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Becoming Better: The Daily Work of a Good Man

“What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world remains and is immortal.”
— Albert Pine (often attributed to Albert Pike)

As I’ve gotten older, I have found myself thinking more about what kind of man I am and what kind of man I want to become.

Not because I think I have everything figured out.

Actually, it is the opposite.

The more I learn, the more I realize how much I still need to grow.

Every day, I try to be a better man than I was yesterday. And if I’m honest, that can be hard. Some days I do well. Other days I fall short. I lose my patience. I become frustrated. I make mistakes. I say things I wish I could take back.

But then I wake up the next morning and try again.

For me, that is what being a moral man looks like.

It is not being perfect.

It is being committed to growing.

The Man in the Mirror

Every morning, the first person I have to answer to is the man in the mirror.

I can fool other people. I can make excuses. I can blame circumstances.

But deep down, I know when I could have done better.

I know when I should have listened more.

I know when I should have shown more patience.

I know when I should have chosen courage instead of comfort.

The struggle is not with other people nearly as much as it is with myself.

The person I am competing with today is the person I was yesterday.

What Really Matters

As the Executive Director of a growing behavioral health organization, I spend much of my life helping people. I work with individuals who are struggling, families who are hurting, children who need support, and staff members who are trying to make a difference.

The longer I do this work, the more I realize something important.

People will not remember most of our titles.

They will not remember how many meetings we attended.

They will not remember how much money we made.

But they will remember how we treated them.

They will remember whether we showed up when they needed us.

They will remember whether we cared.

That is why Albert Pine’s quote speaks so deeply to me.

Everything I do for myself will eventually be gone.

But the people I help, the encouragement I give, the kindness I show, and the lives I touch may continue long after I am gone.

A Good Man Is Never Finished

One lesson life has taught me is that becoming a good man is never a completed project.

There is always room to improve.

I can become a better father.

A better leader.

A better friend.

A better partner.

A better listener.

A better example.

There is always another lesson to learn and another weakness to overcome.

For many men, that can feel discouraging.

I see it differently.

I believe it is a gift.

If I still have room to grow, then I still have purpose.

The Quiet Things Matter Most

Many people think a legacy is built by doing something famous.

I do not believe that.

I believe most legacies are built in ordinary moments.

A father staying up late to help his child.

A husband keeping his promises.

A friend answering the phone when someone is hurting.

A man doing the right thing when nobody is watching.

These moments may never make headlines.

But they shape lives.

In my work, I have met many people who can clearly remember a teacher, coach, parent, counselor, or mentor who changed their life with a few simple words or actions.

That is the power of doing good for others.

Small acts often leave the biggest footprints.

Why We Keep Trying

The world can be difficult.

There are days when being kind feels harder than being angry.

There are days when honesty costs us something.

There are days when doing the right thing seems unnoticed.

Yet good men keep trying.

We keep trying because character matters.

We keep trying because our children are watching.

We keep trying because the people around us deserve our best.

We keep trying because we know the world becomes a little better every time someone chooses integrity over selfishness.

A moral man does not always succeed.

But he refuses to quit trying.

The Immortal Part of a Man

One day, every one of us will leave this world.

Our jobs will be filled by someone else.

Our belongings will belong to someone else.

Our accomplishments will slowly fade into history.

But something remains.

The love we gave.

The lives we helped.

The wisdom we shared.

The people we encouraged.

The sacrifices we made for others.

That is the immortal part of a man.

Not the things he owned.

The lives he touched.

Conclusion

When I think about Albert Pine’s quote, I am reminded that the goal is not simply to have a successful life.

The goal is to have a meaningful one.

I do not want to be remembered for what I accumulated.

I want to be remembered for what I contributed.

Like many men, I am still a work in progress. I still stumble. I still learn. I still have days when I am not the man I want to be.

But every morning, I get another chance.

Another chance to be a little wiser.

A little kinder.

A little stronger.

A little better than I was yesterday.

And if I can help someone else along the way, then perhaps a small part of my life will continue living in the lives of others.

That is the kind of immortality worth striving for.

“The goal is not to become a perfect man. The goal is to become a better man today than you were yesterday and a better man tomorrow than you are today.”

About the Author

John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW-S is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker Supervisor, Executive Director of Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health, LLC, and author of The Mind’s Trestle Board. Through his work in behavioral health, leadership, and writing, he explores personal growth, resilience, character development, and the daily pursuit of becoming the person we were created to be.

References

Frankl, V. E. (2006). Man’s Search for Meaning. Beacon Press.

Covey, S. R. (2004). The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Free Press.

Aristotle. Nicomachean Ethics.

Pine, A. (attributed). “What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world remains and is immortal.”

Valentine’s Day When You’re Single: Practical Ways to Care for Yourself (and Why They Work)

Valentine’s Day can feel like a spotlight—on couples, romance, and “who has what.” When you’re single, that spotlight can trigger comparison, loneliness, or the sense that something is missing. But the day can also become a deliberate practice of self-respect: a chance to invest in your well-being, strengthen your identity, and build connection in ways that aren’t dependent on a romantic relationship. Research on self-compassion, savoring, and social connection offers a helpful blueprint for what to do—and why it matters. 

1) Treat it like a “self-date” (intentionally, not as a consolation prize)

A self-date is simply planned, uninterrupted time where you choose yourself on purpose. The value isn’t in the activity alone—it’s in the message you send your brain: I am worth effort. That shift matters because self-directed kindness is linked to better psychological well-being and lower self-criticism. 

Ideas

Go to a restaurant you’ve wanted to try (bring a book or journal). Dress up even if you’re staying in—signal that the moment matters. Plan a “three-course” at home: appetizer, main, dessert—no rushing.

2) Practice self-compassion (the opposite of self-judgment)

For many people, Valentine’s Day activates an inner critic: Everyone else is loved… what’s wrong with me? Self-compassion counters that spiral by combining (1) mindfulness (noticing the pain), (2) common humanity (you’re not alone), and (3) self-kindness (responding with care). This is not “letting yourself off the hook.” It’s choosing a healthier way to relate to yourself—one strongly associated with psychological well-being. 

Try this (2 minutes)

Put your hand on your chest and name what’s true: “This is hard tonight.” Add common humanity: “A lot of people feel this way sometimes.” Offer kindness: “I’m going to take care of myself with respect.”

3) Build connection on purpose (because your health depends on it)

Being single isn’t the same as being isolated—but it can become isolating if you withdraw. Social connection is a major protective factor for both mental and physical health, and the U.S. Surgeon General has warned that loneliness and isolation carry serious health consequences. 

Connection ideas that don’t require romance

Text or call two people: one “easy friend” and one “meaningful friend.” Host a small “friends-only Valentine’s” (dessert night, board games, movie). Do something service-based (drop off a meal, volunteer, donate intentionally).

Even brief, sincere connection beats scrolling through curated highlight reels.

4) Use “savoring” to create real positive emotion (not forced positivity)

Savoring is the skill of noticing and amplifying positive experiences—small ones included. Research suggests savoring interventions can increase positive emotions and strengthen coping resources, especially after stressors. 

Simple savoring ritual

Choose one pleasant moment (hot shower, favorite song, dessert, candlelight). Slow down for 30–60 seconds and focus on sensory detail: smell, taste, warmth, texture. Say (out loud if you can): “This is good. I’m allowed to enjoy this.”

5) Give your body care that feels like gratitude, not “fixing”

When people feel lonely or rejected, the body often carries the stress—tight shoulders, fatigue, restlessness. A gentle reset can regulate your nervous system and reduce emotional load.

Pick one

Long walk with a playlist that matches your mood (not what you think you should feel). Stretching, yoga, or a warm bath/shower with deliberate slowness. Early bedtime with a “wind-down boundary” (no phone 30 minutes before sleep).

6) Make a “values-based” Valentine’s: do something that fits who you want to be

A powerful way to prevent Valentine’s Day from becoming a pain-amplifier is to anchor it in meaning. When you act in line with your values (growth, faith, health, creativity, service), the day stops being a referendum on your relationship status and becomes a reflection of your character.

Examples

Growth: read, take a class, plan one goal for the next month. Creativity: write a poem, paint, cook something new. Service: encourage someone who’s struggling; give generously. Restoration: declutter one space; make your home feel safe and calm.

7) If the day feels heavy, name it—then choose one small next step

If you feel grief, that doesn’t mean you’re failing the day. It means you’re human. Start with one “next right thing”: a shower, a meal, a walk, a call, a journal entry. The goal isn’t to turn Valentine’s Day into a perfect night—it’s to treat yourself with dignity while you move through it.

This article was written by John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW. Mr. Collier has over 25 years experience in the social work field. He currently serves as the executive Director at outpatient behavioral health therapist at Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health in London Kentucky.

References

Neff, K. D. (2009). The role of self-compassion in development: A healthier way to relate to oneself. Human Development, 52(4), 211–214.  Neff, K. D. (n.d.). Self-Compassion, Self-Esteem, and Well-Being. Self-Compassion.org (PDF).  Office of the U.S. Surgeon General. (2023). Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation: The U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory on the Healing Effects of Social Connection and Community. U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.  U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. (2025). Social Connection (Fact Cards and resources).  Klibert, J. J., et al. (2022). Savoring interventions increase positive emotions after a social-evaluative hassle.  Cullen, K., et al. (2024). The effectiveness of savouring interventions in adult clinical populations. 

Am I Able to Be Happy? Understanding the Science and Strategies of Happiness

The pursuit of happiness is a fundamental human aspiration. However, many wonder, “Am I able to be happy?” Understanding happiness, its contributing factors, and strategies to foster it can help answer this question and unlock a more fulfilling life.

What is Happiness?

Happiness is often defined as a state of well-being characterized by positive emotions and life satisfaction (Diener et al., 1985). It encompasses both momentary pleasures and long-term contentment. The “science of happiness” examines how biological, psychological, and social factors influence this emotional state.

The Biology of Happiness

Research indicates that happiness has a genetic component, with up to 50% of individual differences attributed to hereditary factors (Lyubomirsky et al., 2005). This does not mean happiness is predetermined; environmental factors and intentional actions play a significant role in shaping emotional well-being.

Brain chemistry also influences happiness. Neurotransmitters such as dopamine, serotonin, and endorphins are known as the “feel-good chemicals,” regulating mood and promoting positive feelings (Nestler & Malenka, 2004).

Can Everyone Be Happy?

While challenges such as mental health conditions or adverse life circumstances may hinder happiness, research shows that everyone has the potential to experience it. The “happiness set point” theory suggests that people tend to return to a baseline level of happiness after significant life events (Brickman et al., 1978). However, intentional practices can shift this baseline, fostering sustained happiness.

Strategies to Cultivate Happiness

1. Practice Gratitude

Gratitude is a powerful tool for enhancing happiness. Expressing appreciation for the positive aspects of life increases well-being and reduces stress (Emmons & McCullough, 2003).

2. Build Strong Relationships

Social connections are critical for happiness. A study from Harvard found that the quality of relationships is the strongest predictor of life satisfaction (Waldinger & Schulz, 2010). Cultivating meaningful relationships can create emotional support and joy.

3. Engage in Meaningful Activities

Purpose and meaning in life are strongly correlated with happiness (Ryff & Singer, 1998). Engaging in work, hobbies, or volunteerism that aligns with personal values fosters fulfillment and positivity.

4. Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness practices, such as meditation, reduce stress and promote emotional well-being. By focusing on the present, individuals can cultivate a sense of calm and contentment (Kabat-Zinn, 1990).

5. Prioritize Physical Health

Regular exercise, a balanced diet, and adequate sleep improve mood and energy levels. Physical activity, in particular, releases endorphins, known as natural mood enhancers (Herring et al., 2010).

6. Set Realistic Goals

Setting and achieving goals, even small ones, can create a sense of accomplishment and increase happiness. Focusing on progress rather than perfection helps maintain motivation and optimism (Locke & Latham, 2002).

7. Limit Comparisons

Comparing oneself to others often leads to dissatisfaction. Practicing self-compassion and focusing on personal growth fosters a positive self-image and happiness (Neff, 2003).

Seeking Professional Help

For individuals facing chronic unhappiness or mental health challenges, seeking help from a therapist or counselor can provide valuable support and strategies. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), for example, is effective in addressing negative thought patterns and enhancing well-being (Beck, 2011).

Conclusion

Happiness is a multifaceted experience influenced by genetic, psychological, and environmental factors. While challenges may arise, everyone has the capacity to cultivate happiness through intentional practices such as gratitude, mindfulness, and building meaningful connections. By prioritizing mental, emotional, and physical health, individuals can unlock their potential for joy and fulfillment.

This article has been written by John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW. Mr. Coller has over 25 years of experience in the social work field. He currently serves as the executive director and outpatient patient behavioral health therapist at Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health, LLC based out of London Kentucky. He may be reached by phone at 606-657-0532 extension 101 or by email at john@sekybh.com.

References

  • Beck, J. S. (2011). Cognitive behavior therapy: Basics and beyond. Guilford Press.
  • Brickman, P., Coates, D., & Janoff-Bulman, R. (1978). Lottery winners and accident victims: Is happiness relative? Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 36(8), 917-927.
  • Diener, E., Emmons, R. A., Larsen, R. J., & Griffin, S. (1985). The satisfaction with life scale. Journal of Personality Assessment, 49(1), 71-75.
  • Emmons, R. A., & McCullough, M. E. (2003). Counting blessings versus burdens: An experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84(2), 377-389.
  • Herring, M. P., O’Connor, P. J., & Dishman, R. K. (2010). The effect of exercise training on anxiety symptoms: A meta-analysis. Psychosomatic Medicine, 72(6), 465-474.
  • Kabat-Zinn, J. (1990). Full catastrophe living: Using the wisdom of your body and mind to face stress, pain, and illness. Delacorte.
  • Locke, E. A., & Latham, G. P. (2002). Building a practically useful theory of goal setting and task motivation: A 35-year odyssey. American Psychologist, 57(9), 705-717.
  • Lyubomirsky, S., Sheldon, K. M., & Schkade, D. (2005). Pursuing happiness: The architecture of sustainable change. Review of General Psychology, 9(2), 111-131.
  • Neff, K. D. (2003). Self-compassion: An alternative conceptualization of a healthy attitude toward oneself. Self and Identity, 2(2), 85-101.
  • Nestler, E. J., & Malenka, R. C. (2004). The addicted brain. Scientific American, 290(3), 78-85.
  • Ryff, C. D., & Singer, B. H. (1998). The contours of positive human health. Psychological Inquiry, 9(1), 1-28.
  • Waldinger, R. J., & Schulz, M. S. (2010). The long reach of nurturing family environments: Links with midlife emotion-regulatory styles and late-life security in intimate relationships. Psychological Science, 21(11), 1540-1548.