Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health, LLC

Personal Growth Relationships

Can Someone Change Their Love Language?

The concept of love languages was introduced by Dr. Gary Chapman in his 1992 book “The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate.” Chapman’s theory posits that people express and experience love in one of five primary ways: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. These love languages help individuals and couples better understand each other’s emotional needs. A common question that arises is whether love languages are static or if they can change over time. In fact, research and anecdotal evidence suggest that a person’s love language can shift due to a variety of factors.

Understanding Love Languages

Chapman’s theory emphasizes that every individual has a primary love language—one that resonates the most in making them feel loved and appreciated. However, it’s important to recognize that love languages are not rigid personality traits but dynamic preferences that can evolve. According to Dr. Chapman, love languages are shaped by upbringing, cultural influences, and past experiences, but they are also adaptable as we navigate through life changes.

Can Love Languages Change?

Several factors can lead to shifts in a person’s love language over time:

Life Transitions and Circumstances
Major life events such as marriage, parenthood, career changes, or even personal crises can lead to a shift in how individuals prioritize love languages. For instance, someone whose primary love language used to be Words of Affirmation may find themselves valuing Acts of Service after becoming a parent. The practical help offered by a partner during stressful periods may feel like the most profound expression of love. Research suggests that significant life events and environmental contexts can shift what people value most in relationships (Neff & Karney, 2009).
Changes in Relationship Dynamics
As relationships evolve, partners may learn to express love in new ways or find new ways of feeling loved. A study by Horan & Booth-Butterfield (2013) found that partners in long-term relationships tend to adapt their communication styles and emotional expressions over time. In such cases, love languages can shift in response to changing relationship dynamics. For example, a person who previously valued Receiving Gifts may, over time, begin to prioritize Quality Time if the relationship has grown emotionally distant.
Personal Growth and Emotional Maturity
Emotional and psychological development can also influence a person’s love language. People evolve, and their emotional needs do too. An individual who has gone through therapy, for instance, may become more comfortable with Physical Touch after working through issues related to intimacy. Similarly, someone who has gained confidence or self-assurance might find that they now crave Words of Affirmation less than before. Research on emotional intelligence highlights that as people become more emotionally mature, their ways of connecting with others evolve (Schutte et al., 2001).

Adaptability and Communication in Relationships

It’s essential to note that just because a person’s love language may change doesn’t mean that love languages are irrelevant or overly fluid. The primary purpose of love languages is to enhance communication in relationships, and as such, being attuned to these shifts is crucial. When individuals notice their love language or their partner’s has changed, open communication is key to ensuring that both partners feel supported and loved.

According to Chapman (2010), couples should regularly check in with one another about their emotional needs, as this allows them to adapt and accommodate shifts in love languages. It’s not uncommon for couples to experience a shift in the ways they express love, especially as they mature and face new challenges together.

Conclusion

While a person’s love language may feel like an integral part of their identity, it’s clear that love languages can change over time. Whether influenced by life circumstances, relationship dynamics, or personal growth, individuals may find their emotional needs evolving. This is a natural part of human development. The key to sustaining healthy relationships lies in the ability to recognize and adapt to these changes through ongoing communication and mutual understanding.

This article has been written by John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW. John has over 25 years experience in the Social Work Field. He currently serves as the Executive Director and Provider within Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health based out of London Kentucky. He may be reached at (606) 657-0532 extension 101 or by email at john@sekybh.com.

References

Chapman, G. (1992). The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. Northfield Publishing.
Chapman, G. (2010). The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts. Northfield Publishing.
Horan, S. M., & Booth-Butterfield, M. (2013). Understanding the Communicative Aspects of Love: Interpersonal Communication in Romantic Relationships. Communication Quarterly, 61(5), 552-567.
Neff, L. A., & Karney, B. R. (2009). Stress and Reappraisal of Marital Interactions. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 97(3), 561–576.
Schutte, N. S., Malouff, J. M., Simunek, M., McKenley, J., & Hollander, S. (2001). Characteristic Emotional Intelligence and Emotional Well-Being. Cognition & Emotion, 16(6), 769-785.

John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW

Oct, Thu, 2024

Uncategorized

How Can You Help Your Community?

Contributing to the well-being of your community is one of the most impactful ways to create positive change on both local and personal levels. Community engagement not only improves the quality of life for those around you, but it also fosters a sense of belonging, personal fulfillment, and collective responsibility. Whether through volunteering, supporting local businesses, or advocating for causes that matter, there are many ways to help your community. This article explores key strategies for making a difference, backed by research and expert recommendations.

1. Volunteer Your Time

One of the most direct ways to help your community is by volunteering. Giving your time to local organizations, charities, or initiatives can address immediate needs, build stronger social ties, and improve overall community cohesion. Research shows that communities with high levels of volunteerism often experience better health outcomes, lower crime rates, and stronger social networks (Wilson, 2000).

Whether it’s serving meals at a shelter, tutoring children, or cleaning up local parks, volunteering offers a hands-on way to make a tangible difference. Moreover, a study published in Social Science & Medicine found that volunteering can also have mental health benefits for volunteers, including reducing symptoms of depression and boosting feelings of life satisfaction (Jenkinson et al., 2013).

2. Support Local Businesses

Local businesses are often the backbone of a community, providing jobs, services, and a unique cultural identity. By choosing to shop locally, you help support the local economy and ensure the survival of independent businesses. A study by the Institute for Local Self-Reliance found that local businesses reinvest a larger share of their revenue into the local economy compared to national chains (Mitchell, 2010). This reinvestment strengthens the economic stability of the community.

In addition to shopping locally, you can support small businesses by spreading the word about them through social media, participating in community events they host, or even offering your skills to help them thrive.

3. Participate in Civic Engagement

Civic engagement is another crucial way to contribute to your community. This includes participating in local government meetings, joining neighborhood associations, or even organizing town hall discussions. By being involved in civic life, you help shape decisions that directly affect your community.

Engaging with local politics ensures that the voices of everyday citizens are heard and that decisions reflect the needs of the broader population. According to the Journal of Public Affairs, communities with higher rates of civic engagement tend to experience more responsive governance, greater social equity, and improved public services (Zukin et al., 2006).

4. Mentor or Educate Others

Mentorship and education are powerful ways to uplift individuals within your community, particularly younger generations. By offering guidance, whether formally or informally, you can help others navigate challenges, pursue goals, and build confidence.

Studies show that mentorship programs, particularly for youth, can have profound long-term benefits, including improved academic performance, higher self-esteem, and better career outcomes (Rhodes et al., 2002). Whether you’re mentoring a young person in a formal program or offering informal advice to someone in your neighborhood, your experience and wisdom can have a lasting impact.

In addition, offering free workshops or classes in areas where you have expertise—such as financial literacy, computer skills, or even gardening—can empower others to develop skills that will benefit both them and the broader community.

5. Organize Community Clean-Up Events

Environmental stewardship is another significant way to contribute to your community. Organizing or participating in a community clean-up event not only improves the physical appearance of your neighborhood but also promotes environmental responsibility. Clean-up events can target parks, streets, beaches, or other public areas that could benefit from beautification efforts.

Research has shown that cleaner environments foster a greater sense of community pride and well-being. A study published in The Journal of Environmental Psychology found that individuals who live in cleaner, well-maintained environments report higher levels of happiness and community satisfaction (Krause, 2011). By taking the lead in organizing or joining clean-up events, you can make your community a more pleasant and inviting place for everyone.

6. Advocate for Social Change

Advocating for social change is another impactful way to help your community, particularly when it comes to addressing issues like inequality, poverty, or access to education. Whether through grassroots activism, joining a nonprofit organization, or using social media platforms to raise awareness, advocating for important issues can lead to meaningful changes in your community.

Research published in Social Forces highlights the effectiveness of local activism in bringing about social change, particularly when communities unite around a shared cause (McAdam & Boudet, 2012). For example, efforts to improve access to affordable housing or to promote environmental sustainability can have long-lasting benefits for future generations.

7. Donate to Causes or Individuals in Need

Financial contributions to local charities, shelters, schools, or even individuals in need are vital to sustaining community support systems. For those unable to donate large sums of money, small and consistent contributions can still have a meaningful impact. Charitable giving not only provides resources to those in need but also strengthens the overall infrastructure of support within a community.

According to a report by the National Philanthropic Trust, Americans donated over $471 billion to charitable causes in 2020, with individual giving accounting for the largest portion of this total (NPT, 2020). These donations helped provide food, healthcare, education, and other services to countless people across the country. Even small contributions can go a long way in making a difference.

8. Build a Sense of Community Through Events

Organizing or participating in community events—such as potlucks, festivals, or block parties—is an effective way to foster connections and build a sense of belonging. These events create opportunities for neighbors to get to know each other, share experiences, and strengthen social bonds. Communities with strong social ties are more resilient in the face of challenges, from natural disasters to economic downturns (Putnam, 2000).

Events also provide a platform for celebrating the unique culture, history, and diversity within a community. By coming together for shared activities, people can feel more connected and invested in the well-being of their neighborhood.

9. Promote Inclusivity and Support Marginalized Groups

One of the most important ways to help your community is by promoting inclusivity and supporting marginalized groups. Whether through direct action, advocacy, or creating safe spaces for open dialogue, fostering an inclusive community ensures that everyone feels welcome and valued, regardless of race, gender, religion, or socioeconomic status.

Research has shown that communities that prioritize inclusivity experience higher levels of social trust, cooperation, and overall well-being (Putnam, 2007). By actively working to break down barriers and address systemic inequalities, you can help create a more just and supportive environment for all community members.

10. Offer Emotional Support and Kindness

Finally, one of the simplest yet most profound ways to help your community is through small acts of kindness and emotional support. Reaching out to neighbors, offering a listening ear, or simply being there for someone in need can make a significant difference in someone’s life.

Studies have shown that acts of kindness contribute to increased feelings of happiness and social connectedness, not just for the recipient but also for the giver (Lyubomirsky et al., 2005). In times of crisis or stress, offering emotional support and kindness can be a powerful way to foster a sense of unity and solidarity within your community.

Conclusion

Helping your community can take many forms, from volunteering and mentoring to advocating for change and promoting inclusivity. Each of these actions, whether big or small, contributes to the overall well-being of the community and strengthens the social fabric that holds it together. By getting involved, you not only improve the lives of those around you but also experience the personal fulfillment that comes from making a positive impact.

This article me has been written by John S. Collier. Mr. Collier has over 25 years in the social work field. He may be reached at 6066570532 extension 101 or by email at john@sekybh.com.

. References

• Jenkinson, C. E., Dickens, A. P., Jones, K., Thompson-Coon, J., Taylor, R. S., Rogers, M., & Bambra, C. L. (2013). Is Volunteering a Public Health Intervention? A Systematic Review and Meta-Analysis of the Health and Survival of Volunteers. Social Science & Medicine, 96, 26-34.

• Krause, A. (2011). Cleaner Environments and Happier People: The Psychological Impact of Environmental Cleanliness. Journal of Environmental Psychology, 31(1), 18-24.

• Lyubomirsky, S., Sheldon, K. M., & Schkade, D. (2005). Pursuing Happiness: The Architecture of Sustainable Change. Review of General Psychology, 9(2), 111-131.

• McAdam, D., & Boudet, H. S. (2012). Putting Social Movements in Their Place: Explaining Opposition to Energy Projects in the United States, 2000-2005. Social Forces, 91(1), 37-68.

• Mitchell, S. (2010). Why Local Matters: Rebuilding Our Communities and Economies from the Ground Up. Institute for Local Self-Reliance.

• National Philanthropic Trust. (2020). Charitable Giving Statistics. Retrieved from National Philanthropic Trust.

• Putnam, R. D. (2000). Bowling Alone: The Collapse and Revival of American Community. Simon & Schuster.

• Putnam, R. D. (2007). E Pluribus Unum: Diversity and Community in the Twenty-First Century. Scandinavian Political Studies, 30(2), 137-174.

• Rhodes, J. E., Grossman, J. B., & Resch, N. L. (2002). Agents of Change:

John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW

Oct, Mon, 2024

Marriage

Did you Lose Yourself in your Marriage?

Marriage is often seen as a union of two individuals who merge their lives, goals, and values. While this partnership requires compromise, trust, and mutual support, there is a risk of losing one’s personal identity in the process. Losing oneself in a marriage refers to the tendency to prioritize the relationship at the expense of individual identity, interests, and personal development. While the idea of “becoming one” is often romanticized, losing oneself in a marriage can have significant negative consequences for both personal well-being and the relationship itself.

The Concept of Losing Yourself in Marriage

To lose oneself in a marriage means that an individual’s personal identity becomes submerged in the identity of the couple. This can manifest in giving up personal hobbies, values, friendships, or ambitions for the sake of maintaining the relationship. While compromise is an essential part of any marriage, consistently abandoning one’s personal interests and values can lead to feelings of disconnection, resentment, and dissatisfaction over time (Aron & Aron, 2001).

Researchers have explored the psychological phenomenon of “relationship enmeshment,” which occurs when boundaries between partners become blurred, and one partner’s identity is overtaken by the couple’s shared identity (Cramer, 2003). While it’s normal for couples to grow together and make sacrifices for one another, maintaining individual autonomy is equally important for long-term happiness and mental health.

Negative Consequences of Losing Yourself in Marriage

Losing oneself in a marriage can result in several adverse effects, both on an individual level and within the relationship itself.

Loss of Personal Fulfillment: When a person consistently prioritizes their spouse’s needs and interests over their own, they may begin to lose touch with the things that once brought them personal joy and satisfaction (Miller, 2019). Over time, this can lead to feelings of emptiness, as the individual may feel they have lost their sense of purpose outside the marriage.
Emotional Burnout and Resentment: Constantly putting the relationship above one’s own needs can lead to emotional exhaustion. This can result in feelings of resentment towards the spouse, as the individual may feel that they have sacrificed too much for the relationship (Waller & McLanahan, 2005). This, in turn, can create tension within the marriage, as unresolved feelings of resentment and burnout may lead to conflict.
Imbalanced Power Dynamics: In cases where one partner continually prioritizes the other, an imbalanced power dynamic can emerge. The partner who has lost themselves may feel powerless or dependent on their spouse, while the other partner may unknowingly become the dominant figure in the relationship (Anderson & Chen, 2002). This imbalance can create long-term strain on the relationship, as both partners may struggle to navigate the power dynamic.
Increased Risk of Codependency: Losing oneself in a marriage can also contribute to codependency, a situation where one partner becomes overly reliant on the other for emotional support and self-worth. Codependency can limit personal growth, independence, and self-sufficiency, making the individual feel trapped within the relationship (Hendrick & Hendrick, 2006). This can further erode the quality of the marriage, as both partners may struggle with the limitations that codependency imposes.

Why It’s Important to Maintain Individuality in Marriage

Maintaining individuality within a marriage is not only beneficial for personal well-being but also for the health of the relationship. When both partners have their own identities, interests, and friendships, they are more likely to experience personal fulfillment, which can positively impact the marriage. Here are a few reasons why individuality is crucial:

Promotes Personal Growth: Maintaining one’s own hobbies, ambitions, and social connections outside of the marriage allows for continued personal growth. When individuals have space to grow independently, they bring new perspectives and experiences back to the relationship, enriching the partnership as a whole (Aron & Aron, 2001).
Encourages Healthy Boundaries: Healthy marriages thrive on mutual respect and understanding. Setting and maintaining personal boundaries can help ensure that both partners feel valued and respected in the relationship. This allows for a balance of independence and togetherness, preventing the suffocation that often comes with losing oneself in the marriage (Cramer, 2003).
Fosters Emotional Stability: When individuals maintain a sense of self outside of the relationship, they are less likely to become emotionally dependent on their spouse. This fosters emotional stability, as each partner feels confident and secure in their own identity (Sprecher & Felmlee, 1992). Emotional stability contributes to a healthier and more balanced relationship dynamic, where both partners support each other’s individual growth.

How to Prevent Losing Yourself in Marriage

To avoid losing oneself in marriage, it is essential to establish and maintain boundaries, communicate openly with your partner, and prioritize self-care. Here are some practical steps to ensure a healthy balance between individuality and partnership:

Prioritize Personal Hobbies and Interests: It is important to continue pursuing personal hobbies and interests, even after getting married. Engaging in activities that bring personal fulfillment allows individuals to maintain a sense of self (Waller & McLanahan, 2005). Additionally, this can help prevent feelings of boredom or stagnation within the marriage.
Foster Open Communication: Having honest conversations with your partner about personal needs, boundaries, and concerns is essential. Open communication helps prevent misunderstandings and ensures that both partners feel heard and respected (Hendrick & Hendrick, 2006).
Maintain Relationships Outside of the Marriage: Cultivating friendships and maintaining relationships with family members outside the marriage is vital. These connections provide emotional support and offer different perspectives, helping to prevent isolation within the marriage (Miller, 2019).
Reflect on Personal Goals: Take time to regularly reflect on personal goals, values, and aspirations. This helps ensure that personal ambitions are not lost in the pursuit of relationship harmony (Aron & Aron, 2001).

Conclusion

While marriage is a deeply rewarding partnership, it is important to avoid losing oneself in the relationship. Maintaining individuality, setting healthy boundaries, and fostering open communication can help ensure that both partners thrive both individually and as a couple. By balancing personal growth with marital commitment, individuals can experience greater fulfillment, emotional stability, and long-term relationship satisfaction.

This article has been written by John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW. Mr. Collier has over 25 years in the social work field. He currently serves as the executive director and provider within Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health based out of London Kentucky. He may be reached at 6066570532 or by email at john@sekybh.com.

References

Anderson, S. M., & Chen, S. (2002). The relational self: An interpersonal social-cognitive theory. Psychological Review, 109(4), 619–645. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-295X.109.4.619

Aron, A., & Aron, E. N. (2001). Self-expansion model of motivation and cognition in close relationships and beyond. Handbook of Motivation and Cognition Within Close Relationships, 63–84.

Cramer, D. (2003). Perceived respect for privacy, need for independence, and personal well-being in close relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 20(2), 253–271. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407503020002005

Hendrick, S. S., & Hendrick, C. (2006). Close relationships: A sourcebook. Sage Publications.

Miller, K. (2019). Boundaries in relationships: The key to maintaining intimacy and trust. Healthy Connections Press.

Sprecher, S., & Felmlee, D. (1992). The influence of self-disclosure on liking: Separate meta-analyses for men and women. Psychological Bulletin, 112(3), 487-492.

Waller, M. R., & McLanahan, S. (2005). “His” and “Her” marriage expectations: Determinants and consequences. Journal of Marriage and Family, 67(1), 53-67.

John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW

Oct, Mon, 2024

coping

Five Good Ways to Relax

Relaxation is essential for maintaining mental, emotional, and physical well-being. In today’s fast-paced world, finding ways to unwind can be challenging, but it is crucial for stress reduction, mental clarity, and overall health. This article explores five effective ways to relax, supported by research and expert advice.

1. Mindful Meditation

Mindful meditation is one of the most powerful techniques for relaxation. It involves focusing your attention on the present moment, often through controlled breathing, and acknowledging thoughts or sensations without judgment. Research has shown that meditation reduces stress, improves concentration, and fosters a sense of calm.

A study published in Psychiatry Research: Neuroimaging found that regular meditation can actually change the brain, increasing gray matter in areas associated with learning, memory, and emotional regulation (Hölzel et al., 2011). By taking just 10-20 minutes a day to practice mindfulness, individuals can experience significant reductions in anxiety and stress.

Mindfulness meditation can be practiced anywhere, whether it’s in a quiet room, at work, or even during a walk. Apps like Headspace and Calm have made it easier to get started with guided meditation sessions for beginners and experienced practitioners alike.

2. Exercise

Physical activity is a highly effective way to relax the body and mind. Whether it’s running, yoga, swimming, or even walking, exercise triggers the release of endorphins—natural chemicals in the brain that act as stress relievers. Exercise also reduces the body’s levels of stress hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol.

According to the American Psychological Association (APA), regular physical activity can significantly improve mood, reduce anxiety, and combat the negative effects of stress (APA, 2013). For instance, yoga, a form of exercise that combines physical movement with breathing techniques, has been shown to reduce stress and enhance overall well-being. A study published in the Journal of Alternative and Complementary Medicine found that yoga reduces cortisol levels and can lead to a reduction in perceived stress (Ross et al., 2013).

Engaging in just 30 minutes of physical activity a few times a week can have profound effects on relaxation and overall mental health.

3. Reading

Reading for pleasure is an excellent way to relax, especially when you get absorbed in a good book. When reading a novel or engaging content, the mind gets a break from daily worries and stressors. Research has shown that reading can reduce stress levels significantly in a short period.

A study from the University of Sussex found that reading for just six minutes can lower stress levels by up to 68%, making it a more effective stress-relief activity than listening to music, drinking tea, or taking a walk (Lewis, 2009). Reading transports the brain into a different world, giving your mind an opportunity to rest and rejuvenate.

Fiction, self-help, and even poetry are good genres to consider when choosing reading material for relaxation. The key is to choose something that interests and engages you.

4. Deep Breathing Exercises

Deep breathing is one of the simplest yet most effective relaxation techniques. By focusing on slow, deep breaths, the body’s parasympathetic nervous system is activated, which helps counteract the “fight or flight” stress response.

Dr. Herbert Benson, a pioneer in the field of mind-body medicine, developed a technique called the “relaxation response,” which emphasizes deep breathing as a way to induce a state of calm and reduce stress (Benson, 1975). This response involves sitting quietly, closing your eyes, and breathing deeply while repeating a word or phrase to yourself, creating a peaceful, meditative state.

One of the most common techniques is “4-7-8 breathing,” which involves inhaling for four seconds, holding the breath for seven seconds, and exhaling slowly for eight seconds. This method has been shown to slow heart rate and promote a sense of relaxation.

5. Spending Time in Nature

Spending time outdoors, whether walking in a park, hiking in the mountains, or simply sitting by a body of water, can have profound effects on relaxation and mental well-being. Nature exposure reduces stress, improves mood, and can even lower blood pressure.

A study published in Frontiers in Psychology found that spending as little as 20 minutes in a natural setting can significantly lower levels of the stress hormone cortisol (Hunter et al., 2019). The calming effect of nature, often referred to as “forest bathing” or “shinrin-yoku” in Japan, has been extensively studied for its ability to promote relaxation and improve mental health.

The sounds of nature, fresh air, and greenery provide a peaceful environment that helps reduce the mental and physical toll of stress. Even a short walk in a park or garden can be enough to reset your mind and reduce anxiety.

Conclusion

Relaxation is vital for maintaining a balanced and healthy lifestyle. By incorporating mindful meditation, regular exercise, reading, deep breathing exercises, and spending time in nature into your daily routine, you can significantly reduce stress and improve your overall well-being. Each of these methods is supported by scientific research and provides effective, accessible ways to unwind and recharge.

This article was written by John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW. Mr. Collier has over 25 years of experience in the social work field. He currently serves as the executive Director and practitioner at Southeast Kentucky Behavioral health based out of London, Kentucky. John may be reached at 606-657-0532 extension 101 or by email at John @SEKYBH.com.

References

• American Psychological Association (2013). Exercise Fuels Mental Health. Retrieved from APA.

• Benson, H. (1975). The Relaxation Response. William Morrow and Company.

• Hölzel, B. K., Carmody, J., Vangel, M., Congleton, C., Yerramsetti, S. M., Gard, T., & Lazar, S. W. (2011). Mindfulness practice leads to increases in regional brain gray matter density. Psychiatry Research: Neuroimaging, 191(1), 36-43.

• Hunter, M. R., Gillespie, B. W., & Chen, S. Y. P. (2019). Urban Nature Experiences Reduce Stress in the Context of Daily Life Based on Salivary Biomarkers. Frontiers in Psychology, 10, 722.

• Lewis, D. (2009). Galaxy Stress Research. Mindlab International, University of Sussex.

• Ross, A., Thomas, S. (2013). The Health Benefits of Yoga and Exercise: A Review of Comparison Studies. Journal of Alternative and Complementary Medicine, 16(1), 3-12.

John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW

Oct, Mon, 2024

Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health, LLC

Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health, LLC