Don’t make him chase you.
I came across a meme on social media that said
“Chase her, even ehen she is your girl, that’s how you never lose her”.
This message in the picture sounds romantic, but it promotes an unhealthy relationship belief: that love must be proven through constant pursuit. In reality, healthy love is not maintained by chasing, pressure, fear, or emotional performance. It is maintained through mutual commitment, respect, emotional safety, and consistent care.
Research on relationship maintenance identifies healthy behaviors such as positivity, openness, assurances, shared tasks, and social connection—not anxious pursuit or one-sided chasing. Stafford and Canary’s widely cited work found that positivity, assurances, and shared responsibilities were strong predictors of commitment, liking, satisfaction, and mutuality in relationships.
The phrase “chase her, even when she’s already your girl” assumes that a woman must be continually pursued to prevent loss. That can sound flattering, but it can also imply insecurity: If I stop chasing, she will leave. Healthy relationships should not be built on fear of abandonment. They should be built on trust. Autonomy-supportive relationships, where partners feel respected rather than controlled, are associated with better relational well-being.
There is also a serious boundary issue hidden in the word “chase.” Pursuit is only romantic when it is mutual, welcomed, and respectful. When pursuit becomes unwanted, persistent, or possessive, research connects it with unhealthy post-breakup behaviors and even stalking-like patterns. Studies on unwanted pursuit behaviors show that possessive and dependent forms of love are linked with greater risk after relationship dissolution.
A healthier message would be: Choose her, respect her, nurture the relationship, and keep showing up—but do not chase her as if love is a game of possession.
Love should not require one partner to run and the other to chase. Mature love looks more like walking together. It means listening when she speaks, honoring her boundaries, being emotionally present, apologizing when wrong, celebrating her growth, and continuing to invest in the relationship without fear-based control.
A woman is not “kept” by pursuit. A relationship is preserved by mutual effort.
This article was written by John S Collier MSWLCSW. John has over 25 years in the social work in behavioral health field. He currently serves as an outpatient clinician and executive Director of Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health based out of London Kentucky.
References
Stafford, L., & Canary, D. J. (1991). Maintenance strategies and romantic relationship type, gender and relational characteristics. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships.
Canary, D. J. (2016). Relationship Maintenance Strategies. Yale Working Group on Globalization and Culture.
Langhinrichsen-Rohling, J., Palarea, R. E., Cohen, J., & Rohling, M. L. (2000). Breaking up is hard to do: Unwanted pursuit behaviors following the dissolution of a romantic relationship. Violence and Victims.
Hadden, B. W., Rodriguez, L. M., Knee, C. R., & Porter, B. (2015). Relationship autonomy and support provision in romantic relationships. Motivation and Emotion.
