The High That Can Hurt: When New Love Feels Too Good
When you meet someone new and exciting, your brain lights up in powerful ways. Your heart races, your thoughts stay on them, and everything feels brighter. This feeling is often called a “dopamine rush.” While it can feel amazing, it can also be risky if we don’t understand what’s happening inside us.
What Is Dopamine?
Dopamine is a chemical in the brain that helps control pleasure, reward, and motivation. When something feels good—like eating your favorite food or getting a compliment—dopamine is released. It tells your brain, “This is important. Do it again.”
When you meet someone new and feel attracted to them, dopamine levels can spike. This creates feelings of excitement, energy, and even obsession (Fisher, 2016). It’s the same system involved in other rewarding behaviors, including gambling and substance use.
Why New Attraction Feels So Intense
The early stage of attraction is often called “infatuation” or “romantic passion.” During this time, the brain releases not just dopamine, but also other chemicals like norepinephrine and serotonin. Together, these chemicals can make you feel:
- Excited and energized
- Focused almost entirely on the other person
- Less interested in sleep or food
- Overly hopeful or idealistic
This is why people sometimes say they feel “high on love.” In fact, brain scans show that romantic attraction activates the same reward pathways as addictive substances (Aron et al., 2005).
When the Dopamine Rush Becomes Dangerous
While this feeling can be enjoyable, it can also lead to poor decisions. The dopamine rush can cloud judgment and make someone ignore warning signs or “red flags.” You may see the person as perfect, even when there are clear concerns.
Here are some ways it can become unhealthy:
1. Ignoring Red Flags
You may overlook behaviors that would normally concern you, such as dishonesty, disrespect, or inconsistency.
2. Moving Too Fast
The intense feeling can push people to rush into relationships, commitment, or emotional attachment before truly knowing the other person.
3. Emotional Dependency
You may begin to rely on that person for happiness, leading to anxiety when they are not around or not responding.
4. Addiction-Like Patterns
Because dopamine is involved in reward, some people chase the “high” of new relationships rather than building stable, healthy ones (Volkow et al., 2011).
The Crash After the High
Dopamine highs do not last forever. Over time, the brain adjusts, and those intense feelings begin to fade. This is normal. However, when someone becomes attached to the feeling instead of the person, they may feel disappointed, restless, or even bored.
This can lead to a cycle of constantly seeking new excitement rather than building long-term connection. Healthy relationships shift from intense highs to steady trust, respect, and emotional safety.
How to Stay Grounded
You don’t have to avoid excitement—but it helps to stay aware. Here are a few simple ways to stay balanced:
- Take things slow, even if it feels hard
- Pay attention to actions, not just feelings
- Talk to trusted friends or family for perspective
- Keep your normal routines and responsibilities
- Notice if you feel anxious, not just excited
Being aware of the dopamine rush allows you to enjoy connection without losing yourself in it.
Final Thoughts
The excitement of meeting someone new can feel powerful and even life-changing. But not every strong feeling is a sign of something lasting. Sometimes, it is simply your brain responding to novelty and reward. Understanding this can help you make better choices, protect your emotional health, and build relationships that are not just exciting—but also safe and real.
About the Author
John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW, is a licensed clinical social worker based in Kentucky with extensive experience in behavioral health, relationship dynamics, and emotional wellness. He specializes in helping individuals understand the connection between brain chemistry and behavior, guiding clients toward healthier relationships and improved emotional regulation. Through his writing and clinical work, John focuses on practical, real-world applications of psychological principles to everyday life.
References
Aron, A., Fisher, H., Mashek, D. J., Strong, G., Li, H., & Brown, L. L. (2005). Reward, motivation, and emotion systems associated with early-stage intense romantic love. Journal of Neurophysiology, 94(1), 327–337. https://doi.org/10.1152/jn.00838.2004
Fisher, H. (2016). Anatomy of love: A natural history of mating, marriage, and why we stray. W. W. Norton & Company.
Volkow, N. D., Wang, G. J., Fowler, J. S., & Tomasi, D. (2011). Addiction circuitry in the human brain. Annual Review of Pharmacology and Toxicology, 52, 321–336. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev-pharmtox-010611-134625