Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health, LLC is proud to announce that we are now offering comprehensive Autism Services and Supports for individuals and families in our community.
Our program includes: ✅ Assessment – Professional evaluations to understand individual needs ✅ Diagnosis – Accurate and compassionate identification of Autism Spectrum Disorder ✅ Treatment – Evidence-based interventions tailored to each person ✅ Support – Ongoing guidance for families and caregivers
We are committed to helping individuals with autism thrive by providing the tools, resources, and care they deserve.
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Together, we can build a stronger, more supportive community for everyone. 💙
Clinginess in a relationship often stems from deep-seated emotional needs, past experiences, or attachment styles. While emotional closeness is essential in a relationship, excessive clinginess can create stress and imbalance between partners. This article explores the psychological roots of clingy behavior, its impact on relationships, and strategies to foster healthier attachment patterns.
Understanding Clinginess in Relationships
Being “too clingy” typically refers to an excessive need for reassurance, constant communication, or an overdependence on a partner for emotional stability. Psychologists often link clinginess to attachment styles, particularly anxious attachment, which is characterized by fear of abandonment, high sensitivity to rejection, and a strong desire for closeness (Hazan & Shaver, 1987).
Causes of Clingy Behavior
Attachment Styles
According to attachment theory, individuals develop attachment patterns based on their early interactions with caregivers. Those with an anxious-preoccupied attachment style tend to exhibit clingy behavior in romantic relationships, fearing that their partner will leave them (Bowlby, 1969; Ainsworth et al., 1978).
Low Self-Esteem and Insecurity
Individuals with low self-esteem often seek validation from their partners to feel worthy and secure. A study by Murray et al. (2000) found that people with lower self-esteem tend to be more dependent on their partners’ approval, leading to clingy behaviors.
Past Relationship Trauma
Individuals who have experienced abandonment, infidelity, or emotional neglect in past relationships may develop clingy tendencies as a defense mechanism against future loss (Shaver & Mikulincer, 2007).
Fear of Abandonment
Fear of abandonment can be deeply rooted in childhood experiences or previous relationships. Studies suggest that unresolved childhood trauma, such as parental divorce or inconsistent caregiving, can lead to anxious behaviors in adulthood (Cassidy & Shaver, 2008).
Codependency
Codependency refers to excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner, often to the detriment of personal well-being (Beattie, 1987). Clingy individuals may struggle with personal identity outside of their romantic relationship.
Signs of Being Too Clingy
Clinginess manifests in different ways, including:
Constant need for reassurance: Frequently seeking affirmation of love and commitment.
Over-dependence: Relying on a partner for emotional stability or decision-making.
Jealousy and possessiveness: Feeling threatened by a partner’s friendships or activities.
Excessive communication: Sending frequent texts or calls and feeling anxious without immediate responses.
Lack of personal boundaries: Feeling uncomfortable when apart from the partner for extended periods.
Effects of Clingy Behavior on Relationships
Increased Relationship Strain
Overdependence on a partner can create emotional exhaustion and frustration, leading to resentment and conflict (Simpson et al., 1992).
Loss of Personal Identity
Individuals who prioritize their relationship over personal growth may struggle with self-identity, leading to decreased self-confidence and autonomy (Feeney, 1999).
Push-Pull Dynamic
Clinginess may lead to a push-pull effect, where the partner withdraws due to feeling overwhelmed, which in turn causes the clingy partner to seek even more reassurance (Mikulincer & Shaver, 2016).
Reduced Attraction and Intimacy
Research suggests that excessive neediness can lead to a loss of attraction and intimacy over time, as partners may feel suffocated rather than excited about the relationship (Fraley & Davis, 1997).
How to Overcome Clingy Behavior
1. Develop Secure Attachment Patterns
Engaging in self-awareness practices and therapy can help individuals shift from anxious attachment to secure attachment (Johnson, 2004).
2. Build Self-Esteem and Independence
Strengthening self-worth through hobbies, friendships, and career goals can reduce dependence on a partner for validation (Neff & Vonk, 2009).
3. Improve Communication and Boundaries
Establishing healthy boundaries and practicing open communication about needs and expectations helps create a balanced relationship (Gottman & Silver, 1999).
4. Address Past Trauma
Therapy, including Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Attachment-Based Therapy, can help individuals process past relationship traumas and develop healthier emotional responses (Levy et al., 2006).
5. Learn to Self-Soothe
Developing coping mechanisms such as mindfulness, journaling, and relaxation techniques can reduce anxiety and promote self-regulation (Siegel, 2012).
Conclusion
While seeking emotional connection is natural in relationships, excessive clinginess can create challenges for both partners. By understanding the underlying causes, recognizing unhealthy patterns, and fostering self-growth, individuals can build stronger, more fulfilling relationships based on security, trust, and mutual independence.
John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW-S
Executive Director | Clinical Social Worker | Community Advocate
For more than two decades, John S. Collier has dedicated his career to strengthening individuals, families, and communities through compassionate behavioral healthcare, leadership, and advocacy. As the founder and Executive Director of Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health, LLC, he has played a significant role in expanding access to mental health, case management, and community-based support services throughout Eastern Kentucky.
A graduate of the University of Kentucky College of Social Work, Mr. Collier earned his Master of Social Work degree in 2004 and subsequently became a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in the Commonwealth of Kentucky. Throughout his career, he has remained committed to serving individuals across the lifespan, including children, adolescents, adults, older adults, couples, and families.
Professional Leadership
As Executive Director of Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health, Mr. Collier oversees a growing multidisciplinary behavioral health organization providing outpatient therapy, targeted case management, positive behavior support services, and community-based supports. He also maintains clinical and supervisory responsibilities, serving in multiple leadership and professional capacities within the organization, including clinical supervision, positive behavior support, staff development, program development, and community outreach.
His professional work includes:
Clinical psychotherapy and behavioral health treatment
Positive Behavior Support planning and consultation
Clinical supervision and staff development
Community mental health advocacy
Program development and organizational leadership
Behavioral assessment and intervention planning
Service coordination for individuals with complex behavioral and developmental needs
Clinical Philosophy
Mr. Collier’s clinical philosophy centers on treating the whole person rather than merely addressing symptoms. He utilizes evidence-based approaches while emphasizing dignity, respect, empowerment, and individualized treatment planning. His work incorporates cognitive-behavioral principles, trauma-informed care, person-centered planning, family involvement, and strengths-based interventions designed to help individuals reach their fullest potential.
He is particularly passionate about increasing access to behavioral healthcare in rural communities and ensuring individuals receive services that are practical, meaningful, and tailored to their unique strengths and needs.
Community Involvement
Beyond his clinical work, Mr. Collier has demonstrated a strong commitment to community engagement throughout his career. His efforts have included public education, outreach initiatives, advocacy for mental health awareness, and collaboration with schools, healthcare providers, and community organizations. He believes strong communities are built when mental health services are accessible, stigma is reduced, and individuals are empowered to succeed.
Author, Educator, and Advocate
In addition to his clinical and leadership roles, Mr. Collier has contributed to professional and community discussions through writing and education. Publicly available information indicates that he has been a published author in areas related to mental health, Freemasonry, and poetry. His work reflects a commitment to personal growth, community service, and the advancement of behavioral health knowledge.
Personal Values
Throughout his professional journey, Mr. Collier has remained grounded in the core values of social work: service, integrity, competence, dignity and worth of every person, the importance of human relationships, and social justice. Colleagues, clients, and community partners know him for his commitment to helping others achieve meaningful and lasting change while fostering an environment of compassion, respect, and accountability. This dedication continues to guide both his leadership and clinical practice today.
Contact Information
Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health, LLC
202 West 7th Street
Suite 200
London, Kentucky 40741
Phone: (606) 657-0532 Ext. 101
References
Ainsworth, M. D. S., Blehar, M. C., Waters, E., & Wall, S. (1978). Patterns of attachment: A psychological study of the strange situation. Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.
Beattie, M. (1987). Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself. Hazelden Publishing.
Bowlby, J. (1969). Attachment and Loss, Vol. 1: Attachment. Basic Books.
Trauma, whether it’s from a physical injury or an emotional experience, can have a lasting impact on the brain. Thanks to research in neuroscience, we now know that trauma doesn’t just affect how we feel—it actually changes how the brain works. Understanding these changes can help us see why trauma has such powerful effects and how recovery is possible.
What Happens to the Brain During Trauma?
When you go through a traumatic event, your brain switches into “survival mode.” This is controlled by something called the stress response system, which prepares your body to deal with danger. You may have heard of the “fight, flight, or freeze” response. This is when stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline flood your body, helping you react quickly to protect yourself.
This response is helpful in the short term, like when you need to escape danger. But if trauma is ongoing, or if your brain keeps thinking you’re in danger even after the threat is gone, this stress response can do more harm than good.
How Trauma Changes the Brain
Trauma can change how different parts of the brain work and even how they look. Here are the three key areas affected:
1. The Amygdala: The Alarm System
The amygdala is the part of your brain that helps detect threats and process emotions like fear. After trauma, the amygdala can become overactive, making you feel on edge or jumpy even when you’re safe. This is why people who’ve experienced trauma often feel anxious or have trouble calming down.
2. The Prefrontal Cortex: The Decision Maker
The prefrontal cortex is like the brain’s “control center.” It helps you think logically, make decisions, and calm down after a stressful event. Trauma can make this part of the brain less active, which means it’s harder to think clearly, control your emotions, or feel in control of your reactions.
3. The Hippocampus: The Memory Keeper
The hippocampus is responsible for organizing memories and distinguishing between the past and the present. Trauma can make the hippocampus shrink, which is why some people have trouble remembering details of the trauma or feel like they’re reliving it (flashbacks), even when it’s over.
Why Do These Changes Matter?
The changes in the brain after trauma explain many of the symptoms people experience, such as:
• Flashbacks or nightmares: The brain struggles to tell the difference between past and present, so it feels like the trauma is happening again.
• Anxiety or hypervigilance: The overactive amygdala keeps you constantly on the lookout for danger.
• Difficulty focusing or making decisions: A less active prefrontal cortex makes it harder to think clearly.
These changes also show why trauma doesn’t just “go away” on its own—your brain needs time and support to heal.
Can the Brain Heal After Trauma?
The good news is that the brain is adaptable. This ability to change and heal is called neuroplasticity. With the right support, the brain can recover from the effects of trauma. Here’s how:
1. Therapy: Treatments like trauma-focused cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) can help “rewire” the brain and reduce symptoms.
2. Mindfulness and relaxation techniques: Practices like meditation can help calm the amygdala and strengthen the prefrontal cortex.
3. Exercise: Physical activity can increase the size of the hippocampus and improve mood by releasing feel-good chemicals like endorphins.
Trauma changes the brain, but these changes don’t have to be permanent. Understanding how trauma affects the brain can help us be more compassionate toward ourselves and others who are struggling. With the right tools and support, healing is not only possible—it’s likely.
This article has been written by John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW. Mr. Collier has over 25 years experience in the social work field. He currently serves as the executive director in outpatient behavioral health therapist at Southeast Kentucky Behavioral health based out of London Kentucky. He may be reached by phone at 606-657-0532 extension 101 or by email at john@sckybh.com
References
• Shin, L. M., Rauch, S. L., & Pitman, R. K. (2006). Amygdala, medial prefrontal cortex, and hippocampal function in PTSD. Annals of the New York Academy of Sciences, 1071(1), 67-79.
• Bremner, J. D. (2006). Traumatic stress: Effects on the brain. Dialogues in Clinical Neuroscience, 8(4), 445-461.
• van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma.
Worrying is a common human experience, but when it becomes excessive, it can negatively impact mental and physical health. Research indicates that chronic worrying is linked to anxiety, stress-related illnesses, and diminished quality of life (Borkovec et al., 1998). Fortunately, there are evidence-based strategies to manage and reduce worry effectively.
Understanding Worry
Worry involves repetitive thoughts about potential future events, often focusing on negative outcomes (American Psychological Association, 2020). While occasional worrying can help with problem-solving and preparation, excessive worry often leads to feelings of helplessness and distress.
Strategies to Stop Worrying
1. Practice Mindfulness
Mindfulness, the practice of focusing on the present moment without judgment, is a powerful tool to combat worry. Studies have shown that mindfulness-based interventions reduce anxiety and promote emotional regulation (Hofmann et al., 2010). Techniques like deep breathing, meditation, or yoga can help individuals break free from the cycle of worry.
2. Challenge Negative Thoughts
Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) emphasizes identifying and challenging irrational or exaggerated worries. Writing down worries and questioning their validity can help reframe thoughts into more realistic perspectives (Beck, 2011). Ask yourself:
Is this thought based on facts or assumptions?
What is the worst that could happen, and how likely is it?
3. Set a Worry Time
Dedicate a specific time each day to address worries. This technique, often called “scheduled worry time,” can reduce the tendency to ruminate throughout the day (Leahy, 2005). During this time, write down your concerns and brainstorm potential solutions.
4. Focus on Problem-Solving
Instead of dwelling on “what ifs,” shift your energy toward actionable steps to resolve the issue. Research suggests that problem-solving therapy can reduce anxiety and improve coping mechanisms (D’Zurilla & Nezu, 2010).
5. Engage in Physical Activity
Exercise is a natural stress reliever and mood booster. Aerobic activities, such as walking, running, or swimming, have been shown to decrease anxiety and improve overall well-being (Herring et al., 2010).
6. Limit Exposure to Triggers
Reducing time spent on activities that exacerbate worry, such as excessive news consumption or social media use, can help maintain emotional balance. Set boundaries around these activities to minimize unnecessary stress.
7. Cultivate Gratitude
Focusing on positive aspects of life can counteract worry. Keeping a gratitude journal or listing three things you are grateful for each day can shift your focus away from concerns and toward positivity (Emmons & McCullough, 2003).
8. Seek Professional Help
If worrying becomes overwhelming and interferes with daily functioning, seeking support from a mental health professional is essential. Therapists can provide tailored strategies to manage anxiety and address underlying causes of chronic worry.
The Role of Social Support
Connecting with others can also reduce feelings of worry and isolation. A supportive network of friends, family, or support groups can offer reassurance and practical advice.
While worrying is a natural response to uncertainty, excessive worry can harm mental and physical health. By practicing mindfulness, challenging negative thoughts, and focusing on actionable solutions, individuals can regain control over their thoughts and reduce the impact of worry on their lives. Incorporating these strategies into daily life can foster resilience and promote overall well-being.
This article has been written by John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW. Mr. Collier has over 25 years of experience in the social work field. He currently serves as the executive director and outpatient behavioral therapist for Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health based out of London Kentucky. He may be reached at by phone at 606-657-0532 Extension 101 or by email at john@sekybh.com.
References
American Psychological Association. (2020). Understanding anxiety and worry. Retrieved from https://www.apa.org
Beck, J. S. (2011). Cognitive behavior therapy: Basics and beyond. Guilford Press.
Borkovec, T. D., Ray, W. J., & Stöber, J. (1998). Worry: A cognitive phenomenon intimately linked to affective, physiological, and interpersonal processes. Cognitive Therapy and Research, 22(6), 561-576.
D’Zurilla, T. J., & Nezu, A. M. (2010). Problem-solving therapy. Springer.
Emmons, R. A., & McCullough, M. E. (2003). Counting blessings versus burdens: An experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84(2), 377-389.
Herring, M. P., O’Connor, P. J., & Dishman, R. K. (2010). The effect of exercise training on anxiety symptoms: A meta-analysis. Psychosomatic Medicine, 72(6), 465-474.
Hofmann, S. G., Sawyer, A. T., Witt, A. A., & Oh, D. (2010). The effect of mindfulness-based therapy on anxiety and depression: A meta-analytic review. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 78(2), 169-183.
Leahy, R. L. (2005). The worry cure: Seven steps to stop worry from stopping you. Harmony.
