We are proud to celebrate the continued growth and achievement of Julia Bruner. Julia has successfully graduated from the university and has earned her Certified Social Worker (CSW) credential, marking an exciting milestone in her professional journey. With a strong passion for helping others, particularly children and families, she continues to bring compassion, dedication, and a person-centered approach to her work.
As she advances her career in behavioral health, Julia is pursuing additional specialized training and professional development in Autism assessment and treatment. Her commitment to lifelong learning and improving the lives of those she serves reflects the values and mission of Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health.
Julia can be reached through our office at(606) 657-0532 or by email at julia@sekybh.com. We are excited to support her continued professional growth and look forward to the positive impact she will make in the lives of individuals and families throughout our community.
The phrase“I got triggered” has become increasingly common in modern conversations. People use it to describe intense emotional reactions to something another person said, did, or failed to do. While emotional triggers are real and deserve attention, there is an important truth that is often overlooked: your emotional trigger is your responsibility, not someone else’s.
This does not mean other people are always right, kind, or considerate. It does not mean hurtful behavior should be excused. Rather, it means that while external events may activate an emotional response, you remain responsible for how you interpret, manage, and respond to that reaction.
Emotional triggers are often connected to unresolved experiences, personal beliefs, fears, insecurities, past trauma, or deeply held expectations. According to the Cleveland Clinic, emotional triggers are situations, events, thoughts, or interactions that provoke intense emotional reactions that may be disproportionate to the present event because they are connected to past experiences. [health.cle…clinic.org]
A trigger is not proof that someone else caused your emotions. Instead, it is often evidence that something within you requires examination, healing, or growth.
Understanding the Difference Between Cause and Responsibility
A useful distinction exists between cause and responsibility.
Someone may say something rude. That statement may act as a catalyst for anger. However, the emotional reaction that follows belongs to the individual experiencing it.
Many people spend years blaming family members, coworkers, former partners, friends, or society for their emotional pain. While others may influence our experiences, remaining trapped in blame often prevents healing.
When responsibility is surrendered, personal power is surrendered as well.
Consider these examples:
Someone criticizes your work, and you become enraged.
A friend does not text back quickly, and you become anxious.
A spouse disagrees with you, and you immediately become defensive.
A coworker receives recognition, and you become resentful.
The external event occurred. However, the intensity of the emotional response often reflects an internal issue that deserves attention.
As psychologist Susan Albers notes, emotional triggers often function as “knee-jerk reactions” connected to prior emotional wounds, pain, or stressful experiences rather than the present situation alone. [health.cle…clinic.org]
Why Blaming Others Keeps You Stuck
Blame can feel empowering in the moment because it removes responsibility from ourselves. Unfortunately, it also removes our ability to create lasting change.
When your happiness depends on other people changing, you remain powerless. When your peace depends on others behaving perfectly, you remain trapped. When your emotional well-being depends upon controlling the behavior of everyone around you, you are fighting a battle you cannot win. Personal accountability allows you to move from:
Victimhood to ownership
Reactivity to intentionality
Resentment to growth
Helplessness to empowerment
Self-awareness is a foundational component of emotional intelligence. Research and psychological theory indicate that self-awareness helps individuals recognize emotions, understand behavioral patterns, and make more intentional choices. [positiveps…hology.com], [dictionary.apa.org]
Signs That You May Be Operating From a Trigger
You may be reacting from a trigger when:
Your emotional response feels much larger than the event itself.
You repeatedly experience the same conflicts.
You immediately become defensive.
You struggle to calm yourself after an interaction.
You replay conversations repeatedly in your mind.
You frequently blame others for how you feel.
You find yourself saying things you later regret.
Recognizing these signs is not a reason for shame. It is an opportunity for growth.
Eight Steps to Take Ownership of Your Triggers
1. Pause Before Reacting
Strong emotions create urgency. Triggers often convince us that immediate action is necessary.
Instead:
Stop.
Take several deep breaths.
Create distance between feeling and action.
Even a brief pause allows the thinking parts of the brain to engage before impulsive behavior occurs. Naming and observing emotions can strengthen emotional regulation and reduce reactivity. [apa.org], [scienceinsights.org]
2. Identify What You Are Feeling
Many people only recognize anger.
However, underneath anger may be:
Fear
Shame
Rejection
Insecurity
Embarrassment
Loneliness
Disappointment
Ask yourself:
“What am I actually feeling right now?”
Awareness creates choice.
3. Ask, “Why Does This Affect Me So Strongly?”
Instead of focusing on the other person’s behavior, focus inward.
Questions to consider:
What belief was activated?
What fear was touched?
What memory does this remind me of?
Why does this matter so much to me?
This shift transforms the experience from blame to self-discovery.
4. Separate Facts From Stories
The event and the story you tell yourself about the event are not the same thing.
Example:
Fact: Someone interrupted you.
Story: They do not respect me.
The emotional reaction usually attaches itself to the story, not merely the event. Challenge assumptions and consider alternative explanations before reacting.
5. Own Your Emotional Experience
Practice saying:
“I feel hurt.”
“I feel anxious.”
“I feel angry.”
“I am responsible for how I respond.”
Avoid statements such as:
“You made me angry.”
“You ruined my day.”
“You caused my anxiety.”
Others influence us, but they do not control our responses.
6. Develop Healthy Coping Skills
The National Institutes of Health recommends evidence-based wellness practices that help individuals manage emotional stress and build resilience, including mindfulness, physical activity, social support, adequate sleep, gratitude practices, and healthy self-care routines. [nih.gov], [nimh.nih.gov]
Helpful coping strategies include:
Mindfulness
Learn to observe emotions without immediately reacting.
Deep Breathing
Slow breathing helps calm the body’s stress response.
Journaling
Writing allows emotions to be processed instead of suppressed.
Exercise
Physical activity helps regulate mood and reduce stress.
Meditation
Meditation increases emotional awareness and self-control.
Therapy
Professional support can help uncover deeper emotional patterns.
Social Support
Healthy relationships provide perspective and encouragement. [apa.org], [nih.gov]
7. Reframe the Trigger as a Teacher
Instead of asking: “Why did they do this to me?”
Ask: “What is this reaction teaching me about myself?”
Every trigger contains information. It may point toward:
An insecurity
An unmet need
A fear
A limiting belief
An unresolved wound
Growth begins when curiosity replaces blame.
8. Practice Accountability Daily
Accountability is a skill. Each day ask yourself:
What triggered me today?
How did I respond?
What could I have done differently?
What lesson did I learn?
Over time these reflections strengthen emotional resilience and self-awareness.
Conclusion
Being triggered is part of the human experience. Everyone encounters situations that evoke strong emotions. The presence of a trigger is not a character flaw, nor is it proof that someone else is responsible for your emotional state. Healing begins when we stop viewing triggers as evidence of other people’s failures and start viewing them as opportunities for self-examination and growth.
You may not be responsible for every experience that shaped you, but you are responsible for how you manage your reactions today. The moment you stop blaming others for your triggers is the moment you begin reclaiming your power. You are not responsible for what happened to you in the past. You are responsible for what you do with it now. Growth occurs when accountability becomes stronger than blame, and self-awareness becomes stronger than reactivity.
About the Author
John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW-S
Executive Director | Clinical Social Worker | Community Advocate
For more than two decades, John S. Collier has dedicated his career to strengthening individuals, families, and communities through compassionate behavioral healthcare, leadership, and advocacy. As the founder and Executive Director of Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health, LLC, he has played a significant role in expanding access to mental health, case management, and community-based support services throughout Eastern Kentucky.
A graduate of the University of Kentucky College of Social Work, Mr. Collier earned his Master of Social Work degree in 2004 and subsequently became a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in the Commonwealth of Kentucky. Throughout his career, he has remained committed to serving individuals across the lifespan, including children, adolescents, adults, older adults, couples, and families.
Professional Leadership
As Executive Director of Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health, Mr. Collier oversees a growing multidisciplinary behavioral health organization providing outpatient therapy, targeted case management, positive behavior support services, and community-based supports. He also maintains clinical and supervisory responsibilities, serving in multiple leadership and professional capacities within the organization, including clinical supervision, positive behavior support, staff development, program development, and community outreach.
His professional work includes:
Clinical psychotherapy and behavioral health treatment
Positive Behavior Support planning and consultation
Clinical supervision and staff development
Community mental health advocacy
Program development and organizational leadership
Behavioral assessment and intervention planning
Service coordination for individuals with complex behavioral and developmental needs
Clinical Philosophy
Mr. Collier’s clinical philosophy centers on treating the whole person rather than merely addressing symptoms. He utilizes evidence-based approaches while emphasizing dignity, respect, empowerment, and individualized treatment planning. His work incorporates cognitive-behavioral principles, trauma-informed care, person-centered planning, family involvement, and strengths-based interventions designed to help individuals reach their fullest potential.
He is particularly passionate about increasing access to behavioral healthcare in rural communities and ensuring individuals receive services that are practical, meaningful, and tailored to their unique strengths and needs.
Community Involvement
Beyond his clinical work, Mr. Collier has demonstrated a strong commitment to community engagement throughout his career. His efforts have included public education, outreach initiatives, advocacy for mental health awareness, and collaboration with schools, healthcare providers, and community organizations. He believes strong communities are built when mental health services are accessible, stigma is reduced, and individuals are empowered to succeed.
Author, Educator, and Advocate
In addition to his clinical and leadership roles, Mr. Collier has contributed to professional and community discussions through writing and education. Publicly available information indicates that he has been a published author in areas related to mental health, Freemasonry, and poetry. His work reflects a commitment to personal growth, community service, and the advancement of behavioral health knowledge.
Personal Values
Throughout his professional journey, Mr. Collier has remained grounded in the core values of social work: service, integrity, competence, dignity and worth of every person, the importance of human relationships, and social justice. Colleagues, clients, and community partners know him for his commitment to helping others achieve meaningful and lasting change while fostering an environment of compassion, respect, and accountability. This dedication continues to guide both his leadership and clinical practice today.
Contact Information
Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health, LLC
202 West 7th Street
Suite 200
London, Kentucky 40741
Phone: (606) 657-0532 Ext. 101
References
American Psychological Association. (n.d.). Emotion-Focused Coping. APA Dictionary of Psychology. Retrieved from APA Dictionary of Psychology. [dictionary.apa.org]
American Psychological Association. (n.d.). Emotions. Retrieved from the American Psychological Association. [apa.org]
American Psychological Association. (2018). Emotional Intelligence. APA Dictionary of Psychology. [dictionary.apa.org]
American Psychological Association. (2024). Healthy Ways to Handle Life’s Stressors. American Psychological Association. [apa.org]
Cleveland Clinic. (2024). Can You Identify Your Emotional Triggers? Cleveland Clinic Health Essentials. [health.cle…clinic.org]
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2024). Managing Difficult Emotions. U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. [cdc.gov]
National Institute of Mental Health. (2025). Caring for Your Mental Health. National Institutes of Health. [nimh.nih.gov]
National Institutes of Health. (2026). Emotional Wellness Toolkit. National Institutes of Health. [nih.gov]
Positive Psychology. (2025). Using Self-Awareness Theory and Skills in Psychology. PositivePsychology.com. [positiveps…hology.com]
One of the most challenging periods for many families occurs when a boy enters puberty. Parents often describe feeling as though their once cheerful, affectionate child has become easily frustrated, argumentative, explosive, or emotionally distant seemingly overnight. While anger is not an inevitable part of adolescence, increased irritability and emotional intensity are common during the transition from childhood to adolescence. Understanding why this happens can help parents respond effectively and preserve a healthy relationship with their son.
Understanding What Is Happening
Around age 11 to 13, boys experience significant biological, emotional, and social changes. Testosterone levels increase, physical changes begin to emerge, and the brain undergoes substantial restructuring. During this period, the emotional centers of the brain develop more rapidly than the areas responsible for judgment, impulse control, and emotional regulation (Steinberg, 2014; National Institute of Mental Health, 2023).
As a result, a 12-year-old boy may experience emotions much more intensely than he did as a child while simultaneously lacking the skills needed to manage those emotions effectively. What appears to be defiance or disrespect may actually be emotional overwhelm.
Puberty can also create feelings of confusion and insecurity. Boys may worry about their appearance, athletic abilities, academic performance, friendships, or fitting in socially. Many boys have difficulty expressing vulnerable emotions such as embarrassment, fear, disappointment, sadness, or anxiety. Instead, these emotions are often expressed through irritability or anger (American Academy of Pediatrics, 2024).
Why Anger Often Becomes the “Go-To” Emotion
Anger is frequently referred to as a “secondary emotion.” This means it often covers more vulnerable feelings underneath.
For example:
A boy who feels embarrassed may become angry.
A boy who feels rejected may become angry.
A boy who feels anxious may become angry.
A boy who feels powerless may become angry.
Many boys grow up receiving social messages that it is acceptable to show anger but not acceptable to show sadness, fear, or emotional pain. Consequently, anger becomes the emotion they know how to display most readily (Siegel & Bryson, 2014).
When parents focus only on stopping the angry behavior without exploring the feelings underneath, opportunities for connection and growth may be missed.
Signs That Anger May Be Related to Puberty
Normal developmental anger may include:
Increased irritability
Mood swings
Arguing more frequently
Frustration with rules
Emotional overreactions
Needing more privacy
Greater sensitivity to criticism
However, parents should seek professional support if anger is accompanied by:
Physical aggression
Threats of harm to self or others
Property destruction
Significant changes in sleep or appetite
Persistent depression
School refusal
Substance use
Social withdrawal
Self-harming behaviors
These signs may indicate underlying mental health concerns requiring assessment and intervention (American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, 2024).
What Parents Can Do to Help
1. Stay Calm During Emotional Storms
One of the most powerful tools a parent possesses is emotional regulation. When parents become angry in response to a child’s anger, the situation often escalates.
Instead of saying:
“Calm down right now!”
Try saying:
“I can see you’re really upset. Let’s talk when you’re ready.”
A calm response helps the adolescent nervous system begin to settle. Children often borrow emotional regulation from the adults around them before they develop it themselves (Siegel & Bryson, 2014).
2. Look Beyond the Behavior
When a child becomes angry, ask yourself:
What happened before this?
Is he hurt?
Is he embarrassed?
Is he feeling left out?
Is he worried about something?
Understanding the underlying emotion does not excuse inappropriate behavior, but it does help address the true problem.
3. Teach Emotional Vocabulary
Many boys simply lack the language to describe their emotional experiences.
Help them identify feelings such as:
Frustrated
Disappointed
Nervous
Embarrassed
Lonely
Left out
Overwhelmed
Research demonstrates that helping children name emotions improves emotional regulation and self-awareness (Siegel & Bryson, 2014).
4. Maintain Consistent Boundaries
Empathy and accountability should exist together.
Parents can communicate:
“It’s okay to be angry. It’s not okay to yell at people.”
Or:
“It’s okay to feel frustrated. It’s not okay to punch a wall.”
Children need to know that emotions are always acceptable, but certain behaviors are not.
5. Prioritize Physical Activity
Physical activity has consistently been shown to reduce stress, improve mood regulation, and decrease emotional reactivity among adolescents (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 2024).
Encourage activities such as:
Basketball
Football
Hiking
Martial arts
Strength training
Biking
Running
Many boys process stress more effectively through movement than through conversation alone.
6. Protect Sleep
Sleep deprivation can significantly worsen irritability, impulsivity, and emotional regulation difficulties.
The American Academy of Sleep Medicine recommends that children aged 6 to 12 receive 9 to 12 hours of sleep per night (Paruthi et al., 2016).
Parents can help by:
Limiting electronics before bed
Establishing consistent bedtime routines
Keeping devices out of bedrooms overnight
Maintaining regular sleep schedules
7. Keep Communication Open
Many parents become discouraged when their son gives one-word answers.
Don’t give up.
Instead of asking:
“How was school?”
Try:
“What was the best part of your day?”
Or:
“What was the most annoying thing that happened today?”
Questions that invite discussion often receive better responses.
8. Model Healthy Anger Management
Children learn more from what parents do than from what parents say.
Demonstrate healthy coping strategies:
Taking a walk
Deep breathing
Talking through problems
Taking a break before responding
Using respectful communication
Your child is constantly learning how to handle big emotions by watching you.
The Importance of Connection
One of the biggest mistakes parents make is assuming that angry behavior means their child no longer needs them. In reality, adolescence is a time of increased independence and increased need for parental support.
A 12-year-old boy may push a parent away verbally while desperately needing reassurance, structure, understanding, and connection.
The goal is not to eliminate anger. Anger is a normal human emotion. The goal is to help children develop the skills necessary to express anger safely, understand its causes, and respond constructively.
With patience, consistency, and support, most boys learn to navigate these difficult years successfully. Parents who remain calm, connected, and emotionally available provide one of the strongest protective factors against future behavioral and emotional difficulties.
Final Thoughts for Parents
If your son is struggling with anger during puberty, remember this: his behavior is communication. Behind the slammed door, the argumentative tone, or the emotional outburst is often a young person trying to make sense of a rapidly changing body, brain, and world.
Meet the emotion before correcting the behavior. Listen before lecturing. Stay connected even when it feels difficult.
The relationship you build during these years can become the foundation that guides your son safely into adulthood.
About the Author
John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW-S is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker Supervisor and the Executive Director of Southeast Kentucky Behavioral Health, LLC. With extensive experience in behavioral health, trauma-informed care, child and adolescent mental health, family systems, and organizational leadership, Mr. Collier has dedicated his career to helping children, adolescents, adults, and families navigate life’s challenges while building healthier and more resilient communities.
Throughout his clinical career, Mr. Collier has worked with children and adolescents experiencing emotional and behavioral difficulties, including anxiety, depression, trauma-related disorders, attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), oppositional behaviors, anger management concerns, and family relationship challenges. His approach emphasizes understanding the underlying causes of behavior rather than focusing solely on symptoms, helping families develop practical strategies that strengthen communication, emotional regulation, and healthy relationships.
As a clinical supervisor, educator, and advocate for quality behavioral healthcare, Mr. Collier is committed to translating complex psychological and developmental concepts into practical guidance that parents and caregivers can readily understand and implement. His work reflects a belief that informed, supported, and empowered families play a critical role in promoting positive outcomes for children and adolescents.
In addition to his clinical practice and leadership responsibilities, Mr. Collier is the author of The Mind’s Trestle Board, where he regularly writes about mental health, personal growth, resilience, grief, family relationships, child development, and behavioral health topics. His writing combines evidence-based research with real-world clinical experience to provide readers with meaningful insights and actionable strategies.
Through his work, Mr. Collier continues to advocate for compassionate, person-centered care while helping individuals and families build the skills necessary to thrive through life’s challenges and transitions.
“Every behavior tells a story. When we seek to understand the story behind the behavior, we create opportunities for healing, growth, and connection.” — John S. Collier, MSW, LCSW-S
References
American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry. (2024). Anger and children. Retrieved from https://www.aacap.org
American Academy of Pediatrics. (2024). HealthyChildren.org: Understanding puberty and adolescent development. Retrieved from https://www.healthychildren.org
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2024). Physical activity guidelines for children and adolescents. Retrieved from https://www.cdc.gov
National Institute of Mental Health. (2023). The teen brain: Still under construction. Retrieved from https://www.nimh.nih.gov
Paruthi, S., Brooks, L. J., D’Ambrosio, C., Hall, W. A., Kotagal, S., Lloyd, R. M., … Wise, M. S. (2016). Recommended amount of sleep for pediatric populations: A consensus statement of the American Academy of Sleep Medicine. Journal of Clinical Sleep Medicine, 12(6), 785-786.
Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, T. P. (2014). No-drama discipline: The whole-brain way to calm the chaos and nurture your child’s developing mind. New York, NY: Bantam Books.
Steinberg, L. (2014). Age of opportunity: Lessons from the new science of adolescence. Boston, MA: Houghton Mifflin Harcourt.
