Marriage, Needs, and Growing Together
A Look at Traditional and Modern Views of Marriage
Marriage has changed over time, but one thing has stayed the same: people want to feel loved, valued, and important to one another. The handout shown above teaches a traditional Christian view of marriage. It explains that a wife wants to feel special to her husband and wants to know that she plays an important role in his life. It also says that husbands should share their needs and be humble in how they treat their wives.
Many Christians believe these ideas come from the Bible. In Genesis 2:18, God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone,” and created a helper for Adam. In Ephesians 5:25, husbands are told to love their wives “just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” These verses teach love, service, sacrifice, and care in marriage.
The handout says that wives often want to feel needed and important. In many relationships, this can be true. Research shows that people in healthy marriages want to feel appreciated and emotionally safe. Marriage experts have found that couples who show admiration and kindness toward one another often have stronger relationships (Gottman & Silver, 2015).
The handout also talks about jealousy and says that women may fear being replaced. While jealousy can sometimes come from insecurity, many relationship experts explain that it often comes from fear of losing connection or trust. Healthy couples work through these feelings by talking openly and honestly rather than blaming one another (Johnson, 2019).
Another important idea in the handout is humility. It says husbands should share their failures and real needs instead of trying to appear perfect. Modern research supports this idea. Emotional openness helps people feel closer in relationships. When couples are honest about struggles, fears, and needs, trust often grows stronger (Brown, 2012).
At the same time, some people may see parts of the handout differently today. Modern marriage counselors often believe that both husbands and wives should meet each other’s emotional, spiritual, and practical needs. Many people now see marriage as a partnership where both people support one another equally. Healthy marriages often work best when both people feel heard, respected, and valued.
Still, the main message in both traditional and modern views is very similar: marriage works best when two people care for each other, communicate openly, and put effort into the relationship. Whether someone follows a traditional Christian marriage model or a more modern partnership model, kindness, honesty, trust, and love matter most.
No marriage is perfect. Every couple will struggle at times. But strong marriages are built over time through patience, forgiveness, good communication, and the willingness to grow together.
Biblical Support
- Genesis 2:18 – God created a helper and companion.
- Ephesians 5:25 – Husbands are called to love sacrificially.
- 1 Peter 3:7 – Husbands should honor and understand their wives.
- Ecclesiastes 4:9–10 – Two are stronger than one.
- Proverbs 31:10–12 – A good spouse is valuable and trustworthy.
About the Author
John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW, is a licensed therapist, Master Mason, and founder of Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health, LLC. With over 25 years of experience in behavioral health, John has helped individuals, couples, and families work through life’s struggles with compassion and understanding. His writing combines faith, psychology, and everyday life lessons to help people build healthier relationships and stronger lives. John lives in London, Kentucky, where he continues to serve his community through counseling, teaching, and writing.
References
Brown, B. (2012). Daring Greatly. Gotham Books.
The Holy Bible, New International Version. (2011). Zondervan.
Gottman, J., & Silver, N. (2015). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Harmony Books.
Johnson, S. (2019). Attachment Theory in Practice: Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) with Individuals, Couples, and Families. Guilford Press.