Category Relationships

Can Someone Change Their Love Language?

The concept of love languages was introduced by Dr. Gary Chapman in his 1992 book “The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate.” Chapman’s theory posits that people express and experience love in one of five primary ways: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. These love languages help individuals and couples better understand each other’s emotional needs. A common question that arises is whether love languages are static or if they can change over time. In fact, research and anecdotal evidence suggest that a person’s love language can shift due to a variety of factors.

Understanding Love Languages

Chapman’s theory emphasizes that every individual has a primary love language—one that resonates the most in making them feel loved and appreciated. However, it’s important to recognize that love languages are not rigid personality traits but dynamic preferences that can evolve. According to Dr. Chapman, love languages are shaped by upbringing, cultural influences, and past experiences, but they are also adaptable as we navigate through life changes.

Can Love Languages Change?

Several factors can lead to shifts in a person’s love language over time:

  1. Life Transitions and Circumstances
    Major life events such as marriage, parenthood, career changes, or even personal crises can lead to a shift in how individuals prioritize love languages. For instance, someone whose primary love language used to be Words of Affirmation may find themselves valuing Acts of Service after becoming a parent. The practical help offered by a partner during stressful periods may feel like the most profound expression of love. Research suggests that significant life events and environmental contexts can shift what people value most in relationships (Neff & Karney, 2009).
  2. Changes in Relationship Dynamics
    As relationships evolve, partners may learn to express love in new ways or find new ways of feeling loved. A study by Horan & Booth-Butterfield (2013) found that partners in long-term relationships tend to adapt their communication styles and emotional expressions over time. In such cases, love languages can shift in response to changing relationship dynamics. For example, a person who previously valued Receiving Gifts may, over time, begin to prioritize Quality Time if the relationship has grown emotionally distant.
  3. Personal Growth and Emotional Maturity
    Emotional and psychological development can also influence a person’s love language. People evolve, and their emotional needs do too. An individual who has gone through therapy, for instance, may become more comfortable with Physical Touch after working through issues related to intimacy. Similarly, someone who has gained confidence or self-assurance might find that they now crave Words of Affirmation less than before. Research on emotional intelligence highlights that as people become more emotionally mature, their ways of connecting with others evolve (Schutte et al., 2001).

Adaptability and Communication in Relationships

It’s essential to note that just because a person’s love language may change doesn’t mean that love languages are irrelevant or overly fluid. The primary purpose of love languages is to enhance communication in relationships, and as such, being attuned to these shifts is crucial. When individuals notice their love language or their partner’s has changed, open communication is key to ensuring that both partners feel supported and loved.

According to Chapman (2010), couples should regularly check in with one another about their emotional needs, as this allows them to adapt and accommodate shifts in love languages. It’s not uncommon for couples to experience a shift in the ways they express love, especially as they mature and face new challenges together.

Conclusion

While a person’s love language may feel like an integral part of their identity, it’s clear that love languages can change over time. Whether influenced by life circumstances, relationship dynamics, or personal growth, individuals may find their emotional needs evolving. This is a natural part of human development. The key to sustaining healthy relationships lies in the ability to recognize and adapt to these changes through ongoing communication and mutual understanding.

This article has been written by John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW. John has over 25 years experience in the Social Work Field. He currently serves as the Executive Director and Provider within Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health based out of London Kentucky. He may be reached at (606) 657-0532 extension 101 or by email at [email protected].

References

Chapman, G. (1992). The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. Northfield Publishing.
Chapman, G. (2010). The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts. Northfield Publishing.
Horan, S. M., & Booth-Butterfield, M. (2013). Understanding the Communicative Aspects of Love: Interpersonal Communication in Romantic Relationships. Communication Quarterly, 61(5), 552-567.
Neff, L. A., & Karney, B. R. (2009). Stress and Reappraisal of Marital Interactions. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 97(3), 561–576.
Schutte, N. S., Malouff, J. M., Simunek, M., McKenley, J., & Hollander, S. (2001). Characteristic Emotional Intelligence and Emotional Well-Being. Cognition & Emotion, 16(6), 769-785.

Women, Are You a Wife Worth Dying For?

The concept of sacrificial love in marriage is a deeply profound one, especially within the Christian tradition. Ephesians 5:25 commands, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” This call for husbands to be willing to lay down their lives for their wives raises an important question: women, are you a wife worth dying for? This question invites reflection on what it means to be a wife who fosters a marriage worthy of such a selfless love.

The Mutual Nature of Sacrificial Love

Before exploring what makes a wife “worth dying for,” it’s important to understand the reciprocal nature of love within a biblical marriage. Ephesians 5:21 reminds us, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” This mutual submission lays the foundation for how both husbands and wives are to treat each other—with love, respect, and selflessness.

While husbands are called to love their wives sacrificially, wives are likewise called to respect and support their husbands in ways that build up the marriage and the household. In this sense, both partners in the marriage are asked to give of themselves, though in different ways. As theologian R.C. Sproul notes, “The submission of the wife is a fitting response to the sacrificial love of the husband, which models the gospel message in its most basic form: giving oneself for the good of another.”

Cultivating a Relationship Worthy of Sacrifice

Being a wife worth dying for does not imply that a wife must achieve perfection or live up to an impossible standard. Instead, it refers to the qualities that contribute to a healthy, loving, and mutually fulfilling marriage. One key aspect is emotional and spiritual support. A wife who provides her husband with a sense of emotional security and encouragement creates an environment where love can thrive. She offers empathy, understanding, and compassion, making her husband feel valued and respected.

In Proverbs 31, we see a portrait of a virtuous wife whose actions benefit her entire household. “Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value” (Proverbs 31:11). A wife who is trustworthy, hardworking, and loving creates a partnership where both husband and wife are lifted up. This is the kind of relationship that fosters deep, sacrificial love on both sides.

Christian marriage counselor and author Gary Thomas explains, “A good marriage isn’t something you find; it’s something you make, and you have to keep on making it.” Wives who actively invest in their marriages, who communicate well and build strong emotional connections, contribute to a relationship where sacrificial love can naturally flourish.

Building a Relationship of Mutual Growth

A wife worth dying for also understands that marriage is a journey of mutual growth. Both partners must be committed to growing together, learning from one another, and building a life that reflects their shared values and faith. This means cultivating a relationship based on forgiveness, grace, and patience.

Theologian Timothy Keller, in The Meaning of Marriage, speaks to the importance of grace in marital growth: “The reason marriage is so painful and yet wonderful is because it is a reflection of the gospel, which is both painful and wonderful at once.” Just as Christ’s sacrificial love is transformative, so is the love that spouses share when they forgive, grow, and strive to be better partners.

Wives who are committed to personal and spiritual growth, both in themselves and in their marriage, are laying the groundwork for a love that is deep and abiding. A relationship built on mutual growth, where both partners continually seek to improve and support each other, is one worth cherishing and protecting at all costs.

The Power of Respect and Honor

Respect is often seen as one of the most important components in a successful marriage. For many men, feeling respected by their wives is central to feeling loved. In Ephesians 5:33, Paul writes, “However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” A wife who respects her husband fosters an environment where he can lead with love and confidence.

This respect does not mean subservience or blind obedience, but rather recognizing the unique qualities and strengths that each partner brings to the marriage. Psychologist Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, author of Love and Respect, explains that a man’s need for respect is deeply tied to his ability to love his wife well. When a wife shows respect for her husband, it encourages him to offer the kind of sacrificial love that Christ modeled for the church.

Conclusion: Are You Worth Dying For?

The idea of being a wife worth dying for is not about earning your husband’s love through perfection, but rather about fostering a marriage grounded in mutual love, respect, and growth. A wife who supports her husband emotionally, spiritually, and relationally creates an environment where sacrificial love can flourish.

Sacrificial love, at its core, is about giving of oneself for the benefit of the other. When both husband and wife embrace this mindset, the marriage becomes a reflection of Christ’s love for the church—a love so deep and abiding that it is worth laying down one’s life for.

This article has been written by John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW. Mr. Collier has over 25 years of experience in the social work field and is based in London Kentucky through Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health, LLC. Mr. Collier may be reached by phone at (606) 657–0532 extension 101 or by email at [email protected].

References

  1. The Holy Bible, New International Version, Ephesians 5:21-33.
  2. Sproul, R.C. The Intimate Marriage: A Practical Guide to Building a Great Marriage. Reformation Trust Publishing, 2003.
  3. Thomas, Gary. Sacred Marriage: What If God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy? Zondervan, 2000.
  4. Keller, Timothy. The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God. Penguin Books, 2011.
  5. Eggerichs, Emerson. Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs. Thomas Nelson, 2004.
  6. The Holy Bible, New International Version, Proverbs 31:10-31.