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Becoming Better: The Daily Work of a Good Man

“What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world remains and is immortal.”
— Albert Pine (often attributed to Albert Pike)

As I’ve gotten older, I have found myself thinking more about what kind of man I am and what kind of man I want to become.

Not because I think I have everything figured out.

Actually, it is the opposite.

The more I learn, the more I realize how much I still need to grow.

Every day, I try to be a better man than I was yesterday. And if I’m honest, that can be hard. Some days I do well. Other days I fall short. I lose my patience. I become frustrated. I make mistakes. I say things I wish I could take back.

But then I wake up the next morning and try again.

For me, that is what being a moral man looks like.

It is not being perfect.

It is being committed to growing.

The Man in the Mirror

Every morning, the first person I have to answer to is the man in the mirror.

I can fool other people. I can make excuses. I can blame circumstances.

But deep down, I know when I could have done better.

I know when I should have listened more.

I know when I should have shown more patience.

I know when I should have chosen courage instead of comfort.

The struggle is not with other people nearly as much as it is with myself.

The person I am competing with today is the person I was yesterday.

What Really Matters

As the Executive Director of a growing behavioral health organization, I spend much of my life helping people. I work with individuals who are struggling, families who are hurting, children who need support, and staff members who are trying to make a difference.

The longer I do this work, the more I realize something important.

People will not remember most of our titles.

They will not remember how many meetings we attended.

They will not remember how much money we made.

But they will remember how we treated them.

They will remember whether we showed up when they needed us.

They will remember whether we cared.

That is why Albert Pine’s quote speaks so deeply to me.

Everything I do for myself will eventually be gone.

But the people I help, the encouragement I give, the kindness I show, and the lives I touch may continue long after I am gone.

A Good Man Is Never Finished

One lesson life has taught me is that becoming a good man is never a completed project.

There is always room to improve.

I can become a better father.

A better leader.

A better friend.

A better partner.

A better listener.

A better example.

There is always another lesson to learn and another weakness to overcome.

For many men, that can feel discouraging.

I see it differently.

I believe it is a gift.

If I still have room to grow, then I still have purpose.

The Quiet Things Matter Most

Many people think a legacy is built by doing something famous.

I do not believe that.

I believe most legacies are built in ordinary moments.

A father staying up late to help his child.

A husband keeping his promises.

A friend answering the phone when someone is hurting.

A man doing the right thing when nobody is watching.

These moments may never make headlines.

But they shape lives.

In my work, I have met many people who can clearly remember a teacher, coach, parent, counselor, or mentor who changed their life with a few simple words or actions.

That is the power of doing good for others.

Small acts often leave the biggest footprints.

Why We Keep Trying

The world can be difficult.

There are days when being kind feels harder than being angry.

There are days when honesty costs us something.

There are days when doing the right thing seems unnoticed.

Yet good men keep trying.

We keep trying because character matters.

We keep trying because our children are watching.

We keep trying because the people around us deserve our best.

We keep trying because we know the world becomes a little better every time someone chooses integrity over selfishness.

A moral man does not always succeed.

But he refuses to quit trying.

The Immortal Part of a Man

One day, every one of us will leave this world.

Our jobs will be filled by someone else.

Our belongings will belong to someone else.

Our accomplishments will slowly fade into history.

But something remains.

The love we gave.

The lives we helped.

The wisdom we shared.

The people we encouraged.

The sacrifices we made for others.

That is the immortal part of a man.

Not the things he owned.

The lives he touched.

Conclusion

When I think about Albert Pine’s quote, I am reminded that the goal is not simply to have a successful life.

The goal is to have a meaningful one.

I do not want to be remembered for what I accumulated.

I want to be remembered for what I contributed.

Like many men, I am still a work in progress. I still stumble. I still learn. I still have days when I am not the man I want to be.

But every morning, I get another chance.

Another chance to be a little wiser.

A little kinder.

A little stronger.

A little better than I was yesterday.

And if I can help someone else along the way, then perhaps a small part of my life will continue living in the lives of others.

That is the kind of immortality worth striving for.

“The goal is not to become a perfect man. The goal is to become a better man today than you were yesterday and a better man tomorrow than you are today.”

About the Author

John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW-S is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker Supervisor, Executive Director of Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health, LLC, and author of The Mind’s Trestle Board. Through his work in behavioral health, leadership, and writing, he explores personal growth, resilience, character development, and the daily pursuit of becoming the person we were created to be.

References

Frankl, V. E. (2006). Man’s Search for Meaning. Beacon Press.

Covey, S. R. (2004). The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Free Press.

Aristotle. Nicomachean Ethics.

Pine, A. (attributed). “What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world remains and is immortal.”

When Love Becomes Too Much: Understanding Euripides’ Warning About Excessive Love

“When love is in excess it brings a man no honor or worthiness.”
— Euripides

Love is often described as the greatest of all human experiences. Songs celebrate it. Poems worship it. Movies portray it as something worth sacrificing everything for. Yet more than 2,400 years ago, the Greek playwright Euripides offered a caution that remains surprisingly relevant today:

“When love is in excess it brings a man no honor or worthiness.”

At first glance, this statement may seem cynical. How can there be too much love? Isn’t love supposed to be limitless?

The wisdom of Euripides is not that love itself is dangerous. Rather, he reminds us that anything taken to excess can become destructive, even something as noble as love. Like fire, love can warm and illuminate, but when unchecked, it can consume everything in its path.

The Difference Between Love and Excessive Love

Healthy love enriches life. It encourages growth, respect, trust, and mutual understanding. Healthy love allows individuals to remain whole people while sharing their lives with another.

Excessive love, however, often shifts from affection to attachment, from devotion to dependence.

Psychologist John Bowlby’s Attachment Theory suggests that humans are biologically wired to form deep emotional bonds, but insecure attachment styles can lead individuals to become overly dependent upon those relationships for their sense of safety and identity (Bowlby, 1988).

When love becomes excessive, it may begin to look like:

  • Constant fear of abandonment
  • Obsessive thinking about another person
  • Needing continuous reassurance
  • Neglecting personal goals and responsibilities
  • Losing one’s identity within a relationship
  • Accepting unhealthy or abusive behavior to avoid loss

At that point, a person is no longer merely loving another person. They are relying on the relationship to provide emotional stability, self-worth, or meaning that must ultimately come from within.

Why Excessive Love Can Cost Us Honor

Euripides specifically mentions “honor” and “worthiness.”

The Greeks considered honor more than reputation. Honor represented integrity, dignity, character, and self-respect.

When excessive love causes someone to compromise their values, they begin sacrificing pieces of themselves.

Consider the individual who:

  • Lies to keep a relationship intact
  • Accepts repeated betrayal
  • Forfeits personal dreams
  • Abandons friendships and family
  • Ignores personal boundaries
  • Allows their self-respect to erode

In these moments, love is no longer elevating the person. It is diminishing them.

Healthy love should add to a person’s character, not require its surrender.

As author and psychiatrist M. Scott Peck noted, genuine love involves extending oneself for another’s growth while still maintaining personal responsibility and psychological integrity (Peck, 1978).

The Fine Line Between Passion and Obsession

Modern culture often romanticizes obsession.

We hear phrases such as:

  • “I can’t live without you.”
  • “You are my everything.”
  • “You complete me.”

These expressions are frequently portrayed as profound declarations of love. Yet psychologically, they may reveal emotional dependence rather than emotional health.

Research on romantic obsession indicates that intense fixation can activate some of the same neurological pathways associated with addiction, producing cravings, intrusive thoughts, and emotional highs and lows (Fisher, Aron, & Brown, 2005).

While intense attraction is common during the early stages of love, long-term healthy relationships are built on much more than emotional intensity.

They require:

  • Commitment
  • Respect
  • Boundaries
  • Communication
  • Trust
  • Individual growth

Passion can ignite a relationship. Character sustains it.

Loving Without Losing Yourself

One of the greatest challenges in any relationship is learning to love deeply without losing yourself completely.

This means maintaining:

Your Identity

You are still an individual apart from the relationship.

Your Purpose

Your life should continue to have meaning beyond another person.

Your Values

Love should never require abandoning your principles.

Your Boundaries

Healthy love respects limits and individuality.

Individuals who cultivate strong self-awareness tend to experience more stable and satisfying relationships because their sense of worth does not depend entirely upon external validation (Neff, 2011).

Paradoxically, people often love more effectively when they are not desperately dependent upon being loved in return.

What Excessive Love Often Reveals

Many people assume excessive love reflects the depth of their affection.

Sometimes it reveals something else.

Sometimes it reveals:

  • Fear of loneliness
  • Fear of rejection
  • Childhood attachment wounds
  • Low self-esteem
  • Unresolved trauma
  • Anxiety about abandonment

The relationship becomes not simply a relationship but a solution to emotional pain.

The problem is that no partner, no matter how loving, can permanently heal wounds that require personal growth and self-understanding.

Relationships can support healing, but they cannot replace it.

The Wisdom of Balance

Ancient Greek philosophy consistently emphasized moderation. Aristotle later called this concept the “Golden Mean,” the balance between excess and deficiency.

Love is no exception.

Too little love produces isolation and indifference.

Too much attachment produces obsession and loss of self.

Between these extremes lies mature love:

  • Deep but not consuming
  • Passionate but not obsessive
  • Committed but not controlling
  • Intimate but not dependent

This balanced form of love allows both individuals to flourish.

It recognizes that genuine love is not ownership.

It is partnership.

Why Euripides Still Matters Today

In an era of social media, instant communication, and perpetual connection, Euripides’ warning may be more relevant than ever.

Many people confuse intensity with intimacy and obsession with devotion.

Yet the strongest relationships are rarely the loudest or most dramatic.

They are built upon mutual respect, healthy boundaries, emotional maturity, and individual wholeness.

True love does not require us to surrender our dignity.

It invites us to strengthen it.

When we retain our honor, values, and sense of self, love becomes a force that elevates both people. When we lose ourselves in pursuit of another, love ceases to be a source of worthiness and instead becomes the very thing that undermines it.

Perhaps that is what Euripides understood centuries ago:

Love is one of life’s greatest gifts.

But even the greatest gifts lose their beauty when taken to excess.

“Healthy love asks us to share ourselves with another. Excessive love asks us to surrender ourselves entirely.”

Callout Box: Questions for Reflection

Ask Yourself:

  • Am I loving this person, or am I depending on them?
  • Have I sacrificed important parts of myself to maintain this relationship?
  • Would I still know who I am if this relationship ended?
  • Does this relationship encourage growth or fear?
  • Am I acting from love or from anxiety?

The answers may reveal whether your love is healthy devotion or unhealthy excess.

About the Author

John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW-S is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker Supervisor and Executive Director of Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health, LLC. He is the author of The Mind’s Trestle Board and writes extensively on relationships, emotional wellness, personal growth, grief, communication, and behavioral health. Through both clinical practice and writing, he seeks to help individuals better understand themselves, their relationships, and the emotional experiences that shape their lives.

References

Aristotle. (2009). Nicomachean Ethics (W. D. Ross, Trans.). Oxford University Press. (Original work published c. 350 BCE).

Bowlby, J. (1988). A Secure Base: Parent-Child Attachment and Healthy Human Development. Basic Books.

Fisher, H., Aron, A., & Brown, L. L. (2005). Romantic love: An fMRI study of a neural mechanism for mate choice. The Journal of Comparative Neurology, 493(1), 58-62.

Neff, K. D. (2011). Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself. William Morrow.

Peck, M. S. (1978). The Road Less Traveled. Simon & Schuster.

When Anger Meets Puberty: Understanding the preteen and young teenage – Boy

One of the most challenging periods for many families occurs when a boy enters puberty. Parents often describe feeling as though their once cheerful, affectionate child has become easily frustrated, argumentative, explosive, or emotionally distant seemingly overnight. While anger is not an inevitable part of adolescence, increased irritability and emotional intensity are common during the transition from childhood to adolescence. Understanding why this happens can help parents respond effectively and preserve a healthy relationship with their son.

Understanding What Is Happening

Around age 11 to 13, boys experience significant biological, emotional, and social changes. Testosterone levels increase, physical changes begin to emerge, and the brain undergoes substantial restructuring. During this period, the emotional centers of the brain develop more rapidly than the areas responsible for judgment, impulse control, and emotional regulation (Steinberg, 2014; National Institute of Mental Health, 2023).

As a result, a 12-year-old boy may experience emotions much more intensely than he did as a child while simultaneously lacking the skills needed to manage those emotions effectively. What appears to be defiance or disrespect may actually be emotional overwhelm.

Puberty can also create feelings of confusion and insecurity. Boys may worry about their appearance, athletic abilities, academic performance, friendships, or fitting in socially. Many boys have difficulty expressing vulnerable emotions such as embarrassment, fear, disappointment, sadness, or anxiety. Instead, these emotions are often expressed through irritability or anger (American Academy of Pediatrics, 2024).

Why Anger Often Becomes the “Go-To” Emotion

Anger is frequently referred to as a “secondary emotion.” This means it often covers more vulnerable feelings underneath.

For example:

  • A boy who feels embarrassed may become angry.
  • A boy who feels rejected may become angry.
  • A boy who feels anxious may become angry.
  • A boy who feels powerless may become angry.

Many boys grow up receiving social messages that it is acceptable to show anger but not acceptable to show sadness, fear, or emotional pain. Consequently, anger becomes the emotion they know how to display most readily (Siegel & Bryson, 2014).

When parents focus only on stopping the angry behavior without exploring the feelings underneath, opportunities for connection and growth may be missed.

Signs That Anger May Be Related to Puberty

Normal developmental anger may include:

  • Increased irritability
  • Mood swings
  • Arguing more frequently
  • Frustration with rules
  • Emotional overreactions
  • Needing more privacy
  • Greater sensitivity to criticism

However, parents should seek professional support if anger is accompanied by:

  • Physical aggression
  • Threats of harm to self or others
  • Property destruction
  • Significant changes in sleep or appetite
  • Persistent depression
  • School refusal
  • Substance use
  • Social withdrawal
  • Self-harming behaviors

These signs may indicate underlying mental health concerns requiring assessment and intervention (American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, 2024).

What Parents Can Do to Help

1. Stay Calm During Emotional Storms

One of the most powerful tools a parent possesses is emotional regulation. When parents become angry in response to a child’s anger, the situation often escalates.

Instead of saying:

“Calm down right now!”

Try saying:

“I can see you’re really upset. Let’s talk when you’re ready.”

A calm response helps the adolescent nervous system begin to settle. Children often borrow emotional regulation from the adults around them before they develop it themselves (Siegel & Bryson, 2014).

2. Look Beyond the Behavior

When a child becomes angry, ask yourself:

  • What happened before this?
  • Is he hurt?
  • Is he embarrassed?
  • Is he feeling left out?
  • Is he worried about something?

Understanding the underlying emotion does not excuse inappropriate behavior, but it does help address the true problem.

3. Teach Emotional Vocabulary

Many boys simply lack the language to describe their emotional experiences.

Help them identify feelings such as:

  • Frustrated
  • Disappointed
  • Nervous
  • Embarrassed
  • Lonely
  • Left out
  • Overwhelmed

Research demonstrates that helping children name emotions improves emotional regulation and self-awareness (Siegel & Bryson, 2014).

4. Maintain Consistent Boundaries

Empathy and accountability should exist together.

Parents can communicate:

“It’s okay to be angry. It’s not okay to yell at people.”

Or:

“It’s okay to feel frustrated. It’s not okay to punch a wall.”

Children need to know that emotions are always acceptable, but certain behaviors are not.

5. Prioritize Physical Activity

Physical activity has consistently been shown to reduce stress, improve mood regulation, and decrease emotional reactivity among adolescents (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 2024).

Encourage activities such as:

  • Basketball
  • Football
  • Hiking
  • Martial arts
  • Strength training
  • Biking
  • Running

Many boys process stress more effectively through movement than through conversation alone.

6. Protect Sleep

Sleep deprivation can significantly worsen irritability, impulsivity, and emotional regulation difficulties.

The American Academy of Sleep Medicine recommends that children aged 6 to 12 receive 9 to 12 hours of sleep per night (Paruthi et al., 2016).

Parents can help by:

  • Limiting electronics before bed
  • Establishing consistent bedtime routines
  • Keeping devices out of bedrooms overnight
  • Maintaining regular sleep schedules

7. Keep Communication Open

Many parents become discouraged when their son gives one-word answers.

Don’t give up.

Instead of asking:

“How was school?”

Try:

“What was the best part of your day?”

Or:

“What was the most annoying thing that happened today?”

Questions that invite discussion often receive better responses.

8. Model Healthy Anger Management

Children learn more from what parents do than from what parents say.

Demonstrate healthy coping strategies:

  • Taking a walk
  • Deep breathing
  • Talking through problems
  • Taking a break before responding
  • Using respectful communication

Your child is constantly learning how to handle big emotions by watching you.

The Importance of Connection

One of the biggest mistakes parents make is assuming that angry behavior means their child no longer needs them. In reality, adolescence is a time of increased independence and increased need for parental support.

A 12-year-old boy may push a parent away verbally while desperately needing reassurance, structure, understanding, and connection.

The goal is not to eliminate anger. Anger is a normal human emotion. The goal is to help children develop the skills necessary to express anger safely, understand its causes, and respond constructively.

With patience, consistency, and support, most boys learn to navigate these difficult years successfully. Parents who remain calm, connected, and emotionally available provide one of the strongest protective factors against future behavioral and emotional difficulties.

Final Thoughts for Parents

If your son is struggling with anger during puberty, remember this: his behavior is communication. Behind the slammed door, the argumentative tone, or the emotional outburst is often a young person trying to make sense of a rapidly changing body, brain, and world.

Meet the emotion before correcting the behavior. Listen before lecturing. Stay connected even when it feels difficult.

The relationship you build during these years can become the foundation that guides your son safely into adulthood.

About the Author

John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW-S is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker Supervisor and the Executive Director of Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health, LLC. With extensive experience in behavioral health, trauma-informed care, child and adolescent mental health, family systems, and organizational leadership, Mr. Collier has dedicated his career to helping children, adolescents, adults, and families navigate life’s challenges while building healthier and more resilient communities.

Throughout his clinical career, Mr. Collier has worked with children and adolescents experiencing emotional and behavioral difficulties, including anxiety, depression, trauma-related disorders, attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), oppositional behaviors, anger management concerns, and family relationship challenges. His approach emphasizes understanding the underlying causes of behavior rather than focusing solely on symptoms, helping families develop practical strategies that strengthen communication, emotional regulation, and healthy relationships.

As a clinical supervisor, educator, and advocate for quality behavioral healthcare, Mr. Collier is committed to translating complex psychological and developmental concepts into practical guidance that parents and caregivers can readily understand and implement. His work reflects a belief that informed, supported, and empowered families play a critical role in promoting positive outcomes for children and adolescents.

In addition to his clinical practice and leadership responsibilities, Mr. Collier is the author of The Mind’s Trestle Board, where he regularly writes about mental health, personal growth, resilience, grief, family relationships, child development, and behavioral health topics. His writing combines evidence-based research with real-world clinical experience to provide readers with meaningful insights and actionable strategies.

Through his work, Mr. Collier continues to advocate for compassionate, person-centered care while helping individuals and families build the skills necessary to thrive through life’s challenges and transitions.

“Every behavior tells a story. When we seek to understand the story behind the behavior, we create opportunities for healing, growth, and connection.”
— John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW-S

References

American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry. (2024). Anger and children. Retrieved from https://www.aacap.org

American Academy of Pediatrics. (2024). HealthyChildren.org: Understanding puberty and adolescent development. Retrieved from https://www.healthychildren.org

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2024). Physical activity guidelines for children and adolescents. Retrieved from https://www.cdc.gov

National Institute of Mental Health. (2023). The teen brain: Still under construction. Retrieved from https://www.nimh.nih.gov

Paruthi, S., Brooks, L. J., D’Ambrosio, C., Hall, W. A., Kotagal, S., Lloyd, R. M., … Wise, M. S. (2016). Recommended amount of sleep for pediatric populations: A consensus statement of the American Academy of Sleep Medicine. Journal of Clinical Sleep Medicine, 12(6), 785-786.

Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, T. P. (2014). No-drama discipline: The whole-brain way to calm the chaos and nurture your child’s developing mind. New York, NY: Bantam Books.

Steinberg, L. (2014). Age of opportunity: Lessons from the new science of adolescence. Boston, MA: Houghton Mifflin Harcourt.