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The High That Can Hurt: When New Love Feels Too Good

When you meet someone new and exciting, your brain lights up in powerful ways. Your heart races, your thoughts stay on them, and everything feels brighter. This feeling is often called a “dopamine rush.” While it can feel amazing, it can also be risky if we don’t understand what’s happening inside us.

What Is Dopamine?

Dopamine is a chemical in the brain that helps control pleasure, reward, and motivation. When something feels good—like eating your favorite food or getting a compliment—dopamine is released. It tells your brain, “This is important. Do it again.”

When you meet someone new and feel attracted to them, dopamine levels can spike. This creates feelings of excitement, energy, and even obsession (Fisher, 2016). It’s the same system involved in other rewarding behaviors, including gambling and substance use.

Why New Attraction Feels So Intense

The early stage of attraction is often called “infatuation” or “romantic passion.” During this time, the brain releases not just dopamine, but also other chemicals like norepinephrine and serotonin. Together, these chemicals can make you feel:

  • Excited and energized
  • Focused almost entirely on the other person
  • Less interested in sleep or food
  • Overly hopeful or idealistic

This is why people sometimes say they feel “high on love.” In fact, brain scans show that romantic attraction activates the same reward pathways as addictive substances (Aron et al., 2005).

When the Dopamine Rush Becomes Dangerous

While this feeling can be enjoyable, it can also lead to poor decisions. The dopamine rush can cloud judgment and make someone ignore warning signs or “red flags.” You may see the person as perfect, even when there are clear concerns.

Here are some ways it can become unhealthy:

1. Ignoring Red Flags
You may overlook behaviors that would normally concern you, such as dishonesty, disrespect, or inconsistency.

2. Moving Too Fast
The intense feeling can push people to rush into relationships, commitment, or emotional attachment before truly knowing the other person.

3. Emotional Dependency
You may begin to rely on that person for happiness, leading to anxiety when they are not around or not responding.

4. Addiction-Like Patterns
Because dopamine is involved in reward, some people chase the “high” of new relationships rather than building stable, healthy ones (Volkow et al., 2011).

The Crash After the High

Dopamine highs do not last forever. Over time, the brain adjusts, and those intense feelings begin to fade. This is normal. However, when someone becomes attached to the feeling instead of the person, they may feel disappointed, restless, or even bored.

This can lead to a cycle of constantly seeking new excitement rather than building long-term connection. Healthy relationships shift from intense highs to steady trust, respect, and emotional safety.

How to Stay Grounded

You don’t have to avoid excitement—but it helps to stay aware. Here are a few simple ways to stay balanced:

  • Take things slow, even if it feels hard
  • Pay attention to actions, not just feelings
  • Talk to trusted friends or family for perspective
  • Keep your normal routines and responsibilities
  • Notice if you feel anxious, not just excited

Being aware of the dopamine rush allows you to enjoy connection without losing yourself in it.

Final Thoughts

The excitement of meeting someone new can feel powerful and even life-changing. But not every strong feeling is a sign of something lasting. Sometimes, it is simply your brain responding to novelty and reward. Understanding this can help you make better choices, protect your emotional health, and build relationships that are not just exciting—but also safe and real.

About the Author

John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW, is a licensed clinical social worker based in Kentucky with extensive experience in behavioral health, relationship dynamics, and emotional wellness. He specializes in helping individuals understand the connection between brain chemistry and behavior, guiding clients toward healthier relationships and improved emotional regulation. Through his writing and clinical work, John focuses on practical, real-world applications of psychological principles to everyday life.

References

Aron, A., Fisher, H., Mashek, D. J., Strong, G., Li, H., & Brown, L. L. (2005). Reward, motivation, and emotion systems associated with early-stage intense romantic love. Journal of Neurophysiology, 94(1), 327–337. https://doi.org/10.1152/jn.00838.2004

Fisher, H. (2016). Anatomy of love: A natural history of mating, marriage, and why we stray. W. W. Norton & Company.

Volkow, N. D., Wang, G. J., Fowler, J. S., & Tomasi, D. (2011). Addiction circuitry in the human brain. Annual Review of Pharmacology and Toxicology, 52, 321–336. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev-pharmtox-010611-134625

Tips for Staying Focused When You Have ADHD: A Guide for Teens

Introduction

If you’re a teen with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder), you might struggle with focusing on schoolwork, completing assignments, or staying attentive in class. ADHD can impact your ability to organize, manage time, and concentrate. But the good news is there are specific strategies you can use to help improve focus. In this guide, we’ll explore some tips and techniques that can help you succeed academically and personally, all supported by research.

1. Break Tasks into Smaller Steps

ADHD can make large tasks feel overwhelming, leading to procrastination or anxiety. Research suggests that breaking tasks into smaller, manageable steps can help make tasks feel more achievable and less intimidating (Barkley, 2015). For example, instead of trying to complete an entire project in one sitting, focus on completing just one part at a time.

Tip: Create a checklist of small tasks related to a big assignment. Checking off each step can give you a sense of progress and accomplishment.

2. Use a Timer for Focused Work Sessions

A technique called the Pomodoro Method can help increase focus by breaking study time into intervals (Cirillo, 2006). Set a timer for 25 minutes and work on a task until the timer goes off. Then, take a 5-minute break before starting the next session. This technique helps build a habit of staying focused in shorter bursts, which is easier to manage with ADHD.

Tip: Use a kitchen timer or a timer app on your phone to help stick to the intervals. Remember to reward yourself with a break after each work session!

3. Minimize Distractions in Your Study Environment

ADHD makes it challenging to ignore distractions, so it’s essential to create a study space with minimal distractions. Studies show that a quiet, organized environment can improve concentration for people with ADHD (Tuckman, Abry, & Smith, 2002). This means turning off your phone notifications, keeping only necessary items on your desk, and, if possible, studying in a quiet place.

Tip: If you find it hard to stay off your phone, consider using apps like Forest or Focus@Will, which are designed to help you focus by blocking distractions.

4. Set Realistic Goals and Prioritize Tasks

ADHD can make it tough to prioritize, so setting clear, realistic goals can help keep you on track. Studies suggest that prioritizing tasks can help reduce stress and improve time management skills for those with ADHD (Brown, 2013). Each day, make a to-do list and identify your top priorities. This will help you tackle the most important tasks first.

Tip: Use planners or digital tools like Google Keep or Trello to organize your tasks and track your progress.

5. Practice Mindfulness Techniques

Mindfulness can help improve focus and reduce impulsivity, which can be especially helpful for teens with ADHD (Zylowska et al., 2008). Mindfulness involves paying attention to the present moment without judgment. Practicing simple mindfulness exercises, such as deep breathing or short meditation sessions, can help you feel more centered and focused.

Tip: Try practicing deep breathing exercises before starting your homework or during study breaks to help clear your mind and refocus.

6. Take Regular Physical Activity Breaks

Physical activity has been shown to improve focus and cognitive function in individuals with ADHD (Medina et al., 2010). Exercise can help increase dopamine levels in the brain, which play a role in attention and focus. Taking short, active breaks, such as a walk or a quick workout, can help recharge your brain and prepare you for focused work.

Tip: When you start feeling restless or unfocused, take a five-minute walk or do some stretching to reset your energy.

7. Get Enough Sleep

Sleep plays a critical role in concentration and focus, especially for people with ADHD. Studies show that teens with ADHD often have disrupted sleep patterns, which can worsen symptoms (Owens, 2005). Aim for at least 8-9 hours of sleep each night to help you feel more alert and ready to focus.

Tip: Establish a consistent bedtime routine, avoid screens an hour before bed, and keep your bedroom as dark and quiet as possible to improve sleep quality.

8. Reward Yourself for Completing Tasks

Rewards can help motivate you to stay focused. Studies show that reward-based systems are effective for managing ADHD symptoms (Pelham et al., 2017). You can set up a reward system for yourself by choosing something you enjoy as a “treat” after you finish a task.

Tip: For example, after completing your homework, reward yourself with a favorite snack or time on your favorite video game.

Conclusion

Staying focused with ADHD can be challenging, but using these strategies can help you improve your focus and manage your time better. Remember, it’s okay to take small steps and make adjustments as you go. With practice, patience, and support, you can succeed both in school and in personal goals.

This article has been written by John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW. Mr. Collier has over 25 years experience in the Social Work field. He may be reached at 6066570532 ext 101 or by email at john@sekybh.com.

References

• Barkley, R. A. (2015). Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder: A handbook for diagnosis and treatment. Guilford Publications.

• Brown, T. E. (2013). A new understanding of ADHD in children and adults: Executive function impairments. Routledge.

• Cirillo, F. (2006). The Pomodoro Technique. FC Garage.

• Medina, J. A., Netto, T. L., Muszkat, M., & Batistela, M. E. (2010). Exercise impact on sustained attention of ADHD children. Health, 2(11), 1244-1250.

• Owens, J. A. (2005). The ADHD and sleep conundrum: A review. Journal of Developmental & Behavioral Pediatrics, 26(4), 312-322.

• Pelham, W. E., Fabiano, G. A., & Massetti, G. M. (2017). Evidence-based psychosocial treatments for attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder. Journal of Clinical Child & Adolescent Psychology, 34(3), 449-476.

• Tuckman, B. W., Abry, D. A., & Smith, D. R. (2002). Learning and motivation strategies for students with ADHD. Journal of Learning Disabilities, 35(4), 321-333.

• Zylowska, L., Ackerman, D. L., Yang, M. H., Futrell, J. L., Horton, N. L., Hale, T. S., & Smalley, S. L. (2008). Mindfulness meditation training in adults and adolescents with ADHD: A feasibility study. Journal of Attention Disorders, 11(6), 737-746.

Each of these strategies can be helpful on its own, but combining them may provide the most benefit. Give yourself grace as you try these new approaches, and keep experimenting to find what works best for you.