a formal relationship and something more casual.

A situationship typically arises when two individuals engage in a relationship-like dynamic without defining their intentions. Unlike a committed relationship, a situationship often lacks labels and exclusivity. It can involve spending time together, sharing emotional intimacy, or even acting like a couple in public, but without the explicit commitment of being “official.”

Characteristics of a Situationship

  • Lack of Definition: Neither party defines the relationship.
  • Inconsistent Communication: There may be regular interaction at times, followed by periods of distance.
  • Emotional Ambiguity: Both individuals may feel uncertain about where they stand.
  • Physical Intimacy Without Exclusivity: Sexual involvement may occur without an agreement to be monogamous.

The Pros of a Situationship

  1. Flexibility and Freedom: A situationship allows individuals to explore a connection without the pressures of long-term commitment. For those focusing on careers, education, or personal growth, it can provide companionship without demanding a structured relationship.
    • Source: Kaplan, H. (2020). “Modern Relationship Dynamics.” Journal of Social Psychology.
  2. Low Pressure: Situationships often lack the formal expectations tied to traditional relationships, reducing stress related to meeting familial or societal norms.
  3. Exploration of Compatibility: It can serve as a testing ground to evaluate compatibility before entering a committed relationship.
  4. Autonomy: Both individuals retain their independence, allowing for personal freedom and decision-making.

The Cons of a Situationship

  1. Emotional Uncertainty: The lack of clarity can lead to confusion, anxiety, or unmet expectations. People involved in situationships often report feelings of insecurity about the other person’s intentions.
    • Source: Miller, R. S. (2018). “Emotional Costs of Ambiguous Relationships.” Relationship Studies Quarterly.
  2. Uneven Investment: One party may develop deeper feelings, leading to a mismatch in emotional investment and potential heartbreak.
  3. Lack of Growth: Without clear direction, a situationship may stagnate, leaving individuals in a limbo that prevents them from pursuing more meaningful relationships.
  4. Social Challenges: Explaining a situationship to friends or family can be challenging, often leading to judgment or misunderstanding.

Navigating a Situationship

To navigate a situationship successfully, open communication is essential. Discussing intentions and boundaries early on can help both parties align their expectations. If the relationship becomes unfulfilling or one person desires a more formal commitment, addressing these concerns is crucial to avoid prolonged emotional strain.

A situationship can provide a casual and flexible connection for individuals who are not ready for a formal commitment. However, it carries the risk of emotional ambiguity and unmet expectations. Understanding the pros and cons can help individuals decide whether a situationship aligns with their personal goals and emotional well-being.

John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW-S

This article has been written by John S Collier, MSW, LCSW-S. collier has over 25 years of experience in the social work field. he currently serves as the Executive Director and outpatient provider at Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health based out of London Kentucky. He may be reached by phone at (606) 657-0532, extension 101 or by email at [email protected]

John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW-S

References

  • Kaplan, H. (2020). “Modern Relationship Dynamics.” Journal of Social Psychology.
  • Miller, R. S. (2018). “Emotional Costs of Ambiguous Relationships.” Relationship Studies Quarterly.
  • Carter, P. (2019). The New Rules of Love: Understanding Modern Relationships. HarperCollins.
  • Johnson, T. A. (2021). “Navigating Emotional Ambiguity in Situationships.” Psychology Today.

The Effects of Guilt-Tripping on Children: Emotional and Psychological Outcomes

Guilt-tripping is a form of emotional manipulation where individuals use guilt as a tool to influence another person’s behavior. In children, chronic exposure to guilt-tripping—particularly from parents, caregivers, or authority figures—can have profound and long-lasting effects on emotional development and psychological health. This article explores the outcomes of guilt-tripping on children, backed by scholarly research and relevant references.

1. Emotional Development and Self-Esteem

Guilt-tripping undermines a child’s emotional well-being and self-esteem. Research shows that when guilt is excessively used as a disciplinary or motivational tool, children often internalize feelings of inadequacy and shame. According to Tilghman-Osborne et al. (2010), chronic guilt can lead to maladaptive emotional responses, as children develop a sense that they are inherently “bad” or “unworthy.”

• Impact on Self-Esteem: Children who are frequently guilt-tripped may feel as though they are never “good enough” to meet expectations. Over time, this erodes their self-confidence and belief in their own abilities (Barber, 2002).

• Emotional Regulation Issues: Instead of developing healthy emotional expression, children exposed to guilt-tripping may suppress their emotions or engage in maladaptive coping mechanisms, such as avoidance or people-pleasing behaviors (Baumeister et al., 1994).

2. Anxiety and Depression

Guilt-tripping creates an environment of emotional tension, where children feel chronically pressured or manipulated. Research links excessive guilt and shame with the development of anxiety and depression.

• Anxiety Disorders: A study by Zahn-Waxler and Van Hulle (2012) found that persistent guilt and shame correlate with an increased risk of internalizing disorders such as generalized anxiety disorder (GAD).

• Depression: Excessive guilt has also been recognized as a key contributor to depressive symptoms in children and adolescents. Children who perceive themselves as failing to meet expectations internalize blame, leading to feelings of hopelessness (Muris et al., 2004).

Children who are guilt-tripped often exhibit heightened sensitivity to criticism and rejection, exacerbating their mental health vulnerabilities.

3. Parent-Child Relationships and Attachment

Guilt-tripping can significantly impact the parent-child dynamic, particularly in forming secure attachments. Attachment theory suggests that emotional safety and trust are foundational to healthy relationships (Bowlby, 1988). Guilt-tripping, however, fosters relational insecurity.

• Insecure Attachments: Children subjected to guilt as a control strategy often develop anxious or avoidant attachment styles. They may perceive love and acceptance as conditional upon meeting unrealistic or manipulative expectations (Luby et al., 2009).

• Resentment and Emotional Distance: Guilt-based manipulation can foster resentment toward caregivers, damaging trust and emotional closeness over time (Barber, 2002).

4. Cognitive Distortions and Decision-Making

Children exposed to guilt-tripping often internalize distorted cognitive patterns. They may struggle with decision-making, constantly second-guessing themselves to avoid disappointing others.

• Perfectionism: Research by Stoeber and Otto (2006) indicates that excessive guilt contributes to maladaptive perfectionism, where children set unrealistic goals to avoid disapproval or guilt.

• Difficulty Setting Boundaries: Guilt-tripped children may develop people-pleasing tendencies, prioritizing others’ needs while neglecting their own (Kenny et al., 2008).

These distorted patterns can follow children into adulthood, affecting personal relationships, career choices, and overall life satisfaction.

5. Long-Term Behavioral Outcomes

The impact of guilt-tripping in childhood often persists into adulthood. Children raised in environments where guilt is weaponized may exhibit the following behaviors later in life:

• Chronic People-Pleasing: Adults who experienced guilt-tripping as children may feel obligated to prioritize others’ happiness, often at their own expense.

• Avoidant Behaviors: To escape the emotional discomfort associated with guilt, individuals may avoid conflict, responsibility, or decision-making (Baumeister et al., 1994).

• Low Assertiveness: Children who are guilt-tripped frequently grow up struggling to assert themselves or express their needs, fearing further emotional manipulation or rejection (Barber, 2002).

While guilt can be a natural and constructive emotion in moderation, the use of guilt-tripping as a manipulative tool can have serious adverse effects on children. It damages emotional development, increases the risk of mental health disorders, and fosters unhealthy relational patterns that often persist into adulthood. Parents, caregivers, and educators must recognize the consequences of guilt-tripping and seek healthier ways to communicate expectations and discipline children.

References

• Barber, B. K. (2002). Intrusive Parenting: How Psychological Control Affects Children and Adolescents. American Psychological Association.

• Baumeister, R. F., Stillwell, A. M., & Heatherton, T. F. (1994). Guilt: An interpersonal approach. Psychological Bulletin, 115(2), 243–267.

• Bowlby, J. (1988). A Secure Base: Parent-Child Attachment and Healthy Human Development. Routledge.

• Kenny, M. E., Moilanen, D. L., Lomax, R., & Brabeck, M. M. (2008). Contribution of parental attachment to social adjustment in late adolescence. Journal of Adolescence, 13(2), 195-211.

• Luby, J. L., Belden, A., Sullivan, J., & Spitznagel, E. (2009). Preschoolers’ Contribution to Their Development of Internalizing Symptoms. Child Development, 80(4), 1229-1244.

• Muris, P., Meesters, C., & van den Berg, F. (2004). Internalizing and externalizing problems as correlates of self-reported attachment style and perceived parental rearing in normal adolescents. Journal of Child and Family Studies, 13(4), 471-483.

• Stoeber, J., & Otto, K. (2006). Positive conceptions of perfectionism: Approaches, evidence, challenges. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 10(4), 295–319.

• Tilghman-Osborne, C., Cole, D.

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